Our Nineteenth Year
by pinkdigi
Summary: There are some things you just never see coming. [sequel to One Month and the worst thing I've ever written.]
1. The Last Day

**Disclaimer: I don't own digimon **

**This is the sequel to "One Month" so you might want to read that one first if you haven't already. It isn't exactly a necessity, since the two stories are going to be _very_ different.**

**Chapter One: The Last Day  
……………………………………………………………**

"Finally," I said to nobody in particular, as I collapsed onto my bed. My classes had just ended for the day, and I was lying down in my dorm room. I had just successfully finished my first year of university. Mimi wasn't back yet; her last class was still finishing up.

Our entire dorm was cleaned out, since it was the end of the year. We all had to pack our stuff up and send it home, so we would have it for the summer. Just a few things (toothbrush, hairbrush, pajamas, a change of clothes, and other necessities) remained. Every time I thought about it, I got really excited. Summer was finally here! I was looking forward to a fun, carefree summer with all of my friends.

Unfortunately, I wasn't totally home free yet. I had taken most of my final examinations throughout the week, but tomorrow I had to go take my last final exam of the year. It was to be held at Odaiba High. I didn't really understand why, but a lot of students were scheduled to take their exams there. I didn't mind though, for a few reasons. I would get to see T.K. and Kari, and I thought it would be nice to visit my old high school and the teachers. Plus, everyone in our group had an exam around the same time as me, so we'd all be together.

Tai and Kari's family had moved back to Odaiba, because their dad got a job offer there. Because of that, Kari transferred to Odaiba High, where T.K went. They were now in grade 11, and had only a week left of school before they went on summer vacation. I couldn't wait to see the two of them together. They were so cute.

I lay on my bed, thinking about how things had changed, and how they were still the same through it all. Of course there had been _some_ changed in our lives, but they were still relatively similar to what they had been. The differences were mostly the change from high school to university, making new friends and the fact that we had more life experience than before.

Another one, however, had to do with Izzy and Yolei. They had broken up shortly after Izzy started University. He had become way too immersed in his studies, and didn't really have time for her anymore. I felt bad for both of them: They had made such a cute couple while it lasted. Unfortunately, Yolei wasn't really part of the gang anymore. Living in a different city, especially after a breakup, made it hard to stay close with everyone. We still made attempts to talk to her, but it had been mostly her doing, anyway.

However, there were many similarities in our lives. The rest of our group was still close and spent time together on Friday nights and weekends. We didn't really have the same schedules since some of us were in high school and some were in university.

Besides Izzy and Yolei, the rest of the couples were still together. Matt and Mimi were still dating, and I thought they were very happy. T.K. and Kari were totally head over heels for each other. Tai and I were still together and going strong, coming up on two years. Joe had been seeing a girl at the university who was also studying to be a doctor. Everyone agreed they were perfect for each other, but they sadly broke up about two months ago. Joe seemed fine and didn't really dwell on it, but I knew him too well and knew that he was still hurting.

"Hey," Mimi chirped happily as she bounced into our dorm, interrupting my thoughts.

"Hey, how was class?" I asked, sitting up.

"Great...amazing...wonderful."

"Uh…I'm confused. You were in class, weren't you?" I asked, bewildered. I couldn't understand how the words Mimi just said had _anything_ to do with school.

"Of course it was good; it's the last day, Sora! Don't tell me you forgot…I thought you were a redhead, not a blonde," Mimi said, playfully tossing a pillow at me.

I grinned evilly…I couldn't resist. "You shouldn't insult blondes, Mimi. You may have been a brunette before you went pink, but I know those weren't your _real_ roots," I joked. Mimi opened her mouth wide in pretend shock, and lunged at me.

"Oh, that's it!" she exclaimed, hitting me with the pillow.

"Wow, real mature, Meems," I laughed. "I refuse to have a _pillow fight_ with you…we're nineteen!" Mimi nodded as if she agreed, but continued hitting me with the pillow.

"Sounds like you're afraid," Mimi teased as she hit me across my backside.

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!" We screamed at each other, arguing like children.

"Prove it," Mimi challenged, her eyes flickering. I looked Mimi in the eye, glanced quickly at a pillow on my bed, and then back at Mimi. I lunged for the pillow, and smacked Mimi over the head with it.

"It's on now," I squeaked as I got a pillow in the face. I countered the attack by hitting any part of Mimi's body I could reach.

"This means war," Mimi screeched as she jumped off my bed, swinging full force. Five minutes later we finally stopped to catch our breath. We heard a knock on the door. "Come in!" Mimi yelled as she flopped back onto her own bed.

The door opened, and Tai walked in. He took one look at us and laughed. We were both lying on our beds, panting and fanning ourselves.

"Do I even want to know?" asked Tai. I smiled, and sat up.

"Probably, but I don't know if you deserve to," I teased.

"Yeah," Mimi agreed.

"Well…I have a surprise, but it really should wait until later," Tai hinted. Mimi and I exchanged curious glances.

"What is it?" We asked in unison.

"No, I really should save it until we're all together. But just so you know...it's pretty great." We exchanged yet another curious glance, and shot Tai eager and pleading looks. "So, how was class today?" Tai asked, sitting on my bed.

"Boring, long, exhausting…but it's over now," I said grinning widely.

"Really? I didn't mind my classes that much," Mimi said thoughtfully.

"You're kidding me! The only thing that got me through today was knowing it would be over soon!" I explained. I had always done relatively well in school, but that didn't mean I liked it. I thought it was a waste of time, but don't we all feel like that near the end?

"No, I didn't mind them. What about you, Tai?"

"I could go either way, I guess. I'm just glad it's over," Tai said.

"Me too," I agreed. "I say we have a get-together tonight to celebrate. The year is over...we made it!"

"But we have to study for our final exams tomorrow," Mimi objected.

"So?" Tai asked.

"So, Matt might not care about the exams but there's _no_ way Izzy and Joe will come. They've practically been locked in their room all week!" Mimi reminded us. Tai thought for a second, and then got an idea.

"I've got it: We'll call it a 'study party' and trick them into it. Plus, we can make it short. I think we all deserved a little time to unwind," he said. Mimi and I nodded, and called the rest of our group.

……………………………………………………………

"Tai, stop, we have to study" I whispered.

"Fine, but how about we have a little 'study party' of our own when everyone leaves?" Tai asked, grinning. I bit my lip, smiling evilly. "I bet we could get Meems to switch dorms with me…" he hinted, kissing me again.

It was now late in the evening. The whole gang, including Joe and Izzy, were at our dorm room for a 'study party'. Although we hadn't originally planned on studying, we found ourselves hitting the books pretty hard. Not that we hadn't _tried_ to start an actual party with real conversation, it was just that Izzy or Joe put a stop to it rather quickly.

Every time one of us would start talking, we would get shushed and receive annoyed stares from the two. We didn't mind too much, because we knew that we probably should have been studying anyway. As hard as we tried to focus, however, Tai and I found ourselves getting…distracted.

"Do you two _need_ to do that? I'm trying to study over here!" Joe complained.

"Dude, you seriously need a girlfriend," Tai groaned as he went back to his book. I winced, realized what Tai had said. I knew it struck a cord with Joe, even though he didn't show it. I shot Tai a look telling him to back off, but he didn't seem to get it.

"Well, if I _did_ have a girlfriend, I wouldn't go around kissing her in front of everyone and making everyone else uncomfortable," he said defensively, rolling his eyes.

"What's your problem? Last time I checked it was her dorm room and we're adults we can do what we want. If you are _so_ serious about this studying thing, maybe you should just do it in your own room," Tai said angrily. I knew he didn't want to fight with Joe, especially over something as stupid as that, but they were both getting kind of angry.

"_Fine_! Maybe I will." Joe picked up his books, and stormed out of the dorm. Everyone just exchanged looks of shock and awkwardness.

"Sorry about that," Tai apologized, slightly embarrassed by the fight that just occurred.

"I think I should go, too," Izzy said, gathering his books.

"Yeah, me too," Matt agreed. He kissed Mimi goodbye, and followed Izzy out the door. Tai stood up, sighing, and got his books and papers.

"Sorry ladies," Tai said as he ran a hand through his hair. Mimi and I looked into his sad puppy dog eyes and melted.

"No problem," I smiled.

"Yeah, this was hardly a party anyway," Mimi laughed.

"Okay. Well, I'm going to take off. Goodnight you two," he said as he kissed me quickly.

"Goodnight," we said in unison.

"Love you," he called as he walked through the door.

"Love you, too," I yelled as the door shut.

"Ugh, could you two be any cuter?" Mimi gushed when he left. She flopped on her bed, laying on her stomach, and faced me.

"Oh, please," I said as I rolled my eyes.

"No, seriously. You two are totally _right _there, you know? I wish Matt and I were like that," Mimi sighed.

"What? Are you and Matt having trouble, Meems?"

"No…not exactly. It's just that, you and Tai know where you are and you're totally happy with it. I don't really know what I want to happen between Matt and me. Sometimes, it all just gets kind of overwhelming."

"Are you saying you want to break up with him?" I asked, alarmed. They were such a great couple and I thought they were so happy together. I had no idea Mimi was insecure about their relationship.

"Well…I just think that it might be better if we took a break, to find out what we really want. I really, really like him…but I think I'm too young to be _this_ serious about a guy. Plus, I've been with him since I was seventeen! I mean, I've only ever had two other boyfriends besides him…I want to experience more things before I get really serious with someone," Mimi explained. I nodded, understanding.

"So…is that a yes?"

"…I think so. I'm just scared to say anything. I don't want to hurt his feelings. Plus, what if we go on a break, and I realize I want to be with him, but he's found someone else?" Mimi asked nervously.

"Well, that's a risk that you have to take. Although I really doubt that'll happen. He's totally head over heals for you, Meems. You just have to make sure that's what you want to do before you tell him," I advised.

"Yeah, you're right. Thanks for the advice Sor, but I'm beat. I think I'm going to bed now. Besides, I'm going to need all my energy for tomorrow if Davis is going to be there," Mimi said, making a face, as she put her books away and changed into her pajamas.

"Oh God, I completely forgot about that kid!" I exclaimed, laughing. Davis was a kid that attended Odaiba High with us. He was a year younger, which meant he was still there and we would most likely see him tomorrow. He was head over heels in love with Mimi all through our final year, and he would never let up on asking her out. Word has it, and by that I meant I heard it from T.K., that Davis had moved onto Kari now.

"I only _wish_ I could say the same," Mimi moaned, rolling her eyes. "Maybe he'll be too involved with Kari now to notice," she said hopefully.

"I don't think so…true love never dies," I joked. Mimi threw her pillow at me, and I chucked it back.

"Good_night_, Sora."

"Yeah, yeah. Goodnight, Meems."

……………………………………………………………

I lay in bed that night, unable to sleep. I kept thinking about a ton of different things, mainly relationships. I was really bothered by my talk with Mimi. I had always thought that she and Matt were the perfect couple. They seemed so happy and in love…was it all an act? Or was Mimi just a little confused right now?

And what would happen if Matt and Mimi broke up? I highly doubted that our group of friends would be the same if they split. Mimi and Matt would say that they'd stay friends, but everyone knows that never happens…only on TV shows and movies. We learned that from the Izzy/Yolei incident. Our group, despite our occasional problems, got along really great and was really close-knit.

Sure, Mimi was right about not having experienced anything life-wise, but did it really matter when you were that happy? Unless Matt and Mimi _weren't_ as happy as everyone thought they were. No, that wasn't true…they _were_ that happy.

My thoughts changed from Matt and Mimi to Tai. What was the 'big surprise' he mentioned earlier, and why did everyone have to be together before it was announced? Tonight, everyone had been there, except for T.K. and Kari. What was _so_ important that Tai couldn't tell us _now_ and the younger ones tomorrow at Odaiba High? I thought of the numerous different possibilities until I eventually succumbed to fatigue, and fell into a deep sleep.

……………………………………………………………

**I know that Davis is in love with Kari in the show, not Mimi, but it fit into my story a lot better so it stays. Plus, I'm going to try to incorporate all the 02 characters, so I have to have a small storyline for them all.**

**This was just an opening chapter…kind of like a prologue in a way, I guess. Next chapter the plot will start!**

**Review, please.**


	2. That Fateful Day: Sora&Matt's Story

**Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon, or Friends.**

**Chapter Two: That Fateful Day: Sora and Matt's Story  
**……………………………………………………………

"Hey everyone," Sora said as she walked into Odaiba High the next morning, at 10am. Mimi, Matt, Izzy and Joe were already there, for their exams. Sora was so relieved that the day had finally come: This was her final exam, meaning she was _completely _finished after it. The rest of their exams had been taken previously, throughout the week.

"Hey," the rest of them said in unison.

"So when are all of your exams?" Sora asked, sitting down beside Mimi on a bench.

"Mimi and mine's at 11:30, but we came here early to get some studying in," Izzy explained.

"Mine is at 10:30," Matt reported.

"And mine's at 11:00," Joe said His hands were shaking, and he looked, overall, incredibly nervous. "What about you?"

"Mine's at 10:30, with Matt," Sora said. She looked around, and noticed one of them was missing. "Has anyone seen Tai? He has his exam at the same time as us, and he isn't even here yet!" she exclaimed. Everyone scanned the area, shrugging and shaking his or her heads. As if on cue, Tai rushed through the doors of the school and ran over to them.

"Hey guys," he said, yawning. Everyone, with the exception of Joe, greeted him warmly. Joe and Tai exchanged uncomfortable glance. Standing up from the bench, Joe grabbed his books.

"I'm going to go hit the library, anybody want to come?" he offered. Izzy and Mimi agreed, waved goodbye to the group and they left.

"Looks like someone's still upset about last night," Matt said coolly. Tai rolled his eyes at Matt's obviousness.

"No shit," Tai said.

"Maybe you should apologize to him," Sora suggested. "You know, be the bigger person?"

"Why should I? Joe's undoubtedly the more _mature_ one of us, so if he's acting this way, then it should be expected that I would too. Besides, right now I have more important things to deal with, like passing this exam," Tai shrugged.

"MIMI!" A voice yelled from behind Sora and her friends. She spun around to see Davis, who was chasing after Mimi like a dog chased the mailman. Her head moved in the direction that Mimi was in, and saw the girl looking rather distressed. "Mimi, you're back!" Davis exclaimed happily.

Mimi had a brief but uncomfortable conversation with him as Sora, Tai and Matt joked about it.

"Maybe we should go help her," Matt suggested, but he didn't move. He, like Tai and Sora, thought it was hysterical how Davis hounded Mimi constantly.

"Or," Tai suggested, "We could just let it happen."

"I wish we had popcorn," Sora commented. The two boys chuckled and they all looked on.

"Uh, yeah. Well, it was nice talking to you," Mimi said quickly as she tried to move toward the library.

Davis grabbed her arm, trying to keep her in the conversation. The sudden movement caused something to fall out of his jacket. The three of them couldn't see what it was, because they were too far away. Whatever it was, Davis didn't want Mimi to see it. He quickly picked it up and ran into the other direction, without even saying goodbye. Mimi sighed in relief, and continued to the library where Izzy and Joe were waiting for her.

The bell rang, and second period started. Tons of high school students piled out of their classes and rushed around, chatting and laughing. Matt spotted his brother and Kari, and they wandered over.

"Hey," Kari said when they got close enough. T.K. smiled and waved at them. "When are your exams?"

"We all have a 10:30," Sora told them. The warning bell went off.

"We better go," T.K. said. He looked at Kari, who nodded. "Good luck you guys."

"Yeah, good luck. And Tai, you'd better pass, or mom will kill you," Kari laughed. Tai rolled his eyes.

"Kari, don't you have class to get to?" he asked.

"I'm going, I'm going." The two teens left, leaving them to themselves. By this time, it was 10:15.

"We should probably get going, too," Matt suggested. The three of them climbed the stairs to the second level, where their classrooms were. Sora and Matt exchanged 'good luck' with Tai, and split off to get to their exam room, which was in the opposite direction of his.

They walked into their class, and looked around. They were sort of early; only about five other students were there so far.

"Here we go," Sora said. They took their seats beside one another, and got out their pens. The teacher wasn't there yet, so they chatted for a bit until he came in. By the time he did, all the students had arrived as well. They all moved their desks apart.

"You have 90 minutes to complete the exam. You must stay at least a full hour, but after that you can leave anytime you want. If you're caught cheating, it will result in an immediate zero. Are there any questions?" the teacher asked. Nobody raised their hands, or even yelled anything out. "Okay then, you may begin. No talking."

'Good luck,' Sora and Matt mouthed to each other.

……………………………………………………………

_Well, I think that went well…_Sora said to herself as she put down her pen, 80 minutes later. Only about half the students around her were finished. She looked beside her, and saw that Matt was just finishing up as well. She decided to just wait the ten minutes until the exam was over, instead of just leaving now and maybe disturbing someone. She glanced back at Matt, she felt so bad for him…he was really crazy about Mimi but she wasn't so sure about her feelings for him. They were both definitely in line to get hurt, and that sucked.

What _would_ happen if they broke up? Yolei had faded away from the group, until she was eventually forgotten altogether. Would that happen to Mimi? Or Matt? No, it wouldn't happen to either of them. Matt was Tai's best friend, and Mimi was hers. There's no way they would let their best friends get cut out of the group…so what would happen, really? Would it just be really uncomfortable for a while until they learned to deal with it, like on _Friends_ when it happened between Ross and Rachel? No, that was a TV show, and this is real life…things wouldn't be the same and there might not be a happy ending.

Matt put his pen down and half-smiled at Sora. People around her starting handing their papers in, and leaving; time was up. Sora started chewing her lip, something she did when she was nervous, and continued thinking about Mimi and Matt's potentially doomed relationship.

The only thing that helped to comfort Sora was the knowledge that it would never happen to her and Tai. They were both crazy about each other, and knew where the other stood on practically everything. The night before, after her conversation with Mimi, Sora was felt slightly uneasy, wondering whether she and Tai could make it, if Mimi and Matt couldn't. She didn't know what she'd do if she ever lost him, but she knew now that she needn't worry. They had almost lost each other once, and it would never happen again; Sora wouldn't let it. Yes, they _would_ get their happy ending, no matter what happened to everyone else.

**BANG **

Sora, as well as several other students in their room, jumped as a loud bang echoed through the school. Everyone looked around, confused. Sora could feel the panic rising in her as she looked at Matt, and saw the expression on his face. He knew exactly what had happened, and Sora soon realized it as well. She clutched her purse and stood up, just like everyone else in the room. An ear-piercing scream could be heard as the teacher stood up, and looked around the room worriedly. Before he could instruct anyone on what to do, they all tore out of the door.

**BANG **

Another loud bang could be heard through the hallway as Sora and Matt hesitantly ran through the classroom door and entered the danger zone. Looking in all directions quickly, Sora decided the coast was clear and ran, Matt following close behind. They stopped to catch their breath, and hid behind a set of lockers.

**BANG **

There was yet another bang, and they were able to pinpoint the area of the school it was coming from. It was clear that the noise was coming from the main floor; probably just under the spot they were standing in now.

Sora's mind raced, not able to fully accept what was happening. She knew, logically, what was happening. The sounds she had heard weren't from stupid kids having fun during their last week; it wasn't from a weight dropping on the floor from the workout area, or even from a bully throwing his prey into the lockers. No, the sounds were that of a bullet, as they sped out a gun…and maybe even connected with a person's body. The school was surprisingly quiet; nothing like what Sora had imagined it would be like. Whenever she imagined a scenario such as the one she was in, she could always hear screams and loud noise as everyone safely fled from the school.

It occurred to her that not everyone _would _get it out of this school.

But everything was quiet, and still. Almost peaceful and serene, if you thought about it, but it was anything but. Everyone was just focusing on staying quiet, and hopefully they wouldn't be targeted. They were all hoping, every time a shot rung out, that it hit another poor soul instead of them or a loved one. It was horrible, but true. Sora found herself thinking the same thing as she heard another shot.

But that was nothing like this; this was quiet…_maybe even dead quiet_ Sora thought with a cringe. She shook her head, trying to get rid of the negative thoughts. _No, nobody is going to die. This is just a stupid practical joke that some seniors are pulling. Just like last year, when Tai practically dedicated himself to pulling the best prank ever…except he never went this far. _

_But wait, if Tai of all people wouldn't go that far, then who would? No, this is definitely a serious matter; nobody is stupid enough to pull a prank like this. They would get expelled! With only five days left, that's totally worthless, which means that…_Sora shivered, realizing this was real. She jumped as she heard yet another shot which was followed by a scream.

Sora knew, without a doubt, it had hit someone. She didn't know who it was, but she prayed to God that they would be okay. She said another silent pray, hoping that everyone got out safe, though she knew it wasn't possible after so many shots. Matt grabbed her hand, and they ran in the direction opposite from the scream. _Run_. That was all Sora could think.

"I hope Mimi's safe," she heard Matt say to himself as they ran. He stopped, and turned back. Sora knew what he was thinking: He was going to play hero, and try to find Mimi. In all this craziness, he would never succeed. Instead, he would probably just get himself shot.

"She'll be fine," she screamed as she pulled him along.

"How do you know that? What if that was _her_ that just screamed? I have to go back!" he protesting, fighting against her.

"Matt, are you crazy? You're going to get yourself killed! Besides, Mimi was on the main floor she's already outside, I promise you. She was in the library, which is on the other end of the school, remember?" Sora could feel tears well up in her eyes but she blinked them away. She couldn't show any fear if she wanted Matt to believe her. He nodded, and they kept running. _Run, run, run, run._ The words echoed in Sora's mind over and over as she ran for her life, literally.

A chill went up her spine because she knew the truth: Mimi wasn't in the library. Her exam had already started. She was probably only few classrooms away from them right now. She prayed Matt hadn't realized it, and he hadn't. As much as she wanted to turn around and find her best friend, she couldn't risk her own life. She just had to believe that Mimi would be safe, and that they would all make it out alive.

**BANG **

Sora and Matt skidded to a halt as a shot rung out near them: There was another shooter, and he was dangerously close to them. Sora turned around, and saw him come out of a classroom. He was holding a handgun, and was wearing a black ski mask. He was dressed in all black, and was now shooting at anyone he could hit. They, along with numerous others, started running for the stairs. Sora heard another shot, and saw the girl beside her fall. She stopped to help her, and Matt pulled her along.

"You can't help her now. You just have to get out alive, just focus on that, okay?" he said as they ran. Sora nodded, and picked up the pace. They reached the stairs, and pushed the door open. Some students were running back up the stairs, bumping into them. _What are they doing?_ Sora thought. She stood on her toes, trying to see over the crowd of scared and confused teens. There was _another_ shooter, and he was coming up the stairwell. Sora started to panic even more, when she realized they were all cornered. There was a shooter behind her, and now one in front of her. Every second felt like a hundred years as Sora struggled to comprehend what was happening.

She was about to just give up when she saw the shooter disappear from sight. Someone had knocked him to the ground, and was now wrestling the gun out of his hands. The other shooter, thankfully, hadn't noticed yet. The boy managed to get the gun from him, and ran with it. Everyone followed him, trampling the now-defenseless predator. They didn't even think to do anything but run; they were all in shock and running on pure adrenaline, and nothing else.

Sora and Matt reached the main floor, and ran into the hallway. They could _see_ the exit, but it would be tricky to get out. There was a fourth shooter, and they were positioned right near the door. The two friends pressed themselves tight against the lockers, and tried to slip unnoticed to the exit. The main floor was madness; people were running everywhere, and it was definitely louder than the second floor had been. Ever few seconds it seemed there was a gunshot going off, followed by a round of terrified, bloodcurdling screams.

Sora felt her foot hit something hard, and her ankle twisted sharply. She stumbled, but didn't fall. She didn't want to look down and discover what she had bumped into, but she had to. Looking down, she met the cold, dead eyes of a young girl. She knew the girl, her name was Stacy, and she had been a year younger than Sora. She could feel herself gag as she saw the pool of blood that Stacy lay in. Blood…God there was so much blood. She had a bullet wound on her chest, the bullet probably passing right through her heart. Matt pushed her on, not even looking down. He knew what he'd find, but he didn't care. All that he cared about right now was getting out alive. He would mourn for the dead students when he got out, and knew that everyone he loved was safe.

He looked up, and thought he saw T.K. He stood on his toes, and pushed through the crowd trying to reach him. Sora followed close behind, as they came closer to the exit. Shots rang out and students were dropping like flies. The kid Matt was tailed turned around, and it wasn't T.K. Matt turned back around, and couldn't find Sora anymore. He started to panic when he realized she could have been hit. He would never forgive himself if she had gotten shot because of him. Forget what he'd do to himself, Tai would kill him. He loved Sora more than anything, and he would just die if he lost her. Kind of like how Matt felt about Mimi.

He stopped running, and just focused on searching for his friend. He scanned every fleeing person, searching for auburn hair. He felt someone grab his shirt, and pull him into the direction of the exit. He glanced at the person, realizing it was Sora, and sighed in relief. He gave into her pull, and moved closer to the exit. It was now dead silent, and the only sound was that of terrified staff and students pushing and shoving their way to the door.

A single gunshot could be heard over the chaos, it had an eerie sound; shots were being heard left and right, but this one seemed louder than the rest. This one had meaning. Sora disregarded it, and continued her pursuit of the exit. She didn't know at the time, but that shot had hit Tai.

The shooter had moved and was no longer guarding the door. They tore out of the building, not looking back.

……………………………………………………………

They ran outside, and Sora gasped for air. She sucked in the fresh air but didn't stop running. She could see police cars pulling into the parking lot and swarm the building. Sora and Matt finally stopped running, and gasped for breath. They stood in the front outside the school, their ears ringing from the gunshots and loud shrieks. Sora was shaking all over as she scanned the area looking for her friends.

"Sora! Matt! Over here!" Sora spotted Izzy, about 20 yards away, yelling to them. They rushed over, weaving in and out of the people, until they reached them. Izzy was standing with Mimi and Joe, both of them looking rattled. They all exchanged hugs of relieve and nervousness as they looked around for their other friends.

Sora noticed that Mimi looked especially concerned about something and seemed pretty removed from the conversation. Something was on her mind, but Sora didn't ask her what it was. Maybe Mimi had witnessed something completely horrifying in the school. Sora hoped that wasn't the case.

"What time is it?" Joe asked. Matt glanced at his watch and answered.

"12:13." Sora gasped in shock at the answer. Her exam had ended seconds before the first gunshot, and that was at noon. It had only taken _thirteen minutes_ to get out of the school? Not even, since they had been standing around for a bit. God, it had felt like a lifetime to her but in reality it wasn't long at all. Mimi must have thought the same thing, judging by the look on her face.

"Hey, you guys! Thank God you're all okay," Sora heard a male voice say from behind her. She whirled around, praying it was Tai, but found only a stranger talking to his friends a few inches away. She was growing more worried by the second. She looked around for more of their friends. Where was Tai?

A tear slid down Sora's cheek as the shock started to wear off: People had _died _in there. It wasn't a sick, twisted, cruel joke…it was real. Was Tai one of those people? What about T.K. and Kari? Would they all make it out alive, or would it just be Sora and the four friends that stood before her?

She shut her eyes, and the images of the day flashed in her mind. They would be burned in her memory for the rest of her life, and there was nothing she would do about it. She opened her eyes, wondering if she would ever be able to close her eyes again.

Ten minutes later, Mimi was still shaking fiercely. Matt wrapped his arms around her protectively, and Sora felt a pang of jealousy. She wished with all her heart that Tai was there to do that with her, but he wasn't. She _still_ didn't know where he was. The five friends started to walk around the area, looking for the rest of their group. They walked by an ambulance, and saw T.K. sitting down, holding a visibly shaken Kari in his arms. Matt ran over, and the others followed closely behind. Kari moved away from T.K. so his brother could spend some time with him.

Matt hugged his brother tightly as Kari glanced at Sora, who shook her head. She knew what Kari was wondering. She wanted to know where her big brother was, but Sora didn't have an answer. Kari's face fell, but there was still a flicker of hope in her eyes. Sora pulled her into a hug, her eyes shut tightly. The images were still flashing in her mind. She could see Matt's face after the first shot; the shooter emerging from a classroom with his gun and ski mask; the students running beside her, falling to the ground; Stacy's cold eyes peering into her own as Sora resisted the urge to vomit. The blood, the bodies…so many innocent lives had been taken. And for what?

"Oh my God, what the hell happened?" Matt screamed, causing Sora to jump. She spun around, letting go of Kari, and saw what Matt was talking about. T.K. had a bandage over his left shoulder, and blood all down his arm. His shirt was strewn over the back of his chair, blood all over it, but it didn't look like it most of it was his.

Sora walked closer to see what happened but stumbled. She hadn't paid any attention to it before, with everything that was going on, but it was clear now that she had hurt her ankle; sprained it, maybe. She winced in pain, and tried not to put too much pressure on it. She would go to one of the paramedics after she found out what happened to T.K. and the rest of their friends.

"It was nothing…" T.K. stammered.

"Nothing? It doesn't look like nothing, T.K. You got _shot,_ didn't you? Didn't you?" Matt asked, his voice demanding an answer. Slowly, T.K. nodded. Matt turned to Kari, his eyes searching hers for an answer.

"I don't know," she said quietly. "I don't know what happened…I wasn't with him. We don't have the same third period. He was on the second floor, and I was on the first, I got out before him." Everyone looked expectantly at T.K., waiting for an explanation.

……………………………………………………………


	3. Hardly a Hero: TK's Story

**Disclaimer: don't own Digimon**

**Thanks for reviewing, everyone ♥**

**Chapter Three: Hardly a Hero: T.K.'s Story  
**……………………………………………………………

**BANG **

T.K. ran down the hall, desperately trying to avoid the shots. A shooter had just emerged from the classroom beside him, and he ran full speed ahead to get away. The girl beside him tripped, and he stopped to help her up. It probably wasn't the smartest thing to do but she was a human being, a classmate, a friend, and he couldn't just leave her behind. She was someone's daughter, sister, cousin and niece, just like everyone else there. He extended a hand to her, which she quickly took.

"Thank you," she said gratefully. He looked at her face, and recognized her. Her name was Stacy Wellington, and she in the grade above him, a senior.

"Don't mention it," he yelled as they continued running.

He was so close to the stairs…if he could _just _make it there everything would be okay. He looked around, searching for anyone he knew. All he saw was the faces of classmates and strangers. He didn't really know any of them too well, but after this they would all be bonded together forever. It's sad it takes a tragedy like this to unify everyone, but there was no stopping it now.

All he could think about was his friends. Would they all make it out okay? What about Matt? Surely his brother would make it out safely, right? And Kari, he prayed that she was okay. Her classroom was on the main floor, where the shootings had started. He hoped that she had gotten out already and that the shots hadn't originated in her classroom. They had to be okay! They just had to be. He couldn't imagine what would happen without Matt, Kari, Sora, Tai, Mimi, Joe or Izzy. They were all in the high school today…what an odd twist of fate. It would almost be an ironic situation if it weren't for the fact that it could end in death.

His thoughts changed to the shooters. Who were these absolutely _sick_ people, and why would they do something like this? Did they get some kind of twisted pleasure out of it? T.K. wanted so bad to shoot them, they way they were shooting the people around him. He wanted to make them feel the same pain and terror they were inflicting on all these innocent people. But there was a difference: T.K. could never do that to someone. He could never intentionally hurt anyone, and he could definitely never end a life. It was probably the worst thing a person could do…and it was happening all around him. Why was it happening? Who could possibly do this, and more importantly, _why_?

He finally reached the doors to the stairwell. They were opened, students of every grade rushing through them and down the stairs. T.K. followed suit. There were two different flights on the stairs. He made it down one and was about to start on the other when he saw a person dressed in all black, wearing a ski mask. This person was dressed just like the shooter behind him.

The man pulled out his gun and pointed it right at Stacy. T.K. didn't even have time to think about what he was doing, it was like his body just took over. He lunged at the man, and knocked him to the ground. The gun went off, and T.K. winced in pain. He could feel his left shoulder burning and stinging in pain, but he didn't stop. He wrestled the man to the floor, and took the gun from his hands, leaving the man defenseless. T.K. half-smiled, relieved he hadn't been seriously hurt by the encounter.

He looked down at the guy, and realized he knew him. He looked really familiar, but he couldn't put a name to the face. How did he know this guy? He brushed it off and punched him hard in the face. He could feel the bone of the man's nose crack and break under his powerful blow. His tiny half-smile broke out into an all-out grin as he stood up, feeling quite satisfied. Part of him felt horrible for punching another person, and possibly breaking his nose, but the other part didn't care. Hmmm...maybe he_ could _intentionally hurt someone. He was happy that Stacy was alive, as well as the others on the stairwell, and he maybe had something to do with that.

He grabbed her hand and they ran down the last flight of stairs, reaching the main floor finally. T.K., realizing he still had the gun in his hand, threw it on the floor and continued his search for the exit. The second floor had been crazy, but there was no word to explain the scene in front of them now. Down here, people everywhere were running, screaming, dying. It was utter turmoil as people fought their way to the exit, simply trying to stay alive. Stacy turned to him, and looked him in the eye.

"Thank you, so much. You saved me…_twice_. Um…T.K., is it?" T.K. nodded, impressed that she actually knew who he was. "Thank you. I owe you my life," she said.

A loud gunshot rung out, and Stacy lurched forward. She clutched onto T.K.'s arm. His worried eyes scanned her body as he realized what happened. He could already see the blood…there was so much. She looked up into his eyes, and opened her mouth to say her final words. She was choking and coughing like mad, but managed to make the slightest bit of noise. He looked at her eagerly, waiting to hear what she was about to say. Her voice was hushed, barely audible.

"S…Sc…Scott."

Blood spilled out of her mouth as she fell to the floor, coughing and wheezing; she was dead.

……………………………………………………………

Somehow, T.K. had recovered from the sight of a dead Stacy, because he made it out of the school. He was now wondering aimlessly around the array of disgruntled staff and students who had reached the safety of the outdoors already. He knew he should get to an ambulance because of his shoulder, but he had something else that he needed to do first. He scanned the people, searching their faces for one in particular. He finally saw it, and ran up to the older boy.

"Scott, right?" T.K. asked the teen boy when he reached him. The boy nodded.

"Yeah, that's me." His eyes wandered to T.K.'s shoulder. "Dude, you got shot! You gotta get to the ambulances, or you'll bleed to death," he advised. T.K. nodded, and attempted to shrug it off, but it hurt way too much. He winced in pain, and smiled in an attempt to cover it.

"Thanks, I will. But first, I need you to know something." Scott nodded, obviously confused as to what T.K. was going to say.

"What is it?"

"It's about…Stacy," he said quietly. He had no idea how to tell Scott that his girlfriend was dead. He knew that Scott and Stacy had been dating; they were probably the most popular couple in the whole school. Scott's eyes grew worried, hearing his tone.

"Oh," he whispered. He already knew what the boy in front of him was going to say, but he let him continue anyway.

"Yeah. I was with her when it…happened." Scott nodded, tears forming in his eyes. "She went really quickly…she wasn't in any pain. But before she died, she said your name; I just thought you should know." He turned to walk away, but Scott pulled him back.

"Thanks," he whispered before letting go of T.K.'s shirt.

T.K. nodded, and pushed through the crowd. On his way to the ambulances, he was looking for another face: Kari's. He spotted her, standing all by herself looking worried. He jogged up to her, ignoring the almost unbearable pain that was searing through his shoulder. She spotted him right away, and gasped. She pointed at his shirt, and he looked down: It was covered in blood, but he knew it wasn't his. It was Stacy's. He had a dead girl's blood on his shirt.

……………………………………………………………

"You're really lucky, young man. The bullet only grazed you. I've managed to stop the bleeding for now, but you'll need to get to the hospital for stitches pretty soon," a paramedic told T.K. "Is there someone who could take you to the hospital?"

"Um…yeah. But I'm not going just yet. I have to make sure my brother's okay. He's still in there, I think," he said as he stood up to go find him. The paramedic pushed him back down gently by his good shoulder. He didn't have a shirt on, and he had a huge bandage over his wound.

"I'll let you stay here and wait for him if you promise me that you won't get up from this chair," the man bartered. T.K. nodded in agreement, and the man left.

Kari slowly approached him, shaking like crazy. He opened his good arm to her and pulled her into a hug.

"I was so scared that you weren't going to get out. I mean, I got out pretty quickly…my class was right by the door to outside, but you were all the way on the second floor. When I got out I looked all over but I couldn't find you anywhere and the screams…oh God the screams…I could still hear them, even from out here. Every time a shot went off I kept picturing you getting hit and I was going crazy out here," Kari whispered, still panicked even though he was right there in front of her. He tightened his grip around her.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm right here and I'm fine." Kari pulled away, a mix of fear and anger in her eyes.

"But you're not fine, T.K.! You got _shot_ don't you get that? You don't have to act like the hero anymore, you're out and you're alive. Why don't you just act human for once? You were scared, can't you just admit it!" Kari screamed at him.

He just stared at her, unsure what to say. He was shocked by her outburst, and didn't have time to really recover. By the time her words had sunk in her eyes were watering over and her chin was quivering. He pulled her into another tight hug. She was shaking and T.K. knew why. All day she had had a weird feeling that something wasn't right, but he hadn't believed her. He wished he had believed her.

"I'm so sorry. It's just that if that bullet had been a couple inches lower…" she trailed off, breaking into another fit of uncontrollable sobs.

T.K. didn't say anything; he just hugged her and stroked her hair. He knew the end of that sentence because it was the same thing that had already gone through his mind a thousand times since he got out: Just a couple inches lower and T.K. wouldn't be sitting there with Kari. Just a couple inches lower and T.K. would still be in the school, lying in a pool of his own blood on the stairway. Just a couple inches lower and T.K. would be dead.

He sighed, dreading the moment Matt saw him and his shoulder. His breath caught in his throat as he remembered his brother. He had been so wrapped up with Kari that he didn't even have time to look for his brother. He couldn't really get up for a few reasons; he promised the paramedic, and that would mean disturbing Kari. Instead, he just sat there holding Kari for God only knows how long. It could have been five minutes, it could have been twenty; T.K. didn't know.

……………………………………………………………

When Matt finally showed up with a few of the others, he was more scared than angry that T.K. had been hit. At least until T.K. told him the story about _how_ exactly he had gotten hit.

"Are you crazy? T.K. you could have been killed!" Matt lectured him.

"Yeah, but I wasn't. And how else were we supposed to get down the stairs? Everyone would have died; I had to at least try!" T.K. argued back. Matt bit his lip, thinking deeply.

"You're right. I'm sorry for yelling at you. It's just that if you had been hit I don't know what I would have done," Matt explained. T.K. was surprised by his brother's sudden display of emotion. Matt had always been one to keep his emotions inside, and not really let anyone see them. _I guess this situation just makes us all re-evaluate our lives_, T.K. thought.

"Wait," Sora cut in, "that was _you_?" T.K., who was now standing, turned around to face Sora. She was sitting in a chair as a paramedic tended to her twisted ankle.

"Yeah, why?"

"Matt and I were right behind you. You're right, we all _would_ have died if you didn't take that guy out. You're a hero!" Sora praised as she pulled him closer and hugged him.

T.K. stayed quiet. He didn't really no how to respond to someone who was calling you a hero. He didn't consider himself a hero. He only did what anyone else would have done in that situation: he reacted, and tried to do the right thing. But he had to admit; it had felt pretty good to do it. Especially when he punched that guy. There were only a few occasions where T.K. had been so consumed with rage that he struck another human being, this definitely being one of them.

He could still feel the impact of the blow on his fist, and he could only imagine how it felt for the person on the receiving end of his punch. Earlier in the year he was on the basketball team—the star player, in fact—and the rigorous practices and workouts had evidently left him with some muscle. He definitely used every last ounce of strength in those muscles when he hit that kid, but he didn't care.

He had always been the modest type, never really seeking out praise or attention, but right now it felt really good coming from Sora. But that was just the way she was. She had a certain rapport with people that basically let her say anything she wanted and she could still make them feel wonderful. T.K. looked up to Sora a great deal, and he really admired her. He loved her like a best friend, and he was able to read her pretty well. He could tell that something was troubling her, but he wasn't sure what it was. Even the hug she gave him a minute ago had felt a little tense, definitely not like Sora usually was.

He looked up and saw that Kari was acting the same way Sora was. He still was at a loss as to why they were so worried. Granted, they were all shaken up from the things they had just experienced, but they were…different. _What's going on? We're all safe, everyone's here…_

Mimi was also being uncharacteristically quiet, as well. _Maybe she was really traumatized in there…well, we all were in a way, weren't we?_ He thought.

Something in his head clicked, and it finally dawned on T.K. what was wrong. Sora, Kari, Mimi, Matt, Joe, Izzy and himself were there, but there was someone missing. Tai wasn't there. He felt ashamed and angry toward himself for momentarily forgetting one of his best friends.

He got a sick feeling in his stomach when he realized what probably happened to Tai. They had been standing outside for a while now and Tai hadn't come out of the school. Not that they were standing right out front watching the door or anything, but he knew Tai. He knew that almost nothing could stop Tai from finding Sora and Kari after something like this happened…_almost_ nothing could stop him, but a bullet was definitely one of the few things that could. He shuddered, and put an arm around Kari.

"I'll be right back," he whispered before walking away from the group, leaving them to wonder where he was headed.

He found a policeman who didn't look horribly busy at the moment, and approached him.

"Excuse me," he said, getting the cop's attention.

"Yes, what can I do for you son?"

"I can't seem to find a friend of mine and I was wondering if there was a way of finding out if he was…" he trailed off, not wanting to say what he was thinking.

"Yes, of course…one second." T.K. nodded and the man walked away. He returned a minute later, with a sheet of paper. "What was your friend's name?"

"Taichi Kamiya." T.K. held his breath as the cop's eyes scanned the paper.

"Oh," he said when his eyes came to rest upon a specific spot on his paper.

"Is he…?"

"No, no, he isn't dead. But he _was_ injured. He was taken to the hospital already." T.K. nodded again, not really sure what to do.

"Thank you," he said finally, turning to leave.

"If you could please alert his family, we'd appreciate it," the man asked.

"Yes, of course," he whispered before leaving to join the group again.

Damn! How can I alert his family? He said to himself, there's no way I can go up to Kari and Sora and tell them that Tai was shot and now he's in the hospital! God only knows what condition he was in, what if he didn't make it? No, I have to stay positive. I have to be strong for Kari, for Sora, for Matt, for everyone. Tai was like the glue that held us all together, and it's up to me to take care of the rest until he's better.

T.K. approached the group, sadness in his eyes. He was still a few feet away when Kari glanced up from where she was sitting and noticed him. She picked up on the look in his eyes immediately, and looked down. She put her head in her hands and started shaking. Sora stood up and ran over to T.K., wincing and limping the whole way.

"It's Tai…he's in the hospital," T.K. told her hesitantly. She nodded, and turned back to the rest of the group.

"Matt, we can take my car but you've got to drive," she yelled, gesturing toward her injured ankle. Matt opened his mouth to speak, confusion plastered on his face, when he suddenly understood.

"Oh shit," he whispered. He ushered everyone to follow T.K. and Sora to her car, and went over to Kari.

T.K. half-smiled at his brother. He was trying to be strong, but T.K. knew he was falling apart inside. His best friend had just been shot, and he had no idea whether he would live or not. He watched as Matt helped a sobbing Kari to her feet, wrapped his arm around her and helped her to the car.

T.K. put his arm around Sora, who was trying to limp to her car, and helped her to her car like Matt was helping Kari. Joe and Izzy walked solemnly behind them, unable to really process what was happening. Mimi followed them in body, but her mind seemed a million miles away. They were all in a state of shock; not one of them could fully comprehend the fact that Tai had been shot.

He glanced at Sora, expecting her to be crying but she wasn't. She had been surprisingly calm throughout the entire thing. She was trying to be strong for everyone else, especially Kari, and she was doing a terrific job.

……………………………………………………………


	4. Placing The Blame: Mimi's Story

**Disclaimer: I don't own digimon.**

**Chapter Four: Placing The Blame: Mimi's Story  
**……………………………………………………………

I never thought I'd be actually happy to write an exam but today I sure was. As long as I was in that classroom, I didn't have to be walking around the school like prey for Davis to hunt. He knew that I had a boyfriend, so why did he constantly bother me about going out with him? Hell, even if I didn't have a boyfriend, I still wouldn't date that kid.

"MIMI!" I heard someone scream from about fifty feet behind me. I didn't even need to turn around, I knew immediately who it was that was calling my name and I wanted more than anything to just dissolve.

To top it off, Joe and Izzy bolted away from me, running into the library._ Those jerks…leaving me with him! I'll have to give them a piece of my mind when I get rid of Davis, _I thought bitterly. I actually considered running after them, but by then the little twerp had come up right behind me.

"Mimi, you're back!" he yelled loudly, although he was right beside me. I winced, due to the proximity of his mouth to my ear and went temporarily deaf.

"Yes, yes I am. But I won't be here for long and my boyfriend's waiting for me in the library," I lied.

I knew just what to say to make him upset, and I didn't hesitate to use it. It was only Davis, right? His eyes went slightly cold at the mention of my boyfriend, and I couldn't help but smile inward.

"Oh, I see."

"Uh, yeah…well, it was nice talking to you." I turned away and rushed toward the library. Davis reached out and grabbed my arm, spinning me back around.

"Mimi, wait," he pleaded. The sudden movement on his part caused something to fall out of his jacket.

I looked down and saw a black ski mask lying on the floor. I looked back up at him, confused as to why he'd need a ski mask in June. I was about to tell him that skiing was so totally_ out_ this time of year, but I didn't get the chance to. He picked up the mask and ran away from me with lightning-speed pace. If it were any other person I would have thought more into it, but since it was Davis I was just glad to be free. I turned around, and skipped happily to the library, where I had a very colourful selection of words all lined up and ready for Joe and Izzy.

……………………………………………………………

Joe left for his exam, shaking with nervousness, at about 10:30. His exam hadn't actually started until 11:00.

"Aren't you going to be a little early?" I asked him.

"Yes, but I don't want to risk it. What if on my way to the classroom something catastrophic happening that would cause me to miss my exam?" Joe asked, dead serious.

"Oh please," I said as I rolled my eyes. "Nothing is going to happen to you, Joe. Today's going to be a fine day, you'll do fine on your exam and we'll all live happily ever after. The end." I didn't know it then, but I would come to eat my words in a matter of hours.

"Whatever. Good luck you two, I'm still going now," Joe said as he gathered up his books.

"Good luck," Izzy and I said in unison.

……………………………………………………………

At 11:10, Izzy and I left for our examination. We packed up our books and left the library.

"Do you want to take the long way to the classroom? Maybe it would help us calm down a bit before the exam," I suggested. I had always found that taking a long walk helped to calm me down whenever I was angry or nervous about something.

"Good idea, but we'll have to hurry. I'm not a pessimist like Joe, but I definitely don't want to cut it too close because we could very well be late," Izzy said. I nodded, and we left.

We walked down the hallway and saw a group of four boys huddled into a corner. I recognized Davis immediately and ducked out of sight. I never got to see who the other three boys were.

The lunch bell went off and tons of hungry high school students stampeded into the halls. Davis and his three friends slipped out of the crowd and disappeared from sight. I noticed a piece of paper on the floor where the group was previously standing. As we walked by, I bent down and picked it up.

"What is that?" Izzy asked. I didn't answer right away. My eyes scanned the paper, trying to take it all in.

It looked like a map of the school, both floors. I noticed that in the classroom nearest to the east exit there was an 'X' drawn with "12:00" under it. There was another 'X' on the west side of the school on the main floor, just at the end of the stairs.

There were two 'X's on the second floor, as well. There was one 'X' placed just on the top of the east stairwell and the fourth 'X' was placed in a classroom on the west. I had no idea what this all could have meant, but figured that these four boys had drawn up a plan to sneak out of their classes and meet up during third period, which started just a few minutes before 12:00.

"Just some stupid drawing," I answered after a moment.

I shrugged it off as Izzy and I hurried up the stairs to our exam room. When we got there, mostly everyone had arrived. We sat down at two desks side by side and chatted until the teacher came in.

"Good morning, class. You will have 90 minutes to complete this exam. As you know, you must stay in the room for a minimum of one hour, but after that you're free to leave. Please move your desks apart. If there are no questions, you may begin," the teacher told us as the clock struck 11:30am. No hands went up, so everyone began.

……………………………………………………………

I glanced up at the clock, wondering how much time was left for my exam. 11:59…I still had an hour left. I stared for a bit more and watched as the minute hand reached the big twelve. It was now 12:00.

I went back to my test.

**BANG **

I jumped up and my pencil flew out of my hands. I grinned sheepishly, thinking stupid me had just overreacted to a loud noise. Then, I glanced around the room and noticed that a few other students, mostly the girls, had also jumped at the noise.

**BANG **

Not only did more students jump this time as opposed to last, but there was a common feeling of worry bubbling up in everyone.

"Everyone, get under your desks," the teacher instructed quietly. Nobody listened; we were all frozen in fear waiting for the next shot. By now, everyone had figured out what the noise was: gun shots.

**BANG **

I could tell that I was starting to panic. That shot seemed a lot louder than the previous two had been. I grabbed my purse and jumped out of my seat, everyone staring at me.

"Well we can't just sit here waiting for them to come to us! We have to get out!" I shrieked as more and more kids stood up. Izzy stood up as well, and stood beside me. All at once, as if on cue, we tore out of the class and stepped into the hallway. Kids were already rushing past their classroom to the stairs.

I ran down the hallway, Izzy matching me stride for stride. We were on the east end of the second floor approaching the stairwell when we saw the shooter. There was one standing right in front of the stairs, taking people out left and right. Through some kind of crazy miracle, the shooter turned his back to me and allowed me to pass. I looked around, realizing Izzy wasn't with me anymore. I stopped dead in my tracks, trying to see over the people.

"Izzy? Izzy! Where are you?" I yelled. I got no response. I wasn't sure what I should do at that moment. Should I run, save myself, and just hope that Izzy did the same? Or should I keep looking for him, incase he's in trouble? I didn't really get time to decide because the students trying to get around me pushed me right out the door to the stairs.

I quickly rushed down them praying that Izzy was going to be safe, as well as the rest of my friends. I reached the main floor, and pushed open the door to the hallway. I saw a second shooter who coming out of a classroom. He pointed his gun toward the group of people that came rushing down from the stairs, specifically me. I looked into his eyes and gasped. Everything I had seen today, all the clues that I had missed and overlooked, flashed before my eyes.

I saw Davis and the ski mask that fell out of his jacket. I saw the four boys huddled in a corner as lunch started, no doubt preparing for the horrible acts they were about to commit. I could see the piece of paper: it was their drawing…their _plans_. It had been all planned out. How sick could people be? Who would even _think_ about doing something like this, let alone actually do it? I could picture the piece of paper perfectly. The 'X's must have represented the shooters, which meant there were two more on the opposite side of the school. All these memories were coming about by the person whose eyes I was looking into.

Davis.

I stood there in shock, too scared to move, as Davis held his gun, still pointing it at me. I opened my mouth but no sound came out. He motioned with his gun to the empty classroom he had just come out of: he wanted me to go in, all alone. I had no choice but to obey him. I nodded, sure that I was about to die, and went into the classroom. He followed behind me and kicked the door shut. I stifled a scream as I saw two dead bodies huddled together in a corner, and a few more around the room. I turned around to face him, peering into his cold eyes. Swallowing hard, I forced myself to talk.

"Why?" I whispered, but he somehow managed to hear me over all the madness that was seeping in from the hall.

"Why? Why? I did it because I was tired of nobody ever noticing me. I'm a senior; I've gone to this damned school for _four_ years. You'd think in that time that _someone_ would have noticed me, but they didn't! I was just Davis, the pushover, the kid whose feelings didn't matter," he explained angrily.

"But people did notice you, and your feelings _do_ matter!" I argued.

"No, they don't. Especially not to you, you little bitch," he screamed as he waved the gun at me again. "I tried so hard to get you to notice me, but you never gave me the time of day. So I finally reached my breaking point. You can only push and push and push for so long until I start to push back. And here it is, I'm pushing back."

"You didn't have to do _this!_" I screamed at him, not even caring anymore that he had a gun pointed at me.

"Oh, but I did. I wanted to go out with a bang, see. I wanted to do something great, so nobody could ever forget my name. Then I met these new friends of mine—you've seen them, they were the ones you hid from today right before lunch—and they were just like me: sad, alone, confused, but most of all, they were angry. We came up with this plan, to get back at everyone who ever made us feel like shit. And who better to seek revenge on then you, Mimi? You made my life a living hell, and you didn't even care. Hell, did you even notice?"

I looked away and shook my head. I had never realized what an impact I had on him and how terrible I had been. If I had been this bad to him, what about everyone else? Just because he was the only one to pull a gun on me didn't mean he was the only one who feel any resentment toward me. It didn't mean he was the only one whose life I made a living hell.

I was a terrible, terrible person. All those times that Davis had talked to me, I just ignored him. I just blew him off, like he didn't matter. All it would have taken was a minute of my time; maybe even just the occasional friendly smile in the hallway, and so much could have been different. So many lives wouldn't have been taken. It was all my fault.

This wasn't something I could erase, either. I could never go back in time and fix the past. What would I say to all the friends, parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, husbands, wives, neighbours, co-workers and classmates, who had lost someone they loved because of me?

There was no excuse for my behaviour. I had been a tormentor all through high school, and I didn't even know it. No, that isn't true. I knew it: I just didn't care. Isn't that worse than being a straight-out bully?

I thought of all the classmates my friends and I would gossip about, and how much I had hurt them. They were all dead now…what would I say to them? How can you apologize to someone for making their lives hell…and then ending them? I pictured the faces of all the boys who had fawned over me, all the girls who idolized my friends and I.

I really had a great life at Odaiba High; I was the queen all of senior year…probably even before that, too. I was always one of the most popular girls in school. I hung out with the prettiest girls and dated the hottest guys. Though I wasn't exactly the brightest girl, I knew enough to get by. I was the envy of every girl in school, and no report card was going to change that. To everyone else, I had it all: I was gorgeous, tall, thin and popular. So what if I _occasionally_ got a D?

I was a flirt, a tease, some might even say I was a slut, but it didn't matter to me. Nothing anyone ever said about me really got to me because I lived in my own little bubble, shielding me from reality. My bubble was made up of the highest caliber of high school living, because that was what I thought I deserved. I was like royalty at my school. If anyone said anything about me, my friends would simply conclude that they were 'nobody' and that their opinions didn't matter.

Nobodies…but they_ weren't_ nobodies. Every one of them was a 'somebody'. Just because they didn't think a certain way, or they went against the crowd, didn't mean what they thought didn't have any value. Some of the greatest thinkers of our time were a little off their rockers, but that didn't stop them from being brilliant.

Anything anyone says can have bearing, as long as someone is willing to listen. When I spoke, people listened. Did they listen when the 'nobodies' spoke? Did they listen, or did they just brush them off and continue on with their perfect little lives? Did they even notice they were there at all?

Was it worth making someone feel like dirt in order for you to feel better about yourself? I used to think it was all in good fun, but I sure didn't like the way I was feeling right now. And did it really matter that I used to go to Odaiba, or that I used to be totally popular? When those shots went off, it was everyone for themselves. People pushed past me to reach the exit just like they would push past a loser. Nobody cared that I was Mimi Tachikawa, they only cared about their own safety.

In high school, there's every category imaginable. You can be part of the geeks, the burnouts, the preps, or the jocks. You can be in a band, or you can be a foreign exchange student. Or, you can be the ruler of the school, the queen bee. No matter what label you're given in high school, it all goes out the window when you leave. The second you get that diploma all bets are off.

Life isn't about being the best for that moment in time; it's about _trying_ your best and maybe even influencing a life positively. If you can change a life for the better, why not? Would my life have been morbid if I had just cared a little more? Not in the least.

Looks like my bubble just got popped.

"Are you going to kill me?" I asked. Honestly, I didn't know if that would be a bad thing anymore. Davis shook his head.

"No, Mimi, I'm not going to kill you. In fact, you're one of the safe ones. You can walk out of here however you want, because nobody is going to take a shot at you. My friends know you and they wouldn't dare shoot you."

"Why not?" I couldn't figure out why I was being spared, out of everyone in this school. If anything, I deserved death the most out of us all.

"Because we have something better planned for you," Davis said with an eerie smile.

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Please Mimi, if I really wanted you to be dead I would have shot you years ago," he said laughingly. "No, this plan is much better. All around you is death and destruction and if you have a soul at all, right about now you probably feel like it's your fault, am I right?" Davis asked. I nodded sadly.

"Yeah," I whispered.

"I thought you would. I knew under that tough exterior that you had _some_ emotions. I always like you, Mimi. If only you hadn't had your head so far up your ass you would have known that…and maybe things could have been different. But it's too late for maybes…it's too late for a lot of things." He reached out with his free hand and brushed my face. I shivered and backed away.

"Don't touch me! You're sick, you know that?" I screamed at him, absolute hatred shining in my eyes. Davis remained unfazed.

"Temper, temper," he teased. "Anyway, back to my point. All around you, people are suffering. They've been through more than anyone can imagine. They've either been killed, wounded, or witnessed truly horrifying, bone-chilling acts. You're friends—the ones that live, that is—are never going to be the same. Every time they close their eyes, they're going to picture this day. Watching them self-destruct from the inside out will prove lethal for you soon enough. No matter how hard they try to forget, they never will. Neither will you, Mimi. The memories will haunt everyone for as long as they shall live, however long or short that may be. That's the best part: we won't kill you physically, you'll kill yourself mentally. You can run, but you can't hide."

I shut my eyes, trying to blink back my tears. Unfortunately, Davis was right. I threw my eyes open, not able to bear the images that flashed through my mind when they were closed.

"Why are you saying these horrible things to me?" I shrieked, staring straight into his cold eyes.

"You want to know why? I wanted to make sure that you'd never forget me, Mimi…and you won't. No matter how hard you try, you'll never be able to forget this."

And with that, Davis took his gun and pulled the trigger. I screamed as the bullet sped out of the gun and into the boy before me as he fell to the floor, dead.

……………………………………………………………

Shaking, I had managed to jump over his dead body and reach the door. I wondered if what he said was really true: If I walked out of there cool as a cucumber, would I still be spared? Not ready to test that theory, I ran out the doors as quick as my legs would carry me. If was pretty easy, since Davis was no longer guarding the east exit.

I reached outside and ran like the dickens. I didn't stop running until I saw a group of people standing in the front. All of them had escaped as well. I could see the crowd forming as more and more people ran out the doors. I didn't even look at the faces. I simply couldn't bear to see the immense pain I had caused them all. In fact, I didn't look up once; I just stared at my feet as I walked through the crowd. I didn't look for my friends, or anyone really. Honestly, I didn't look because I was afraid that I might not find them. I was afraid that I was the only one who had made it out. Could that be true? Could every single one of my friends have been killed in that school? Was it my fault?

"Mimi!" I didn't stop or even look up when I heard my name being called. "Mimi! Mimi, are you all right? Mimi!" I felt someone grab my arm and spin me around. I looked up, finally, and came face to face with Izzy.

I didn't say anything; I just collapsed into his arms, crying uncontrollably. He did his best to comfort me, but he didn't have much experience in a situation like this one and I understood.

"You guys, hey!" Joe screamed from behind us. Izzy glanced up and waved him over with a free hand.

……………………………………………………………

In time, I stopped crying. Eventually, we found the rest of our friends—minus Tai. I still hadn't said a word to anyone, just hugged them and fought back tears. I honestly didn't think I'd ever speak again. I was also fighting back the images in my head. I kept picturing Davis lying on the floor, a pool of blood around him. I could see him waving his gun at me, screaming about how everything was my fault. As far as I was concerned, he had been right.

When T.K. came back with the news about Tai, I almost fell apart. I felt horrible…maybe this all could have been avoided if I hadn't been such a bitch in high school. We all walked to Sora's car and realized that not everyone would fit into one vehicle. Matt drove Sora, Kari and T.K. in Sora's car, while Joe drove Izzy and I in his car.

Joe seemed to be in his own little world and I wondered if he was really fit to drive us, but I didn't really care enough to protest. I realized that I didn't seem to care about anything. It was like the world lost all meaning and nothing would ever be okay again. All I really wanted was to get to the hospital and find out that there was a mix-up and Tai wasn't really injured. But deep down, I knew that wouldn't happen and that was what scared me most of all.

"Hello? Mrs. Kamiya?" Izzy said into his cell phone on our way to the hospital. "Yes, this is Izzy Izumi, I'm one of Tai's friends." I could hear Mrs. Kamiya on the other end chatting about how nice it was to hear from him. My heart broke for her, and part of me wanted to grab the wheel and smash the car into a tree. "Look," Izzy said, "um…the reason I'm calling is to tell you that…" he trailed off. I sighed, realizing how hard it must be to have to tell a mother that her son might by dying as we speak.

I shut her eyes and saw tons of images that were burned into my mind. I could see Davis and his mask; Davis and his friends huddled in the corner of the hallway; Davis waving his gun in my face; Davis falling to the floor, dead. I could see the panic in my classmates' eyes as we fled from their examination room; the anger in Davis' eyes; the sadness in Kari's and the despair in Sora's. I could hear the fury in Davis' voice as he spoke; the nervousness in Izzy's as he talked to Tai's mom; the panic in Matt's as he instructed us to get in their car and drive to the hospital. All of it just swirled around in my head. The voices were getting louder; the gunshots were echoing in my head; the screams were terrifying and the images were haunting. I just couldn't take it anymore.

"Mrs. Kamiya," I screeched into the phone after ripping it from Izzy's grip, "this is Mimi."

"Oh, why hello dear," Mrs. Kamiya said warmly.

"Have you watched the TV at all today?"

"No, I haven't. Why do you ask?" Tai's mother asked, clueless.

"Turn on the news. And maybe you should be sitting down," I advised. I waited a moment as Mrs. Kamiya turned on the TV. I bit my lip, not sure how she would react to the news. I really wasn't sure what to say and how to act…I had never dealt with a hysterical mother before. Speaking of mothers, I should probably call mine…

"_…Shootings at Odaiba High were reported around noon today. Though the shooters' identities remain unknown, it is being said that they may have been students at the school. The list of casualties is being withheld at this time…_" I could hear the news reporter say on Mrs. Kamiya's end.

"Oh my God," she whisper. "Is it one of them? Mimi, did something happen to one of my children?" she screamed. I nodded, though she couldn't see me through the phone.

"It's Tai," I finally whispered. "He's at Odaiba Hospital…we're on our way there now."

"I'll be right there," Mrs. Kamiya said right before the line went dead. I hung up the cell phone and handed it back to Izzy. Leaning back in my seat and sinking in, tears rolled down my cheeks. Izzy stared at me in slight amazement and I knew why. That was the first time I had spoken since the attack.

……………………………………………………………

**I know that I made Mimi out to be a total bitch and she probably wouldn't be like that in high school, but just go with it, okay?**


	5. Regrets: Joe's Story

**Disclaimer: Nothing has changed since my last chapter…I _still _don't own digimon.**

**I actually hadn't modeled my story after Columbine; it was about shootings in general. But yeah, I guess it is a lot similar.**

**Thanks for all the great reviews **

**Chapter Five: Regrets: Joe's Story  
**……………………………………………………………

In the morning when we all got there, I felt pretty uncomfortable. No, that isn't true. I felt perfectly fine…until Tai showed up. We still hadn't really gotten over our fight so I didn't know whether I should apologize or wait for him to apologize. Maybe we didn't need to apologize, but I wasn't too sure. Instead of dealing with the situation, I ran away to the library like a coward. I should have apologized to him. I should have hugged him and told him that he was one of my best friends, but I had no way of knowing that could be the last time I ever talked to him.

By the time 10:30 rolled around, I was really nervous. This examination was really important and my entire career in medicine depended on it. I knew my dad was really counting on me to ace it. I felt I knew the material pretty well, but it still didn't calm my nerves and stop the butterflies from fluttering around my stomach.

Sitting in that library reading over those books was making me go crazy. I kept glancing at my watch, thinking that I had lost track of time and missed my exam. Anyone that knows me at all will tell you that I'm slightly pessimistic, so I don't think it was a surprise that I left for my exam a half hour early. I still remember exactly what Mimi and I said to each other before I left.

"Aren't you going to be a little early?" Mimi had asked me.

"Yes, but I don't want to risk it. What if on my way to the classroom something catastrophic happening that would cause me to miss my exam?" Of course, it was just me overreacting. How was I supposed to know that something absolutely horrible _would_ happen that day?

"Oh please…nothing is going to happen to you, Joe. Today's going to be a fine day, you'll do fine on your exam and we'll all live happily ever after. The end." Apparently, Mimi didn't know either. It was almost ironic, in a way.

"Whatever. Good luck you two, I'm still going now." With that, I got all my stuff together and left.

As I walked down the hallway I passed by Davis and a few of his friends. I recognized one of them from my years at Odaiba. His name was Cody. I'm pretty sure he was in the same grade as T.K. and Kari, one below Davis. I said a friendly hello—I was never too good at snubbing anyone—and continued on my way. I probably would have roped myself into a quick conversation, but they seemed busy with some kind of drawing. They were so lucky, I remember thinking. My entire future hangs in the balance and they're drawing a picture!

I rushed up the stairs to find my class. I knew where it was and managed to find it pretty quickly, since I used to have biology it in the year before.

I got to the exam room and wasn't surprised to see that I was the only one there. In fact, I was _so_ early that the door was still locked. I sat down outside the classroom, looking about as cool as an old man in suspenders, and waited for the teacher to come and open it up for me.

"Why Joe, you're rather early," my teacher said when she showed up, ten minutes later. "Is anything wrong?"

"No, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't late," I said, shrugging. She laughed quietly to herself and unlocked the door. I stood up from the floor, stretching out my stiff legs, and walked into the room. About a minute later, a few other guys came in. We talked for a bit until the clock finally struck 11:00 and the exam started.

I dove right in and was actually doing pretty well. I knew basically all of the material extremely well, since I had practically studied for a week straight. This always happens to me: I'll study and study and study, only to take the test and find it like a thousand times easier than I expected it to be. Whatever, this only means I'll get an even better grade than I thought, I told myself happily.

That was the moment I should have known something was going to happen. Since when did good things happen to me? Things never worked out for me, the way I saw it. So why, all of a sudden, would things be going terrific? But I didn't give it a second thought as I continued with the exam.

I stopped writing for a second because my hand was cramping up. I shook my hand slightly as I looked up at the clock. It was 12:00 on the dot. My pencil touched the paper again and I applied a bit of pressure.

**BANG **

The noise made me jump slightly, causing the lead in my pencil to snap. All I could think of at that exact second was how I didn't have a pencil to write with anymore. That was my only care in the world. I had absolutely no idea of the chaos taking place a few feet below me, on the main floor.

Another bang went off and I think we all realized what it was by then. We rushed out of the room and into the hallway. I ducked and ran as fast as I could down the stairs. I had never been the athletic type and running was _definitely_ not my thing, but none of that mattered anymore. All that mattered was that I was still in the school, running the risk of getting shot at any minute.

Screams echoed through the halls as I reached the main floor. It was about a hundred times louder and crazier than it was on the top floor. I looked around and could see people falling to the ground. I wanted desperately to stop and help them. After all, I was trained in medical care. But I couldn't stop. I had to keep running and get out of that hellhole. I managed to get out pretty fast, considering how many people there were and how crazy it was. Though it seemed like an eon I knew that, logically, it hadn't been a long span of time at all.

I got outside and looked around for my friends. I hoped that they all got out safe, but I had this weird nagging feeling that something bad was happening. Of course something bad _was_ happening, but this was different. Something really _bad_ was happening, and I knew it went a lot deeper than a school shooting, if that makes any sense. I can't really make sense of it myself so I don't expect you to, but it's how I felt. I think that in the back of my mind I knew one of my friends was hurt.

I wandered around for a long time, probably as long as I was in the school, before I saw anyone I recognized. Finally, I spotted Mimi and Izzy. Mimi looked pretty upset, and Izzy was trying really hard to comfort her.

"You guys, hey!" I screamed. Izzy looked up but Mimi didn't move. I just ran up to them, not really sure how to act around Mimi right then.

……………………………………………………………

After a while, we ran into Sora and Matt. Then we looked around and found T.K. and Kari. It turns out that T.K. had actually gotten injured, taking a bullet to the shoulder. The paramedic informed us that he would be fine, he just had to get to the hospital for stitches soon. Nobody really seemed in a rush to get to the hospital to treat T.K., including Matt and even T.K. himself, which was a shocker to me.

In time, I managed to figure out why. Everyone was waiting around for the time Tai showed up, safe and sound. But that never happened. T.K. went to go investigate, and came back with the news that Tai had been hurt and we all needed to get to the hospital right away. We split up and went in two cars, I took Mimi and Izzy in mine.

The entire car ride over, I was somewhere else. I couldn't stop thinking about Tai. Was he alive? If he was, how badly hurt was he? I was so, so angry at myself and for many different reasons.

I was mad for not stopping and helping some of the people in the hallways earlier. They had all been friends to someone, just like Tai was my friend. I felt like if I had stopped to help even just one of them, Tai would have been okay. I knew it wasn't really possible, but that's how I was feeling. I wondering if the people I had passed were dead now. Would me stopping have made any difference, or would I have just gotten shot, too? Or, would I have wound up saving a life? I'd never know. All I knew was this: For the rest of my life, I would ask myself that question over and over, never getting a real answer.

But that wasn't even the thing that bothered me the most. The most pressing matter on my mind was how I left things with Tai. The last thing I said to him was in anger. Well technically, that wasn't right. The last thing I had said to him was 'I'm going to go hit the library, anybody want to come?'

I couldn't believe that out of all the things I could have said, I chose those words. What if I never got the chance to apologize? What would happen if I never got the chance to tell Tai I was sorry I overreacted and that his friendship meant a lot to me? I kept trying to get myself to think positive, saying things like 'hey Joe, you _will_ get the chance to say those things. Tai's gonna be just fine,' but I didn't really believe it. Hey, what can I say? I _am_ a pessimist.

I vowed that from that day forward, I would never leave a room without hugging each person in it and telling them how much they meant to me. I would no longer go to bed angry, or hold a grudge. I would try to live each day to the fullest, be more adventurous and try to take more risks. I know, I know: Nothing like me, right? That's why I said I would _try_. I was going to honestly make some changes in my life. I wanted to live more like Tai. He was always living on the edge and having fun with life. I had always admired him, ever since the day we met.

……………………………………………………………

We all met up in the front entrance of the hospital, but we didn't look for Tai yet. We decided it would probably be more appropriate if we waited for Mrs. Kamiya to arrive. She got there shortly after we did, looking visibly distressed. She rushed in and immediately went right to Kari.

"Oh sweetie, are you okay?" she asked, wrapped Kari in a tight hug.

"Yeah, I'm okay," Kari whispered. I felt terrible for the two of them. Mr. Kamiya was away on a business trip and they would have to contact him with the news pretty soon. How do you call someone and tell them they need to get home because their son has been shot, and they needed to come home right away? They embraced for a few minutes. Mrs. Kamiya hugged her so tight it seemed she was running the risk of squishing her to death if she kept it up any longer.

When she did finally let go, she turned to Sora and did the same to her.

"What about you? Are you okay? You aren't hurt, are you?"

"I'm fine, really," Sora smiled reassuringly, trying to hide her ankle from Mrs. Kamiya. She probably didn't want her to worry about her, when she needed to focus on her own kids. Mrs. Kamiya then turned around and spotted T.K.

"Oh my God! T.K., honey, don't tell me that you were…" she trailed off as T.K. nodded.

"Yeah, but I'm fine. No worries," he said casually. She went on with the rest of our group, making sure that everyone was okay.

I had always liked Mrs. Kamiya. She was one of those cool moms that you could go to with your problems. She was so sweet and caring and that definitely showed now. Her son was in the hospital and she was making sure his friends were all okay. She was really a great woman.

We all approached the front desk and asked for information on Tai. We got his room number and took the elevator up to the fourth floor, where he was. We had to take two since the eight of us didn't all fit in one. We got to his room and waited outside as Kari and her mom went to talk to the doctor.

I looked at Sora and couldn't believe what I was seeing: she was fine. She wasn't crying…hell, she wasn't even shaking or anything. She was standing against the wall completely still, looking almost lifeless. Granted, she didn't look like her normal self at all and I knew for a fact that she was probably falling apart inside, but her exterior was very calm and collected. She managed to keep her composure the entire day, I had noticed. Not once did I see her breakdown and cry. I guessed she was going through post-traumatic shock or something.

"He's gonna be okay, right?" Mimi asked us quietly. It was the first thing I had heard her say all day. Maybe she had been talking in the car, but I hadn't really paid attention.

I looked into her eyes and saw the same little girl I met on the first day of school, when we were four. She looked nervous, anxious, insecure…afraid. Weren't we all? I looked away from her and when I glanced back I no longer her. I saw a scared little girl who just wanted someone to hug her and tell her everything would be okay in the end. So I did.

I learned that day what fear really was. Sure, I had been scared of something or another all throughout my life, but never like this. When those gunshots went off, you weren't scared, you were _afraid_. It wasn't like the dark corner in your house that freaks you out at night; it was death dangling in front of your face, just within your reach. We were so close to death in that school that it was almost unimaginable. Every move you make can influence your death. Crossing a street can change your entire destiny…that's all it took.

If when I was in that school I ran a little bit faster than I had, I could be dead right now. I would have made it down the stairs faster and reached the main floor sooner than I had. One of those bullets could have hit me instead of the person in front of me. In a way it was almost euphoric, like I had cheated death. Had Tai cheated death? Was he safe and sound with just a little injury like T.K., or was he hanging in the balance fighting with everything he had to stay alive? I didn't know and that was what scared me most of all. Not knowing…fear of the unknown. It can tear you apart inside and there's nothing you can do about it…not a damned thing.

Fear's a funny thing. While we're all _technicall_y adults—which the exception of Kari and T.K.—we were all children at that moment in time. Fear has the ability to transform anyone from an adult to a scared little child, who wants nothing more than to be held by their mommy. Right now, I think we could all use a hug from our mothers.

I don't really know how long we stood there waiting for Kari and Mrs. Kamiya to return. It could have been a minute; it could have been an hour. Frankly, I didn't think to keep track. All I knew was that every second dragged by and time would stand still until they came back with word that Tai was okay and ready to go home any minute now. But I would soon come to learn that that wasn't going to happen.

Mrs. Kamiya returned with tears in her eyes, clutching a shaking Kari. We looked at her anxiously, wanting to know the truth. Part of us already knew it was bad…who cries and shakes because their son is alive and safe? But we still needed to hear it from her.

"The doctor says that he's…he's in a coma," Mrs. Kamiya whispered.

"Oh Jesus," T.K. whispered as he stood up from his chair and put an arm around Kari. She pushed past him and went to Sora, seeking comfort. I saw the expression on T.K.'s face and it was of utter shock. However, I knew exactly why Kari went to Sora, and was kind of surprised T.K. didn't realize it too. Sora was the only one of us who knew exactly what Kari was feeling. Kari was losing her brother, her hero, but Sora was losing the love of her life…which one was worse? I hope I will never know.

My heart broke for Sora then. I've known the girl practically my entire life and I like to think I can read her pretty well by now. She had that look on her face that told me she was about to break down, but she also had the look that showed she was trying to stay strong. She wanted to cry but she had to be there for Kari and Mrs. Kamiya to lean on.

It would be okay; everything would work out fine. Tai would come out of this any moment now and we'd all get on with our lives. Everything would be back to normal and we'd be happy again. If not, I would be the one that Sora could lean on.

……………………………………………………………

We were all allowed to go in and visit Tai, but we had to go one at a time. We let Mrs. Kamiya, Kari and Sora go in first. After Sora came out, Matt went in. T.K. went in after him and Izzy went next.

"Go ahead Mimi, I'll go after you," I told Mimi when Izzy came out. She shook her head and gestured to the door, insisting I go in.

Mimi was acting pretty strange. She didn't seem like she had any desire at all to visit her comatose friend. In fact, part of me questioned whether or not Mimi really knew what was going on. She seemed to be in another world ever since I found her and Izzy outside the school. I shrugged it off figuring she'd come to terms with it at her own pace, and went in to see Tai.

I walked in and was taken aback by all the monitors Tai was hooked up to. There was a ton of tubes going through him. I was studying to be a doctor—my father and brother_ were_ doctors—I had a lot of experience…but I don't think anything could have prepared me for that. It's one thing to walk in and see a patient hooked up to all these beeping monitors, but it's a whole other ball game when you walk in and see one of your best friends there instead. I sat down in a chair beside his bedside and put my head in my hands.

"Jesus, Tai…how could this happen to you?" I asked him, knowing he wasn't able to answer. I thought about talking to him. After all, it's been theorized that comatose patients can hear sounds and detect motion.

Then I decided against it. I mean, what would I say? I'm not that skilled in the art of conversation to begin with, let alone when I'm talking to nobody. I might as well go talk to the wall.

I know, I know, I'm being an asshole. It's just so hard to see Tai like this…he's probably the strongest person I know. But I guess even the strong can take a tumble sometimes.

I sat there watching Tai, not really believing what I was seeing. How could Tai, someone I saw just this morning, be laying before me with a bullet inside him? Maybe if I shut my eyes real tight, when I open them I'll realize it was all a dream. I shut my eyes tight: pretty foolish, huh? I knew it was but I didn't really care. I was willing to try anything. When someone close to you is that close to death, you'll do anything you can think of to just humour yourself for even a few seconds. I probably sound crazy and I don't expect you to understand. Truthfully, I hope you never get the chance to understand, because it's a horrible situation to be in.

I know I already stated that I wasn't going to talk to Tai, but there _was_ something that I needed to get off my chest.

"Tai, look, about last night…I'm really sorry. I mean, if I knew the last time I talked to you could be the _last_ time I talked to you, things wouldn't have happened that way. I feel really stupid for acting so childish. I totally overreacted to everything that happened. I just got really stressed out and…oh hell, why am I making excuses? You didn't deserve it and I'm really sorry...for everything." I wrung out my hands as I confessed my feelings to Tai.

"For this morning, especially. That was really silly of me to just run away. I think you know that I don't really like to face my problems head on and confrontation isn't exactly listed until my favourite pastimes, but still…that's no excuse." I sighed, hoping he was hearing all of this.

"See Tai, this is why you have to wake up. I don't really know if you heard this so you gotta open up your eyes and tell me whether or not you did. And all those people out there…they're all waiting for you to wake up. They're all praying for you Tai, so just give them what they want. Please answer their prayers. We're all going to fall apart without you. It's hard to admit, but you really were the glue holding us all together." I didn't really want to keep going, but I had to. It was hard to say, though. It's one thing to think something, but it's a whole other thing to say it aloud and make it sound real.

"Sora and Kari will just fall apart without you. T.K. will go when he sees what it does to Kari and Matt will go soon after. And Mimi, something is seriously up with that girl. I don't know what it is but she's barely hanging on anymore, I can tell. She's weak to begin with so she'll be gone, especially after seeing what this is doing to Sora and Matt. Izzy will go next and no matter how hard I try I know I'll wind up just like the rest of them. I want to be strong but I can't, Tai. That was always your job, not mine."

I shifted in my chair and bit my lip. I could feel my eyes start to water so I tried to blink back my tears. Though I may look it, I'm not the type of guy who cried easily. But then again, this was a pretty tough situation. After I said it, the reality of it all really hit me. If something—God forbid—_did _happen to Tai, nothing would ever be the same. It would be hard enough for things to go back to normal anyway, but if he didn't make it…everything would change.

And I liked things the way they were.

……………………………………………………………

**And there's chapter five!**


	6. A Promise is a Promise: Kari’s Story

**Disclaimer: I don't own digimon (is this annoying or what?)**

**Chapter Six: A Promise is a Promise: Kari's Story  
**……………………………………………………………

T.K. was walking me to second period when we ran into Sora, Matt and Tai. It seemed so weird seeing them there; it had been so long since Tai and I went to the same school. When Tai started high school I was only in elementary, and by the time I came to Odaiba High he had already graduated. It was, for some reason, a comfort to see him there today.

We talked for a bit and then T.K. and I had to get to class before we were late. Second period was history for me, and it was so boring! That was one class that could put me to sleep _every_ time. It dragged on and I found myself staring at the clock, unable to wait for the lunch bell to ring and spring me from the prison I was currently in. It finally did, at 11:13am. I jumped out of my chair, collected my books and rushed to my locker.

When I got there, I dumped my books in and slammed it shut before they tumbled out. Okay, okay, I'm not the most organized person. I think my bedroom at home shows that. But whatever, it doesn't really matter. Compared to my brother, I'm a total neat freak.

Anyway, T.K. met me at my locker and we walked to the cafeteria together. All through lunch I had this really weird feeling at the pit of my stomach, kind of like the feeling you get when you're going down a really steep drop on a roller coaster. Since I'm devastatingly afraid of heights, this image didn't make me feel any better.

"You're probably just hungry," T.K. suggested. I shook my head.

"No, this is different. Something doesn't feel…right. It's like something's going to happen and everything is going to change," I said. I tried to convince him but I don't really think he bought it.

"I'm sure everything will be just fine," he said taking my hand in his. He stared into my eyes and I just melted.

T.K. has this way about him that basically left me at his mercy. His gorgeous blue eyes could always get to me…and just about every other girl at our school. It didn't really bother me that much, though. I knew how much T.K. cared about me and that he wouldn't cheat on me. He wasn't the kind of guy that would do that, anyway.

We got in line and bought our food, then sat at our regular table with our other friends. This particular lunch period, I was pretty quiet. Granted, I'm usually a little quiet, but I was really quiet this time. I looked up and saw T.K. staring at me, concern plastered all over his face. I think he knew something was up, but he still didn't really believe me when I told him about the weird feeling I had earlier. I decided that I was just overreacting and nothing was going to happen. I shook off the feeling and joined into the conversation, a forced smile stuck on my face.

……………………………………………………………

The bell went off and I threw the rest of my lunch away. I wasn't really hungry. Truthfully, I still couldn't get rid of the bad feeling I had. I tried to act normal, for T.K., but I think he knew that something was definitely up.

"Hey, I'll walk you to class," he suggested. T.K.'s next class was on the opposite end of the school, on a different floor. Normally I would have insisted that he get to class so he wasn't late, but today I didn't. I just nodded and we walked.

"Thanks for walking me," I told him when we stopped outside my class.

"No problem," he said as he quickly kissed me. He walked away, got about two feet, and turned back around to face me. "Relax, it'll be fine," he told me.

"I know...thanks."

……………………………………………………………

**BANG **

I flew out of my seat, startled by the noise. It sounded like it came from the classroom right next door. I looked around and saw that a bunch of other people had done the same thing that I had. I heard a loud, bone-chilling scream and could feel myself starting to panic. A bunch of people took off, running out of the classroom. What was happening had finally sunken in. I ran out the door, leaving my purse behind. I could replace the things in there but I couldn't replace my life, right?

I was in the hallway when I heard the next shot. I ducked, thinking a bullet was coming right at me. I was right outside the front doors when I glanced back and could see into one of the classrooms. It was the classroom the shooter was in. I stopped running. I stopped moving altogether, actually.

There I stood, still as could be, peering through the open door into a world of sheer agony. I winced as another shot went off and I saw someone in the classroom hit the floor.

Correction: I saw someone's body hit the floor. They weren't a 'someone' anymore. They didn't have a soul, or any of that other junk. They were dead now. I tried to move, tried to run, tried to scream for help, but I couldn't. As much as I wanted to, my body simply wouldn't let me. That was all there was to it.

A girl fell on the floor in front of me. She was dead, too.

I stood there, paralyzed in fear, staring into those cold, dead eyes when I realized I knew that girl. Her name was Anna; her locker was two down from mine. I had second period history with her. In fact, she sat in front of me. Or at least she used to.

I finally regained control of my legs and tore out of the building as fast as I possibly could. I reached the safety and security of outside and didn't stop running until I saw people. They were all huddled in a group in the front of the school as police and ambulances pulled up. I joined the group that was growing larger by the second, and stood by myself in a corner.

My eyes scanned the area looking for T.K., Tai or one of the others. I looked for a familiar face. I looked for a friendly smile that would somehow ease my pain, cause the nervousness to subside and somehow let me know everything would be okay. Instead, I found nothing.

I was alone with my thoughts for the time being. I tried, unsuccessfully, to not think anything at all. It worked for a brief moment, until I remembered Anna. I could still picture her face, the way her lifeless, stiff body fell to the floor. All of it was stuck in my memory for the rest of my life and there was nothing I could do about it. Not a damned thing.

……………………………………………………………

Eventually, I found T.K…or he found me. I freaked out when I saw him: there was so much blood. It turns out that most of it wasn't even his. I would have asked where it came from, but I couldn't bring myself to form the words. There was a look in his eyes…he was no longer naïve, no longer innocent. When I looked at him, I knew something happened in there that he would never forget. It wasn't just something he saw, like my seeing Anna, it _happened _to him. He would never be the same…none of us would.

After a while, T.K. and I were re-united with the rest of the group. Well, all of them, except for my brother. We didn't really know where he was until T.K. asked around and found out he was at the hospital. I don't really remember too much of what occurred after that. It was kind of a blur. My mind was racing, going a mile a minute and yet I didn't really have any thoughts. Time stood still and I knew it wouldn't start back up until I saw my brother and knew for a fact everything would be okay.

We rushed to the hospital and mom met us there. I'm not really sure who called her but I'm glad they remembered, because I sure didn't. I have to find out so I can thank them…that must have been pretty hard to call someone and give them news like _that_.

Mom and I went to talk to the doctor and he told us that Tai was in a coma. I guess time would be standing still for quite a while.

"Tai was on the top floor; therefore it took longer for us to get to him. Because of this, he lost a lot of blood. His brain lost blood and a lot of oxygen, causing him to become comatose," the doctor told us.

I started crying again, but mom actually managed to keep her composure. She squeezed my hand tight; so tight that I had to bite my lip to keep from groaning. I squeezed back and we walked back to the rest of the group.

When we told them, I couldn't even look at their faces. I just stared at the floor and tried to stop the tears that were incessantly streaming down my cheeks. I finally looked up and my eyes came to rest on Sora.

I had been so self-involved since I found out about my brother. I didn't even stop to think that someone else had been affected by what happened. But when I looked at Sora I could see the same emotions I was feeling reflected onto her. I knew how much she loved Tai; this must have killed her.

T.K. stood up and came over to me but I didn't want to be comforted by him. I needed Sora, the only person here who truly knew what I was going through. I sidestepped around T.K. and went straight to her. We embraced for a moment; I was trying to stop crying and Sora was trying not to start.

When we separated I looked at T.K. and he looked pretty hurt. At first I thought about telling him I was sorry and explaining why I acted the way I had, but then I decided against it. I grew angry with my boyfriend. Why couldn't he understand that not everything could be solved by one of his hugs?

He had tried to do it to me at lunch, when I told him about the weird feeling I had. Well, well, look who had been right all along. T.K. had no way of understanding what I was going through, so why would he act like he did?

No, I wouldn't apologize to him for overreacting because I wasn't. If anything, he was _under _reacting. Is that even a word? Well it must be, because that's exactly what T.K. did!

I stood there thinking about how insensitive T.K. was, getting angrier by the second. Okay, okay, maybe I was being a little melodramatic about the whole thing, but whatever. Hindsight is twenty-twenty.

"You can go in now, Kari," my mother said to me. It took me a second to figure out what she was talking about. I had been so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn't even notice my mother had gone in to visit Tai. Well, she had just come out now which meant I could go in. I walked through the door and sat down at the chair beside Tai's bed.

I never really understood why only one person was allowed to visit at a time…how would they know? As much as I'd like to believe it, I really doubt Tai even noticed I was there.

……………………………………………………………

Sometimes, like now, I think back on my first day of school. I was so nervous that day; I didn't know anyone and all I wanted was my mommy. I got on the school bus and was really afraid because I didn't know where to sit. Tai grabbed my hand and instead of sitting with his friends that day, he sat with me in the front of the bus. When we got to school, he walked me to my class and I begged him to stay with me. He shook his head and told me,

"Sorry sis, but I got to go. You're a big girl now and you can take care of yourself." I was so upset that he was leaving that I wrapped my arms around his legs and tried to make him stay. I didn't want to be a big girl! He dropped to the ground beside me and looked in my eyes. "Don't worry Kar, you're gonna have a great time. If things get really bad, I'll always be there for you." That was Tai for you. Even at seven, he would do anything to comfort me.

Tai and I never really fought like normal siblings. Growing up, we had always gotten along great. Actually, I can't really think of a time I had a fight with him. Of course we had the occasional argument but it never really blew up into anything big. My friends think it's totally weird, saying that they fought like cats and dogs with their brothers and sisters. I don't think it's that weird. In fact, I like what we have a lot better. But maybe it _isn't_ a good thing. Being so close only makes it hurt so much more when something like this happens.

Instead of fighting, we did a lot of other things. No matter what it was though, Tai would always be there by my side to take care of me. Every time I had trouble with my homework he would try his best to help me, or come up with a great excuse for why I didn't have it done. When I started dating, he got really protective. Even now, he still doesn't like me being alone with T.K.

But I don't really find it annoying. I think it's cute how Tai doesn't want me to grow up. I guess when he looks at me, he still sees that scared little girl who didn't want her big brother to leave her alone to face the big, bad world of kindergarten.

He was my hero, my protector, the only guy that would always be there for me when I needed him. And where was my protector now? He was in the hospital, clinging to life, hooked up to a ton of machines. _Would_ he always be there for me, or was this our last adventure together? I tried to stay hopeful by telling myself that he would get better and we'd have many more good memories when he did. But sometimes, like now, hope is hard to come by.

If I talked to you, would you be able to hear me, Tai? Because I'm calling out for you to come and save me. I need you, so why aren't you coming to rescue me? You promised me that you would always come when I needed you, so why aren't you coming now?

I know why.

But just like I made it through kindergarten, I could make it through this. So would Tai. I had to believe that was true because I would die if something happened to him. He had to be okay, because he promised he would be there. He _promised_ that he would always be there to rescue me from danger, and I wasn't done being rescued. Not even close.

I was feeling so many things at that moment. I was sad and alone, but maybe I would always feel like that without Tai.

I was angry…I was _so_ angry. I was mad at T.K., for not being more understanding. I was furious with myself…why didn't I tell Tai how much I loved him this morning when I saw him? Why didn't I do it _every _time I saw him? Surely he knew how I felt about him, right? I would just die if he didn't. He _had_ to!

But most of all, I was angry at the shooters. Those sick, perverted creeps! Why would they do this? _How_ could they do this? How could they intentionally take someone's life?

Before today, I couldn't even imagine doing something so cruel.

Before today, I never had any desire to cause another human being even the slightest bit of pain and suffrage.

But before today, I was a different person.

"Don't worry, Tai. I'll find the people who did this to you, and I'll fucking kill them. I'll be there for you like you've always been there for me."

I made a promise to my brother, and if there's one thing anyone will ever tell you about me, it's that I _always_ keep my promises. Always.

……………………………………………………………

This was the day I learned that the world was a cold, uncaring, cruel place. It didn't matter who you were, or how much money you had. The world didn't care about the marks you got in school or the kind of clothes you wore. In the grand scheme of things, it can all boil down to a very simple fact:

You live…and you die. There's a time in which you're born and a time at which you die. All that really matters is what you do in between those two phases of life. You might have nine years in between; you might have ninety. Or, like Anna, you might have seventeen.

Seventeen...it's barely enough time to do any living at all. There were so many things that Anna, like so many others in that school, would never get to experience.

She could never graduate from high school. She'd never get fall in love, or get married, or start a family. She wouldn't have a career, a house or a car. Hell, she wouldn't even get another Friday night out with her friends. All that changed when some twisted bastard decided to drive a bullet through her chest.

……………………………………………………………

I sat there, I'm not sure for how long, trying to convince myself what I was seeing was real. I still couldn't believe it…it's like my brain just refused to accept it. Maybe it was better that way; I'm not really sure. All I knew was that my brother was hurt and for some reason I couldn't fully comprehend that.

I stood up and left. If I wasn't going to talk to Tai or anything, I might as well let Sora and the others have some time with him.

"You can go in now," I told Sora when I entered the hallway. She nodded and went in, smiling softly as she passed me.

I sat down in the vacant seat that Sora had been sitting in. T.K. came over and put his good arm around me, but I didn't really notice because I was too busy thinking. I wasn't thinking about Tai, or any of my other friends. I wasn't thinking about my family, or even the promise I made to my brother a while ago.

All I could think about was that empty seat in front of me in second period history. The seat Anna won't be in, when and if we ever return to school.

……………………………………………………………

**Sorry that Kari was kind of OOC and bitchy, especially to T.K., but hey…the girl is going through a stressful time! **


	7. So Many Plans: Izzy's Story

**Disclaimer: I don't own digimon.**

**Chapter Seven: So Many Plans: Izzy's Story  
**……………………………………………………………

"He's dead," she said sadly.

I just stood there, no really sure what to say. I was kind of in shock, to be honest. I had seen him practically everyday for as long as I could remember, how could he be dead?

He had so much potential and promise. As long as I'd known him he was always talking about soccer and how he planned to play for Japan one day. He was actually pretty good, too. I really believed that one day I would be reading the newspaper and see him on the front section of the sports page. But I guess that wouldn't happen now.

I wouldn't see him in the newspaper, on the TV, or even in person, ever again.

I should probably start at the beginning, huh?

……………………………………………………………

I woke up thinking I was going to have a great day. I was rather eager to take my exam as I had studied really hard and was fairly certain I would excel.

I showered, got dressed, and left with Joe. His exam was a little earlier than mine, but he was going early to study. I thought that would be a good decision if I tagged along, so I told Mimi the night before and invited her, as well. She agreed and we were to meet her there at 9:30am. I essentially just intended to go over my notes; I had nothing left to learn, really.

We got there slightly late, at 9:45. Mimi must have been running late, because she wasn't there yet either. We sat down at a bench waiting for her to show when Matt walked through the door. We conversed for a nanosecond before Mimi came rushing through the door.

"Sorry I'm late! I slept in," she apologized.

"Don't worry, we just got here ourselves," I explained.

We hung around for about 20 minutes; by that time everyone else had showed up. When Tai showed up, I could sense the discomfort and tension between he and Joe.

The previous night, after the party broke up and I got back to the dorm, Joe was visibly angry. The things Tai said to him had really hurt him, I guessed. I tried to calm him down like any friend would, but I don't think it helped too much. Incase you didn't know already, I'm much better at fixing computer problems than I am at fixing human ones. Probably because I spent so much time on my computer instead of interacting with other kids while I was growing up.

"I'm going to go hit the library, anybody want to come?" Joe asked. I wasn't surprised; I could tell that he wasn't really ready to be friends with Tai just yet. I nodded and followed him, Mimi close behind.

We were approximately ten feet from the library doors when I heard someone call Mimi's name.

Joe and I glanced back and saw Davis running toward us. I took off, running speedily into the library. Joe followed, not wanting to be stuck with Mimi and Davis. When we got in there, we laughed and laughed as quietly as possible. After all, we _were_ in a library and people _were_ there to study and get their work done. We got a table and laid all our books out. Mimi came in a few minutes later looking exceedingly angry.

I smiled inadequately, hoping she'd go easy on us. She didn't.

……………………………………………………………

An hour later, Mimi and I left the library to get to our examination room.

Joe had left about a half hour earlier, much to Mimi's shock. I, however, wasn't surprised. I think I know Joe rather well by now. After all, I've known him practically my whole life. I would have bet quite a substantial amount of money on the over-preparedness of my best friend, as I knew he would not disappoint.

As Mimi and I strolled down the hallway to our classroom, we saw Davis and some other boys. I knew one of them from the computer club I was in a few years ago. He was really quiet and shy, especially around girls. I forgot his name, but I'm pretty sure it was Jake…or something like that.

When they walked away I noticed that they dropped a drawing on the floor. Mimi, noticing this as well, picked it up. I asked her what it was but she didn't seem to know. We concluded that it was just a stupid picture, and continued on our way.

I walked into the room with Mimi feeling quite confident. When we were told to begin, I looked over the first page of the exam. I felt the excitement grow inside me because I knew all the answers. I eagerly started writing.

**BANG **

Barely 30 minutes into the test, we were all interrupted by a loud noise. It didn't take us long to figure out what the noise was. It was a gunshot—several of them, actually. The teacher instructed us to get under our desks, but nobody listened. Mimi jumped up out of her seat, frantic. Everyone just stared at her, in disbelief. I, too, was rather surprised to see Mimi taking charge like this.

"Well we can't just sit here waiting for them to come to us! We have to get out!" Mimi screamed. I agreed, and stood up beside her. We all ran out of the room and into the hallway.

It was madness out there, yet it was nothing like I had assumed it would be. People were running around witlessly all around me, but they made virtually no sound. It was so quiet you could practically hear a pin drop in there. I was being jostled around, not sure which way I was heading anymore. I had lost track of Mimi sometime during the mad rush to the stairwell.

I don't really remember how, but I somehow made it to the stairs. My only theory is that I was pushed there by the other students during their desperate attempts to escape. Logically, I knew that the same thing probably happened to Mimi, but it didn't stop me from worrying about her safety._ Oh God, how did we get ourselves in this predicament?_ I asked myself.

I ran down the stairs and through some doors into the main floor. I looked all around but didn't see a shooter. I thought it was highly irregular that there wasn't one guarding the door, but I didn't care. Everything lost all meaning and time stood still as I ran out the doors. I was safe, thank God, but it didn't soothe my nerves. Where were my friends?

I looked all around, but didn't spot one of them. After quite a while, I spotted Mimi. I didn't know for sure that it was Mimi, but she was the only girl with pink hair that I knew.

"Mimi!" The girl didn't turn around. "Mimi! Mimi, are you all right?" Still nothing. I was beginning to have my doubts as to whether or not this girl was my friend Mimi, but I had to make sure. I hurried my pace to catch up to her. "Mimi!" I reached out and grabbed her arm, spinning her around. Sure enough, it was Mimi.

But something wasn't right. This wasn't the same girl I used to know. She was missing something…there was no sparkle in her eye. She didn't say anything, just exploded into tears and fell into my arms. I didn't make a sound, I just hugged her tightly until Joe arrived.

"You guys, hey!" Joe screamed. I waved him over, and he raised his eyebrows at me, gesturing toward Mimi. I just shook my head, telling him that I wasn't sure what was going on, but I didn't think it was wise to ask just yet.

……………………………………………………………

After a while, we found Sora and Matt. We ventured a little deeper into the crowd of people and came across T.K. and Kari. T.K. got shot, but he's okay now. But there was a more pressing matter: We still hadn't found Tai.

T.K. asked around and found out that Tai had been brought to the hospital. We all piled into our cars and rushed to the hospital.

……………………………………………………………

Odaiba Hospital is a pretty nice place, very clean and white—especially for a hospital. It's filled with doctors, specialists, nurses, and other important people. There's a cafeteria on the main floor, and it's very large. But most of all, it's quiet. Very calm, serene and peaceful. Unfortunately, I didn't get to experience any of this, because I was so wrapped up in my thoughts.

It was so odd and foreign to be sitting in a hospital room with my comatose friend. That's right: Tai was in a coma. I didn't really have much to say, so I didn't stay in there too long.

"God, Tai…I can't believe I'm actually looking at you right now."

I sighed, and shifted in my seat. Tai was the last person I ever imagined something like this happening to. I couldn't even picture it taking place inside my head.

"You've got to wake up: they're all going crazy out there. Sora and Kari…God, they're just falling apart; we all are, Tai. You're the one who keeps us sane." I paused, unsure of what to say.

Well, no, that's not true. I knew what I wanted to say, but I knew that I would probably wind up getting really emotional. I haven't cried in a very long time, in fact, it was probably when I was about ten and overheard my parents talking about how I was adopted. That hurt a lot, but not as much as this hurt.

After that, I never felt like I belonged anywhere. I wasn't even with my real parents…how could I fit in anywhere else when I'm not even with my true family members? I basically felt like this all through grade school and right up until the end of high school.

Then, I met Tai at a party he was throwing for Sora. And somehow, someway, it just fit. All of us—Tai, Mimi, Joe, Matt, T.K., Kari, Sora and I—became instant friends.

When I was little, Joe, Mimi and Sora were some of my closest friends. Then Sora left and Mimi made new friends, more popular friends. It was just Joe and I left to hold up the fort, and even we were drifting apart. Everything had changed in just a few short years. Our lives were scattered, going in four different directions, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Sadly, I was the only one who seemed to notice—or care.

But then Tai somehow managed to pull us all back together.

I guess I owed him a lot. He gave me my best friends back, and added a few more to the list, too. But I never did get to thank him. That's why he had to wake up: so I would get the chance to.

"Get better, Tai. I don't know what the hell we'd do without you." I stood up and walked out.

……………………………………………………………

It was now 5pm, and we were all still in the waiting room. Tai had gone into surgery to get the bullet removed, and we were waiting to hear any news.

Tai's dad, who was on a business trip a few towns over, was now there with us comforting Kari and Mrs. Kamiya.

It was so quiet that the silence was almost unbearable. Nobody has spoken—or even _moved_—in almost an hour.

"He had a surprise for us," Sora said in almost a whisper. Everyone turned to face her.

"What?" Matt asked.

"Tai. He had a surprise for us," she explained. "He told Mimi and I, but he refused to tell us what it was."

"Yeah, that's right. I forgot all about that, actually. He said he was going to tell us it today, when we were all together," Mimi continued.

Everyone stayed silent for a second, probably thinking about what it might have been.

"He planned a trip for us," I told them, breaking the silence.

"What?" T.K. asked.

"A trip…I walked in on him one day while he was planning it. He had no choice to tell me, but he swore me to secrecy. He booked four rooms in some hotel near the beach; he said his uncle owned it so it was free of charge."

"Yeah, he does," Kari confirmed.

"That's what it was?" Joe asked, still slightly confused.

"Yeah, that was it. He's been planning it for a while, actually. He was so excited about it…he thought it would be a great thing to do before school started up again."

Sora nodded in understanding.

The room fell silent once more.

……………………………………………………………

I went home that night at around 8pm. Tai got out of surgery all right, but he was still in a coma.

I was walking into my parents' house, where I was staying for the summer. I waved halfheartedly at my neighbour as she got out of her car. She waved back at me and walked over to our driveway.

"Hey stranger," she smiled.

Her name was Cindy, and she was the same age as me. She was tall with a slim waist and long, shining blonde hair. She had bright green eyes and a gorgeous mouth. She wasn't in college or university; she took a year off to travel the world. Now she was back for the summer and, last I heard (from my mother), she'd be starting at Tokyo University with my friends and I next September. My mom and her mom had been friends since I could remember, and we used to play together when we were younger.

"Hey, how are you?"

"I'm all right…hey, did you hear about Derek?" I shook my head. Derek was a kid that lived a few houses down from us. He's a year younger than Cindy and I.

"No, what happened?" I asked inquisitively.

"Well, he's a senior in high school and he goes to Odaiba High…I guess there was some kind of school shooting there today."

"Oh, he was involved in that, too?" I asked. Cindy went to continue but stopped, her eyes wide.

"_Too?_ Does that mean _you_ were there?" I nodded, and explained about my exams. "Oh Gosh, are you okay?" she asked, full of apprehension.

"Yeah, I'm fine, thanks. What were you saying about Derek?"

"Oh, right." She lowered her voice and leaned in closer. "He's dead," she said sadly.

And that's how I got here.

"Oh, God. How's his family doing?" I asked finally, coming out of my trance.

"I'm not sure. I haven't talked to them…I just heard it from my mom this afternoon."

"Oh," I said stupidly. I wasn't really sure what to say from this point on. I'm not exactly good at conversing with girls, especially the really pretty ones like her.

"Yeah…but hey, thank God you're okay," she said, and pulled me into a hug. I blushed slightly, but hugged back nonetheless.

Normally, I would've attempted to work up the courage to ask her out to coffee or something, but I wasn't in the mood. I still had the day, and the situation with Tai, hanging over my head.

"Hey well, you probably just went to get some sleep considering what a day you've had. Maybe I'll see you around sometime?" Cindy said, reading my mind.

"Yeah, I'd like that," I said with a small smile. "Goodnight."

……………………………………………………………

That night I lay in bed, unable to sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about Derek. I guess I wasn't the only one who was affected by the day's events. I don't know why I was so naïve as to assume I had been, but I really hadn't stop to think about anyone else. Pretty egotistical, huh?

I felt terrible for Derek's family. He had a mother, a father, and a little sister. His sister is only ten; it must be really difficult for her to deal with. She's probably terribly upset. I made a mental note to stop by their house the next day and see how they were. I would have to remember to attend the funeral. Maybe I would even go out for coffee with Cindy afterward, I decided.

But I didn't want to think about Cindy. How could I, when someone I've known practically my whole life is dead? He had so many dreams, so many plans. But he wasn't the only one. We all had plans…would they ever come to fruition after something like this?

As I drifted off to sleep that night all I could think about was Tai's plan for us, and that hotel on the beach that might have four empty rooms in it come the beginning of August.

……………………………………………………………

**k, I want a ton of reviews for this. I updated early because I won't be on my computer for a while, so I won't be able to write. Don't worry though, because I'm way ahead. Just to give you something to look forward to, I'll tell you that my next chapter is Tai's POV…and it takes place in his coma.**

**Ciao ♥**


	8. The Void: Tai's Story

**Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon**

**Chapter Eight: The Void: Tai's Story  
**……………………………………………………………

I woke up this morning feeling totally excited. I know, I know, how could I _possibly_ be excited about an exam? It was crazy, right? Well that wasn't why I was so thrilled about today. I couldn't wait to get to Odaiba High so I could announce my plans for our summer vacation.

I had been planning this trip for about two or three months now. I was lying in my dorm one night, watching TV alone—Matt was out with Mimi and Sora was busy studying—when a commercial came on for a trip to Mexico. It was like a light bulb went off in my head. Though I didn't plan to take the gang as far as Mexico, I definitely knew I wanted to bring us _somewhere_.

It was perfect; everything seemed to come together beautifully. My uncle Jack, who lives a few towns over, owns a hotel called '_Paradaisu Rizo-to'_ which means 'Paradise Resort'. I called him up one night and he said I could get four rooms at his hotel for free. I protested, saying that surely I should pay him something, but he wouldn't hear of it. "That's what family's for!" Uncle Jack had told me.

It was all set: August 6th, early Saturday morning, we would ride a bus over to the hotel. We would stay for three weeks, coming home on August 27th. I wish we could stay there forever, but we had to come home and go to school. I worked it out so we would get home a week before school started up, giving us just enough time to mentally prepare for the impending travesty.

I could hardly wait. It was only a month away but I didn't think I could make it that long. It was going to be great, I could just feel it! What better way to unwind and have fun than by taking a trip with your best friends? The best part would be that there would be _no_ parents around, since Uncle Jack would most likely be too busy with clients to keep tabs on us.

Well actually, the best part would be Sora and I sharing a hotel room but…that's beside the point.

The majority of us—Sora, Matt, Mimi, Joe, Izzy and I—didn't really need to ask our parents' permission since we were 19. The only people who really needed permission were T.K. and Kari. I was fairly confident they'd be able to come, since Matt and I were going.

The only downside to my plan was that Izzy already knew about the trip. He overheard me talking to my uncle. If it were anyone else, I probably could have played it off, but Izzy's too smart for that nonsense.

I spilled my guts and made him promise to keep it a secret by threatening him. I think I scared him enough that he won't tell anyone. Plus, he wouldn't want to spoil the surprise for everyone else.

I pushed the entire matter out of my head as I showered and got dressed. I knew if I thought about it any more that I would go totally crazy with anticipation. I couldn't get too worked up just yet, since it was slightly over a month away.

……………………………………………………………

As I walked into Odaiba High, I looked around and couldn't believe it. This place seemed so different, and yet exactly the same. Is that even possible? It must be.

Being in high school seemed like it was a million years away, when in reality it was only one. I walked by the graduation plaques and searched until I found the one from last year—_my_ year. I studied the faces of my friends and I and couldn't believe how different we looked.

While I'm sure to any stranger we'd still look exactly the same, to the trained eye I knew we looked different. We had been through a lot; we were a lot older and a lot more experienced than in the days of Odaiba High.

I, for one, changed quite a bit. Not only in age and looks, but mentally. I was a lot more levelheaded than I used to be, and definitely less stubborn. I thought things through, instead of just leaping into things and _occasionally _biting off more than I could chew.

I also took things more seriously, especially schoolwork. Don't get me wrong, I was still the goofball we all knew and loved—evidently, I still hadn't grown into a modest person—but I was just…different.

Last year, I used to pull a ton of pranks, trying to make some kind of 'Odaiba High History'. Now, I focus a little more on work and a little less on games—at least during class time, that is.

I can't be expected to settle down completely. Now, in college, it's like all the crazy parties are calling my name. I've actually broken several records—including one for the most alcohol consumption—but that's a different story.

I've grown up, but hey, I'm not a different person!

Actually, we were all pretty different, but that's growing up. I used to be scared of growing up, thinking I was going to be young and alive forever. But during my time at this school, I realized that was completely untrue.

I was going to get old; life was gong to happen whether I liked it or not. I wasn't going to sit back and wait for that day to blindside me, I was going to go out and live my life so when that day does come I can say 'it's been good.'

Tearing myself away from the pictures—and my own impeccably handsome graduation photo—I ventured off to find my other exam-taking friends. I finally found them standing in a group near the front, and I rushed over to meet them.

It was pretty uncomfortable being around Joe, but I didn't want to apologize. It was like he was challenging me, trying to see who would back down and give in first. Never being one to back down from a challenge, I stood my ground and didn't apologize—okay, maybe I've still got a bit of stubbornness in me. He did the same. Truthfully, I didn't really think I needed to apologize. What had I done wrong?

But now, having more time to think it over, I really wish I had apologized. That's right, I, Tai Kamiya, would have sacrificed my pride, sucked it up, and given in. I would have accepted defeat, had I known. But how was I to know what was going to happen in a few short hours? Let me rewind a bit, and explain how I got myself into this mess…

……………………………………………………………

I'm not sure what time it was, maybe around noon, when it happened. I remember standing up, getting ready to hand in my exam, when I heard the first gunshot.

That's right, it was a gunshot. It was followed by an intense scream, which was followed by yet another gunshot.

Everyone looked around, and I don't think most of them realized what was going on. Slowly, everyone came to the shocking realization that we, the students in Odaiba High, were under attack.

We ran out the door, like I'm sure everyone else in the school did, and entered the hallway.

I tried to adjust to my surroundings, but it was hard to get used to. People were running around, pushing past each other, trying desperately to make it out alive. It was much more of a challenge for us, being on the second floor and all. Up there was madness. I didn't know whether I was running toward or away from the shooter.

I started my search for the stairs when an unnerving thought occurred to me. Sora was here, in the middle of this craziness. I was slightly comforted to know that she at least had Matt to protect her. I knew he wouldn't let anything bad happen to her.

Then another thought occurred to me: Kari. She was here, too. She didn't have T.K. to protect her. She needed me, but where was she?

I had always been there to protect her; I took a lot of pride in that. No matter what she did, I would always worry about her. It wasn't that I didn't trust her, or anything like that. It was the rest of the world that I didn't trust.

They could corrupt themselves and each other as much as they wanted, but I'd be damned if they laid even a finger on my precious baby sister.

There I stood, stiff as a board, searching the faces of every girl who whizzed past me. I didn't know if Kari was on this floor, but I wasn't going to take the risk of assuming she wasn't. I wouldn't leave this school if I didn't know that Kari was safe.

I would put her safety and well being ahead of mine, like I tried to do all my life. Even when I was little, I was her self-proclaimed defender, and her happiness was the most important thing in the world to me.

Don't get me wrong; I wasn't this mature, responsible, wise-beyond-my-years kind of kid. I was reckless, silly, and immature. But when it came to Kari, I was a completely different person. I knew right from wrong and always thought about the consequences. I tried to set a good example, which I did…_most_ of the time.

Since I was so tall, I could see over most of the people fairly easy. I saw a girl with short brown hair, medium height, who looked exactly like Kari. No, it _was_ Kari. I ran over to her, coming up behind her.

"Kari!" I bellowed, but she never turned around.

I reached out to grab her and spin her around to face me. My hand got closer and closer and closer, until my fingertips were millimeters away from grazing her should.

That's when something happened.

……………………………………………………………

I remember lurching forward, and stumbling into the wall where a few lockers were.

I couldn't figure out why I was suddenly in so much pain. I looked down and saw the blood: it covered my hand, which was over my stomach.

When had I put my hand there? I didn't remember.

Suddenly, the hallway got really quiet, even quieter than it already was. My vision got really blurry and I could no longer make out people's faces. Maybe they were going by too fast, or maybe it was something else. I don't really know.

I started feeling really tired, like all I wanted to do was sleep. The girl I thought was Kari turned around, and it wasn't her. Though I couldn't see too well, I knew my sister's face, and this was not it.

It didn't look anything like my sister, actually. She stared at me in horror and ran away.

By now I was on the floor.

How had I gotten there? Did I fall? I didn't remember that, either.

What was the matter with me? And _why_ was my stomach hurting so much? It was like my brain stopped functioning. As darkness eventually took over and I slipped into a dark abyss, I could only think of one thing. One person. And to my surprise, it wasn't Kari. It was Sora.

……………………………………………………………

Why wasn't I thinking about Kari, you ask? I had a realization; an epiphany, I guess you could call it. I didn't need to worry about my sister because that isn't what she was anymore: _mine_. She didn't belong to me anymore. Come to think of it, she never really did.

All this time, I had been so protective of her, but it wasn't so she would be safe, I realized. It was so I could feel better about myself…so I could feel like I had a purpose of some sort.

I was so obsessed with 'doing my job' as her older brother that I completely missed out on the real her. She didn't need me to fight her battles for her, or to come to her rescue. I wasn't the strong, reliable guy in her life who would always be there. No matter how hard I tried, I would eventually have to resign my post.

T.K., or some other guy, would assume that role one day. And you know what? That guy would be damned lucky, because he was getting one hell of a girl.

So now that I knew Kari no longer needed me, I had to ask myself a very important question. Where was I needed? Sora entered my mind once again. Yes, she needed me. She probably needed me right this minute, but I couldn't get to her.

I don't really know where I am, but I know where I'm not. I'm not with my friends or my family. And if I wasn't there, I didn't want to be anywhere.

I instantly regretted what I had thought. I wanted to be somewhere, _anywhere._ I didn't want to die.

_Was_ I dead? If so, what was the cause? I searched my brain, but found nothing. No reason to explain my predicament.

All around me is black, and I'm floating. I try to scream out, but I'm not making any sound. I get the feeling that even if I had made a sound, nobody would hear it but me.

Wherever I was, time stood still there. It seemed like years, but it could have only been seconds. Was there even time where I was? There had to be, right? I wasn't so sure anymore. Time seemed to stretch on for eons, and at the same time, never even begin.

I try to move, but it's like invisible shackles are holding me down. Why can't I get free?

I decided that I might not be going anywhere for a while, so I should probably just busy myself by thinking about some stuff.

But what was there to think about?

Did I want to think about my friends, or would that be too painful? Where were they, anyway? Were they looking for me? Did they know I was here? Where was 'here' anyway? Was it a real place, or did it only exist in my mind?

I gave up on the endless amount of questions I was asking myself. If I had to ask the question, I probably didn't know the answer anyway.

The void, as I call it, is quiet and melancholic. That's where I am now. This sad, depressing, nothing place; it housed only my insignificant thoughts and myself.

The silence bothers me the most. I never did like it. That's probably why I'm so loud and talkative all the time.

I hate silence.

Truthfully, it scares me.

When people don't talk, I can't tell what they're thinking. I don't like not knowing and not being in control. That's probably why I hate this little void I'm stuck in.

I thought I heard a voice cutting through the silence. It was quiet, far off in the distance, but it was definitely a voice. I listened intently, trying to understand what the voice was saying. It got a little louder, loud enough for me to make out a bit of it. It sounded a little bit like my mother.

I shut my eyes and gave into her voice, letting it float into my eardrum and seep into my brain. It was comforting to hear her voice; it seemed like forever since we last talked. In reality, I talked to her three days ago, but it didn't seem like it.

For a second, I turned into a four-year-old who just got hurt and was crying for their mom to come and make it all better. I needed my mom now more than I ever had before. I wasn't crying though. Could I cry, if I tried? I couldn't even remember the last time I cried. Surely it wasn't _that_ long ago, was it?

Did I cry when Sora left? I didn't think so, but I might just have trouble remembering. Come to think of it, I couldn't remember anything about that day…or that summer. Why couldn't I remember? That was probably the best summer of my life, how could I just _forget_ it?

I tried to remember, but I just couldn't. I started to panic. If I couldn't remember that, what would I remember? I thought back, trying to pick out a memory, and found none. I could remember people, like Kari and Sora, but I couldn't remember other things.

I could picture Sora, her auburn hair and gorgeous crimson eyes. I can imagine the way she carries herself, the way a smile pulls at the sides of her mouth when I tell her I love her. I remember the cute way she pushes her hair over her shoulder and out of her face as she does her homework. I remember the circumstances under which we met, but I couldn't recall the exact memories of that day.

But I couldn't remember anything about her beyond her appearance, really.

But forget about that, I had more pressing things on my mind. How did I get here, anyway? My memory was definitely failing me.

I couldn't even remember the events leading up to me awakening in the void. Which made me ask another, more important, question.

How did I get out of here?

My mother's voice ceased, and the silence took over for a while. Then another voice started: Kari's. She sounded really sad about something, but I didn't understand what it could possibly be about. I wanted to go to her, to hug her and tell her everything would be okay. But I couldn't, and not just because I wasn't able to move. T.K. would be there for her, and I had to accept that.

The voice changed, and now it was Sora's. It was relaxing, but at the same time it made me feel anxious. I didn't know where her voice was coming from.

Was it up or down? Was she in front of me, or behind? If I didn't know where she was, did that mean she didn't know where I was? She talked for about the same time as Kari and my mother. Then, inevitable as it had become, silence took over.

Matt was next to talk.

I stayed motionless, listening as the rest of my friends' voices. They came, one by one, individually. Never did one overlap the other, which made me question whether they were all together or not.

Could I be I was having an out-of-body experience? Or was this maybe a dream? If it was a dream, it was definitely the longest dream I'd ever had.

Is it possible that I was sleeping? If so, was I hearing them talking like you hear your alarm clock when you're half awake? When it's all muffled and you don't really make the connection that it's going off right in your ear?

I don't feel like I was sleeping. I feel…numb.

I look around me, and although everything was black, I can see perfectly. My eyes had clearly adjusted to the darkness by now.

Suddenly, it got really bright. So bright that the light was practically blinding me. I put my hands over my face, shielding them from the unknown source of radiance.

It was then that I realized I could now move my arms and legs freely. After a long time of squinting and blinking, my eyes adjust to the brightness.

I open my eyes and peered at a huge rectangle, kind of like a big screen TV. It was a huge, white light. It seemed to be calling to me. I couldn't tear my eyes away from it.

No, this wasn't the path to heaven. No, I wasn't dead.

I raised an eyebrow to nobody in particular as I wondered what the hell was going on. A picture appeared in the 'TV'. It was of me holding a newborn Kari. I was so proud that day. But it's hard to think of a day I wasn't proud after she was born.

When I was little, just before my mom got pregnant with Kari, I was convinced having a little sister would be a ton of fun. Whenever I was out with my parents and we passed by a wishing well, I would throw in a quarter and wish for a sister.

Then, when my parents started preparing, they moved the baby's stuff into my room. Once I found out that I would have to share a room, the novelty of a baby sister suddenly wore off. I wanted things to stay the way they were. Mom, dad and me: The perfect, happy family.

That dumb baby was going to come in and wreck everything, I had thought. I held resentment for her before she had even arrived on earth. When she was born, I didn't want to hold her. My dad practically had to force her into my arms. And the second I first touched her I was hooked.

She stole my heart, and I knew she'd never give it back. Not that I wanted her to, or anything.

My memories of Kari were slowly coming back, but they weren't sparking anything else. All I could remember was Kari when she was born, and that was all.

The picture changed, and now it was of my neighbour Travis and I on our first day of school. Travis was my best friend until high school, when he moved away to America.

We used to talk on the phone and over the Internet pretty frequently. Slowly but surely, the letters and emails stopped coming. I'm not really sure if it was he or I, but I know that they stopped, and I never forgot that.

Every now and then I think about him and wonder if his life is like mine, and whether or not he even remembered who I was. I remember who he was.

More memories flowed into my mind, all of them about Travis and I playing soccer together.

The image on the screen changed once more, revealing a picture of Matt, Mimi, Sora, Joe, Izzy and I on graduation day. That day was so much fun. For most kids, graduation day is a mix of emotions. It was euphoric. We were officially done with high school, as we knew it.

Anyone and everyone, no matter who they were, had been excited to be out of there.

The jocks were excited to go on to university—on a scholarship, of course, they were all far too dense to get in the other way—and play sports. The nerds couldn't wait to go to Harvard, or somewhere impressive like that, where they would be appreciated and not stuffed into a locker.

The rebels, the Goths and the burnouts were just happy there would be no more pep rallies and showings of school spirit.

The fat, insecure girls were ecstatic that they would no longer have to suffer through homecoming dances and other formal affairs, to which none would ever get the date of their dreams—_mostly because they were hung up on Mimi_, I added with a snicker.

The last week of senior year was quite the experience. It felt new and exciting, but also scary, just like the first day of high school had been. Isn't it odd that the first and last day of high school—with four long years in between—can be so dramatically similar? We felt every emotion during those four years of high school, and I guess nervousness just tied them all together. They were the bookends, commemorating our high school endeavors.

Yes, the last week was something I would never forget.

Everyone tried to carry on and go about their daily routines, but we all knew what was coming. There was the mixed emotion of anticipation and dread. We wanted the moment to come _this_ second, and yet we wanted it to stay a week away, just within our grasp but not close enough to actually happen, for the rest of our lives.

High school was the worst—and the greatest—time of our lives, but that didn't mean we weren't sad when it came time for it to end.

You made best friends and gained true enemies there. It's like I tell Kari all the time, "High school is where you find yourself." I don't think she believed me when I told her, but give her time and she will.

Just like I didn't believe it when I first heard it.

I still remember what happened after graduation. As we piled out of the school gymnasium that day, it was like we were sucked into the twilight zone.

The girls, as expected, make quite the spectacle of themselves. They hugged and cried, saying lines like "friends forever" and "I promise I'll write you everyday" and "I love you, never forget me" but I knew it was useless.

Deep down, they knew it too.

That's why they were crying.

The guys, on the other hand, were like a band of brothers. All around, jocks and nerds were getting along, the nerds saying something wise, like, "Study hard and you'll be rewarded", the jocks saying, "Remember: college isn't all about work, there are parties, too!"

We all made peace, and—in some strange way—bonded. It was incredibly bizarre, almost magical, in a way.

I can still picture Bobby Matthews and Albert Zimmerman talking together, literally having a conversation. In all the years I went to school with these two, I had only seen them together twice. Once, when Albert was handing Bobby the homework he did for him, and the second time, Bobby was stuffing Albert into a locker because he _wouldn't _do his homework for him. Those two memories may or may not be in the correct order; I can't seem to remember.

The picture changed once again, and it was of me. I stood there, dumbfounded, not believing the picture in front of me. I was lying in the school hallway, blood around me, kids running by.

Suddenly, I remembered how I got there.

……………………………………………………………

I remembered the exam being held at Odaiba High. I could see myself in the hallway with Sora and Matt talking to T.K. and Kari before we all went out separate ways. I could hear the tapping of pens, the grunts of frustration, the ticking of the clock—and in some cases, our futures—as we wrote our exam.

I could hear gunshots in the distance and see the panicked looks on my peers' faces. I saw myself in the hallway, searching for my sister. I saw the girl I thought was Kari, staring at me as I fell to the ground, a bullet in my stomach. That's when it all went black.

That's when my world caved in on top of me.

The cycle repeated itself in my head, over and over, the images getting faster each and every time.

Exams, classrooms, gunshots, hallways, Kari, bullet, pain, darkness.

Over and over and over and over until I didn't think it would ever stop. It kept building up in my head, louder and louder, faster and faster until—

It stopped.

I was left with silence.

In some ways, I wanted it to return, just so I wasn't faced with the unbearable quiet.

I realized where I was. It was all so clear now, why didn't I realize it before? I was in a coma.

For all I know, I might still be lying on the cold tiles of the top floor of my old high school, but I doubted it. Either way, I was trapped. I could go nowhere, say nothing, and reach no one. The only thing I had successfully managed to do was move my hands—whoop dee-do, right?

Were the others all okay? They had to be, since I could hear their voices.

Oh, they must have been talking to me. I guess I'm in the hospital then, right? So I'm the only one who got hit.

The funny thing is, I'm relieved that none of my friends were hurt. They're all strong enough. They can stay strong and depend on each other; they'd make it through without me.

Not like me, I couldn't make it through without them.

In a strange way, I'm glad it was me.

But I don't really feel panicky about my state. I guess it's because I can feel Sora's presence. Isn't that weird? I can literally _feel_ her around me. Maybe I'm crazy, but I'm sure that if I were to wake up I would find her sitting beside me right now.

The screen changes, and now it's a picture of Sora. I don't think I've ever seen this picture before, though. She looks nervous, afraid of something. Her bright, crimson eyes are hollow, almost empty. I stare at it for a while until I can't take it anymore. I hate seeing her like this, but I don't really have a choice on what the screen shows me, do I?

Well, wherever this picture was taken, it doesn't matter. I can't really see a background, or any indication of where she could possibly be. She's just there, a world of black behind her, kind of like the one swirling around me. She seems to be glowing ever so slightly. Barely noticeable, but I'm sure of it.

I turn my head away. As much as I love her, I can't stand to look at her right now. It's like a constant reminder of what I can't have. The silence suddenly seems even more overwhelming than it had been a moment ago.

So I guess I'm stuck here, isolated inside myself. I'm like a rat in a maze, if you think about it. It's a strange feeling being in a coma.

It's almost like how you'd feel if you were shoved into a small, dark, empty box. You could fit fine and all, but you couldn't do anything but sit there dumbly and think, 'Hey, look at me: I'm in a box.'

But I'm not in a box. If I were in a box, I could break my way out and be fine. Here in my void (which, for future reference is the way I shall choose to call my state; coma is so threatening and unfriendly) there is no escape. You're alone with your thoughts, and that's when it sinks in.

I could die…

……………………………………………………………

**Sorry if this chapter didn't seem realistic, but it was really hard for me to write it. I have no idea what it's like to be in a coma, so I wasn't too sure what Tai would be feeling. This is just my opinion, based on his character and my own personal preference.**

**Review.**


	9. Identities: Matt's Story

**Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon **

**Chapter Nine: Identities: Matt's Story  
**……………………………………………………………

It was the day after the shooting, a little bit before noon. Mimi and I had just arrived at the hospital. Everyone else from the group was either there or had already stopped by.

Izzy came earlier that morning, but had to leave. He would be back later, before visiting hours ended. Joe had been there since 9am, when visiting hours started. He would have been there anyway though, since he volunteered there during his time off.

On our way in, we ran into T.K. and Kari, who were in the cafeteria getting food with Kari's parents. They had also come at 9am that morning. According to Kari, Sora had somehow managed to stay in Tai's room overnight.

It's an exception the hospital sometimes makes, this being one of those times, I guess. I understood, and felt bad for Sora. All I could think about was her, alone in that dark room, all night.

We took the elevator to Tai's floor and wandered around until we finally found his room. I had never really been too good at directions and Mimi didn't even seem to be looking for the room, so it took us a while. When we got there I looked through the little window in the door and spotted Sora sitting at Tai's bedside. I pulled the door open and Mimi and I walked in.

"Have you been here all night?" I asked Sora softly.

"Yeah," she said simply, no emotion in her voice whatsoever.

"Did you sleep at all?" I asked, concerned.

"No." I could tell Sora wasn't acting like herself. Normally, she would have said more than two words to Mimi and I.

"Would anyone like something to eat?" Mrs. Kamiya asked, interrupted our 'conversation'.

"No thanks," Sora and I said in unison, my voice slightly more cheery than hers. Mimi just shook her head.

I'm starting to really worry about Mimi. I haven't really heard her talk at all since yesterday when I found her outside the school with Izzy and Joe.

At first, I assumed she was just in shock. I mean, we all were a little bit quiet, but she was acting totally weird. And today isn't any different. Mimi has always been talkative for as long as I've known her. But lately, it's like she's in a different world. She's so immersed in her thoughts that sometimes she won't even notice that I'm talking to her. I'll have to say her name four or five times before it finally registers with her that I'm talking. I was going to say something to her but we're all dealing with a lot right now and I don't want to upset her. I decided to give her a few more days and then I'll ask her what's up.

……………………………………………………………

"So what happened, if you don't mind me asking? I mean, what happened when you got shot?" I asked.

I was sitting in a hospital room talking to Steve, the drummer in my band. I was wandering aimlessly through the hospital in search of the elevator so I could get some coffee downstairs, when I ran into Steve.

He was trying to walk down the hall when I noticed him. He had gotten shot in the back of his left leg, but he was lucky. It wasn't too serious, thank God.

Now we were sitting in his room and he was telling me his story. He was a senior at Odaiba High, a year older than my brother.

"Well, I was sitting in class when the shots were fired. I didn't really know what to do: I hadn't ever been in a situation like that before. I just followed everyone else when they ran out the door into the hallway. I was running with the other kids, trying to get to the stairs when I heard this shot that seemed a lot louder than the other ones. I knew it was closer to me but I couldn't really figure out where it was coming from. It never occurred to me that the guy with the gun was right behind me. I just kept running like my life depended on it. I guess it kinda did though, huh?" He stopped telling his tale and chuckled. I was kind of dumbfounded at his actions. How could he _laugh?_

Nonetheless, I found myself snickering as well. Steve has this kind of contagious laugh that gets me every time. That's part of the reason why I wanted him to be in the band: we had a blast together.

"Anyway, I remember hearing another shot and seeing the girl beside me fall to the ground. I was in total shock; I mean, it's not everyday that a girl dies inches away from you," he noted.

I nodded, not really sure what to say. I couldn't say I understood, because I didn't. I hadn't witnessed death; I hadn't really ever been affected by death until yesterday. All my grandparents and older relatives were still alive and well. And who sits down and thinks about something like _this_ happening in their life? No, I couldn't relate at all.

"I guess I sort of stopped running for a second, trying to recover from the shock. I must have, because the next thing I knew, I was here. It's weird, you know? I can't remember getting hit—or maybe I just blocked it out—but either way, it almost seems like it didn't really happen to me."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I still can't believe that this happened…you always hear about it but you never think it could happen to you," I stated.

"But it can," he told me. "And it _did_, Matt. But I learned something from this whole experience, you know that?"

I looked at him curiously, praying to God that he didn't say how his accident changed his life and how things would be different for him now. I didn't think I'd be able to handle it. I was never really good with emotional and sentimental stuff.

"What's that?" I asked hesitantly.

"I'm never going to take life for granted. I learned that life is short and definitely uncertain," he preached. I bit my lip, telling myself to just grin and bear it. "I called my dad this morning. He and I haven't spoken in years, since he and my mom divorced. But it was so great to hear his voice. What happened was horrible, but it gave me my old man back and I won't mess it up with him again."

Okay, he's done. Wait—did he just say that? He couldn't possibly mean that what happened was a _good_ thing, right?

"Look, Steve, that's great and all but you don't mean to say that you're _grateful_…" I started to say, when he interrupted.

"Jesus, no! Those bastards deserve every bad thing that could ever happen to them. I just mean that I'm gonna live life to the fullest. Carpe Diem, seize the day—all that crap," he said, laughing once again. I didn't chuckle with him this time. I just smiled faintly and stood up. I had a lot on my mind and I needed to get out of there.

"Well, get better man. I gotta go, but I'll try to stop by tomorrow or something," I offered.

"Yeah, see you then." I waved and stepped into the hallway, shutting the door behind me.

I didn't leave Steve's room because I was mad pissed off at him or his answer. I left because his words really hit me. I never thought about it that way until he said it. Carpe Diem...I _would_ seize the day. I would go after what I wanted, and I would get it. And I knew exactly what I wanted, too.

……………………………………………………………

It was around four in the afternoon now. T.K., Kari, Mimi, Sora and I were sitting around Tai's hospital bed watching TV when the special report came on. It was about the shootings. I stood up to change the channel but Mimi grabbed my arm and forced me back down in my seat.

"We need to see this, Matt," she said in practically a whisper. I shook my head, not agreeing. As far as I was concerned, this was the _last_ thing we needed to be seeing.

"Don't touch it. I want to see who was responsible for all of this," Kari pleaded.

I nodded, defeated, and relaxed in my chair once again. I hadn't really heard Mimi talk at all today before that, so I figured it must have been very important that she saw this report.

Apparently, they figured out who was responsible for the Odaiba High shootings, and they were all students. Kids that we saw everyday when we had gone there…I didn't know any of them too well but they all seemed normal enough. And when I say 'normal' I mean '_not_ a crazy psychotic lunatic who commits manslaughter'.

I couldn't even look at the pictures, knowing how much pain and hurt they had caused. I bet they were real pleased with themselves, too, wherever they were now. Probably rotting in hell, God willing.

But as they announced the names, I found my eyes glued to the screen. I couldn't look away even if I wanted to. I had to see them…I had to see the people who put my best friend in a coma.

"Davis Motomiya, known at school for his soccer skills, was said to be the leader of the attacks," a woman on the TV said as it showed a picture of Davis.

I had my arm around Mimi, who shivered as the woman said his name. I glanced down at her, concerned, but she didn't seem to notice. She was focusing really hard on what the newswoman had to say. At first I didn't get why Mimi was so bothered by it, but I quickly remembered how Davis spent our entire senior year following her around like a dog. She must be feeling really violated and bothered by the fact that he was a psychotic killer in the end.

"Ken Ichijouji," it continued on, showing a picture of Ken. "Ken was well-known throughout Odaiba for his athletic abilities and extraordinary intelligence, often being referred to as a 'genius'. We have been told that he was the mastermind behind the events."

I couldn't believe it. I knew Ken, and he was so normal, so down to earth. He was incredibly smart and an exceptional soccer player. He had his whole life ahead of him…and now this.

"Cody Hida, in grade eleven at Odaiba High, was another of the four shooters. He was described by classmates as a 'quiet and slightly shy boy'." It showed a picture of Cody, but I didn't remember this one from high school. Then again, maybe that was a good thing. I didn't want anything to do with any of these kids anymore.

"Jacob Tanaka, the last of the four shooters, is currently in police custody," it said as it showed a picture of him. I didn't remember him, either. "The other three teenagers, Davis, Ken and Cody, were all found deceased inside the school. Police have issued a statement concluding that the three boys committed suicide following the attacks."

"I hope it was worth it," T.K. said angrily. Everyone glanced in his direction, shocked by his outburst. "Well, really. If they were going to kill themselves in the end, why didn't they just do it and be done with it? Judging by the descriptions on the TV, nobody really would have missed them much anyway."

"T.K., where is this coming from?" I asked my brother. I've known his since he was born and I'd never heard him talk this way before. Never had I seen him wish anything bad upon _anyone_ before now.

"I just think it's fucked that all these people had to die because of four losers that weren't happy with their lives. I hope that last one dies, too," he added spitefully.

"Yeah, but he won't. The police won't do anything. Nothing anywhere _near_ what he deserves, at least," Sora explained. "He'll probably get charged as a minor and go to some juvenile penitentiary for a bit," she said hopelessly.

"I hope so," Kari said.

Well, at least one of us is acting normally, I thought. Kari was the one person I knew who could forgive anyone for anything, including putting her brother in a coma. She saw the good in everyone, and always thought that everyone deserved a second chance, including Jacob Tanaka. Though I don't really agree that he should get a second chance, I was happy to see that the experience hadn't changed us all. Kari was the same sweet girl she always was and always would be. 

"Why would you hope for something like that?" T.K. asked her.

"Because," she explained, "that way it's much better. Everyone has it in for this bastard, including me. While he's locked up somewhere, everyone will get more and more pissed off about what happened. He had better watch his back when he gets out, that's all I'm saying," she said evilly.

So much for my theory about Kari.

I sighed, and continued watching TV. The show we were watching had returned while we were talking. I tried to put what I had just heard behind me, but I was having trouble doing so.

Did T.K. _really_ feel that way? Could Kari actually have it in for someone?

……………………………………………………………

The days slipped into a fairly simplistic but definitely repetitive routine. Mimi and I get to the hospital at about noon, and depending on the circumstances, mostly everyone will be there already. Things have been known to come up suddenly causing people to adjust their schedules, but there was one thing that would be the same every time I got there. I would find Sora in Tai's hospital room, where she had been for three days—which is as long as Tai had been in there.

"Sora, dear, why don't you eat something?" Mrs. Kamiya offered. It was just like her, too. Her son is fighting for his life and she's making sure nobody is hungry. But that was Mrs. Kamiya, and that's why we all loved her. She made you feel like her own kid, no matter who you were.

"No thanks, I'm not hungry," Sora said.

I sighed in my chair as I sat beside Tai's bedside, my focus shifting to Sora. She had always been so logical, so different from the girl before me now. This whole thing with Tai really hit her hard. She's so quiet now, so immersed in Tai that she doesn't even notice what's going on around her. I haven't really seen her leave Tai's room since we got here, and if she did, she didn't go far.

I looked out the window in the door and saw Mimi walk by slowly, as if she was in a daze. I suddenly got very angry with my girlfriend. I can understand that she was affected by what happened—we all were, but there was a difference. We were dealing. Most of us were, anyway. Sora was a major wreck, and she needed her best friend.

I stood up and raced out into the hallway after her.

"Meems! Meems!" She stopped walking and turned around, smiling faintly. "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

……………………………………………………………

**K, so this chapter didn't really come out the way I had planned. I'm not really happy with it so I'll post the next chapter sooner than usual to make up for it : ) **

Now make my day and review!


	10. Done Hiding: Mimi's Story

**Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon**

**Chapter Ten: Done Hiding: Mimi's Story  
**……………………………………………………………

What am I going to do? Tai isn't waking up. It's been four days! Surely he should have woken up by now. Just how long are people in comas anyway?

Clearly, I wasn't the most informed on the situation. Last night, Joe mentioned something about how comas can last a few hours, a few days, or even a few years. But there's no way Tai could be in the coma for a few years. He couldn't.

It's Tai…he has to wake up.

Yeah, he'll wake up. He would wake up any hour now and everything would be happy and perfect and simplistic again.

But it wouldn't. I knew that, Matt knew that, I think even Sora knew that. Why else would she be sitting by his bedside at all hours?

Frankly, I had no idea how long Tai would be like that. Maybe he would never wake up, I wondered. What if he died? It would be all my fault. And he _could_ die, I mean, it's a definite possibility, I thought for a moment before snapping out of my negativity.

No, I told myself, I have to stay positive. I can't think like that; I have to believe Tai will be okay. If he died, I knew it would be because of me. Which is exactly why he couldn't die. I couldn't live with myself if he did.

Isn't that selfish? One of my best friends is literally fighting for his life and I'm thinking about myself. But I guess I've done that a lot, huh? Otherwise, Davis _never_ would have done what he did. I saw the TV the other day; they're saying he was the one who organized it all. Which means that none of this ever would have happen if I hadn't been so horrible to poor Davis.

Incase you're wondering, I'm now wandering aimlessly around the hospital on the fourth floor.

I walk by Tai's room and don't even bother to look in. I know what I'd see if I had. I would see Tai, lying there, hooked up to a ton of machines. I would see Sora, sitting beside him like nothing was wrong; I still don't think she's fully accepted what's happened. I would probably see Mrs. Kamiya, Kari, Matt, Izzy, T.K., or even Joe sitting beside her pleading with her to go home and get some rest.

I'm not really sure if she's slept since the shootings. I know I haven't gotten much shut-eye. I have far too much on my mind. It's like I can't shut my brain off and slip in the blissful slumber I so desperately seek. When you're asleep, you can't think. Thinking has come to be my worst enemy. When I think, I think about Davis and all the others who aren't with us anymore. I think about what Davis said to me. The words just keep repeating, over and over in my head.

_"…No matter how hard they try to forget, they never will. Neither will you, Mimi. The memories will haunt everyone for as long as they shall live…"_

_" You can run, but you can't hide."_

I sighed, and picked up my pace. I felt like the faster I walked the better chance I had of leaving my troubles insecurities behind me. Guess what? I was wrong.

"Meems! Meems!" I heard Matt call my name, and I hesitated. I didn't want to stop, but I had to. I turned around. "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

I nodded. He gestured toward two chairs in the hallway. I sat down, expecting him to do the same, but he didn't. He towered over me, and I could tell he was irritated about something.

"What's wrong?" I ask in a normal voice. A voice that says I haven't been acting weird or distancing myself in the past few days. But my actions tell a different story.

"You know what's wrong. At least, I hope you do," he said stiffly. I decided he was going to tell me whether I agreed or not, so I played dumb. "What's going on with you, Mimi? I mean, in a situation like this I thought you would be the one consoling Sora and Kari. I never thought I'd have to be the one consoling _you_," he lectured me like a father would.

"What are you talking about?"

"It's times like these that we have to stick together and be there for each other. We have to depend on each other, some more than others. Sora needs to depend on us right now. I don't have a problem with that, but it seems like you do."

"But I don't," I say simply. I realize this is the most I've said to my boyfriend in a few days. I start to feel guilty, but all my other emotions come rushing back and I forget about feeling guilty.

"Sora's going through a really hard time. Now, I can be there for her and hug her when she needs a hug. I can be the shoulder she cries on, but you and I both know it shouldn't be me doing all these things. It should be her best friend. But I'm starting to think that maybe that isn't you, Mimi. Because a best friend would be there, no questions asked. A best friend would forget about their problems and focus on the person who needs it most. A best friend would be strong when they have to be strong enough for the both of them. But you haven't done any of that, have you?"

I gripped the arms of the chair. Matt had no right to say these things to me. Sure, they were true, but he had no idea what I was going through. He had no idea what I mess I was. Nobody knew, and hopefully they never would. This was _my_ battle. I was going to fight it alone.

"What do you want me to say?" I cried. I stood up out of my chair and faced him. He was a little taller than me so we still weren't even, but it was a lot better than when I was sitting. "Do you want me to say I've been a terrible friend? Because I know I have, Matt!" I stopped, realizing I was screaming at him. I lowered my voice and continued. "I'm aware, but I can't help it. Don't you think I've noticed that Sora's a mess? I have, but…" I trailed off.

"But what?" he asked in a whisper.

But I have my own problems to deal with, I said to myself.

I didn't say it aloud because I would have sounded like a terrible, terrible person, and he probably would have dumped me on the spot.

Instead, I pushed past him and walked into Tai's hospital room. I glanced back at Matt, who nodded encouragingly.

Things have been pretty rocky between us lately. I know I had been thinking about taking a break, but I'm not sure I want that anymore. I was lucky to have Matt. What other guy would have the guts to confront me like that? What other guy would tell me that I was being an inconsiderate bitch, without actually _saying_ it? Matt was like that, and I loved him for it.

He would tell me if I had a problem, and then he would go to hell and back to help me through it. But he couldn't this time.

I had to do it alone.

And I knew that if we could make it through this, we could make it through anything. All we had to do was survive this, and we could do it.

I passed Mrs. Kamiya, who was leaving Tai's room as I went in. She smiled at me, and I felt a little better. I smiled back, and walked deeper into the room. I sat down in a chair beside Sora. She briefly turned her head and looked at me, acknowledging that I was there.

I didn't talk right away. I had to gather my thoughts, though I didn't really have any. For the first time in a long time, my mind was blank. The one time I didn't want it to be.

"Sora, you're scaring me," I said, finally, in a hushed voice.

Sora turned to me once again and stared into my eyes, as if to say, "you're one to talk, you big hypocrite," but remained silent. She turned away.

"I mean it. You've hardly eaten in three days. You haven't slept either, I bet. Hell, have you even left this room?" I asked, not realizing how serious her behaviour had been until I said it aloud just now.

"I'm fine Mimi," Sora simply said. I had a feeling she hadn't been talking much these past few days either.

I felt guilty for neglecting my best friend. I was so wrapped up in myself that I didn't even notice her. I was being the same, self-involved girl I had been all through high school.

Old habits die hard, I guess.

"No, you're not," I insisted. I turned to face her, but she didn't return the stare. Her eyes remained fixed on the tiles on the floor. "Sora, I know this is a hard time for you, and I'm not going to pretend like I understand what you're feeling, because I don't. But don't you think you should at least go home for a bit? We're all really worried about you, it'll do you some good to be home for a bit. You're mom was here earlier, I bet you didn't even notice, did you?"

I felt kind of bad for adding that last bit in. Truthfully, I hadn't really noticed either. I was being a hypocritical bitch for saying all this to her. After all, I was shutting people out the same way she was.

"I…I don't know what you want me to say," she said. She reminded me of myself when I was talking to Matt a moment ago.

"I want you to say that you'll go home. Sora." I paused and took a deep breath, preparing myself for what I was about to say. "Look, I love Tai. He's one of my best friends, and I can't describe how much it's killing me to see him like this. But you have to look at it logically. Tai might not…" I trailed off, not wanting to say the words.

"He might not _what_?" Sora asked angrily, still not meeting my gaze.

"…Make it," I whispered.

Her expression changed, her eyes glazed over. I could tell, as crazy as it seemed, that she never contemplated that before. In the world of Sora, Tai was going to wake up any time now. It was only a matter of minutes. My heart broke for my poor, naïve friend.

"Mimi, don't do this," she warned me.

"But I have to. Someone needs to say it because it's a possibility, Sor. What are you going to do if it _does_ happen? I'm already losing one friend, I couldn't lose you too," I said shakily.

I could feel my eyes well up with tears. I realized the last time I cried was when I was outside Odaiba High with Izzy. I hadn't cried when we brought Tai here. I hadn't cried while we waited for him to come out of surgery. I didn't cry that night when I went home.

It was like I had saved the tears for Sora, because just like Matt had said, best friends need a shoulder to cry on. Sora needed one, but I needed one too, and I needed it to be hers.

We would be strong for each other and I vowed I would be there no matter what. I wouldn't go back in my little world because there was a whole world going on outside of my own, a world in which Sora needed me every bit as much as I needed her.

"What would you do if it was Matt?" Sora asked me. I froze. What would I do? Probably the same thing Sora was doing, but I couldn't say that. I couldn't give her _permission_ to act this way.

"I don't know," I answered. It was the truth, in a way.

"Exactly. And you don't have to find out, because Matt's fine. You lucked out, Meems. I didn't. Your boyfriend is out there, mine's right here," she explained slowly.

"That's no excuse for shutting us all out," I persisted. "I'm not saying you have to act normal, but for God's sake, don't shut yourself down! You have to eat and you have to sleep, Sora."

She turned and looked me in the eye.

"I can't. I can't sleep because every time I shut my eyes I can see it, and it happens all over again," she told me. "I see Tai, running down that hallway, and _it_ happens. I keep imagining it in all these different scenarios. But no matter how I picture it, it always ends up the same. I keep asking myself all these questions that I don't have any answers to," she whispered. Tears were forming in her eyes, threatening to drop down her cheek at any moment.

"Like what?" I ask, not really sure if I wanted to explore this any further. But I had to. I had to be the friend Sora needed me to be. She needed to get it out and have a good cry. So did I, but this wasn't my time, it was hers.

"Do you think he alone when it happened?" She paused. Not because she wanted me to answer, but because she needed to calm her nerves before she kept going, or else she'd break down. But would it be so horrible if she did?

Would it be so horrible if _I_ did?

"Did he think of me?" she continued, "Did anyone stop to help him, or did they just keep running for their own lives?" Her questions were so deep, so meaningful. I knew this must have been what she was thinking about all the time she had been alone. "Did his life flash before his eyes, like it does in movies?"

I shut my eyes, trying to imagine what it would be like to be in Tai's situation. Unsuccessful, I opened my eyes again. I couldn't even begin to imagine what it would feel like. I would be so scared, so alone. Would I scream for someone to help me? Would I even be able to scream at all?

"Did he know what was happening, or did it happen so fast that he was completely oblivious?" Sora asked again.

I imagined Tai in my mind when it happened. Sora was right. I tried to imagine it differently, letting him escape the bullet, but my imagination wasn't that good. Every time I saw it, he wound up getting hit.

"Do you think he tried to be a hero, and save someone else? Was that bullet meant for them, not him?" She stopped and put her head in her hands.

I was about to say something when my voice caught in my throat. I cleared it, but didn't talk. I had to let Sora finish; she needed me to, because if I interrupted her I knew she might not start up again.

"That's why I can't sleep, Meems," she explained. "Because when I finally give in and close my eyes, that's what I see. I can't take it, I just can't," she said weakly.

I had never seen her so vulnerable before. It worried me, how quickly she fell apart, just like Humpty Dumpty. Would she ever put herself back together again?

"How long is this going to go on for?" I asked.

I didn't want to, but I had to know. If Tai was one of those people who stayed in comas for years and years, would she ever leave his side? Or would she become a vegetable, stuck in that chair for the rest of her life?

"Not long," she said, shocking me. She seemed to _know_ when Tai was going to wake up…almost as if there was some sort of schedule that everyone had forgotten to show me. "He'll be up soon, don't worry," she continued, taking her head out of her hands and sitting up straight.

I knew she was setting herself up for a big disappointment, but I didn't say anything. I didn't have the heart to tell her otherwise. If this was the light at the end of her tunnel, who was I to put it out? But when I thought about it, it really bothered me. Tai might _never_ wake up, and she was acting like he was just taking a nap!

"How soon?" I pressed on.

"By the end of the week," she predicted.

The end of the week was in two days.

I noticed I was holding Sora's hand, which I didn't remember taking. I squeezed it tight, pitying my best friend. _She's really lost it, hasn't she? _I asked myself._ There's no way he'll wake up in two days time_.

I couldn't believe what a pessimist I had become lately. Maybe Joe was rubbing off on me.

I suddenly realized why Sora wasn't leaving Tai's side. No matter what she told herself to stay hopeful, she knew the risks as well as anyone else. She knew Tai might never come out of this coma. Sora wasn't going to leave him because she couldn't be sure he would be there when she returned. She wasn't going to run the risk, and I didn't really blame her. I gave her hand another tight squeeze, but remained silent.

_"…No matter how hard they try to forget, they never will. Neither will you, Mimi. The memories will haunt everyone for as long as they shall live…"_

Davis' words had been true. We would never forget, and we would never be the same.

But maybe that would be okay. Maybe, just maybe, we would make it through. Maybe I would come out of this all right. And if I did, I would grab Sora by the hair and drag her through with me. I wouldn't let her go, I wouldn't let Davis take her without a fight.

She was my responsibility; she was my reason for pulling through.

I stood up and went to leave the room. I got about as far as the door when another thought occurred to me. Could Tai have possibly gone looking for Sora? Was he trying to save her when he was shot? I knew if I wondered this, surely it had crossed her mind about a million times already. I turned around to face Sora.

"It's not your fault," I whispered. Her mouth showed the slightest indication of a smile, and she nodded.

"That's what I've been telling myself, too," she replied.

……………………………………………………………

_"You can run, but you can't hide."_

_You were right, Davis,_ I thought as I left the room.

_I can't hide, and I won't try anymore. I'm going to stand tall, and I'm going to fight. I won't let you have me, and you can't have Sora either. You try your best though, because I promise you I'd sooner die than let that happen,_ I vowed. It seemed silly to be talking to a dead person, but I didn't care.

I didn't care about a lot of things anymore.

……………………………………………………………

**I know this is short, but my next chapter is really long and definitely the best one so far!**

**The more reviews I get, the faster I'll update…so get on it :) **


	11. The Death of Sora: Sora's Story

**Disclaimer: I don't own digimon.**

**I'm not really sure if the end of the week is Saturday or Sunday because everyone seems to think something different, but in this storyline it's Sunday.**

**Now, the _real_ story starts!**

**Chapter Eleven: The Death of Sora: Sora's Story  
**……………………………………………………………

"Anything?" I asked eagerly as the doctor walked into Tai's room. I held my breath, praying for good news. He shook his head solemnly. I let my breath out in a loud, disappointed sigh.

I saw Mr. and Mrs. Kamiya enter the room behind the doctor, Kari behind them. _This can't be good,_ I thought to myself. I would have thought it was good news that they were all being gathered together, but the doctor's facial expression told me otherwise.

"What is it, doctor?" Mr. Kamiya asked nervously.

I shifted uneasily in my seat. Maybe this was more of a family situation. I decided I should leave them alone to talk about Tai's progress. They could update me later, if they wanted.

"Um, maybe I should go…" I said awkwardly as I rose from my chair. Mrs. Kamiya gave me a warm smile and shook her head.

"No dear, you sit down," she commanded. "You're family."

I sat down obediently, feeling good. Well, as good as you could feel when the man you love is lying in a coma a few feet away. She called me family. Did they all feel that way? I definitely think of them as family. I love my parents, things between my mother and I have gotten a lot better, but this was different.

There was a mother, father, daughter and son. They were the perfect family, but they still made me feel welcome, like I was wanted. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm wanted with _my_ family, but there are a few things you miss out on when your parents live on two different continents…not that they ever really saw each other when they both lived in Japan.

When my parents got divorced, it was really hard for me. No matter how hard my parents tried to make it seem like everything was the same, it wasn't. Everything had changed, and I knew it. I was pretty young, around fourteen or so. Like any typical teenager, I didn't get along too well with my mom. So, when my dad told me he was moving to another town, I jumped at the chance to leave with him. I never realized all the things I would be leaving behind.

But I guess it was meant to be. If I had never left with my dad the summer before high school started, I would have gone to Odaiba High with Mimi and the others. I would have met Tai then, and who knows what would have happened. I would never know for sure, but I have a feeling that Tai and I wouldn't have gotten along. In all honesty, I think he would have gone for Mimi instead. Come on, the captain of the soccer team, who was also the hottest guy in school, and the head cheerleader, who was undoubtedly the prettiest girl in school? It sounds about right.

_But it didn't happen,_ I told myself. He was with me and I would never let anything take him away from me, comas included.

But no matter how happy I was with my life, there were things that I missed out on. Things the little girl inside of me had missed out on. Like having family dinners. Every time I sat down at the dinner table opposite my father, I didn't feel whole. I knew why, too. My mother was missing. And when I ate dinner with my mother, it felt wrong because my father was missing. No matter what happened, a piece of the puzzle was always missing. And there was no long-term solution.

But when I went to Tai's house for dinner, it was different…it was a real family. They had dinner together and, though it doesn't sound like much, it amazed me. It meant the world to me that they would invite me into their foreign, sacred ritual, as if I was one of their own. In a way, they _were_ the missing puzzle piece.

Mr. and Mrs. Kamiya were like second parents to me, and Kari was like a baby sister. Since I never had any siblings growing up, I was more than okay with that. Kari would always ramble on about "one day, when I officially become a member of the family." She would always daydream about Tai and I getting married. I used to believe that it would happen one day, but I'm not sure anymore. I'm not sure I would get to even see Tai open his eyes again, let alone become his wife.

Suddenly, with that thought, all the things I had been worrying about before the accident seemed really insignificant. So what if I didn't do well on my exams? Who cares if my parents never got back together? And who really gives a shit if I get married and live happily ever after? It's not like that could ever happen without Tai, anyway.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news," the doctor said, interrupting my thoughts. I snapped my head in his direction, holding my breath as he spoke. "It seems there is no change. While that can seem like a good thing, because he's not getting any _worse_, it isn't. Tai's coma is in a very delicate stage. The longer he stays in it, the harder it will be for him to come out. I'm afraid that if this keeps up, he might never come out of it," he said stiffly.

I was amazed at how little emotion he had in his voice. His expression was stone cold and dead serious. I wondered how many times he's done this before. Probably thousands, I'd bet. I would never, in a million years, be able to do what this man does. How could you say to a person, "I'm sorry but it looks like your kid isn't gonna make it." But I guess someone had to do it. Thank God people do it, because the world probably wouldn't go on without them. All I knew was that I had never respected a job position more than I had right at that moment. I had a new sense of pride and respect Joe, who would give his right leg to be where that doctor was.

The rest of the conversation was a blur. I could hear Tai's family talking with the doctor, but their words didn't reach me. It's like the words floated in my direction, but burned up and melted away before making it to my ears. Whatever, I probably wouldn't have wanted to hear what they had to say anyway.

All I could think about was tomorrow. Tomorrow would be Sunday, the end of the week. I had gone on and on to Mimi about how Tai would be up by Sunday. But it didn't look like that was going to happen, did it? I needed a miracle.

They were pretty common, right?

I sighed and shifted positions again. I stretched my legs and winced in pain. They were pretty stiff since I hadn't really been using them much. Ever since the accident, I had basically sat in that chair all day and night. I didn't leave his room that much.

Sure, there were a few exceptions. Like when one of the others wanted to get their alone time in with Tai. Or when my mother visited. Whenever she was there, I tried to act really normal, like the world around me _wasn't _falling apart. I didn't really see her much, though. Mostly because she was always at work or at home and I have remained in that slightly uncomfortable chair, which was in neither place.

But that was about it. I didn't really eat much, and sleeping was a thing of the past. It's not that I didn't _want_ to sleep; it was that I simply couldn't. Every time I shut my eyes, I could picture that day. You know, _that_ day…the one that started all of this shit. I would never forget it, it would be with me forever, and I accepted that. I knew that I would always think back on it from time to time, but did it really need to consume ever aspect of my life like it was? Sleep was my one escape from it all, and I couldn't even do that anymore.

……………………………………………………………

Dr. Chang was a nice woman, I suppose. She had wavy brown hair and fair skin. She had nice blue eyes and big, pouty lips. She was very pretty, but she had an intelligent 'I-know-what-you're-thinking' look that stopped her from being beautiful. She seemed a little lonely; her work was probably her life.

She was the doctor that Mrs. Kamiya called my mother about, hinting that maybe it would be beneficial for me to have a session with. My mother had obviously taken the hint.

So there I was, in some doctor's office in the hospital. It wasn't the same one who was treating Tai; it was one from the psychiatric floor.

I was embarrassed by the fact that Mrs. Kamiya thought I needed professional help to deal with everything that was happening. Did she think I was psycho, or something? Did she think that I belonged on this floor, stuck inside a padded cell wearing a straightjacket?

I guess it was kind of sweet, her looking out for me the way she did, but it still didn't make this any easier. Growing up, I was never any good at expressing my feelings. Maybe because I had nobody to express them to, since my parents were so wrapped up in the divorce.

"So Sora, I understand that you've been…_affected_ by the shootings that took place," she said gently, as if unsure how to approach the subject. How could someone who made a living doing this not know how to start off a session? That's what this was, after all: a session.

I bit my tongue, to keep from rolling my eyes or saying something rude, and nodded.

"If you're referring to the fact that my boyfriend is in a coma, then yes, I guess you could say I was affected by the accident," I snapped. Okay, so what I said _was_ pretty rude, but whatever.

She made a note on her paper and I could feel the anger well up inside me. What the hell could she possibly write a note about? I had said twenty, maybe twenty-five words to her, and she was already making noteworthy observations? Either this woman was brilliant, or completely off her rocker. Maybe both.

"And how is Tai doing, Sora?" she asked. I shrugged, as if it was no big deal.

"He's not doing too well, I guess. The doctor says the longer he stays in a coma the less likely he'll ever come out of it," I explained. I noticed that my voice was robotic; I had said it in the same tone you would use to order fast food while going through a drive-thru.

Simple. Quick. Painless.

Everything that it wasn't.

She stared into my crimson eyes with her blue ones. I wanted to look away, but I willed against it. This was a staring contest to see who would give in and look away. I refused to be the first to do so.

Her eyes were calm, deep pools filled with warmth and concern. Could it be that she cared about me, or was she simply thinking about something else? Yeah, that had to be it. Perhaps she was contemplating how she would spend the boatload of cash she was making off this pointless chat of ours. Oh, the woes of Dr. Chang.

What did my eyes tell her? Did they say how I felt? No, I don't think there was enough time in the world for someone, even a psychiatrist like her, to read my thoughts and uncover my true feelings.

"How do you feel about that, Sora?" she asked me. As I assumed, she couldn't get a read on me. It was a small victory, but a victory nonetheless. The power struggle had shifted, ever so slightly, in my favour.

The score so far was Sora, 1. Dr. Chang, 0.

I smiled smugly to myself. I could tell this woman thought highly of herself. She had the big, intimidating office with the impressive awards displayed all over her walls. She had a confident air about her, but she didn't come across as snobby. There was no superiority in the way she spoke or the way she stared. She was just there to listen and observe.

She probably prided herself on being able to read people from their mannerisms and expressions. The fact that I stumped her gave me a strange sense of pride, as if I had accomplished something. But as I sat there, staring at this successful woman, I knew I had accomplished nothing in the presence of Doctor Chang.

I opened my mouth to answer, but stopped. How _did_ I feel about it? I was angry. I was sad. I was disturbed and worried. But I would never tell her this, would I? No, I wouldn't. I didn't need help. I was perfectly fine; I was dealing with everything in my own way, at my own pace.

"I'm…" I trailed off. I couldn't think of anything to say that would be considered a plausible answer. I couldn't say I was fine, because I wasn't. But none of the other words seemed to fit. If I was going to tell this woman how I was feeling, it would probably take a while.

She raised one of her eyebrows, something I instantly wished I could do, and urged me to continue.

"You're…" she started for me.

"I'm…afraid."

And that was the truth. I was afraid that the accident, or something like it, could happen again. I was afraid that this could happen to someone I loved. I was afraid because it _did_ happen to someone I love. But most of all, I was afraid of tomorrow. I had given myself a deadline, a date that would force me to get up and get on with my life. I needed to make a future for myself. The scariest part was that, as it stood, my future might not have involved Tai. Even worse, what if my future consisted of me sitting at Tai's bedside because he still hasn't woken up?

How long would I stay like that? I hadn't eaten, slept, showered…and I had no excuse. I could tell myself that I was dealing, but I really wasn't. Everyone else was, but I was stuck in a rut. Between the kingdoms, I was undecided. Heaven was Tai waking up and hell was Tai dying. Right now, he was stuck in between, in limbo. That's where I was, because I was waiting for him to pick a direction. He would pick his path, and I would probably follow.

Unless I got help. But where would I get it? Oh right, it was right there in front of me. But I needed to ask for it, could I do that?

"Sora, I'm told that you haven't been sleeping much. Why is that?" Dr. Chang changed the subject. Not because she was uncomfortable, that was her job after all, but because she knew what I was feeling. She knew since the moment I walked in. She could read me like a book, and here I was feeling superior because I thought she didn't have a clue. Truth was, _I_ didn't have a clue. She wasn't trying to crack my code; she was waiting for me to.

"I don't know…I guess it's because I keep seeing it every time I close my eyes," I explained.

"Keep seeing what?" she asked, though she knew perfectly well what I was talking about.

"The accident," I whispered. She raised an eyebrow again, and I was still jealous of her talent.

"You keep calling it that, Sora."

"Keep calling it what?"

"An accident. It wasn't an accident." I hadn't even realized I was calling it that. "It was intentional, it was planned. It was a horrible thing, but Sora, it was _no_ accident."

Okay, okay, she got me. Point for her.

Score: Sora, 1. Dr. Chang, 1.

We were all tied up, and whoever made the next move would take the cake.

I grew slightly angry. So what if I called it an accident? What did it matter? It wasn't like I was denying it had happened, I was just using a different name for it!

And why did she keep using my name in every one of her sentences? Sora this and Sora that…can't she find any other words in her vocabulary? You would think that she would have a variety of words to use, being that she was a doctor and all.

"Look," I began, "I appreciate your concern but—"

"But, you're afraid to let anyone in because the last person you let in is in a coma right now," she finished. I bit my lip, as I had already done several times during this little "session". How did she know that? That _was_ the truth, wasn't it? No, it wasn't! Just because I didn't want to talk to her didn't mean I didn't want to talk to anyone, right?

And how _dare_ she bring Tai into this? How dare she act like she's known me all my life, when in reality she's known me for all of ten minutes? No, I wouldn't sit here and listen to this any longer than I already had.

This session was over.

"_But_," I said with a hint of annoyance in my voice, "I don't really think this is going anywhere." I stood up and was about to walk out when she challenged me once again.

"Maybe not, but I truly believe that you need help. Please consider taking a few therapy sessions. You _have_ suffered a very traumatic experience," she said, almost taunting me.

"Well, maybe you're right," I said, rising to the challenge.

I could see a look of shock tremor through her face. I felt slightly satisfied, knowing that she didn't expect that to come from me.

_Looks like she can't read me as well as she thinks she can,_ I thought. But like I said, I still only felt slightly satisfied. I needed to go for more to make myself feel truly content. So, like a vulture circling it's pray, I went in for the kill.

"But, with all due respect, I don't think I'll be getting it from you. I mean, sure, you might look good on paper, with all your awards and what not," I said, gesturing to the wall of plaques, "but you don't really seem to know what you're talking about."

Of course that had been a lie. Honestly, she kind of hit the nail on the head, but I wouldn't let her know that. It felt great seeing her smug smile slowly fade from her face. It melted like ice cream on a hot summer day.

I walked out of the office on cloud nine. I was a mess inside and it felt great to project even the slightest bit of that feeling onto her.

The final score was Sora, 2, Dr. Chang, 1.

But as I walked to the elevator and rode it back to the fourth floor, I realized that no matter what happened in that office, she was still the reputable, debonair doctor, and I was just some lunatic keeping score.

……………………………………………………………

Sunday came and went. There was still no change from Tai, and I sort of lost all hope that there ever would be. I was so positive that he would be up and about—or at least up—by Sunday. But he wasn't. Just like he wasn't on Monday, which was the day I went home, ending my weeklong marathon of sitting in a chair staring into space.

"Hello?" my mom answered the phone at 8am on Monday morning.

"Hi mom, it's me. Can you…can you come pick me up please?" I asked. She was silent for a minute, almost unsure about what I had just said. Maybe she thought Tai had died, but if she had, she didn't ask.

"Sure, I'll be right there," she said.

"Thanks." I was about to hang up the phone when I heard her call my name. I put the phone back to my ear.

"I love you, Sora."

"I love you, too."

……………………………………………………………

I entered my house and it felt like I had never been there before. Did it look different? Had it changed? Maybe not, maybe I was the one who changed. I took the stairs slowly, one step at a time. I used to bound up the steps, taking them two or even _three_ at a time. But that was then, this is now.

I didn't even stop at my room, just went straight to the bathroom. On my way, I passed by our guest room. It was the room Tai used to stay in, that summer that we met. That seemed like forever ago, had it really been only two years? It seems like that part of my life happened so long ago. Even yesterday seemed like it had happened a couple decades ago.

I stripped off my clothes and looked in the mirror. I gasped at the girl staring back at me. My auburn hair was greasy and tangled; the bags under my eyes practically reached the floor. My face hadn't been properly washed in a few days and I could tell I lost a bit of weight from not eating much all week. But none of that mattered.

It was like I was numb, kind of like your gums when you go to the dentist and get a tooth pulled. I _had_ lost something, but it wasn't a tooth. It was a lot bigger than a tooth, and no amount of Novocain would ever make me feel better.

In a way, I liked it. Feeling numb was good. And while it was only a temporary effect, it would do for now. I didn't need to feel like this forever, but I needed it for now. I prayed it wouldn't be wearing off anytime soon.

On the other hand, I wanted to feel the pain. Pain was good; it snaps you back to reality. I deserved it. If Tai can lie in a hospital bed in a coma, can't I suffer a little too? It feels selfish to not want to feel pain…I _should_ feel it. I'd be a coward if I didn't want to feel any…that's not what Tai was about. But then again, Tai and I weren't really the same in that aspect. He was strong and courageous; I'm not. I'm weak; I can't take the pain.

No, I didn't want the pain just yet. I needed that numbness and I needed it for a long time.

I got into the shower and turned on the water. It was burning hot and I didn't care. As it rolled over my shoulders and down my back, I was at peace. For those few precious moments, I wasn't thinking about anything. I was just there, existing. The way I liked it, the way I needed it to be for now.

……………………………………………………………

I lay on my bed that night unable to stop my thoughts. It was about 9pm and I was feeling incredibly restless. I sat up and stumbled out of my room. I went down the stairs in my new, slow manner and saw my mom in the kitchen.

"Hey," she said smiling. I smiled back at her. I didn't really feel like talking and she knew that.

"Is it alright if I go out and get a few groceries? If you don't want to be alone it can wait until tomorrow or something," she offered. I shook my head.

"No, I'll be fine. You can go mom, really," I told her. She reached out and stroked my cheek with a look that said 'you've grown up so much'. The old Sora would roll her eyes, but I just watched her grab her keys and leave.

I sat at the kitchen counter for another twenty minutes, trying to decide what I should do. Finally, I settled it. I was going to go upstairs, get dressed, and go out. I wouldn't think about Tai, not tonight.

I went up the stairs slowly, hearing a loud creak when I hit the third step, and walked into my room. I sat down at my makeup table and looked in the mirror. I still had bags under my eyes but they weren't as noticeable as they were before. Nothing a little makeup wouldn't cover. At least I looked human again, right? My hair was shiny and revitalized, looking as good as ever. I ran a brush through it and shook it a bit. I used to love playing with my hair, but it did nothing for me anymore.

I picked up my makeup kit and sorted through it. I applied a bit of eye shadow and mascara. I put on my eyeliner and lip liner, and then applied the gloss. I got dressed and went downstairs. I went down them a little bit quicker this time, feeling a little better than I had the last time I used them.

I was wearing a baby pink tank top that showed off my midriff. I had on a short denim skirt and black, high-heeled boots. Not too high, but enough to make me appear a bit taller. I'm not exactly _short_—about 5'7"—but I've gotten into the habit of wearing heels. Because Tai is _so_ tall, I wear heels whenever we would go out so I didn't look like a dwarf. I felt silly for doing it now, because I wasn't with Tai this yime. _No,_ I scolded myself,_ stop thinking about him! This is you're night, don't spoil it._

I remembered that my mother was out grocery shopping and had the car. Oh well, I could always walk. I wasn't too sure where I was going but I couldn't stay in that house. I would go crazy if I stayed cooped up in my room all night. I grabbed a small jacket in case it got a little chilly out and walked out of my house, forgetting to leave my mom a note. Or maybe I did remember, and just didn't care.

……………………………………………………………

I had been walking for about ten minutes before I decided I was officially crazy. What was I doing walking aimlessly around Odaiba at 10 o'clock at night? Where exactly did I think I was going?

Even though I decided it was stupid, I just kept walking. It was like my legs were carrying me, and I was powerless to do anything but let them take me where they may.

After a few more minutes I arrived at a club. I had been there once before with Tai, Mimi and Matt.

Tai…I couldn't go in there, could I? This was definitely not a place I wanted to be. Not if I wanted to forget about Tai, at least. I went in anyway.

I approached the line, but the bouncer just stepped away and waved me in, ahead of the other people. I smiled. Maybe I looked better than I thought I had. I walked into the club and loud music filled my ears. I could hear it even from outside on the street, but I wasn't prepared for how loud it was really going to be. I was disoriented, but I assumed it was from the lack of food in my system and not from the music.

What am I doing here? First of all, I was by myself. What would possess me to come here, unescorted, to a sleazy club? I approached the bar and sat down. After a few minutes I decided I might as well order a drink. I got a scotch on the rocks and drank it down. After a few more minutes, a guy came up to me and sat down beside me and ordered two drinks from the bartender.

"Hey Sora," he said. I was shocked that he knew my name. I turned to face him, and recognized him immediately.

"Oh, hey Alex," I said smiling at him. Alex and I had gone to Odaiba High together. He also went to Tokyo University for the first few months, but then he dropped out. He ordered us two shots and kept talking.

"How are you?"

"Pretty good," I answered, faking contentment. I figured if he didn't know about Tai and the shootings, why should I tell him? It would only ruin a perfectly good time. Okay, so we weren't having _that_ great of time, but that's a minor detail in the grand scheme of things.

"I, uh, heard about what happened," he said sympathetically. I nodded, not really shocked. It had been all over the news and he _had_ gone to Odaiba High, why had I assumed he didn't know about it?

"Oh," was all I could say. The bartender set the two shots in front of us. Alex gulped his down but I didn't go for mine just yet. I wanted to see what he would say.

"Yeah…well I know you've probably been having a tough time." I shrugged, not ready to admit that I was. Alex was kind of a stranger; I hadn't seen him in so long and I didn't really need another friend. Part of me wanted him to leave me alone, but the other part of me wanted him to stick around. "Look, if you ever want to get away from it, I can help you out…if you know what I mean," he said lowering his voice.

I knew exactly what he meant. It was no secret that Alex partied pretty hard during his time at Odaiba High. It was also no secret as to why he dropped out of Tokyo University.

I didn't turn down his offer, though I knew I should have. Maybe I didn't have the willpower to, maybe I just didn't care to. But no matter what the reason was, I just downed my shot in one big gulp, got up, and followed him outside.

We wound up in the back of the club with a bunch of others, mostly guys. A few of them I recognized from high school, and a few I had never met before. There were six of them in all: four guys and two girls. They were all huddled in a tight circle, smoking up. Alex cleared his throat and they all turned around.

"Hey guys, this is Sora," Alex said to the group, introducing me. I waved shyly as they looked me up and down, judging me.

"Hey," most of them said. A few of them just nodded, being too cool to speak.

"Hold it—Sora? As in Sora Takenouchi?" One of the two girls in the group asked. I nodded, more insecure and self-conscious than ever. I looked at the girl, trying to remember her. Did she go to high school with me? I couldn't seem to place her anywhere.

"Yeah, why?" Alex asked after a second.

"Isn't that the chick that hung out with princess Mimi?" the girl asked, seeming offended and disgusted that I was near her.

"Shut up Summer, she seems cool enough," the other girl said after giving me the once-over.

Oh right, I remember her now. I hadn't recognized her because she looked different than she had at Odaiba High. Summer used to be gothic, punk, and really scary. Mimi and her were total opposites in high school, practically enemies. She hated Mimi; Mimi hated her.

"Whatever," Summer said, rolling her eyes.

"Okay, anyway," Alex said, sensing the uncomfortable tension in the air. "This is everybody," he explained. "Owen, Josh, Chris, Mark, Jan, and of course, Summer," he said, introducing them all to me. I knew Chris, Mark and Summer from Odaiba High. "Everybody, this is Sora."

We stood there for a while, silent, until Josh started talking.

"You two joining us, or what?" he asked.

"Yeah, come on Takenouchi, you'll love it," Mark said. I walked a little closer to them, my heart pounding. I was nervous, I realized. My hand shook as I reached out and accepted what he was offering me.

……………………………………………………………

"No way!" I shrieked, laughing hysterically. I was back inside the club, sitting with my new "friends" at a table in the centre of the room.

"I swear," Summer said, laughing just as hard. "Why do you think I got such a good mark in science that year," she said with a mischievous smile on her face. I laughed again. Summer just told me a crazy story about her and our hott science teacher from senior year.

"That's so wild," I said when I had stopped laughing. I finished off the rest of my drink, as did Summer and Jan.

"We're gonna go get more drinks," Alex announced. "Anyone want another?" I nodded and pushed my glass toward him. The other two girls did the same "What are you drinking?" he asked.

"Vodka," the three of us said in unison before breaking off into another fit of laughter. Alex, Chris and Owen left to get more alcohol.

"You know, Sor, you are so cool," Summer said. I looked at her and noticed that her pupils were huge. I couldn't tell if it was from the alcohol or the pot, but either way, she looked wrecked out of her mind. I laughed.

It was so strange that Summer and I were getting along. If Mimi could see this, she'd have a fit. I never used to like Summer, probably because of her relationship with Mimi—or lack thereof. I used to think Summer was jealous…I had been way off base. If anything, Mimi should have been envying her, not the other way around. She had the simple, fun, wild life. Nobody cared what she thought or did, and in turn, she didn't give a shit about them. Practically every kid in our high school watched every move Mimi made, and that's no way to live.

"Totally. How come you never came around here before?" Jan asked curiously, snapping me out of my thoughts. I opened my mouth to reply but Summer cut me off.

"Because, Sora was one of those preppy girls in high school who had her head up her ass," she said faintly. Then she started laughing again. "I can still picture you and Tachikawa walking around school like you owned the damned thing."

I blushed, but nobody could tell under the dim lighting. That was a side of me I didn't want these people to know about. I could tell that as long as I hung out with them, I would have to be a completely different Sora than the one I was with Mimi and the others. I wasn't going to change myself, just show the side of me that I didn't normally show with my other friends. I could show that side with these friends, and I loved that.

"No way," Jan said, her eyes wide. "_You _were like that? But you seem so…different!"

"Well she was," Summer said objectively. Then she shot me a smile that told me it was all water under the bridge. I relaxed a bit and looked around, wondering where the guys were with my drink.

"So, Takenouchi, you still dating that Kamiya guy?" Mark asked. I froze, not sure what to say. Alex wasn't there to explain about Tai's…situation. I doubted that Summer knew, so I would have to handle this all on my own.

"Yeah," I said simply. And I realized that was all I needed. They didn't need my life story, just a simple yes or no answer. So I gave them it.

"Too bad," Josh stated, winking at me. I blushed, but once again, they couldn't tell. I smiled and looked up to see the guys coming back with our drinks.

"What he's _trying_ to say is that you totally fit in with us. You can keep up, you know?" Owen butted in, coming up behind Josh and setting some drinks down. I flashed another dazzling smile.

"Yeah, you can totally hang with us, like, anytime you want," Summer said.

"Cool," I said before downing my vodka.

……………………………………………………………

Two hours later I stumbled out of Alex's car and up my driveway, laughing uncontrollably.

"Bye Sora!" some of the guys yelled. I winced, sure that my mother had woken up. Hell, the whole neighbour was probably awake, considering all the noise we were making. I waved and started laughing again, this time for no reason. I guess _I_ was pretty trashed, too.

"I'll call you tomorrow," Summer yelled.

"Me too," Jan added.

"Sounds good! Bye everyone!" I yelled and blew an over-exaggerated kiss to the car as it drove off. Then I shifted through my purse and grabbed my keys. My hands shook ever so slightly as I fumbled around, trying to get the key in the lock.

I finally did, and staggered into my house. I shut the door behind me, but I don't remember whether I locked it or not. I threw my jacket on the coat rack and bounced up the stairs faster than I ever had before.

I skipped into my room and collapsed on my bed. I heard my mom open her door and enter the hallway, her footsteps getting closer and closer.

"Sora? Is that you?" My mom asked through the door.

"Yeah, it's me."

"Where were you tonight? I got worried when I came home and you weren't here," she said. Normally, I would have felt guilty, but I was on too much of a trip to care.

"I went for a walk to clear my head and ran into some friends. I lost track of time, I'm sorry I didn't call," I yelled through the door.

She was silent for a minute, trying to decide whether I was telling the truth or not. Technically, I did. I just didn't elaborate and go into too much detail about my 'friends'.

"Oh, that's fine. Leave a note next time though, okay?" she asked, backing down. She probably wanted to give me space and not smother me, since I was "emotionally fragile" right now.

"Yeah, promise. But if you don't mind, I'm really tired and I just want to sleep." I knew that would get her. She's been worried all week about me because I wasn't sleeping, so she couldn't really deny me any right now.

"Of course. Goodnight, I love you." She sounded muffled through the door. Maybe just because my brain was swirling around in my head and my room was violently spinning.

"Love you, too," I said quietly, not sure whether she heard it or not.

I heard footsteps as she slowly retreated back into her bedroom and shut the door. I sighed and sat up, hand on my head. I shut my eyes and willed the room to stop spinning. When I opened my eyes, it had.

I looked around and my eyes fell upon a picture on my night table. It was of my mom, dad and me, before it happened. "It" was the divorce…that was my way of dealing with it—just like I did when I called the shootings "an accident". That was my system, my method. Not putting it into words, not allowing it to be real. But it _was_ real.

I would try to picture my life before the divorce. It seemed so hazy, so far away. When the divorce happened, it consumed every part of my life. I would look at that picture almost nightly as I sat in my bedroom at my dad's house, hoping to remember a simpler time.

As I stared into my own smiling face, I was shocked at how unfamiliar it was. That happy, carefree girl wasn't me. She was someone else.

No, she was Sora. _I_ was someone else.

Where did Sora go?

I didn't know where Sora had gone, and that was scary. But nothing scared me more than the next question on my mind.

Did I want to find her?

The way I saw it, I could do one of two things:

Tomorrow, when Jan and Summer called me, I could tell them I didn't feel like it and gradually distance myself from their group. I could blow them off and go hang out at the mall with Mimi, like we had done so many times before. I could be Sora Takenouchi, the happy girl with all the potential in the world. Yes, this was the path to finding Sora.

Or, I could do what I wanted, and go out with them. I could tell my mother I was going to the mall with Mimi, but sneak off with them and get high instead. I could get that numbness that I wanted oh-so-badly…the numbness I was feeling right now. I could forget about what everyone expects me to be, and be what I want to be…even if it means losing myself in the process. This was the path to taking Sora, locking her in a tiny little box, and throwing away the key.

My mind was already made up, even before I weighed out the two choices. Every ounce of good judgment was telling me that getting involved with Alex and his crowd would destroy me. I would ruin my future, and lose all my friends. My parents would be terribly disappointed…and what would Tai think?

But that didn't stop me. So what if I lose my friends. Some friends they are, anyway. Forcing me to be something that I'm not. Being with Summer and Jan tonight was so different from when I'm with Mimi. I don't need to worry about what I say or do around them; they accept me anyway. Even after all the shitty things I did to Summer in high school.

And what did I care if my parents were disappointed? I've spent my entire life striving for their approval, and for what? I don't care whether they're proud of me or not, because I don't need them. Did they care about what I thought when they collectively tore our family apart and divorced? No.

Then there was Tai…how would he know, anyway? If I remember correctly, he's in a coma. That's why this all started, after all. But I couldn't blame Tai, nor would I try to. This was my choice, and nobody was going to tell me otherwise.

Yeah, I knew what I was going to do. I was going to go with Summer tomorrow, and do whatever we were going to do.

Because I no longer wanted to be Sora.

Sora, the girl everyone comes to for advice and comfort when they have a problem. Always the shoulder for Mimi to cry on, always the arms wrap around Kari. I was the perky girl with the constant smile, the girl who everybody loved. The reliable one, the one who had to be strong for everyone else's sake.

Well no more. I'm tired of being strong for everyone. If they can all fall apart, why can't I? After all, I had definitely reached my breaking point.

I realized that I hated what I had become. I hated Sora; I have for a long time. It just took a different perspective—and a night of heavy drinking—to finally let me see things for what they were.

My vision was blurry and I was terribly disoriented. And ironically, my head had never felt clearer.

This, as it would come to be known to me, was the night Sora Takenouchi died.

……………………………………………………………

**This is my favourite chapter! I had so much fun writing it. **

**Sorry about that whole tooth/numbness analogy, but I wrote it right after I got home from the dentist and I had a tooth pulled so I couldn't resist lol!**

**I want tons of reviews, because this chapter was way longer than my others (17 pages). Also, I want to know which chapter so far has been your favourite, so let me know!**

**Later.**


	12. Fine, Be That Way: Mimi's Story

**Disclaimer: I don't own digimon. **

**This chapter's kinda late, and I don't really know why. I've had it done since before I posted the last one, but I never really got around to posting it. I think I forgot! Sorry.**

**Chapter Twelve: Fine, Be That Way: Mimi's Story  
**…………………………………………………………… 

I woke up and rolled over. I squinted as my eyes adjusted to the amount light in my room. Yawning, I stretched and sat up, kicking the blankets off of me. I checked my calendar, which was on the nightstand beside my bed. It was Thursday, and Tai's coma had now reached day ten. I was beginning to lose hope, I must admit.

I was reminded of someone else, someone who was having a harder time dealing with this than I was: Sora. I hadn't talked to her since Monday morning, when we crossed paths for a brief minute or two. She was leaving the hospital; I was on my way inside.

I was about to get up and call her when I realized that it was way too early. Sure, Sora was normally an early-riser, but I couldn't be sure anymore. Besides, I don't really know if I want to talk to her right now.

The phone in my room rang, and I stood up to answer it. Daddy had installed a private phone line in my bedroom during high school because I talked far too much on our regular line. He was sick of having to pry me off the phone in order to make his business calls. Whatever, we both won in the end.

"Hello?" I said into the receiver when I finally picked it up, on it's fourth ring.

"Hey, Meems. What's up?" Matt's voice filled my head. I smiled weakly; slightly disappointed that it wasn't Sora. He doesn't see me, thank God.

"Not much. You're up pretty early today," I said curiously.

"Yeah, well, couldn't sleep so I figured I might as well get up," he chuckled. "You free today?"

I nodded, and he didn't know. I have a real habit of doing stuff like that, forgetting that I was on the phone and not in person. I needed to break it fast! "Yeah," I said quickly, realizing I still hadn't spoken.

"Great," he said enthusiastically. I laughed quietly to myself…since when was Matt so giddy?

"Do you have anything special in mind?" I asked.

"Well…I might have a few tricks up my sleeve," he said mysteriously.

"Oh, really?"

"Meet me at the park in an hour?" Matt asked anxiously. I nodded, realized what I did, and laughed. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing. I gotta go get ready if I'm meeting you in an hour, bye."

"Okay, bye. Love you," Matt said sweetly.

"Love you, too."

……………………………………………………………

I strolled through the park, looking around. I wasn't looking for Matt; I knew where he'd be. He would be at our spot, in front of our tree, where our initials were carved. He had done it with a pocketknife—tacky, I know, but totally sweet—when we first started going out. No, I was looking around at the scenery.

In the midst of all this craziness with school, exams and Tai, I had completely forgotten there was an outside world waiting to be discovered. Spring had come to a close, and summer had truly taken over. Flowers were in full bloom, the sun was shining, and people were outside taking part in all kinds of activity. There were kids on rollerblades and skateboards, parents taking their kids for ice cream, and joggers whizzing by in all directions. It seemed like everyone in Odaiba was outside today.

I smiled as I breathed in the sweet scent that could only come about in summer weather, and spotted Matt. He was about 50 yards away, and I could tell he was pacing in a small area beside "our" tree. As I got closer, I saw him run a hand through his slightly over-gelled blonde hair and use the other to pat something inside his pocket. He looked like he was talking to himself.

I got ever closer to him and tried to hear what he was saying, but it was to no avail. When I finally was able to make out his words, I burst out laughing. The sight before me—Mr. cool _losing_ his cool—was truly hysterical. He jumped and spun around, flushing when he saw me.

"How long have you been standing there?" he asked me, sounding slightly nervous.

"Like five seconds, why?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. I wanted desperately to know why he was acting so strange today, but I thought better than to ask. I would figure it out all in due time, and if I pushed it I probably would never know. That was the way Matt worked, as I had come to figure out over the years.

"No reason…" he muttered, shaking his head. He ran his hand through his hair again, looking uneasy.

"Is everything okay?" I asked. I began to wonder if maybe something had happened to Tai, or something. _No, _I assured myself, _there's no way he would sound so happy on the phone if that were the case. And if it were the case, surely he would have said something by now, right?_

"Umm…yeah." I relaxed a bit, but not completely. He still looked like he needed to talk about something really major. Was it about us? Was he not happy with the way things were? Was I?

"Well…there's something on your mind. Why don't you just tell me already?" I asked impatiently. So what, I can't help it. I'm impatient; always have been, always will be.

He opened up his mouth, but lost his nerve and shut it again. I looked at him eagerly, urging him to spit it out.

"Okay, I'm just gonna get this over with. I mean, if I don't say it now, I never will…" Matt said nervously. It was almost laughable how nervous he was, but it was giving me an uneasy feeling. "Meems, we've been together for a long time and, well, you're happy with the way things are going, right?"

I zoned right out, staring into his deep, blue eyes. They really are the most gorgeous blue eyes I've ever seen. I didn't even notice that he had asked me a question, and felt kind of guilty when I finally did snap out of it. I had practically _forced_ him to tell me what was up, and when he finally did, I didn't even listen. He repeated his question.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm totally happy with the way things are." I grew more nervous. "Why, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I'm really happy. In fact, I kind of think we should maybe…I don't know, start thinking about the future. I mean, with all the hectic stuff that's been going on, we haven't really had time to focus on us lately. We're not really moving forward anymore," he said.

What did he mean by that? Was it bad that we weren't moving forward? Oh God, he's going to break up with me, isn't he?

"Yeah, but we aren't moving backwards," I joked. He didn't laugh; I wondered if he even heard me.

"Right, yeah." I started to chew on my lip, waiting for him to break things off. "The other day at the hospital, I saw Steve—he's the drummer from my band—and it turns out he got shot."

"Oh my God, really? Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he's fine. But he started talking about how he realized life is short, and you need to seize every opportunity you get because you never know when it's gonna get taken away from you," he preached. I began to wonder where he was going with this, since I seemed to be missing the point entirely.

He paused, probably trying to make sure I was still listening.

"Oh," I said, causing him to nod in satisfaction and keep going.

"Anyway, he was right. It's true, I mean, you never know when you might lose the things you care about most in the world."

I held my breath, completely lost. This conversation was totally going right over my head.

"What are you trying to say, Matt?" I asked.

"I'm trying to say that it might not have been Tai. It could very well have been you. Or me. What I'm trying to say is…" he trailed off, not finishing his sentence.

Running his hand through his hair one final tine, he reached into his pocket, and pulled out a small jewelry box. I stared at him, still not breathing, as he knelt down onto one knee and opened the box. My breath caught in my throat, and I couldn't have exhaled if I wanted to.

"M-Matt…" I stammered.

"Meems, will you marry me?"

I was so shocked at first that I could have passed out. I slowly recovered, but still couldn't seem to find the words. I just nodded my head stupidly—this time he actually saw it, though—and took a few shallow breaths.

"Look, I'm pretty sure you nodded but I'm going to need you to say it out loud before I run home and lock myself in my room," he said with a nervous snicker. I snapped out of my temporary paralysis.

"Yes!" I screeched, grabbing his hand and pulling him up onto his feet. He took the ring and slowly placed it on my finger, grinning widely at me.

I know you must be thinking, 'isn't this the same girl who was thinking about dumping Matt just a few days ago?'

For starters, I was never going to _dump_ Matt. I was only going to…I'm not sure, exactly. But I don't _think_ I was going to dump him, does that help?

Regardless, things were different now. Things were different after what happened at the school.

I could have lost Tai, or Sora, or Matt…or even myself.

In fact, I came pretty damn close to losing myself.

Looking back, I don't think Davis would have shot me. He didn't have the guts, because he was a spineless coward. Only a spineless coward would do a shitty thing like what he did.

No, I almost lost myself in a different way. I was so consumed by what happened in that school that I was completely missing everything that happened after it. If I had my way, I would have just lived inside that memory, dwelling on it and replaying it over and over until I went totally insane—which I came pretty close to, by the way.

But I didn't have my way, thank God. Matt snapped me out of it because he cares about me. He cares about me more than anyone else does, just like I care about him.

I knew, at that moment, that I could never be with anyone else, at any other place, any other time, in any other way. Ever.

When he asked me, I was totally dumbfounded. I couldn't move, couldn't speak, I could barely see straight. It was like a fantasy world…a dream…_something_ other than reality. And I realized that my biggest fear wasn't losing myself, daddy, mom, Sora, Tai, or anyone else. My biggest, most prominent fear was losing this moment…and Matt.

I've been through a ton of stuff, and I might never be the same. I might try to forget and move on for the rest of my life, and never really get back to the same place I was at. But with Matt by my side, I could get pretty damned close to it.

So to answer your question: no. That wasn't me who was going to dump Matt. I'm not the same girl that I was a week and a half ago.

I might never be, but I guess I'm okay with that.

……………………………………………………………

"Hello?" Mrs. Takenouchi said after two rings.

"Hi Mrs. Takenouchi, this is Mimi calling. Is Sora there?" I asked, trying to contain my enthusiasm.

"No," she said curiously, "I thought she was at the mall with you."

I froze. Clearly, Sora was hiding something from her mother. As her best friend, it was my duty to cover for her until further notice.

"Uh, yeah. I'm actually on my way there now. I was just calling to see if she needed a ride there, or if we were just going to meet. But I guess she's already left," I said quickly.

"Oh," Mrs. Takenouchi said, satisfied with my answer. I was pretty satisfied with it too; thinking on my feet had never been one of my strengths. "No, she just left to meet you, Mimi."

"Well, thanks," I said.

"No problem. It was nice to hear your voice. Sora and you haven't been getting together since…you know," she said. Sora's mom had always liked me. Maybe because I was the only thing in Sora's life that has been there through it all. Our best friendship is the only thing that hasn't changed since her parent's divorce. "Well, I should let you go. I wouldn't want to make you lose precious shopping time," she teased. Since I'm like a second daughter to her, and had practically grown up in her house, she knows how seriously I take things like shopping. "Goodbye, Meems."

"Mrs. Takenouchi?" I said quickly, before she had a chance to hang up.

"Yes, Mimi?"

"I'm engaged!"

That was why I called Sora. I had to tell someone, and I'd be damned if I didn't get to just because Sora was nowhere to be found.

With that, I hung up the phone and called Sora's cell. No answer there, either. Where was that girl?

……………………………………………………………

It had been two days, and I hadn't seen Sora since she left the hospital on Monday. I called her everyday, sometimes twice a day, but she never seems to be available.

The first time I called her—the time when she was supposedly at the mall with me—she wasn't home, duh. I still didn't know where she had gone, but I knew it was bad if she wouldn't even tell her mom where she'd gone. Sora and her mother used to have a pretty rocky relationship, but things had gotten better lately, hadn't they? I thought so, but maybe they hadn't.

The second time I called, her mother said she was sleeping. I didn't want to push her, since I knew that Sora hadn't gotten much sleep lately, so I just left it in Sora's hands to call me back. Guess what—she didn't.

The third time, it just kept ringing and ringing. When the answering machine finally picked up, I just slammed the phone down in a fit of anger. Sora's mother was probably at work, but I knew for a fact Sora was there. There was no doubt in my mind that she was there, staring at the phone, letting it ring and ring. I couldn't figure out why she was doing this. I was hurt, but I wasn't going to give up. Sora was my best friend, and I could tell that she needed me.

The fourth time, Mrs. Takenouchi said that Sora 'was too busy to come to the phone'. I gritted my teeth, forced a fake smile—which she couldn't see—and said I'd try again later.

The fifth and final time I called, Sora actually answered. If I recall correctly, her exact words were, "Meems, I don't feel good, I gotta go. Oh, by the way, congratulations on the whole engagement thing."

It was all I could do to keep from hopping in my car, driving to Sora's house, and beating her to a bloody pulp.

I can understand that Sora was going through a hard time. I can understand that she was tired and needed to catch up on her sleep. I'll accept that sometimes you can't be home and the answering machine will have to pick up for you. I can even sympathize that sometimes, you just don't feel like talking.

But this was unacceptable.

I had done nothing to Sora. I was—if anything—being _overly_ friendly toward her. I didn't expect her to answer the phone and be her regular happy, perky self, but for God's sake, I deserved something! I'm her best friend, I just got engaged and she was barely even acknowledging it! That hurt, but I didn't say anything to her. I didn't have the nerve to call her back and tell her off. How could I, when the little voice inside my head kept saying '_come on, Meems, she's going through a hard time.'_

Hard time or not, I was pissed.

I came to a decision as I hung up the phone. I loved Sora dearly, but I refused to let her ruin this time for me. This was supposed to be one of the happiest times of my life, and I would be damned if she squandered or belittled that because of her own messed up shit.

If she wanted to act like a selfish, spoiled brat, then fine. I'll let her.

Two can play at that game.

……………………………………………………………


	13. What Happened To Us?

**Disclaimer: I don't own digimon.**

**Hey, I'm back with another chapter. I had a little scare with my computer (I got a virus and my hard drive got deleted! I thought I lost my story, and I had about five chapters finished and not posted yet.) But, thankfully, I got them back. And, to celebrate my good mood, I'm updating ahead of schedule. Go me.**

**Thanks for all the reviews!**

**This chapter switches back and forth between many different POV's. Just pay attention and you'll figure out who's who.**

**Chapter Thirteen: What Happened To Us?  
**……………………………………………………………

Word came yesterday that Jacob Tanaka was out on bail, but was still waiting for a trial. It almost didn't seem real to me. _How could they let him go? _I remember thinking when Izzy told me the news. _Why didn't they just throw the death penalty at him?_

Okay, okay, it was a terrible thing to think, but I didn't care. The more I thought about it, the more I agreed with T.K: Jake deserved the same fate he inflicted on so many innocent people in that school. I talked to a few other people from Odaiba High about it and they all seemed to share the same opinion as my brother. I thought about what Kari said, and realized it was true. Everyone _did_ want him dead when he got out…and now he was.

So you can understand why I wasn't too surprised when Jacob turned up dead just a few hours after he was released on bail.

I'm beginning to worry, though. I hadn't seen T.K. or Kari at all that day. Normally, they stop by the hospital every morning to visit Tai, but I didn't see either of them that morning. After I heard that Jacob was dead, I finally found them. They were both acting pretty suspicious, which was very unsettling for me.

T.K. was my baby brother, not a murderer. And Kari, she's practically my sister, for God's sake. Neither of them could have done it. I told myself over and over that it was just my imagination, but I didn't really believe that.

All I knew was this: I would protect my brother and sister, and help them out in any way they needed. Even if it means providing them with a fake alibi.

Yes, if I had to, I would help cover up a murder.

……………………………………………………………

Jacob is dead, and I'm pretty sure that Matt thinks I had something to do with it. But I didn't, I swear I didn't. The reason Kari and I were acting so strange that day was because of something else. Trust me, when Jacob was killed, we were busy with other things…

……………………………………………………………

I received a letter in the mail the other day, from Odaiba High. I wondered what they could possibly want to say. Was this an apology note, or something like that? Were they trying to make up for everything that happened to everyone—including my brother? I wasn't sure. As I ran my fingers over the brown envelope, it hit me: I would probably have to go back.

I opened the envelope and read the note eagerly.

_Ms. Hikari Kamiya, _

_The administration board at Odaiba High School would like to express its deepest sympathy and sincerest apologies for the recent happenings. It was a tragedy, but we must go on. On Monday, July 11th, we will be holding a memorial service for all those who were lost in the tragedy. We will also keep those who are injured in our prayers as we grieve for our beloved staff and students._

_We, the administration, have collectively reached an agreement as to when faculty and students are to return to school. It is currently undergoing repairs and cleaning, but hopefully the building will be ready for Tuesday, July 12th, 2005. While the end of the year is looming right around the corner, we must remember that our studies are still important, in the midst of all these hardships. We hope to see you Tuesday, as we attempt to finish up yet another year at Odaiba High School._

_Sincerely,_

_The Odaiba School Board and Administrative Council._

_They must be kidding,_ I told myself. Surely they didn't expect us all to go back to school and stroll down those hallways as if nothing had happened! It was insane—unhealthy, even.

It was a truly preposterous idea. There was no way they would make us go back…not after _that_. I could never go back, nor would I want to. I'm sure that everyone else was feeling the same way.

That building was evil, just being in it would remind us all of everything that had taken place in there. It should be destroyed, burnt to a crisp.

I prayed that somewhere, someone was thinking the same thing as me, and would act on it. I prayed that someone took it upon themselves to get rid of that awful place once and for all. Nobody would blame them; they would probably thank them, actually. I know I would.

No one should ever have to look at that Odaiba High again. I couldn't stop thinking of all the poor mothers who would have to drive down that street, see that building and know that that was where their child lost their life. Yes, it should be torn down.

But it wouldn't get torn down. The administration was already planning on moving everyone back into that school…they wouldn't get rid of it now. Plus, they had just built that building and moved the entire school about six or seven years ago. It was still practically brand new.

They would have no reason to tear it down. It would stay there, serving as a constant reminder of the events that transpired there.

Unless…

……………………………………………………………

"You're going _where?_" I screamed at her.

"To the school," she answered me matter-of-factly. Part of me couldn't believe what she just told me, and yet the other part wasn't really surprised at all.

"Kari, you can't—"

"—Yes, T.K., I can. I know you may not think it's the right solution, and you can try to talk me out of it but you can't. My mind is made up," she told me. I shook my head, and wrapped my arms around her waist.

"You didn't let me finish." She looked up at me and raised an eyebrow. "You can't do this alone. Let me come with you," I offered. Her eyes widened.

"No, I can't ask you to do that," she told me.

"You don't have to. I'm coming, and that's final," I stated. She stared at me for a minute, deciding what to do next. I could still see a hint of uncertainty in her eyes, like she really thought she should do this alone. She opened her mouth, most likely to tell me she was going to do it alone. I shut her up the only way I knew how—a nice, heated kiss that made her melt in my arms.

"Fine," she said, giving in. "But I want you to remember that it was _your_ idea to come."

……………………………………………………………

"Do you want to do the honours?" I asked T.K. He shook his head.

"No, this is all you babe," he said. I smiled and took the match from his hand.

With one swift motion, I lit it, and tossed it about five feet in front of me.

Everything was like a dream; it all seemed so surreal. As T.K. and I—dressed in all black—ran, I threw a final glance over my shoulder. I saw the school, or at least what was left of it. The flames were rapidly growing, almost completely engulfing the front section.

It was about midnight, and we were almost completely surrounded by darkness. We had to wait for it to get dark, which took longer than we would have hoped, since it was the middle of July. Now it got dark a lot later than it did in the winter, which proved to be a slight disadvantage. While I didn't like sneaking out of my house in the middle of the night, this was the only option. My parents would have been furious if they found out where I was going, and I prayed they didn't notice that I was gone.

We stopped running after a while, trying to catch our breath. By now we were pretty far away, so we figured it would be safe to walk the rest of the way home. It wasn't very far, so it wouldn't take too long.

T.K. walked me home and I kissed him goodnight. We spent a good five minutes on my front step before he finally broke the kiss and said goodbye.

He started to walk away, but turned around and came back. He looked deep into my eyes and leaned in really close. Then, he says something that we both knew, but had never said aloud before.

"I love you."

……………………………………………………………

I sat in Tai's hospital room studying the monitors he was hooked up to. At first, the sight of Tai lying there with tubes running through him was a huge shock to me, but I gradually got used to it. I found it pretty fascinating, and yet terrifying at the same time.

My goal in life was to become a doctor. But was that really _my_ dream, or was it only my dad's? Ever since I was little he would say to me, '_Someday, you'll be a doctor just like me, Joe.'_

Talk about pressure, huh?

Well, I never really minded. I was pretty good at dealing with pressure by now, and it was no longer a factor. Okay, so it was, but not a huge factor. That counts for something, right?

Anyway, if that were all I was dealing with, I would have no problem with being a doctor.

Unfortunately, it was a little more complicated than that. I wasn't sure if this was my calling. When I think about the rest of my life, I just don't really envision myself as a doctor anymore. I guess that all changed when I was in that school. How could I be a doctor, when I couldn't even save the life of one of the people around me? Most of the people I passed by in those halls, they could be…dead now. And it just as easily could have been me, or one of my friends. In fact, Tai was dangerously close to being in that category.

I couldn't help but think if I had just stopped to help even _one_ of those people, maybe it would have made a difference. But I didn't do that, and I couldn't change the past, could I?

If I couldn't even fix things, who was I to become a doctor? How could I dedicate my life to saving the lives of others, when I let so many people die in that building? I wasn't a doctor, nor would I ever be. I was just some stupid kid with a crazy dream I could never achieve.

When you're a doctor…you literally have a life in your hands. Your patients _trust_ you. They trust you to do your job correctly, and save them. But I couldn't do that.

And sure, maybe those kids in the halls weren't my patients, but what difference did it make? I couldn't help them, just like I wouldn't be able to help anyone else.

I would be especially screwed if I knew the patient. I could never operate on _anyone_ that I knew, whether it was a family member or even just a regular patient whom I was rather fond of.

I guess I had always assumed that in the heat of the moment, no matter _whom_ it was that needed help, I would be able to give it to them. My body would just take over, and I wouldn't have to think about it. But when I walked into that room and saw that Tai, one of my dearest friends, was the patient, I knew it would be easier said than done.

While it isn't in the best interest for a doctor to operate on family members—for obvious reasons—it wasn't technically a rule. And friends were a different matter entirely. So, what would I do if that day ever came?

My dad's had to operate on some of his old friends before. And he was the on-call doctor when they brought my maternal grandfather in for his heart attack. If you add in all the countless times my brother or I had broken a bone or gotten the flu—plus the fact that he helped deliver both of us—I guess you could say he's done a ton of procedures on family and friends. Something that I could never, and would never, do.

And it was because I was scared.

I was a coward, plain and simple.

And you and I both know that cowards never amount to anything.

……………………………………………………………

I lay in bed trying to fall asleep, but can't. My heart is pounding, my mind is racing and I'm on a major adrenaline kick. I can't believe what I have just done. It seems like a dream. More like a hallucination, actually. I feel like I'm on some kind of trip, but I'm not—nor have I ever been, for the record.

No, what just transpired was much, much better than any kind of trip. T.K. and I had the most amazing night ever, and I'll never forget it. God, T.K. is so wonderful. He really would do anything for me…he proved that tonight.

After I got a letter in the mail inviting me back to school, I reached a decision. I was going to burn down that school, so we never had to go back there again.

To that building, that is.

Of course we'll have to return to school, I have no problem with that. It's returning to _that_ building…the place where _it_ happened, that I refuse to do. As strange as it seems, I'm not scared of going back to school. I have no fear whatsoever that anything like this will ever happen again.

I'm not scared that Davis and his crew of freaks have inspired some crazy, outcast kids to follow in their footsteps. I'm not scared that any psychotic, gun-toting ex-convict is going to bust into school and blow my brains out. I have lived through it, and I'm fine.

Well, that's a lie. I'm completely fucked up; tonight proved _that_, too. But that isn't what I mean.

I'm not scared because, in a way, I've faced my fear. I know nobody would ever do that again because we've all lived through it. Nobody who has had something like that inflicted on them would ever try to inflict it on others.

I'm scared of other things. The things that come out of the blue, the things that never, not in a million years, would you have dreamed could happen to you.

A shooting at Odaiba High was one of those things, once. It isn't anymore.

No, the stuff that scares me now is things like car accidents or natural disasters, things that seemed too far-fetched to be real. Just like a school shooting that would put my brother in a coma had been at one point.

The things that terrify me so much that it actually keeps me up at night are simple things. Things like losing the people I love. Losing mom, losing dad…I don't know what I would do. If I lost Tai or T.K., I would want to die myself.

And what constantly looms over my head is that I could lose Tai at any minute. I'm not an idiot, I know that Tai has a ton of problems right now and he's really just touch-and-go.

That's what started all of this, I guess. No, not I_ guess_…I _know_. I was angry; I still am. I'm angry because some sick bastards decided they would put a bullet into my brother, and then take their own lives. I wish they hadn't taken their own lives, so I would have had the pleasure of doing it for them.

There is not a doubt in my mind that I would have, too.

I promised Tai that I would make sure they all got what they deserved. I may not have been in my right mind when I made the promise, but it doesn't matter. I would have followed through on that promise, if someone hadn't gotten to him first.

But I couldn't kill them. I had no way of extracting revenge on any of them, and that only fueled the fire. So I did the only logical thing I thought I could do.

I burnt down the school. I only wish that they had been inside.

……………………………………………………………

The Takenouchi house had many different sounds, all of which were very familiar to Sora and her mother. Some of them happened occasionally; others happened nightly, almost like clockwork. All of them, however, were identifiable. Lately, there had been a few new ones. Ones that Sora's mother failed to hear and recognize.

**CREAK **

Sora, who was lying in her bed, didn't even flinch. She knew what the sound was; she had been waiting for it. This was the sound of her mother coming up the stairs, on her way to bed. The third step from the bottom was extremely noisy, and groaned under the pressure of a body every time it was stepped on.

Next, there was a slightly quieter series of _clinks_. Sora knew what this was, too. It was the sound of Mrs. Takenouchi's rings clanging against the banister of their stairs.

The light creeping in from under the doorway cast a shadow across the floor as her mother walked by. She heard slow, quiet footsteps slide across the hardwood floor as her mother approached her own bedroom.

She heard a slight creak from the hinges as her mom's door shut. Through the wall, she heard the TV turn on. The voice of David Letterman floated into her room, followed by the audience's laughter. Sora heard yet another creak as her mother slid her dresser drawer open and pulled out her pajamas. She waited, listening as her mother settled into her bed and fidgeted until she found a comfortable position.

Exactly half an hour later, the sounds of David Letterman came to an abrupt halt. Silence filled the air. Sora stayed completely still, listening for any signs that her mother was awake.

It was well known to Sora that her mother couldn't fall asleep without a TV on in the background, which is why she put it on a timer for 30 minutes. If her mother were still awake, she would get up and turn the TV back on right away.

After five minutes of inactivity, Sora sat up, swung her feet over the end of her bed, and stood up. She grabbed her cell phone, which was on her dresser, and text-messaged Summer. There was a low beeping each time Sora struck a key with her finger.

'All clear' she typed into her phone and then sent it.

She picked up her purse and opened it, cringing as the sound of the zipper cut loudly through the silence. She put her phone in there and zipped it back up quickly.

Then she went to her closet, which also creaked. She pulled off her pajamas, and put on her clubbing outfit. Tonight's outfit put Sora in a rather short black skirt and black fishnets. She put on a skimpy green shirt that said 'you know you want it', and crept over to her makeup table.

She sat down, and there was a barely audible 'click' heard as her small lamp turned on. She tried not to let too much light shine into the hallway incase her mother woke up. She put on her makeup quickly, trying something new this time. Instead of her regular—and slightly plain—style of makeup, she tried to copy Summer's. This meant dramatic: big eyes, bright red lips, and tons of eyeliner.

_I look like I'm on drugs,_ Sora though, chuckling. She grabbed her pillows, arranged them in a way so they looked like a person, and covered them with her blankets. Just incase.

She walked over to her closet, got on her hands and knees, and picked up her black stilettos. Then she grabbed her purse and stealthily slipped into the hallway. She was a pro at this: She _had_ had a lot of practice at sneaking out, after all.

Biting her lip, she made her way down the stairs. She was about to put her foot down on the third when she stopped herself, remembering how it creaked. If she was caught, Sora doubted her mother would believe she was getting a glass of water dressed like _that_. She hopped silently down to the second step and continued down them.

She grabbed her small jacket that was hanging on the coat rack and put it on. With a _click_ that echoed through the house, Sora unlocked the door.

She pulled it open and the screech of the hinge was very audible.

"Shit," Sora whispered to herself. She stood still, listening for any sign that her mother was awake. When nothing happened, she walked out the door and shut it quickly. She cringed; sure it made the same creaking sound once again.

Once she was out, she sat down on the step and put her stilettos on. She had decided, after a few nights of stumbling around the house in them, that she just _couldn't_ wear them inside without making too much noise and eventually getting caught.

She walked hurriedly down the dark street, the dim light from the streetlamps guiding her way through the darkness. It actually wasn't too dark, since it was July and only about midnight, but the darkness covered Sora like a protective blanket, and she was glad to have what little of it she could get. She reached the corner of her street and saw Owen's car slowing to a stop a couple yards away.

This was their nightly routine, and they had it down to a science by now. They arranged to meet Sora at the end of her street, so the headlights pulling into her driveway didn't wake up her mother or any of the neighbours. Sora was having too much fun to run the risk of getting caught.

She hopped into the back seat, which held Summer and Jan, and greeted everyone with a friendly hello. Owen, Alex, Summer and Jan greeted her back.

"Where are the others?" Sora asked.

"Mark and Josh are meeting us there, but Chris bailed for tonight," Alex informed her from the front passenger seat.

"Why?" Sora asked curiously. Though she was knew to their lifestyle, she couldn't really figure out why anyone would want to miss even a moment of the fun.

"Who knows, who cares," Summer muttered.

"All it means is more shit for us," Owen called from the driver's seat.

Sora smiled faintly and looked out the window. They were going to a club across town, one that opened up a few nights ago. Just as Sora looked out the window, Owen turned down Tai's street.

She bit down hard on her lip and tried to look away. She wanted desperately to just turn her attention back to her friends, but she couldn't. It was like her head—and eyes—were glued to the right side of the street until Tai's house came into view. It did after a moment, and Sora only caught a glimpse before she managed to look away.

But she saw enough to collectively ruin the rest of her night, or at least the car ride over.

The garden was unkempt and dead. The blinds were shut, which was appropriate for nighttime, but Sora had a feeling that they didn't open during the day either. There was no car in the driveway, and Sora assumed they were still at the hospital with Tai. Her heart broke for Kari and her parents.

_It seems so empty, _was all she could think.

Sighing heavily, she turned back to the conversation of the car and tried to put Tai behind her. It didn't work just yet; she needed the numbness before it would. But that's okay, because she would have it soon.

……………………………………………………………

Mimi and I were hanging out at my house on Wednesday, the following afternoon. Last night, our families had this big, kind of "welcome to the family" dinner. It was so weird and tacky and uncool. I mean, they've already met, like, a _thousand_ times, and they acted all creepy like it was their first encounter or something. Whatever. Let them do their little role-playing, if it keeps them happy.

The important thing was that both sets of parents gave us their blessing. I wasn't expecting anything less, though. True to tradition, I went to Mimi's dad first and asked him for his permission. He gave it over pretty easily, much to my surprise. He had only one condition: we finish school before we move away and start a family. I obliged, knowing that both Mimi and I weren't in a rush to start a family just yet anyway. He was happy for us, but I was still a little shocked that Mr. Tachikawa was willing to give away his little princess without a fight. In his eyes she's his darling daughter: young, naïve, and totally innocent. Innocent! Yeah, right. I can't even _count _how many times we've—um, yeah…hey, the phones ringing.

"Hello?" I said, answering the phone.

"Hi, Matt. It's Sora." I didn't say anything right away, mostly because I was shocked. I hadn't spoken to Sora in quite a number of days, and from what I could tell, neither had Mimi.

"Oh," I said finally. "Hey, how are you?"

"I'm all right," she said uncomfortably. She was talking really fast, like her cell battery was about to cut out any second and she needed to get everything out before then. I stayed quiet, waiting for her to continue. After a moment or two, she did. "Listen, is Mimi there? Nobody answered on her private line so I assumed she was with you…" she trailed off.

"Yeah, she's right here. Hold on, I'll get her." I saw Mimi's head jerk to my direction, wondering who was calling. I put my hand over the receiver and said, "It's Sora."

Mimi remained stone-faced, as if contemplating whether she wanted to talk to her or not. She got that look on her face that only appears when Mimi decides she's going to be particularly stubborn and difficult, and shook her head.

"No, tell her I'm busy but maybe I'll call her later," she said with a bitchy tone of voice.

"Come on, cut her some slack…she's going through a really rough time right now. She's still you're best friend, Mimi, no matter what you say. At least talk to her," I said. "For me?"

It felt weird to talk to Mimi like this. I was never the one she—or anyone else—would go to with their problems. Believe it or not, whenever there was a fight or hurt feeling in the group, we would go to Tai. You wouldn't think it, but he was the one who knew how to handle this kind of stuff. I was just winging it, hoping to make it out of this impending catfight alive.

She nodded and took the phone from my hand, but her expression remained the same.

"Hello?" she said stiffly.

Part of me didn't want to watch the drama that was about to unfold, but the other part of me couldn't help but listen intently. I figured this was going to end in tears.

"No, I understand. You've been _busy_," Mimi said dryly. I detected a hint of sarcasm in her voice. I'm pretty sure that Sora did, too.

It was like a really bad car accident. The kind where you really don't want to look, and yet you can't seem to look away.

"Well I'm sorry but that's just too bad. We haven't heard from you in quite a while. We've all been really worried about you, but do you care? No!"

I felt bad for Sora, knowing firsthand that the wrath of Mimi was not to be taken lightly. But part of me couldn't help but be turned on by Mimi, laying down the law.

"Well, maybe you should call Kari for some help because I'm really busy over here with my _fiancé_," she said, exaggerating the fiancé part.

It didn't take a genius to figure out the root of this problem. Sora not only seemed to be distancing herself from us lately, but she didn't even call Mimi about the engagement. That must have struck a chord, and I could no longer blame Mimi for acting slightly hostile toward her best friend. Guys might not care about that kind of stuff, but girls sure did. They wrote in down in their diaries with a vow to turn all their friends against each other. They stored it away, deep inside their memory banks, waiting for the day they could throw it back in the other girl's face.

She hung up the phone without saying goodbye, and huffed angrily.

"I don't know what is going on with that girl, but she better get her shit together soon or I don't know what I'm going to do with her!" Mimi shrieked.

So I was wrong when I said it would end in tears.

……………………………………………………………

I don't know how long I've been here, but I know it's been a while. The void seems to get darker and colder every second. I want to leave this place so badly, but I can't find the way out.

I can't feel Sora anymore. I have no idea where she is, and that scares me. But that's not the scariest thing that's been happening in the void lately.

Remember that picture of Sora I told you about?

Lately, it's been getting darker. Not turning black, or anything, but the glow is wearing off. It's not as bright and vibrant as it used to be. I have no idea why, either.

I don't know if it has anything to do with Sora, or if it's all in my head. Maybe I'm just imagining it, and it isn't getting darker at all. Yeah, that's probably it. Right?

But what if it isn't just me? Does that mean that Sora is in trouble? Does it mean that she needs me, and I have to wake up and help her? I can't help her, though, because I can't wake up. Trust me, I've tried. I've spent most of my time in this place trying.

I really think I'm going a little crazy here. My thoughts are scrambled and they don't really make any sense anymore.

And I don't sleep.

At least, I don't think I do.

I'm feeling more tired than when I first got here. I feel like all I want to do is sleep forever. But I try my best to resist, because I'm scared that if I do go to sleep, I might not wake up again.

But the urge is growing, and it's starting to overpower me.

I just hope that Sora will be okay, if I do wind up letting go…

……………………………………………………………

"Come on, come on. Pick _up_!" I mumbled as the phone rang. I know, I was being impatient, but this was a totally important, life-altering situation and I needed Mimi!

On its third ring, Matt finally answered.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Matt. It's Sora." I hoped Mimi hadn't brought him up to speed on our current relationship—or lack thereof—and just passed the phone over willingly, no questions asked. It wasn't that easy. He stayed quiet for a minute, and smoke was practically coming out my ears. This was urgent, Matt, get on it!

"Oh," he said dumbly. Sure, I love Matt like a brother and I have nothing against him, but I vowed that if he didn't pass the phone over to Mimi by the time I counted to ten, I was going to cut off his favourite area. "Hey, how are you?"

How am I? _How am I?_ Is he joking?

'I'm terrible, Matt! I'm literally having a meltdown and I need to talk to your precious fiancée, so pass the phone over or lose any chance of ever reproducing!' I mentally screamed at him.

"I'm all right," I said impatiently, trying hard to keep my anger in check. I realized that I hadn't actually asked him yet if I could talk to Mimi. I felt slightly stupid, but then anger, fear and uncertainty smothered all traces of stupidity. "Listen, is Mimi there? Nobody answered on her private line so I assumed she was with you…" I stopped, not really sure what to say.

'Either she's there or she isn't! Anytime you want to answer, I'd appreciate it,' I said to myself.

"Yeah, she's right here. Hold on, I'll get her."

I sat there, pacing back and forth in my bedroom for what seemed like an eon. By the time Mimi came on, I had literally almost worn a whole in my carpet.

Okay, so not _literally. _I exaggerate. So sue me.

"Hello?" Mimi's voice filled my ears.

"Hey, Meems. Sorry I haven't returned your calls lately," I said with pseudo-enthusiasm.

"No, I understand. You've been _busy_," she said, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

Fine, so it's going to be like that, is it? I was about to get all snippy and smart-mouthed when I remembered why I called. I needed Mimi, and pissing her off wouldn't make the process any easier. Swallowing my pride, I totally folded and played right into her hand. That's right: I, Sora Takenouchi, accepted defeat.

"I'm really sorry. I've been going through a really hard time. You can understand that, can't you? I've been really confused about stuff, but I'm ready to talk now," I offered. Okay, so I was totally going for pity and sympathy, but I was desperate and willing to get her on my side any way that I could.

"Well I'm sorry but that's just too bad. We haven't heard from you in quite a while. We've all been really worried about you, but do you care? No!" Mimi screeched at me.

I sighed, and decided I would give it one more try. My experience as Mimi's best friend had definitely given me the advantage in a situation like this. I knew how to work her over so she couldn't help but oblige to my request.

"Meems, you're totally right. I'm so, so, _so_ sorry. Please, can't you just forgive me and come over? I _really_ need help, you have no idea how badly I need you right now," I said pathetically.

I waited for her response. I waited for her to give in, tell me she'd be right over, just like she always did. Just like I always did when she was the one asking.

I used to think we were _oh_-so slick about the way we worked each other over, but maybe we were just professionals at the Sora-Mimi relationship by now. We did, after all, write the book on it.

"Well, maybe you should call Kari for some help because I'm really busy over here with my _fiancé_."

I just sat there, stunned. I heard her slam her phone down, but I didn't notice. I stood there, in the centre of my bedroom, clutching the phone for God-only-knows how long.

I don't really know why I was so surprised.

I had given her the way in, the way to come out on top of our little argument. She would play her part as the heroine, and I would be the poor, defenseless villager whose problems she needed to slay like a rogue dragon.

Yes, Superhero Mimi was being called to uphold justice. But apparently, she didn't respond to her Superhero cell phone. Or maybe she was just currently detained, out slaying someone else's dragon. Either way, she left me high, dry, and with nowhere else to turn. Kari was just a kid; I refused to involve her in this.

Mimi never was one for taking the highroad. Now that I think about it, she's really not a gracious winner, either. She's a sore loser, and can make extracting vengeance feel similar to a very tedious, very tricky root canal.

Actually, I was starting to notice a ton of things wrong with Princess Tachikawa. She was way too self-involved. I could tell by her final comment before she hung up on me (note to self: add drama queen to the list, too) that our little tiff was all because of her precious engagement.

Well, _sorry_ that I was taking time out of Mimi's life to try to sort out my own messed up shit.

God, how could I ever be friends with a girl like her? She's annoying, over-bearing and way too possessive. She demands constant vigilance and has to be the centre of everyone's world. I suddenly gained a new respect for Matt.

Okay, so I'm being much too critical.

I loved Mimi, but that didn't change anything. I was far too angry with her to care about my long-term feelings. Only short-term, darker, edgier, angrier feelings were allowed to be in control right now.

I would never forgive her for this.

Or, at least, I wouldn't forgive her for a few days. I could never stay mad at her, and even in a situation of this severity, that could never change.

What was I going to do now? I couldn't do this by myself.

Oh, right. You're probably wondering what the hell I'm freaking out about. Okay, I'll start from the beginning…

……………………………………………………………

It all started when I was hanging out in Jan's basement with the gang—FYI: the gang is now Summer, Jan, Owen, Chris, Josh, Alex, Mark and I.

The other "gang" that I'm technically a part of is way too all over the place. We're in shambles, and right now I need security, not ruins. That's the type of girl I am: reject you before you can reject me. It's a wonder that I ever made friends in the first place, really.

Anyways, we were hanging out in her basement doing…what we do when we have a 'get together' when Alex started talking about how we should take a trip.

No, he didn't mean _that_ kind of trip. Half of us were already on that kind of trip and the other half were well on our way there. I was the latter of the two. Being that Alex was in the first category, I didn't think too much into his plans. He wouldn't remember even bringing it up in a few hours anyway.

"My cousin has a beach house and he's, like, not using it during summer vacation. We should totally go up there for a few weeks," he said.

There was a round of 'awesome' and 'totally' and 'dude, yeah!' My friends are starting to remind me of those surfers I came across during my two-week stint in California with my dad. I nodded in agreement, wishing he would just stop talking about it.

It made me think about Tai, and his plans for our summer. The plans that I had lost all hope in. The hotel-and-beach, fun-in-the-sun, uncensored, unsupervised trip that we were supposed to take this August.

But it all seemed so far away now. Kind of the way graduation feels when you first start high school. Graduation is four years away and you're positive that four years will last practically forever. But gradually, it sneaks up on you, having gone completely unnoticed, until you're smothered by it. August, I knew, would sneak up on me. The trip, I was sure, was postponed indefinitely. Regardless.

"Cool. Sora, you can be _my _roommate," Josh said, winking. Summer rolled her eyes.

"As if, Josh. She's _mine_," she said. I smiled inward, secretly pleased that I was becoming so popular. Summer and I had gotten really close, and Josh…let's just say he's taken a shine to me, too.

"So, like, when should we go?" Jan asked, interrupting the mini-squabble over my affections.

"Um, I dunno. Whenever, you guys can pick," Alex shrugged. I began thinking that maybe they were actually being serious about these summer plans. After all, they did seem like the type to do crazy things out of pure spontaneity.

I wouldn't go—for many reasons—but I wasn't about to tell them that. My mom would _never_, not in a million years, let me go away with people she's never met before. Plus, she'd want to know why Mimi and the others weren't going. And my other friends would wind up finding out about it, and I couldn't have that. I was balancing two lives at the moment, sort of like a secret agent. I wasn't ready for my two, independent lives to cross over into one, simultaneous life just yet.

"Well, today is the 8th, so how about next week?" Summer suggested.

At first, I thought nothing of that statement. At first, I didn't realize how important it was. But when I realized what Summer had said, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I sat up from the couch quickly, giving myself a head rush. Summer looked at me.

"What's wrong?" Summer asked.

"Sum, you're wrong. Today is so _not_ the 8th," I told her. It wasn't a question or a challenge. It was a fact. It _couldn't _be the eighth. There was no way. Even God didn't hate me _that_ much, right?

She nodded furiously, as if she had never been so sure about anything else in her whole life.

Owen and Chris went hunting for a calendar, but I paid no attention. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy, telling me that it really was the eighth.

I stood up and ran out the door, my heart beating faster than ever before.

"What's up with Takenouchi?" Mark asked as I left.

……………………………………………………………

'Thank God.'

That is one sentence I shall never say again.

'Oh my God.'

That's another.

God is a word that will never again escape my lips.

A little while ago, I reached the decision that God didn't exist. He just _couldn't_. He is just a figment of our imagination, that some choose to believe in. Correction—the stupid ones choose to believe in.

God is not real; I know that for a fact.

Facts, now _those_ were real. There is no denying that a fact—whether mathematical, scientific, or otherwise—is true. There is, however, no certainty that God exists now, or that he ever did.

Some people, after hearing about the accident, had taken it upon themselves to justify the occurrences. I guess they thought that somehow, someway, they were helping me deal by offering stupid, useless advice.

"Everything happens for a reason," and "it's all in God's master plan for us," have been among the most popular ones.

But I fight it, and I don't allow myself to believe their words. I challenge it in every way possible.

I wonder why "God", who supposedly sacrificed his own son to show his undying love for us, would let something like this happen. If he loves us so much, and values every life as equal and important, then why would he take so many? _How _could he take so many?

It wasn't the first time he's done it, and it probably won't be the last.

If you love something, you set it free. You don't put a bullet in it. But that's what "God" has done to us.

But "He" hasn't, because "He" isn't real.

I have been wondering for a while why people choose to believe in God, though we have no proof. After thinking about it for a few days, I come to a conclusion.

People choose to believe in God so they have something to follow. They choose to believe so they have _something_ to believe in. The only reason they believe in God is so life has a purpose, and we don't just have live life to die. But maybe we do.

Maybe, if there is actually someone up there, they want us to suffer. And when we die, we won't be rewarded with heaven. Maybe we'll just be reincarnated, and have to do it all over again. If there _is _a greater force out there, I've decided, they are a cold, cruel one. They want us to suffer through life until we escape through death.

And there's nothing you can do about it.

I looked it up on the Internet and found many sites raising the rather fascinating question of whether or not God is real.

In particular, one argument I especially enjoyed was creation. Everything must be created. It is a known scientific _fact_ that can have no disputing. And yet, God has no creator. If someone—or something—_were_ to create God, wouldn't it be _God's_ God? Therefore, wouldn't _He_ be considered our God as well?

The answer would be yes, and that would only prove that there was in fact a God. But, there isn't, and this is why: The same question about creation can be raised for _that _God, and _His_ God, and the God before that. The question goes on infinitely, to which there is no answer.

Because there is no God, that's the true answer.

There are no miracles, only those that we choose to interpret as miracles. Just like prayers cannot contribute to making our lives better, or changing the world in any way.

If God knows everything, then why would you pray? He already knows what you want to ask Him. And yet we still pray.

God doesn't listen to our prayers. If He did, they would come true and we wouldn't have a reason to pray for them in the first place. If God listened to our prayers, and actually did something to make them come true, we would live in the best possible world.

But we don't live in the best possible world, do we?

No, it's quite the contrary. We live in a world where freaks come to school with guns and blow away their classmates, then themselves. We live in a world where people we love are constantly getting sick and injured. We live in a world where all kinds of things are imperfect.

I bet I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking 'this kid actually looked it up? Doesn't he have a life, or something?'

Well no, I don't have a life. Not anymore.

Not since this happened, and Tai got hurt.

Now, our group is completely torn apart.

T.K. and Kari are always up to something, but we never know what it is. I haven't talked to Sora in a rather long time, even though I still call her every so often. Joe has been volunteering his time at the hospital more than usual lately, and Matt and Mimi are together a lot more now that they're engaged.

So that leaves me, Izzy. I'm alone now.

I want us to all go out together to celebrate for Matt and Mimi, but so far it hasn't happened.

Truthfully, I don't think it ever will. I'm afraid that if Tai doesn't wake up soon, we might never go back to the way we were. We might not go back to being ourselves ever again.

And that's a scary thought, because I liked the way we were.

So I hope you're listening God, because this is your fault. If you even exist at all.

But even that looks doubtful, doesn't it?

**…………………………………………………………… **

"No. No, no, no, no, no!" I screamed as I ran into my house. My mother left for a business trip in the morning and would be gone until tomorrow night, so I could be as loud as I wanted to be.

My hands shook as I shut the door and I collapsed to the floor, practically convulsing.

_God can't possibly hate me this much,_ I thought. Maybe I should explain.

It couldn't be the eighth because if it was, that meant that…

That meant that I was late.

And I couldn't be late. I just couldn't. This would ruin my life. And with Tai in a coma—things couldn't get any worse. What would my mother think?

I stood up and staggered over to the counter. I grabbed the car keys and drove to the drugstore. I bought two pregnancy tests. I have no clue what brand, because I was way too preoccupied to even clue into the fact that I was really at the drugstore doing that. It seemed surreal; like a dream—scratch that, it was a nightmare.

I got home and called Mimi, and we all know how well that went over. But I couldn't be blamed for needing my best friend, could I? She rejected me, leaving me to do the test by myself.

I walked into the bathroom and opened the first kit. I sat down on the toilet and…nothing happened.

I couldn't go!

I ran to the kitchen and guzzled two glasses of water. By now, my hand was shaking so bad that half the water threatened to spill down my front, missing my mouth entirely.

I filled the glass halfway again, drank it quickly, and retreated back to the bathroom. It took a minute or two, but I managed to go nonetheless.

I put the stick down on the counter and waited. I almost went crazy, waiting like that. I mean, my entire future was depending on whether some stick turned blue or pink.

I shut my eyes, bit my lip, and prayed for pink. I wasn't ready for blue, nowhere near ready.

I tried to take my mind off of it by watching some TV. That didn't help, especially when I changed the channel and the episode of 'Friends' where Rachel discovers she's pregnant was on. It was a terrible cliché, I know. But hey, I don't control what the TV shows me. I only control whether or not I choose to watch it. Therefore, I chose to turn it off.

I went to the fridge and got a granola bar. Nothing about a granola bar could make you think about pregnancy, right? Wrong. My wonderful mind reminded me of the fact that I might be eating for two. I suddenly felt really queasy, and dry-heaved into the sink.

That was when I really started to panic—even more than before, I mean. Why was I queasy? Was it because of the pressure and the situation, or was it because I _was_ pregnant?

Maybe I was late because I was under some major stress. That can happen, right? Yeah, that was it. I've heard of that before. You get really stressed, and your cycle can go all out of whack. No reason to worry, everything will be okay. I tell myself that I'm not pregnant. I had imagined this day, finding out Tai and I were going to have a baby, so many times before. But never like this. It was always far off in the distant, distant future.

_So it won't happen yet_, I told myself. _I'm not pregnant. Everything will be fine._

Why didn't I believe it?

After ten, excruciatingly long minutes, the test was ready. I walked into the bathroom with my eyes shut, thinking that maybe if I tortured myself for a few seconds longer, God would feel sorry for me and make the stick turn pink, not blue. He could swing that, right?

Saying one last silent prayer, I opened my eyes and looked at the stick.

My breath caught in my throat and I started crying. I didn't think I would ever stop crying—or start breathing—again.

……………………………………………………………

**Firstly: with the whole Izzy thing, I'm not trying to make you believe in God or not believe in God. I'm just writing about how Izzy feels right now. Although I don't really think I believe in Him, I'm not trying to get you to change your opinions.**

**Secondly: I haven't figured out whether or not Jacob's killer will have to do with the story, or if he'll just be anonymous. What do you all think I should do?**

**Thirdly: I want a lot reviews since this was way long (22 pages on Microsoft Word!) The more I get, the sooner I update. Special shoutout to the person who gives me my 100th review. I will seriously love you forever : )**


	14. Life is Overrated: Sora's Story

**Disclaimer: I don't own digimon, or the characters. Blah, blah, blah.**

**Chapter Fourteen: Life is Overrated: Sora's Story  
**……………………………………………………………

Blue.

The stick is blue.

And blue means…

Pregnant.

So if the stick is blue and a blue stick means pregnant...

That means that I'm…

Pregnant.

I drop the test in utter shock and hear it make a _clank_ing noise as it makes contact with the tiled floor of my bathroom. My vision is blurry, on account of all the tears that are suddenly spilling down my cheeks.

Blue. Blue, blue, blue, blue, blue. The word repeats over and over in my mind, still not seeming real. But it was real. It was blue.

I blink away my tears and glance down at the test, looking for confirmation.

_That's a strange shade of blue_, I say to myself. It almost looks…

Pink.

"Pink," I whisper aloud.

"Pink," I say again, slightly louder, more confident this time. A small, insecure smile creeps its way across my face.

"Pink!" I scream one final time, thankful nobody is around to hear me.

I reach down, wrap my fingers around the stick, and bring it to my face for some closer examination.

I'm still not totally sure. Had I been mistaken when I declared it blue? Or was my mind playing a cruel joke on me, and making me see pink when it wasn't?

Still holding the stick of undetermined colour, I go down the stairs into the kitchen, which has better lighting. I turn on all the lights I can possible reach, and stare at the stick.

Pink.

Yes, this stick is definitely pink. No doubt about it.

I stare a few seconds longer, trying to let it sink it. It does. I want to celebrate; I want to run outside and scream at the top of my lungs "The stick is _pink!_"

So I do.

Then, I am reminded of the other test, the unopened one still sitting on my bathroom counter.

I bought two for a reason: to make sure I was definitely pregnant or not pregnant.

When I was unsure, thinking I could be pregnant, I felt that I needed that second test. Now, it's just a killjoy, a silly little stick that was threatening not only my happiness, but my sanity as well.

Nonetheless, I retreat back inside my house and head up to the bathroom. I open the second test, feeling shaky but confident.

Just like the first time, I have trouble going. Heading back to the kitchen, I guzzle down umpteen glasses of water. I wait a few minutes and drink a few more glasses, then return to the bathroom. It still takes a little while more, but I am able to go again. Now, all I can do is wait.

It almost feels like playing best two-out-of-three during a game of rock, paper, scissor.

You've somehow managed to win the first game. Perhaps you bet 'paper' and you're unwitting friend bet 'rock.' At any cost, you've won.

The score stands at 1-0.

The second game, as you're well aware, is for all the marbles. If you win this, it's all over. You'll be declared the champion, and your friend is added to your growing list of victims.

But if you lose, the score will be tied at 1-1, and then it's anyone's game.

You know that you have to go for it, have to get it over with.

You and your pal chant 'rock, paper, scissor' and draw. You're biting your lip and your hand is shaking, but nobody, not even you, seem to notice. You are too focused on what you both drew. You look down at your hand: you've drawn scissors. Now all you have to do is look at your opponent's hand to discover the truth.

If only it were really that easy.

Losing a game of 'rock paper scissor' doesn't entail much. Sure, your friend will get bragging rights, but that will get old after a few days.

When your pregnancy test turns blue, that's a bit different. There's a ton of responsibility, and your life is never the same. How do you tell your parents? How do you manage, especially with the father is in a coma? What if the Kamiya's say I'm a tramp, and accuse me of sleeping around? Oh God, what if they think that? I would never do that! I'm faithful to Tai, even if he's in a coma.

I mentally slap myself, reminding myself that I don't want to be thinking about 'what if' right now. I wipe it from my mind as best I can, and head downstairs.

This time, the ten minutes will go by slightly faster. I turn on the TV and see that the 'Friends' episode is over. Thank God.

I unconsciously tap my fingers against the couch, making an irritating drumming sound. I look around, trying to figure out where the annoying noise is coming from. I realize it's me, and roll my eyes at my own stupidity.

_I'm going totally nuts_, I think to myself.

I go back to the fridge and get some yogurt. I eat half of it, and then my stomach turns and I have to throw it out. Is it possible that I'm pregnant? It could happen. The first test could have been a false positive. As my worry increases (I didn't even think it was possible) I vow that if that's the case, I will sue the makers of the test.

Somehow, I make it through the ten minutes and the second test is now finished. At first, I take the stairs quickly, almost bursting with anticipation.

At about halfway, I realize I don't want to know. Well, that's a lie. Of _course_ I want to know, but not right _now_. I want to savor these precious seconds, the second before I find out and things may never be the same ever again.

I take the rest of the stairs slowly, almost as slow as I had done my first day back from the hospital.

But eventually, no matter how slow I walk, I make it to the bathroom. I walk in and pick up the stick. My eyes are now shut, just like they had been before. I inhale deeply before looking at it, playing a bit of the same mind game I played the last time.

I guess I'm about to see what my opponent picked.

Was it rock, paper, or scissor?

I throw my eyes open.

Paper.

My unsuspecting friend had picked paper.

And we all know that scissors beat paper.

_My_ scissors beat the paper.

The score is 2-0, and I emerge victorious.

I let out a long, relieved sigh as I set the pink stick down on the counter and splash some cold water on my face.

……………………………………………………………

I just don't understand how I got myself into this mess. I mean, _obviously_ I know what has to happen to get pregnant, that's not what I mean. I mean the mess that I call my life.

My life is so different from the one I led a year ago. All of our lives are, and I hate that.

But even though it sucks, I think I can live with it. I will be able to live with the fact that we're slowly drifting apart, because logically, I realize that it will have to happen sooner or later.

It's losing my best friend that I find it hard to accept. But I know it will happen.

It _did_ happen.

Yes, I can tell that Mimi and I are no longer best friends. Judging by our conversation earlier, things aren't the same as they used to be. They probably never _would_ go back to the way they were, either.

But I guess I'm okay with that. I will be, anyway.

I don't need Mimi anymore, I have Summer. She can be my best friend now. In many ways, she already is.

I'm now standing in my bathroom, having finally finished removing all traces of the pregnancy tests. I study my reflection in the mirror. _I don't look like me_, I think to myself. And then I realize something that doesn't bother me as much as I expected it to.

I'm not me. Not really. Not anymore.

I am older, wiser, and yes, sadder. I'm broken. I am broken beyond repair. Even though I know it's completely insane, I smile at my realization.

I smile because it's what I need right now. I need to be broken.

I'm _glad _that I'm all over the place. Because if this is what it feels like to be whole, then I don't want to be whole ever again.

I need to be in pieces. Probably because part of me is waiting for Tai to awaken and put me back together again. He'll be my night in shining armor, he has to be. He'll wake up, and when he does, I'll be all better again. Yes, that will happen. It _has _to.

My cell phone is ringing; I can hear it from the bathroom. I walk into my room and pick it up from my dresser.

"Hello?" I say.

"Hey, you okay?" Summer asks me.

"Yeah, just perfect," I lie.

"You sure? Everyone was freaked with the way you just ran out on us."

I am reminded of the way I left things and chuckle to myself. There's not really anything funny about it, but I laugh anyway. It feels good to laugh. It's the first genuine laugh to escape my lips in a while.

"Yeah, I was just…" I stop, having no clue how to explain it. "I'm fine," I confirm, knowing that that was all she really needed to hear.

"Okay, great."

I stifle a yawn as she continues.

"Get your ass dressed," she orders. "I'm coming to pick you up in a bit, and we're going out. 'Kay?"

"Uh-huh," I tell her absentmindedly, plopping down on my bed.

"Alright, I'm still at Jan's and I gotta swing by home and get changed, so I'll be there in about a half hour. See you then, bitch. Love ya," she says before she hangs up.

I hang up my phone and climb off my bed to get dressed and re-apply my smeared makeup.

……………………………………………………………

Summer and I are walking by some fancy shopping centre downtown, on our way to a club, where we're meeting the others. We parked her car in a parking lot about a block away, because there are no other parking zones from there to the club.

So there we are, walking down the street, laughing our heads off about something stupid. Summer pulls out her cigarette pack and a lighter. She lights one, puts it in her mouth, and looks at me.

"Do you smoke?" she asks, cigarette still between her lips. I shake my head.

"No," I say.

"That's cool," she says with a shrug. When I give it a second thought, though, I realize I'm actually kind of curious.

"But you gotta start sometime, right?" I say.

"That's my motto," she says laughingly. I take one and light it.

I put it to my lips and puff. I cough and wheeze loudly, slightly embarrassed at how childish and inexperienced I must seem to her. Summer laughs again.

"I was like that at the start, too. But you get used to it. It's a pretty great habit, really," she says thoughtfully as she takes another puff.

Then, I see the scariest thing _ever_.

A tall, skinny, very pretty girl emerges from a store a couple feet away. This is not just any girl. She has long, pink hair, and answers to the name Mimi Tachikawa.

My breath catches in my throat when I realize that, any moment now, she's going to see Summer and I together.

A thought flashes through my mind: I can avoid this. I quickly formulate a plan to get Summer to cross the street, so we avoid running into Mimi. Surely she doesn't want to run into Mimi any more than I do.

Then, I realize something else. Summer would love nothing more than to run into Mimi right now. She totally adore the idea of seeing Mimi, and showing her that I've been blowing her off to hang out with my new friends.

I breathe a sigh of relief as Mimi wanders into another store. She doesn't see us, thank God.

"Omigosh! That is the _cutest_ skirt ever!" Summer cries. I turn and find her peering through a window and into the very store Mimi just ventured into. "Sor, you've _got_ to check out this skirt!"

I walk over to the window. I figure if I humor her that maybe she'll move along faster.

"Yeah," I say. "That skirt's totally hot."

"It would look so amazing on you. You've got the perfect legs for it," she gushes.

"You think?" Her compliment temporarily derails my plans to get her away from the window.

"Yeah, go try it on," she insists.

"No, that's okay. We gotta meet the rest of them," I remind her.

"Fine, but on our way back we're going in," she finalizes. I nod, just glad that we are leaving.

We turn away from the window and come face to face with Mimi. She is standing just outside the door, glaring at me.

"Sora?" she says. It isn't really a question, more like an accusation.

"Hey," I say sheepishly. I hope that she doesn't notice I'm with Summer, but of course she does. She isn't an idiot.

She looks from me to her, and back to me. I want to look away, but I maintain eye contact. Her gaze shifts down to my hand. I wonder what she could be staring at now, so I follow her gaze. I look down to find that I'm still holding one of Summer's cigarettes between my index and middle finger.

Shit.

"Tachikawa," Summer says with an eye roll and a puff of her cigarette. She exhales, blowing the smoke right in Mimi's face.

Mimi's eyes go wide with shock, and she turns back to me. Her eyes are interrogating me, asking me what the hell I'm doing.

In all honesty, I don't know. I don't know _what_ I'm doing anymore. It's like I'm on a rollercoaster, and with every turn the drop gets faster and steeper. I just want to get off, and forget that I ever went to the amusement park altogether. It's probably too late, anyway.

But she can't know that.

I'm not ready to admit that I can't handle this. If I admit that, it will make everyone right. Mrs. Kamiya, Dr. Chang, Mimi, my mother. Everyone who said I wouldn't be able to deal on my own, and needed help.

So I take a deep breath, and return her cold stare.

"Mimi," I say nonchalantly. She opens her mouth to say something, but Summer cuts her off.

"Look, Tachikawa, as absolutely _wonderful_ as it would be to stay and catch up, we gotta go. Our friends are waiting for us," Summer says smartly, accenting the 'our friends' part.

She grabs my hand and starts walking. I brush past Mimi and glace over my shoulder at her. I try to get a read on her, try to figure out if she officially hates me or not.

Her eyes don't show hate, but they sure don't show love and happiness.

When I look at them, all I see is disappointment. Mimi is disappointed in me.

I bit my lip hard and turn my head. Summer and I hurry off to meet our friends, leaving a shocked Mimi in our dust.

……………………………………………………………

"Hey, Takenouchi, slow down a little," Mark warns as I down another shot.

I roll my eyes and tell him that I can handle it. He gives me a quizzical look, but backs off. He knows by now not to mess with me when I'm drunk, angry, or stoned. And right now, I'm a bit of all three.

I reach out and grab Mark's shot, downing it as quickly as I had done my own. He glances up at me and I smile smugly. He looks away, continuing his conversation with Owen. He's used to me being an obnoxious bitch by now, too. That's okay, he loves me anyway. They all do.

I blink. My eyes sting, like they've been open far too long. Something isn't right, I can tell.

Is it just me, or is it hard to breathe in here?

And when did it get so crowded? I feel like I have no room to move, and everyone is suffocating me.

I take a deep breath and look around. Everyone else remains unfazed. Maybe it is just me.

I blink again, and that's when it happens. I open my eyes and the room is spinning. The walls are whizzing by me, and the whole room is swaying out of control.

Or maybe only I am.

I stand up quickly. I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm trying to find the way out of this madness.

I look at my friends' faces, and they're blurred. I can't recognize anyone around me. Where am I, anyway? I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. My legs seem to give out from underneath me, and my butt makes contact with something hard, probably the floor. Someone approaches me and grabs my hand, trying to bring me to my feet.

"Sora? Sora…" I hear someone say. I shake my head and pull my hand out of their grasp. Then everything stops spinning, and I can see clearly again. "Hey, you okay? Sora?"

I look up at the person calling my name.

It's Tai.

Tai…how did he get here? I decide it doesn't matter, and reach for his hand again. He smiles at me, and attempts to pull me to my feet. I boycott his efforts and pull him closer, kissing him.

It seems like forever since we were last together. He tastes the same, I think to myself.

But even this doesn't seem right. He seems kind of hesitant. For a split second, I wonder whether or not this is really happening. I decide that it is; it has to be.

We break apart and I look around. My friends are staring at me like I'm crazy. I wonder why, and then conclude that most of them have never met Tai, and the ones who have probably don't recognize him. It must look pretty bad, me sitting on the floor making out with a random. But he wasn't some random guy. He was Tai. To hell with what they all think. I don't need them anymore. I have Tai back!

But nonetheless, they keep staring at us. I feel uncomfortable, but don't tell them to quit staring and mind their own business. Frankly, I don't want to talk at all. I'm scared that this is a dream, and even the slightest movement will disturb it and I'll awaken. I just want to sit here forever, holding onto Tai.

I refuse to give this a chance to not be real. I will not ruin this, just incase it only lasts a few moments longer.

But I don't want to be here. I don't want to sit on this cold, hard floor with an audience.

"Want to get out of here?" I ask Tai. He looks kind of surprised, but nods.

"Um, yeah. Let's go," he replies.

He helps me up and I grab my purse from my chair. Summer is looking at me, and I can tell she's trying not to laugh. I wonder what the hell is so funny, but I don't bother to ask. I walk shakily to the door and we leave. I'm still holding his hand. I don't want to let it go, incase it isn't there when I reach for it again.

The next thing I know, I'm being pressed into a wall and Tai's kissing me. But it's different than it used to be. With Tai, our kisses were always so intense yet comfortable. They were gentle, but full of passion.

These kisses are not. They're forceful and anything but smooth and gentle. They are lustful, too intense. I definitely feel like something isn't right, but I can't put my finger on it.

"Sora," Tai groans.

But it doesn't sound like Tai.

Now that I think about it, he doesn't smell like Tai. He doesn't feel like Tai, or even remotely resemble Tai at _all_. But it_ is_ Tai. It had to be, right?

My eyes fly open and I pull away to the best of my ability.

It isn't Tai.

It's Josh.

"Josh? Get off me!" I scream, and realize that I'm slurring a bit. He stares at me, clearly getting mixed signals.

"What the hell is going on with you?" he asks angrily.

"I have a boyfriend, and you're sticking your tongue down my throat!"

"Well, you didn't seem to care that you had a boyfriend a minute ago," he says intolerantly.

"_Hello_," I say slowly, "Incase you can't tell, I'm _slightly_ out of it," I yell.

I _was_ out of it when we kissed. I was temporarily insane, I must have been. When I looked at Josh, I saw Tai. I really, truly did. But when I pulled away and saw him, I snapped out of it. I don't even feel drunk or spaced out right now. All I feel is violated and angry. I'm angry with Josh and the others, for not stopping me. They know that I'm drunk. How far were they willing to let this go? What would have happened if I didn't snap out of it when I did? I don't even want to think about that.

I'm angry with myself. I feel like I betrayed Tai. He's lying in the hospital, still in his coma, and I haven't been there to visit him in a while. I should be there everyday, and I haven't been there in almost a week.

I let myself down and I let Tai down. I let us all down. I've been neglecting my friends, ignoring their phone calls and messages. I ditched them for Summer and her crowd.

I've only been hanging out with these people for a week, and I've already changed so much. I don't recognize myself, and I can tell from my run-in with Mimi that she feels the same way.

"Come on, Sor. Obviously, thinks aren't working out with you and your boyfriend. I mean, where is he, anyway? We're with you all the time, and not one of us has seen him yet," Josh breaks in.

This is when I get angry. Really, really, dangerously-close-to-kicking-his-ass kind of angry. He has no right to say that about Tai, making him out to be a neglectful boyfriend. I want to hurt him. I want to scream, "he's in a coma, you idiot!"

But I don't, because he already knows that. That's right, he knows. No, I didn't tell him. Alex did. Nobody said anything to me directly, but I could tell. One minute, Jan was asking me when she was going to meet Tai, and the next, nobody dared bring him up. They weren't very inconspicuous about it.

How dare he say that to me, when he knows the situation?

I want to hurt him. Hell, I want to _kill _him. But, nonetheless, I practice restraint. Well, not really.

I slap him across the face—hard. Then I push him away from me, and slap him again. He glares at me, and I can see a faint handprint making its appearance on his left cheek.

We switch positions, and he's against the wall now. I shove him into it with a force that I didn't know I had.

"You listen to me, and you listen good. I love my boyfriend, and you have _no_ right to say those things to me. You know damn well why he isn't around. And let me tell you something else: If he _were_ around, I wouldn't be here right now. I wouldn't be outside some sleazy-ass bar with a pervert like you. I would have nothing to do with you, because you're lower than the shit on the bottom of my shoes," I growl at him through gritted teeth. He takes a step forward, attempting to hold me still so I can calm down. I slap him hands away and shove him back into the wall.

I back off, and start to walk away.

"You're just like us," he says calmly. "You're exactly the same, and you know it."

I stop, and turn back around to face him.

"No, I'm not. You and your friends are assholes. You're dirty, low-life burnouts that don't deserve to be up and walking around while good people like Tai are in the hospital. You're worthless, good for nothing pieces of shit, and I don't want anything to do with you. I will _never_ be like you!" I scream.

I spin on my heel and keep walking, thankful for the distance that is between us now. But no matter how far away I am, I still hear his final comment.

"Then why are you here with us, instead of with Tachikawa and your other friends?"

……………………………………………………………

Why _was_ I with them, and not with Mimi? Mimi and the others haven't done anything to me, but I'm completely shutting them out.

But I guess it doesn't matter now. Mimi saw me with Summer. Surely she's run off and told the others, and they all hate me now. I have nowhere to go. I guess I can call Summer and tell her that Josh is a total sleaze. Or, I can claim that he took advantage of me, and when I shot him down, he made all that shit up. But wait...Summer was there, see saw everything. She would know that if anything, I took advantage of _him_. Okay, so that one won't work. But the other option is okay.

Maybe I should just tell the truth. I can say that I was drunk and high and didn't mean any of it.

But that wouldn't be true. Sure, I was drunk and...you know, the other thing, but I knew what I was saying when I was screaming at Josh. I _meant_ what I was saying when I was screaming at Josh.

Oh God, how could I kiss Josh? More importantly, how could I _ever_ think he was Tai? He and Tai are _nothing _alike. Tai is sweet, caring and gentle. Josh is just a horny asshole in baggy jeans and novelty t-shirts.

But then I remember my first impression of Josh. I remember how much he reminded me of Tai that night. His personality is exactly the same, except he is much more crude and obnoxious.

That bothers me. I don't like how similar Tai and Josh are. I hate what I did with Josh, and I hate it even more now that I see a connection between him and Tai.

What was I trying to do?

I don't want a Tai substitute. I want the real thing or nothing, no compromising.

So what was my ulterior motive when I kissed Josh? Could it be that I'm attracted to him? That I _wanted_ to cheat on Tai?

I decide that it was simply the alcohol and drugs and cigarettes and situation with Mimi and pregnancy scare, all mixed into one. It's not my fault, I tell myself. I didn't do it soberly. I _never_ would have done that without alcohol in my system.

I am not trying to trade in Tai for Josh, nor would I ever want to. I don't want to replace him, or any of the others. But that's what I've done.

When I think about my friends—the good group and the evil group, as I refer to them in my mind—I'm kind of disturbed by how similar they are.

They couldn't be more different, yet at the same time…they're not really that different at all. It's kind of creepy the way both sides are so even. Each person from the 'evil group' reminds me of a person from the 'good group'.

Summer is definitely Mimi. She's bold, outgoing, and completely honest. She's the gossiper of the group; she always knows everything about everyone. And she's totally upfront about everything, too. She has the attitude of 'I don't give a shit what you think about me', but I think that deep down she craves acceptance. As much as either one would hate to admit it, I think that if they could just get past their silly reputations, they might actually get along.

Jan would have to be Kari. Jan is a year younger than the rest, but probably the most mature of the group. Sure, she doesn't make the best choices, but I'm willing to bet that she weighs out the consequences before she does anything. Maybe peer pressure and temptation and curiosity just win over in the end. I feel like a big sister to her, the way I used to feel around Kari.

Without a doubt, Mark would have to be Matt. He's laid back and reserved, kind of giving off an 'I'm-too-good-for-you' vibe. Especially with the way he calls me 'Takenouchi,' like he's too cool to learn my first name. But he _does_ have some good qualities to even everything out. He looks out for his friends and they're really important to him. He tries to protect them, the way he did with me by telling me I should slow down with my drinking. If only I had listened to him.

Alex would be T.K., I guess. He's a nice guy, and he goes out of his way to make people feel accepted and comfortable. Just like he did with me, that night I ran into him in the club and he invited me to hang out with his friends. I haven't really seem him lose his cool over anything, he kind of just shrugs things off and keeps going. But if someone that he cares about has a problem, he'll go to the ends of the earth to correct it. He doesn't have a problem with kicking the shit out of someone, I bet. I really like that about him. He's just so cool, and without even trying.

I would have to say that Owen would be Joe. He's trustworthy and dependable. However, he and Joe have many different qualities. Joe tends to be shy and timid, whereas Owen is outgoing and loud. But the similar characteristics are there, and I totally see a comparison. Owen feels like an older brother to me, just like Joe.

Chris is just like Izzy. He's the smartest of the group, and would probably excel in school if he still went. Unfortunately, he dropped out a few weeks before high school graduation (which is the most pointless thing ever, I think). But even without finishing high school, he's the smartest and most logical. When he speaks, he knows what he's talking about. He could ramble on and on about anything, and you would believe whatever he told you.

That leaves Josh who, unfortunately, is Tai. He's the jock of the group. He plays soccer, along with a bit of football and basketball. He's the kind of guy that you just _know_ did well in school—not with grades, but with girls. He is smart-mouthed and definitely stubborn. He doesn't always think things through, and acts on impulse. With Tai, that can be an asset. With Josh, it's definitely a liability.

But no matter what I think about Josh now, he _is_ a good person. They all are. They're just…different from the people I used to hang out with. And that's why I don't want the good group and evil group to ever cross paths again. The good group will never understand that these people are good underneath it all. They'll just judge them by their exterior, and think I'm one of them now. Maybe I am.

It's uncanny how two different groups of people with two _totally_ different lifestyles can be the _exact_ same, and never know it. I think it would be hilarious to lock them all in a room together, but at the same time, I will never let that happen.

If Tai could see me now...

……………………………………………………………

I look out my bedroom window and see that it's raining.

Rain is kind of like tragedy, I decide.

There can be absolutely beautiful weather outside. People can be outside playing with their children, and kids can be at the beach with their friends. Everyone can be having the time of their lives.

But the rain doesn't care. None of that really matters to the rain.

It just swoops in and ruins everyone's day, forcing all of them indoors.

Tragedy takes perfectly happy people, and destroys them. They put up walls and don't let anyone in. They hide inside themselves to escape feeling, just like kids hide inside their houses or under umbrellas to escape the rain.

That's what happened to me. I was destroyed. Now I'm hiding under my own mess up version of an umbrella. The worst part is that I never saw it coming. Could I have stopped it if I had? And if not, could I have at least saved Tai? Would things be different, if only I listen to the weather report that day?

I stare out the window for a long time. I'm not quite sure the exact amount, but I know it is quite a while because the downpour of rain comes to an abrupt halt. Now, in the sky, I can see a faint rainbow.

A rainbow is a symbol of hope. It's a promise from God that he will never again flood the earth.

But God doesn't promise that he will never inflict pain and suffering upon people again, because He will.

Tragedy is indefinite. Just like you can be sure it will rain again, you can be sure you will feel pain again.

It never stops. The cycle never ends; you just spin round and round, never fully escaping the anguish that you feel.

I used to like the rain. I used to _love_ the rain, actually. But now, it's just a prelude to rainbows. Rainbows used to be beautiful in my eyes. Now, they were just an empty promise. A promise that will be broken just as quickly as it has been made.

I think of that distant summer night, two years ago, when Tai and I were here. I'm reminded of the heat wave, and the storm that followed. I picture myself running outside, desperate to feel even a single drop of rain on my expectant skin. I can still see Tai's face as he screamed for me to come back inside.

It was a sweet, tender memory. I always had a soft spot for memories such as that, memories that included Tai. But now, I don't want to remember. I don't want to forget, either. I'd prefer it if my mind came with an on-off switch, and I could turn it off whenever I wanted. I would just flip it, and all my thoughts would cease. If I had that switch installed, you can be sure I would be flipping it off right now.

But I don't have a switch. And no matter how hard I try, I can't forget. I sit on my bed and the memories flood my brain. I am rendered helpless to stop them. The memory is so detailed, so well kept, that it's almost like I was living through it again.

I can hear the sound of the rain against my roof. I can practically _feel_ the grass under my bare feet as I twirl around my front lawn. Tai is so close that I can almost reach out and touch him. I'm reminded of the Freddy Kruger movie, where the girl grabs Freddy and manages to pull him out of her dream and into the real world with her. I want to do that with Tai. I want to grab his arm and pull him into this world, the world of the living, where he should be. Not in the world of not-quite-living-but-not-quite-dead, where he is now.

This is one of my favourite memories. It was way back when, before Tai and I got involved. Before our relationship had to be defined as something. We were just friends, or were we more than that? Yeah, we were more. The second I walked in the door and saw him standing there watching TV, we were more that friends. We have always been more, why did it take me so long to realize that?

I was so different back then. Wild and carefree, I lived just for the sake of living. Things were simpler then, much simpler. Now, I don't live just for life, I live it for the people in my life. So what happens when those people go away? What happens when I get tired of being what I am, and want to go back to being what I once was? I know what happens. _This_ is what happens.

I miss that poor, naïve seventeen-year-old. I miss her with all of my heart, but I can't get her back, can I? No, it's too late for that. I think of myself, spinning of my lawn in the rain. I don't do that anymore. When did I stop doing that? I've lost myself, I realize. It's as if there's a wall separating me from my old self. When did it get there? Did I put it up?

As I imagine Tai and me, standing there getting absolutely drenched, I'm overcome with emotions. I'm jealous; why couldn't I have that now? Why did these terrible things have to happen to me? I'm angry; it _shouldn't_ have happened this way. How could God let this happen to Tai, he was such a good person! But most of all, I'm sad. I'm sad for Tai, I'm sad for my seventeen-year-old self. Because, standing under that downpour of rain, laughing and spinning around, we were having the best time of our lives.

We didn't even know it.

As I continue to stare outside, I can feel the weigh of the rain pressing against my chest. It feels like a sumo-wrestler is sitting on me, and I can't get him off. But in reality, nothing is happening. Nothing is hitting me and no one is on me. But my hopes and dreams are resting on my shoulders. And right now, they feel like the weight of the world.

They are something that I cannot—and will not—carry around with me. Not anymore. I'm through with caring. I'm through with hoping, waiting for the day that Tai will wake up. I'm done with it because, in all likelihood, that day will never come. The truth hurts, but love hurts even more.

I reach my hand out and pull my blinds down, blocking my view of outside. I do not want to watch that damned rainbow streak across the sky. I do not want to watch all the happy people retreat from their houses to have more fun in the sun.

I fall back on my bed and cry. It's the first real cry I've had in a while, not counting the whole pregnancy thing.

I cry for a long time. I cry for Tai, for Mimi, for Kari, for me. I cry for all of us, because it's the only thing I can do now. I can't _make_ Tai wake up, I can't _force_ Mimi to forgive me, I can't give Kari back her brother, I can't dig myself out of this hole.

Rainbows, like life, are overrated.

……………………………………………………………


	15. I Kicked Some Ass Today: TK's Story

**Disclaimer: Digimon is not mine.**

**Chapter Fifteen: I Kicked Some Ass Today: T.K.'s Story  
**…………………………………………………………… 

It's my first day back to school. Lunch has just ended, and I'm on my way to third period, science. It's July 12th, the day students were expected to go back, and everything is going along as planned. So far.

Everyone had been pretty shocked to discover that Odaiba High had been burned down. Police are suspecting arson, but since they have no real suspects or evidence, (plus the knowledge that basically_ everyone_ wanted that hellhole gone), Kari and I really have no reason to worry.

So now, we are using the public high school across town. Their school ended in June, without incident, so we have been granted permission to use it in order to finish up our final week of classes. Only four days left (counting today) until exams, and then I'm home free. Finally, it will be summer vacation! If only it were starting on a happier note, I could really enjoy it. But who knows what this week will bring. I don't know for sure, but something tells me it will be quite interesting.

I'm walking down the hall with my friend, Ashley, in search of our classroom. Ashley has blonde hair (dyed, but it still looks good nonetheless), calm blue eyes, long legs and a great tan. She's really very pretty, but I don't pay that much attention to her. Sure, she's a knock-out, but I don't think she's _half _as pretty as Kari. About half the guys in the school are pining after her, drooling like dogs, while the other half is boasting and spreading rumors about how they've been with her, and how amazing it was. In these rumors, she does some not-so-nice things, which is what leads me to believe that they are not true. Ash is a pretty great friend to have. She is smart, witty, and knows how to take a joke. She and I are in the same class, and apparently, we both suck at finding our way around this new, unfamiliar school. Suddenly, I hear a noise from behind us.

It is not just any noise. It is a noise that makes me stop dead in my tracks, a noise that causes my heart to race. Ashley jumps about two feet in the air and drops her books. They make a loud noise as they smash against the ground, but neither of us notice. We are too busy focusing on the noises behind us, the noises that are about ten times louder than the one her books made. She grabs onto my arm and presses herself flat against the locker. I'm convinced she is trying to disappear or blend right into the wall. I contemplate telling her that, certainly, it will not happen. The thought is pushed from my mind as we hear the noise again.

**BANG **

"Oh my God, T.K.," Ashley whispers, "It's not…it's not happening again, is it?" I can hear the fear in her voice and feel her nails dig into my arm.

"No," I shrug, trying to reassure her. Or maybe I'm doing it for myself. Either way, I really don't think it's working that well. "There are a ton of things that could be making that noise. It doesn't mean that…you know." I don't think either of us believes what I said is the truth, but it sure was what we need to hear.

I see her nodding out of the corner of my eye, but she doesn't loosen her grip. We stand there, me clutching my books and her clutching my arm, for a couple seconds. It feels like a couple hours to me, though.

Then I see it. Four kids are running down the hall, coming right at us. They are wearing ski masks. Ashley's grip—if possible—gets tighter around my wrist. By now, I'm sure, I will have five tiny cuts in my wrist from where she is gripping me. Man, I wish she was the type who bit their nails.

But something isn't right about it. It doesn't seem real…not like it did that day at Odaiba High. That day, I had _wished _it wasn't really happening, but it was. This time, I don't get that feeling. I don't think it _is_ happening, and I don't really know what to do with that. Should I be relieved, or should I be royally pissed beyond belief?

I can see that they are holding guns, but they aren't real ones. They are cheap, dollar store guns. The plastic kind, the ones with the orange ring around the shaft used to distinguish them from real ones. They are laughing and drawing attention to themselves, as if this is some big joke. As if it was simply hilarious that a ton of people died and even more were injured.

I suddenly don't have to decide. I _know _I'm pissed.

My blood boils, and I know what was coming. I can't stop it, nor do I want to. I grit my teeth. My breathing is now sharp and irregular.

All I can imagine is Kari, and the rest of my friends in the school. How will they react to this, if they see it? I picture poor Kari, sitting in her classroom trying to forget all of the images of that day, when these losers bust in with their toy guns. She will probably have a heart attack. She will be freaked out of her mind, crying and shaking, thinking that it's happened again.

I vow to myself that I will kill them if they ever do that to her. Hell, I'll do it even if they don't do that to her.

I rip my arm from Ashley's grip (pain ensues, and although I don't look down, I'm sure I'm bleeding by now) and fling myself in their path, just as they come to pass us. I ball my fists and send a sharp right hook into one of the guy's faces. He falls backward on his ass, due to the impact.

The others just stop, kind of in shock. I grab another one and shove him into the lockers. Ashley screams, but I pay no attention. He tries to punch me, in self-defense, but my sharp reflexes kick in and I duck. I wind up getting a punch in before he even knows that it's coming. I punch him in the face, over and over, each blow being fiercer than the last. His nose is busted and bleeding now, but I don't stop. (Truthfully, I'm not sure I _could _stop, but it doesn't matter since I'm not going to try.)

A third one comes up from behind and pulls me off of his friend. I turn around to face him, having no reluctance to kick this joker's ass as well. He swings, but misses. I'm bigger, faster, stronger. I can take him without even breaking a sweat. I am tempted to take pity on him (he looks like the type who has been roped into this by his friends and is scared shitless) but then he catches me off guard. He gives me a swift left hook, and although it isn't too powerful, it stuns me for a second. All pity I was feeling for this little shit melts away as my anger rises to an even higher level. It is practically skyrocketing now, but that's _his _problem, not mine.

I punch him hard in the gut, knocking the wind out of him. He doubles over and I kick him in his stomach. He rolls over and I kick him again. This guy, who is definitely the scrawniest of the foursome, goes down without much of a fight. But then again, the rest of them haven't exactly given me a run for my money either.

Ashley is still yelling something, and I still don't care. She pleads with me to just forget about them, telling me they aren't worth it. She's right, I know she is, but that doesn't stop me, or even deter me in the least. I want to kill them all with my bare hands. I will make up for the fact that I did not have the pleasure of killing the _real_ shooters by doing these ones in, instead.

The fourth and final guy takes off in the other direction, not wanting the beating I just inflicted on his asshole friends. I chase after him, not willing to let him get away. I run faster and faster, slowly gaining on him. My years on the basketball team have built my strength and endurance. I can run for a long time, probably longer than he can. I will run until he gives up, which appears to be soon by the tired strides he is making down the hall now (he is probably tired from running through them with his bastard pals just moments ago).

I will catch this fucker if it is the last thing I ever do. I lunge, and take the guy down with me. He lands on the floor hard, and I land on top of him. I sit up quickly as he turns around to face me and slug him in the jaw. His head cracks against the tiles of the floor, and I still don't let up.

I want to hurt him more than I've ever wanted to hurt someone before. Not only is he an insensitive creep for doing something like this, but he is a coward for running away and not even accepting what he had coming to him. Since he refuses to suck it up and take it like a man, I will make him cry like the little girl that he is.

Ashley comes up behind me and tries to pull me off. I don't stop. Desperate, she slaps me hard across the face. I snap out of the little trance I'm in, and looked up at her in shock. There are tears forming in not-so-calm blue eyes, and her blonde hair is messed up like she was burying her hands in it while she screamed at me. She drops onto her knees (a position that, if the rumors _are_ true, she spends quite a bit of time in) and sinks down beside me. She runs her hand over my cheek, which has a very visible red mark forming on it from where she slapped me.

"Sorry," she whispers, still looking totally freaked. I guess my opinion of her was wrong. She can take a joke about as well as _I_ can.

I look around, and see that people are piling out of their classes to see what the noise is. A small crowd has already formed from when the "shots" had rung out, but nobody in that group had bothered to pull me off of the guys. They probably want to do the same thing, so decided they had no right to interfere and ruin my fun.

As a teacher pulls me off the kid and drags me down to the principal's office, I hear a random kid yell, "T.K. opened up a can of whoop-ass!"

……………………………………………………………

"What were you thinking, Takeru?" Principal Nagasi asks me.

"What was _I_ thinking? Are you kidding me? These freaks are running around the school with ski masks and guns and _I'm_ the one sitting in the principal's office?" I protest, raising my voice. I'm fully aware that I am yelling at the principal, but I don't give a damn. She is being totally unreasonable!

"They aren't here because they're at the _hospital_! In total, you caused one broken nose, six black eyes, two concussions, five broken ribs and a fractured wrist!"

I smirk at this. I'm actually impressed with myself. I had no idea I could kick so much ass.

"They deserved it," I state, meeting her gaze.

"Takeru, this isn't like you. You're a good student, very helpful and polite and friendly. Normally, you're the one who breaks up the fights, not the one who starts them," she explains.

"Well _normally_ there aren't sick, perverted assholes running around with guns acting like what happened was just a big joke," I snap.

She doesn't yell at me, or tell me that that is no way to talk to authority figures. She just lets me talk, as if this is some kind of therapy session or something. Clearly, this principal is delusional and not fit to run our school. After all, being principal is an important job. It's not just a figurehead position.

"Look, I understand that you've been through a very traumatic experience…we all have. But we have to go on like nothing happened; we have to be strong for each other. I'm aware that Hikari's brother, Taichi, is in rough shape and I just think that—"

"That is _not_ what this is about!" I scream, interrupting her. "That has _nothing_ to do with what happened." The world has gone crazy. How can they not see that what I did was right? Okay, maybe not _right, _but it doesn't even begin to compare to what they did. Do they really not see that? "Am I the only one who realizes that what those little shits did was totally twisted, and that they deserved to be locked away in some detention centre with other kids just like them?"

If I was mad before, I'm absolutely furious now. How dare she bring Tai into this? She doesn't even know Tai. Sure, she was his principal once, too, but that doesn't mean anything. Just because she had been his principal doesn't mean she is his friend. It doesn't mean she _knows_ him, just like she doesn't know me.

"I agree, but that doesn't change anything. What those boys did was incredibly wrong and inappropriate, yes. I can assure you that they will be dealt with accordingly, but you have to take responsibility for your own actions," she tells me. "Now, it would be silly to suspend you since there is only a week left and we're already hurrying to make up for lost time. So instead, you will serve two weeks detention with me after the school year is complete."

"But Principal Nagasi, that's totally unfair," I protest. She holds her hand out to silence me.

"I don't care, it's out of your hands. I don't like it any more than you do. I'm giving up my vacation, too. Violence is never the answer and you should know that. I've tried to reach your parents, but they weren't home. I left a message on your answering machine, but to ensure that they get it I'll be calling them again soon."

She pauses for effect, which I find rather hilarious. _I'm shaking in my boots,_ I think to myself. Her seriousness over the matter is truly laughable. After waiting the appropriate amount of time, she continues.

"You may go now, Takeru."

I fight an eye roll as she says 'Takeru'. She is the only adult, my parents included, who ever calls me Takeru. I have a theory that she just does it to sound intimidating. Using my full name must make her feel special, I guess. Personally, I think it was stupid. I don't call her by _her_ full name; I call her Principal Nagasi like she wants me to. Why can't she just call me T.K., like I want her to?

I stand up and start towards the door when she gives me her final statement.

"I expect to see you at your detentions, Takeru. This is the only time I'm going to tell you," she warns. I stop walking, but don't turn around.

"Whatever," I say.

"_Takeru_," she says sternly, to let me know there is no room for debate. I grin, seeing that I'm getting to her.

"I'll see you in September, when school starts up again," I say, hinting that I'm not going to be showing up at our little detention dates anytime soon. I want to turn around so I can see her expression, but I won't let myself give in and turn.

"I hate to do this, I really do, but you leave me no choice. If you don't show up for detention, don't bother showing up for grade twelve," she finalizes.

I snort. Yeah, like she can really expel me for this.

Principal Hard-Ass continues with her incessant babbling. "I'm serious, Takeru. You either attend your detentions, or I'll be forced to expel you from Odaiba High."

This time I really do roll my eyes. She doesn't see it though, and part of me wishes she did. I turn to face her, and issue her _my_ final statement.

"If you're going to punish me for what I believe in, so be it. If this is the way you're running things, I don't want to attend this school anyway. I did the right thing, and I refuse to let you tell me otherwise."

……………………………………………………………

It's now a few hours later, and I'm home alone. My parents left this afternoon, slightly before my fight, to visit my grandparents a few towns away. Matt is no doubt hanging out with Mimi, over at her house. I'm relaxing on my couch, still on a rush from what transpired at school, when Kari bursts through my front door. She looks totally pissed. I jump up from the couch and unconsciously back up a bit.

My first thought is, 'Shit!' and my second is 'I need to learn how to lock the door.' My third, and probably most reasonable one, is 'I wish that someone were at home with me.' But since they are all detained at the moment, I'm all by myself and about to face the wrath of Kari. It's a very scary thing, actually.

She might not look it, but that girl sure packs a punch.

"Oh my God! How the hell did this happen, T.K.? I can't believe it; it's just so…unbelievable! I'm_ so_ furious right now, I mean, you have _no_ idea!" Kari screams as she slams the door behind her. I back up a bit more. If I'm not careful, she's going to corner me.

I hang my head, afraid to meet her eyes. Clearly she is angry, and her anger is directed solely at me. For the first time, I almost regret what I did. Almost.

"Look, Kari, I'm sorry that you're mad but they deserved it. I mean, what was I supposed to do? Just stand by and let them run through the school like that? All I could think about was what if they decided to go into your classroom, and what would happen to you," I explain. I pray that she will take pity on me.

She looks up at me, looking slightly more confused but definitely _not_ less angry.

"What are you talking about?" she asks me. I open my mouth to respond, but she keeps going. "T.K., I don't care about what you did. I'm proud of you, for standing up to them like that."

"Then what are you mad about?" I ask, shocked that I'm not the cause of her foul mood.

"I'm mad because nobody told me what was going on! I had to hear about it in fourth period from Shawn, who was in the crowd of people that watched the whole thing. I'm mad because that damned principal is going to expel you, all because you didn't let those idiots wreak havoc on the school!"

I am at a loss as to how she found all this out. How did she know that I was going to get expelled? Word must travel fast around our high school. But then again, isn't it like that at every school?

"So, you're not mad at me?" I ask in a small, uneasy voice. She shakes her head, and her expression softens.

"No, I'm not mad at you. I'm the opposite of mad. I'm, like, amazed by you," she says before kissing me.

"You know, the opposite of mad isn't amazed," I tease when we break apart.

"Oh, really?" She asks with a similar smile on her face.

"Really," I confirm.

"Well then, Mr. Smarty Pants," she says as she wraps her arms around my neck, "what _is_ the opposite of mad?" I think for a moment. I have no clue.

"Well, it's definitely not amazed," I say before kissing her again. She laughs and the kiss grows more intense.

I push her against the wall, pressing our bodies together. Her hands make their way into my hair, running her fingers through my blonde locks. Mine remain firmly on her lower back. After a while, her hands start to wander. They make their way to the hem of my shirt, which she hastily pulls over my head.

I would have thought nothing of it, but this time is different than our other make out sessions. The way she is kissing me is different than it has been in the past. It isn't slow and nice; it's hurried and passionate and intense. I have a feeling I know where this is going to wind up, but say nothing of it incase I'm wrong.

My hands travel up the back of her shirt, hers run across my chest. She grabs my face and pulls it even closer, crushing her lips against mine. I admit, I am no longer thinking clearly. My hormones are getting the best of me, and like every other teenage boy, I only have one thing on my mind. My hands grab at the bottom of her shirt and, with one quick motion, I bring it up over her head. She doesn't stop me, or even try to. Instead, she continues kissing me even harder than before, and I throw her shirt somewhere behind me. My hands find their way to her breasts. God, I love those things.

This is nothing more than an innocent make out session, I tell myself. Quit thinking like that, T.K.! It isn't going to happen right now. She says she isn't pissed, but she is a little bit. There's no way she's going to –

She moans against my mouth and her hands grasp my belt and she hastily undoes it.

Thank God. I'm dying here.

"T.K.," she whispers as one of my hands reach around her and find the clasp of her bra. "I want you..."

Well, that's something I don't hear everyday.

I pull away and look at her. I raise an eyebrow, my way of asking her if she knows what she's doing without actually having to _ask_ her.

She nods and smiles shyly.

Maybe she doesn't mean it the way I'm thinking she did. (_But what other way can she mean it?_) Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions and I'm going to wind up with a handprint on my face in a minute because I'm making assumptions. (_But she looks like she means business_.) Maybe she isn't ready. (_But we've done everything else there is to do_...)

"Are you sure?" I whisper. Our breathing is heavy, and I don't think it's due to the lack of air. Well, not totally.

"Yeah," she whispers back. I don't really know why we are whispering, since nobody else is home, but whatever. That's definitely not the part I'm focusing on. "Unless _you_ don't want to," she teases.

"No," I say quickly, perhaps too quickly. "I want to, trust me." She laughs for a quick second, but then her smile fades and turns into a serious expression.

Our lips make contact again and her hands find their way back to my jeans. She unbuttons and unzips them.

"I heard you kicked some ass today," she says between chaste kisses as I unclasp her bra and search for the zipper to her skirt.

……………………………………………………………

My parents come home four hours later. Kari is already gone. Thank God. I don't even want to _think_ about how the situation would have played out if they had come home earlier.

I tell them everything about the "incident" at school. I tell them the entire story, just the way it happened. I go through every punch thrown, every word spoken, from the first gunshot right up to the time I left the principal's office. I don't try to sugarcoat it or exaggerate in any way. The way I see it, I have nothing to hide. I didn't do anything wrong, so I don't really have any reason to worry.

My mother is a mix of emotions: shocked and upset. She said, and I quote: "Never in a million years would I have expected this from you! I thought you knew better than to get into fights!" She goes on to say that I'm "a good kid, and I was not raised in a barn." She then goes through the basic parental-lecture etiquette. My dad stays silent, probably waiting for his turn to blast me.

"Did you even stop to think about the consequences? T.K., you could be _expelled_ from your high school! And with only one year left…what a waste. What does Kari think of all this?" I almost laugh at her last question. She thinks she is so swift bringing Kari into this. She truly thinks that dear, sweet Kari is her ally. _Well she isn't, Mom,_ I say to myself. _And she's anything but sweet_.

I don't tell her that Kari was pleased, even impressed, with me. I don't tell her that she stands by me, and that my mother should, too. I don't say any of the things I want to say in response to my mother's interrogation. I leave Kari out of it, because it doesn't involve Kari. Not really.

"What if you had gotten hurt? I don't know what I would do if you ended up like those other boys." Her eyes fill with tears and I feel guilty. Not for what I've done, but for the way it's affected my mom. "And what if it hadn't been a prank? What if it had been real? You got lucky the first time, but T.K., what if this time was different? What if…" she breaks off, sobbing like crazy now.

I hate myself. I officially, completely, undisputedly _loathe_ myself. I have reduced my mother to tears. _Hysterical _tears. I didn't even think about that kind of stuff in the heat of the moment. I didn't consider that something like that could have happen. I didn't think of the consequences, I just acted.

I slide down my bed to the opposite end, where she was sitting, and wrap my arms around my mom. I have seen her cry before, but never like this. These are tears of anxiety, _desperation_. There are the tears she should be shedding if I had gotten shot. Not tears she should shed because I'm safe and sound and only facing a little expulsion.

Getting expelled seems like a huge thing. But in the big picture, it really isn't. Losing your place in your school isn't that terrible. Losing your place in life...now that's something worth a second thought.

"So, what are you going to do?" she inquires quietly after she calms down a little.

"About what?" I ask, genuinely confused.

"About these detentions you've been issued. Are you going to go, or not?" I stare at her as if she has two heads. I didn't think I really had a choice. Sure, I was all talk when I was with Principal Nagasi, but I figured my parents would drag me there kicking and screaming whether I wanted to or not. I really have a choice? I pause for a second before giving my answer. This is one of the most important decisions I've ever had to make in my seventeen years of life.

"I'm not going to go," I conclude. She looks disappointed, but she does not object.

"Okay." She nods solemnly.

"Really? You're really okay with that? I mean, you aren't mad or anything?"

"Of course I'm not happy with you're decision, but what can I do? You're seventeen, almost eighteen. You're growing up and I can't do anything to slow you down. Suddenly you aren't my baby boy anymore. You're a man, and I'm losing you to the world. You make your own decisions. Some of them are bad, but for the most part, they're wonderful. You're brave and selfless and good. So if you don't think you did anything wrong, then who am I to say that you did? If you want to leave your friends, teachers, school and _Kari _behind, then it isn't really my place to try and stop you. I'll stand by you no matter what, T.K. We both will," she says, looking at my dad.

"I don't want to leave, but I don't want to stay either. And my wanting to stay just isn't as strong, I guess. I can just transfer to the public high school. Everything will be fine," I tell my parents. My mother nods, and looks at my dad. It's his time to talk now, I suppose. Only he doesn't talk. Not really. I stand up from my bed and face him. Man to man. I'm ready to take anything he wants to dish out, because I'm ready for it.

He stares at me for a few seconds before he breaks out into a grin. I'm kind of surprised, but I don't show it. He walks over to me and slaps me on the back.

"This is some serious shit you've gotten yourself into," he says. I heard my mother sigh as he says 'shit.' She hates it when any of us swear around her. I guess she'd much rather we do it behind her back, so she can pretend we don't do it at all. Ignorance is bliss, right?

I laugh and nod, not breaking the eye contact. Part of me is relieved, but part of me if waiting for him to scream: "I got you! You think you aren't in trouble, but you're wrong. You are _so_ dead, T.K." But he doesn't. He is genuinely giddy about the situation. His manner is almost laughable, seeing a grown man practically skipping and giggling. "I'm proud of you, son."

My mother scowls and tells him not to encourage me. Frankly, she can say whatever she wants. Even if he takes the words back right now, just to please her, I won't mind. He's already said them once, and once is enough. My dad is proud of me. Of _me_.Sure, he's been proud of me before, like when I made the basketball team, or when I practically carried that team through the championships and scored almost forty points in the final game, but that is different. That doesn't matter, not like this does.

My dad merely laughs in response to my mom.

"You did good, kid. But no more fights, okay?" With that, he walks out of my room, leaving me alone with my mother. She pats the bed beside her and I sit down. We sit there in silence for several minutes, until she turns to face me.

She reaches out and lifts my short sleeve up my shoulder. I don't ask what she's doing; I know. She runs her fingers gently over my scar. The scar from where the bullet grazed me that day at school. It wasn't too serious; it has healed pretty quickly and is now only a scar. It's still a bit tender, but not too much. Besides, she's touching me so softly that I can barely feel her fingertips on me at all. I can see fresh tears forming in her eyes. I can't stand seeing Mom cry. I move quickly to halt them.

"It's okay, Mom. I'm fine. See? I'm okay. I'll never do anything this stupid again, I promise. But I had to do it, and I stand by what I did. I don't regret it, and I never will. I'm sorry if you're disappointed in me, but it wasn't your decision to make. You can't protect me forever, you know."

"Yeah, I know. But I can try," she says with a small laugh.

"I love you, Mom." She looks at me, the corners of her lips tugging into a tight smile. This is the first time I've told her I love her without her saying it first. Well, I'm not sure about that, but it's pretty likely. It means a lot to her, I can tell. I make a mental note to say it more. I realize I don't say it nearly enough.

"I love you, too. No matter what crazy, stupid, inconsiderate, dangerous, reckless, utterly _ridiculous_ thing you do," she says, her smile growing wider. She messes up my hair, and stands up from my bed. "And I could never be disappointed in you."

"Thanks," I say as she walks over to my door. She's about to leave when she stops and turns back around. I raise an eyebrow at the sly expression on her face.

"I'm proud of what you did, T.K. You stood up for yourself and didn't back down, even when you were threatened with expulsion. I know I shouldn't be saying this, but those boys deserved what they got," she tells me in a low voice. I smile, and her expression turns serious. "But if you ever tell your father that, you won't live to see your next fight. Got it?"

I laugh and say that my lips are sealed. She winks and walks into the hallway.

"And Mom?" I call. She pokes her head back in my room. "You're never going to lose me."

……………………………………………………………

**Review. I love all of you who do, you're the reason I write ♥**

**Toodles : )**


	16. The Party From Hell

**Disclaimer: I don't own digimon.**

**Chapter Sixteen: The Party From Hell  
**……………………………………………………………

It's been three days since I saw Sora hanging out with Summer. I was totally shocked when I saw it, and have to admit that part of me is still not over it.

Since when are they friends? More importantly, when do they have time to hang out, since Sora is always locked away in her room, isolating herself from everyone? I haven't talked (and by talked, I mean really _talked_) to Sora since before the shootings. We haven't hung out in, like, forever. She's always telling me that she's too busy to hang with me, so why is she available when Summer calls her up?

Then it hits me. The real reason why Sora has been so "busy" lately is _because_ she's been hanging out with Summer. How could I not have figured that out yet? I know I'm not exactly the brightest crayon in the box, but still…

Even though it's been a few days, I can still remember every single detail about that sidewalk scuffle.

I can picture Summer and Sora, cigarettes in hand. I can perfectly imagine Sora's expression when she saw me. A mix of guilt and relief flooded her face.

It's was like she felt bad because I found out about her little double life and ruined her fun, but relieved because she no longer had to sneak around.

Yeah, I suspect that from now on she will be hanging out with 'their friends,' as Summer put it. In all the years that I have known Sora, she's always been the good girl. Always followed the rules; always had manners; always did the smart, responsible thing.

That was _definitely_ not Sora that I saw three days ago. That was Summer. It was like Sora is her exact clone. They were even dressed the same. I cringe, thinking that Sora probably does all the _other_ things Summer does with her friends. Smoking is now the least of my worries when it comes to Sora's health and well being.

Then, I scold myself, and say that I should have more faith in my best friend. Sora is still a good girl, even if she doesn't want her new 'friends' to know that. She wouldn't do any of that stuff. She's a good girl.

As I drill the words into my brain, I'm forced to wonder if they were really true.

My friendship with Sora was rock-solid. We had been through it all, and were still there for each other. When she moved away, we still stayed close. We would talk on the phone and send the occasional email and letter. Sure, we didn't really communicate as much as best friends _should_, but I guess our best friendship was put on hiatus for those years she went away. Our friendship was like a television show, in a way. It was kind of hanging there, still existing, just waiting for the day we started making new episodes (or in our case, memories).

We found new friends, friends that made those pivotal years without each other slightly easier. But no matter how many sleepovers and Friday nights I spend giggling and gossiping with my assortment of new friends, my heart was aching through it all. I never told Sora this, but I would have traded every single friend I'd ever had, just to have her there with me for get-togethers during those difficult high school years spent apart.

I say I never told her because I didn't have to. She knew, just like I knew. That is the way Sora and I, and our friendship, works. We just…get it. That's it. No elaborating, no describing, no funny stories about the past.

We just get it.

I think that's what is making this all the more difficult. For the first time in our friendship, I don't understand what Sora could possibly be thinking. I'm out of the loop on this one. I can't fathom _why_ she would be launching herself down this precarious road, a road that is no doubt filled with drugs and drinking and all kinds of other things that I refuse to let myself think about.

I tell myself, once again, that Sora is not going down that road. I don't know if that is the truth, but it is _my _truth. It needs to be the truth, even if it's only my own, personal truth, because I need peace of mind. I need it more than anything right now, and if my so-called best friend can't deliver than I will have to get it for myself.

The hardest thing about this situation is not knowing. Not knowing where Sora is, or whom she's with. Not knowing what's she is doing, what she's already _done_. All anger and resentment I felt toward her that day that I hung up on her is long gone. It was replaced later that same day by confusion, when I saw her with Summer.

The confusion remains, but now another feeling is being added into the mix.

Sadness.

I'm sad because I don't know why Sora is doing this. I'm sad because she won't talk to me, won't even try to get in touch with me. Does she think I hate her? I have no idea.

But most of all, I'm sad because I realize that Sora isn't my best friend anymore. She is Summer's. Even if she hasn't verbalized it, I know it to be true. I don't know if our best friendship is simply on hiatus, or if it has been cancelled indefinitely. And now, I'm mourning our friendship, remembering the good times. The times before things got complicated and fucked up.

I think of us as small, innocent, six-year-old girls. I with long brown hair; Sora with medium-length crimson red hair. I think of the hot summer days spent in Sora's pool, giggling and splashing and making memories. I think of our first day of first grade, when Sora and I got lost in our school and didn't know where to go. It was like the blind leading the blind. We both had our own theories as to where our class was, and how to get there. She went one route, and I went the other. In the end, she found the class but didn't go in. She wandered around the rest of the school until she found me, and we went to class (forty-five minutes late) together. Sora always came back for me. I always came back for her.

But I couldn't come back for her now. Not this time. This time, it is much more complicated than a misplaced classroom. It is a misplaced friendship. And even if I did go wandering around, looking for her, I wouldn't have the slightest clue where to find her. I wouldn't have the slightest clue where to look.

And that is, by far, the worst part.

Because I just don't get it.

……………………………………………………………

"Sora, honey, can I talk to you?"

I look up from my TV to find my mother standing in my doorway, a worried look plastered all over her face.

"Yeah," I say as I get up from my bed and turn off my TV. "What is it?"

"Come downstairs for a minute," she says.

My heart catches in my throat as she turns around and retreats back downstairs. What does she want to talk to me about? As sad as it is, my first thought is not 'Did something happen to Tai?' It's not even my second, third, or fourth thought. It probably didn't even make the top ten.

'Did she find my stash?' Now there is my first thought.

'Does she know that I've been sneaking out at night?' That's my second.

'Did she find my pregnancy test?' I shudder, dreading the day I have to have a conversation about _sex_ with my mother. Sure, we've had "the talk," but that was way back when I was thirteen. Back when my knowledge on the subject was limited to television, movies, and inaccurate pieces of gossip passed on by Mimi.

I could go on and on about all the things I thought of and worried about before Tai, but I'd prefer to just leave it at this: I'm a terrible, inconsiderate person who doesn't deserve Tai's love, even if he is currently incapacitated.

I get up and leave my room, casting a final glance over my shoulder to my warm, welcoming bed. As much as I want to just go back in my room and lock the door, I make my way down the stairs. There is a rhythm to my steps. Two quick steps, one after the other, followed by a short pause, and then two more quick steps.

Step, step, pause. Step, step, pause. Step, step, pause. Step, step, pause. Step, step, creak, pause. The creak occurs as my foot makes contact with the dreaded third-to-the-bottom step, ruining the perfect harmony I had achieved.

I am reminded briefly of my life. It's going along fine, smoothly, great. Then, the shooters—a.k.a. the third step—hit, and everything seems different. Now, it's as if the harmony has been tainted and you can never _not_ make the creak while keeping in step to the beat.

Step, step. I take the two final steps quickly, forgetting about the perfect harmony (or lack thereof). I make it to the kitchen to find my mother standing beside the kitchen table. She is hovering, debating whether she should sit down or not. Now I am nervous. She always knows how to handle herself, unless a truly sticky situation comes along.

When my parents told me they were getting a divorce, she stood, sat, knelt, leaned, no longer sure what to do with herself.

Please. As if my mother sitting, not standing, at the table would have tipped me off that my family was being torn apart.

Finally, she settles on sitting down. I roll my eyes at her, but she doesn't notice. Or perhaps she just chooses to ignore it. Either way, she says nothing about it to me.

"Sit down," she tells me, pointing to the chair opposite her.

I reluctantly walk over to the table and sit down. She stares into my eyes, and I notice concern filling hers. I am now positive she has found my stash.

"I'm worried about you, Sora," she says.

"Why?" I ask. I try to be nonchalant, as if there is nothing for her to worry about. As if I haven't become the poster child to 'going nowhere, fast.'

She doesn't answer my question, just asks her own in its place.

"Where are all your friends lately? I can't even remember the last time you had Mimi over," she tells me. I shift in my seat. I don't want to be talking about this.

"Mimi's been really busy lately. I mean, she _did_ just get engaged. You know how stressful it can be, planning a wedding and everything. She just doesn't have time to sit up in my room and hang out right now." I hope my mom doesn't realize that I'm pretty much just talking out of my ass. "Where is all of this coming from?"

"Okay, so Mimi is busy. That doesn't explain why the rest of your friends haven't been around. What could the others _possibly_ be up to that takes up all of their time?" In typical mother fashion, she ignores my question and instead chooses to ask one of her own.

I think of my nice, comfy bed. I would give my right arm to be in it right now, instead of having this conversation.

"I don't know, I just…don't want to be around them right now," I say. I realize when I say it that it is the truth. Right now, I would much rather be with Summer and the gang than with Mimi and the others.

"Why not? Sora, what's going on with you? Come on, you can tell me. Open up to me, and let me know what's happening," she begs.

I suddenly have the urge to spill my guts about everything. I want to tell her about my new friends, how I sneak out at night to meet them, how they're completely different from the people I'm used to being around. I realize that she's being the mother I've always wanted, and needed, her to be. The type of mother that has maternal instincts. The kind who senses when something is wrong, and gives you the opportunity to tell her all about the problems you're facing. Sure, I wanted her to be like this back then...but did I want it now?

I decided to not tell her a thing, because it's simpler this way. If she doesn't know, I will always have the option of telling her. But if I do tell her, I will never have the luxury of _un-_telling her.

"You haven't visited Tai in quite a while," she continues. This conversation keeps getting more and more random.

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean, mother?" I snap. "Would you prefer if I were sitting at his bedside for days on end, like I was before?"

"No, of course not. But this isn't good either, Sora. You can't run away from your problems. You can't pretend like they don't exist, especially when your problems are as big as the ones you have."

"Okay, fine. I'll go visit him tomorrow, happy?" I try to stand up from the table, but she grabs my wrist and pulls me back down.

"Sora, are you listening to me?" Now I'm confused. How could I not be listening to her, if we're having a semi-conversation? Don't you need to know what one person is saying before you can respond to what they've said?

Okay, so I'm being a major smartass. What are you going to do about it?

"Yeah…of course I'm listening. Mom, what are you talking about?" I ask, getting impatient.

"I don't mean listening as in hearing what I'm saying. I mean listening as in _understanding _what I'm saying." My mother can officially read my mind.

"Yes, mom, I understand what you're saying," I say dully. I'm beginning to think that I don't. She is making no sense, so I must be missing something big.

"Tai is in a coma," she says. I roll my eyes.

"You're just figuring this out now? Yes, mom, I am aware," I state.

"Say it," she demands.

"You're crazy." She looks at me expectantly. I sigh, but comply. "Tai is in a coma."

That's when it hits me.

Tai is in a coma.

Comas aren't things that happen very often. I mean, yeah, I guess that they are, but not to me. Coma is a scary word. It's a word that stands for something truly frightening, which is probably the reason why the word alone just sent a shiver down my spine.

Some people never wake up from comas.

This sentence repeats over and over in my head. I have thought it a million times before, but I never really paid attention to it until now. I never paid attention until I just said it. Tai could be in a coma for the rest of his life. He could literally _never_ wake up.

My hands grip onto my chair as I try to comprehend the full meaning of my mother's words. I'm thankful that my hands are under the table, where she can't see them. I don't want her to know that this is news to me. I want to remain calm on the outside, even though I'm having an absolute meltdown on the inside.

I can feel tears welling up in my eyes, but they aren't the kind that I will shed. They're the kind that you can _feel_ behind your eyes while you watch a sad movie, but never really progress into actual tears. That's what I'm feeling right now. Well, it's one of the things I'm feeling right now.

It's like the world is spinning, and it doesn't feel like it will ever stop. It's like the life I'm living right now isn't really my life.

It isn't, is it?

I feel like when Tai got shot, someone hit the 'pause' button on my life. Now, I'm just filling up space and wasting time, waiting for Tai to wake up so I can hit the 'play' button again. But what I'm doing now _does _count. It _is_ my real life.

The scariest part of this is that Tai isn't a part of my real life. I haven't made the effort to include him in it. I haven't visited him in a long time. Too long. I vow that I will visit him tomorrow, regardless of whether I feel up to it or not. Regardless of whether I think I will run into Mimi or not. I will suck it up and go to the hospital. I will plaster a fake smile on my face and say hello to all of the people I pass along the way, whether they're a random, a doctor, Mrs. Kamiya, or Mimi. Nothing will stop me from keeping Tai in my life, which is what that visit will be all about. This is my last, desperate attempt to hold onto Tai.

"Sora? Look, if you're just going to ignore me then you can just go back up to your room. I give up," my mother sighs and throws up her hands.

"Huh? Yeah, sorry, I was just thinking about stuff. So, what were you saying?" I ask. Her expression turns somber as she opens her mouth to speak. She takes my hand in hers and strokes it with her thumb.

"Look, I love Tai. He's like my son, really, he is. I hate that this happened to him. It's tearing me apart inside, but it _did _happened and there's nothing I can do about it. I hate seeing you like this, and there is something that I can do about that," she says.

"What are you talking about?" I inquire, not sure where her little speech is leading. She sighs again, still stroking my hand.

"I hate the effect that this has had on you, on me, on everyone. But I'll tell you something else, Sora. I'm not sorry that is was Tai and not you; I never will be. You're my first priority; you come before everyone else, including myself. I know you, Sora. You're my daughter, and I _know_ you."

I try to raise an eyebrow, but both go up anyway.

What is she talking about? She opens her mouth to continue, but stops. She looks like she's having trouble getting this out. I have a strong urge to throw my arms around her in a bone-crushing, comforting hug. But I don't. I just sit there, glued to the spot.

"But...I don't know this girl in front on me."

"What?" I can't believe what my mother just said to me. What did she mean by that?

"I think you're having some trouble dealing with this, and coming to terms with you're feelings. You need help, sweetie. Let me get if for you," she offers. "Please?" That gets me moving.

I pull my hand from her grip. My feet unglue and I stand up. I shake my head furiously.

"No, I don't need help, mom. I'm fine. It's everyone else that isn't dealing. I'm _fine_," I say before going back up to my room.

How wrong I was.

……………………………………………………………

I contemplate calling Sora, but decide against it. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see it: Sora has been ditching us for _Summer_. She would much rather hang out with Summer, and all of her freaky-ass friends than with us. What the hell do they have that we don't?

Well, fine. If she wants to ditch all of her friends and join some sleazy group that only sees her for something that she's not, then so be it. It's her choice if she wants to cut out all of the people who care about her.

But I'm not even mad at her, if you can believe it. I'm just…concerned and disappointed. And I'm scared.

I can't figure out why Sora would be doing this, but it hurts just the same. Is she rebelling because she's angry? Or is this just her cry for attention?

No, that can't be it. If she wanted attention, she would have made it clear she was befriending Summer, not hiding their friendship. If she wanted attention, she would be flaunting it in our faces, not ignoring us and praying that we never found out. I bet her own mother doesn't even know about her other friends. She's probably just as disillusioned as the rest of us.

But I guess it's not _just_ Sora that's been bothering me.

After all, she's not the only one who hasn't been around lately.

It seems like we've all been drifting apart, and I'm helpless to do anything but just let it happen. The only one of our group I still talk to everyday is Matt. But I guess that's what happens when you get older: you grow apart. Technically, it should have happened when we all went off to college. But it didn't.

And not just because we all went to the same one (it would have been easy to join different clubs and abandon each other for other people), but because we cared enough to _work_ at staying close. That's why we never drifted.

But we're drifting now.

So that's our problem: we just don't care anymore. None of us can be bothered to work at our friendship. None of us want to take the leadership role and pull us all together. So I'll have to do it myself.

I'll be the one who forces us all together again, because our group of friends means the world to me. I refuse to go down without a fight. And even if they don't want to, they're going to. They're going to make nice and get along and be friends again, because, really, they don't have a choice in the matter. Not anymore.

……………………………………………………………

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mimi? It's Izzy."

"Oh, hey Izzy! It's been a while, how have you been?"

"Oh, you know…not the greatest."

"Yeah, I know. We've all been feelings that way, I think. So, what's up?"

"Not much, I just wanted to see if you were free tomorrow night."

"Hmm, yeah, I think so. Why, what do you have in mind?"

"Actually, I was thinking that we could all get together and have a party for you and Matt. It's been a while since we were all in the same room together, and even longer since we had something to celebrate. What do you say?"

"Yeah, that sounds great! That's really thoughtful, Izzy. Thanks. Is there anything I can do?"

"Well…I've already called Joe, Kari, and T.K., and they're all coming. Matt, too."

"And what about—"

"—Sora. Well, Matt told me that you two weren't on the greatest of terms at the moment, so I figured I'd leave it up to you to decide."

"What does that mean, Izzy? Of course she's invited. She _is_ a part of our group still…"

"Then what's the problem?"

"Nothing, except…I don't really know if she'd be up to it. This fight was a two-way street, you know? But I don't even care about that, I'm not mad at her anymore. I want her there; it wouldn't be the same without her. She's my best friend and I need her there to celebrate with me. But what can I tell her to get her to come?"

"Why don't you just tell her what you told me?"

"Because I can't. It's complicated, especially now. Please, Izzy, can't you just call her? I know that this is childish but it would go over much better if you called and asked Sora as opposed to me."

"Fine, I'll do it. But I think the way you two are acting is very juvenile. You both need each other right now, but neither of you wants to be the first to admit it. Just try to be the bigger person."

"But—"

"No buts. Look, I don't know what's going on with you two. Frankly, I don't really care to, either. All I know is that you two are best friends and shouldn't be fighting. You're destroying almost _sixteen_ years of friendship because of some stupid fight I bet neither of you even remembers."

"Trust me, I remember it. And so does Sora."

"Well, whatever. I'll call Sora, and I'll invite her. But when she's at the party, I'm not going to be the mediator for you two; you'll have to talk and resolve your issues."

"I guess you're right."

"Yeah, I am. Eventually, if you're ever going to move forward, you two are going to have to have it out. You can't keep avoiding her forever."

"Yeah…I can try though."

"What? Sorry, I couldn't hear you."

"Uh, nothing. I just hope you're right about all this."

"I hope I'm right, too. Goodbye, Meems."

"Bye. And Thanks."

……………………………………………………………

I force myself to wake up early today and visit Tai. I get in the shower and turn the temperature to cold, hoping it will wake me up. I used to be an early-riser, but not anymore. I used to get up at six-thirty or seven in the morning, even during summer vacation! Now, I sleep in until lunchtime, sometimes even later. I think my mom is really worried about me, but I don't really care. It's my life, and I'm tired of living it for other people.

I get out of the shower and do my hair. Then I get dressed, and head downstairs to get some breakfast. I decide on toast: quick, easy and painless. It requires no time or effort, it's convenient and I know my mother would disapprove, telling me to have something for substantial, like eggs or pancakes.

But I like toast; I'm content with toast. Toast is like my life. I put no effort into it anymore. In many ways, I have given up on myself, and on others. My decisions are quick, careless even. I have lost all resistance and can be persuaded into doing things that my old self would never think of doing. Lately, I have been pretty reckless. When I do new things, I discover a hunger to continue doing it, and to try other things. I especially get "the hunger" when I take risks. I love the rush that I get. In a way, that's the greatest drug to me. Yes, I am always hungry for more.

Today is no exception. I hastily chew down two slices of toast and head to the door. I stop, realizing that I have no car; my mother is already at work. As if on cue, my cell phone rings from inside my purse. I grab it, and see that it's Summer.

"Hey," I greet her.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Summer asks. I think of lying, but decide to tell her the truth.

"I'm on my way out. I was going to go visit Tai today," I tell her slowly. Summer pauses, unsure of what to say. We have never talked about Tai before. I don't even think she realized that I knew Alex had told her about Tai. But I knew that she knew, and now, she knows that I know that she knows. Confusing, huh?

"Want some company?" Now I'm the one who has been caught off-guard. Summer and Tai never really interacted too much. They weren't enemies, but they weren't friends, either. I found it kind of strange that Tai, being that he was very close with Mimi, wasn't despised by Summer. Her loathing was saved for a special few, I suppose. Was I one of those few?

"Sure, that'd be great," I say.

Ten minutes later, Summer's car is in my driveway. We drive to the hospital, and I lead her to the fourth floor. We trek down the hall, dodging doctors, nurses, and patients alike. We approach his room, and I get a bad feeling. Something isn't right. Where was Mrs. Kamiya? What about Mr. Kamiya? Or even Kari? Why was nobody there?

Summer, sensing my apprehension, offers me a reassuring smile. I try my best to return it, fail miserably, and walk into the room.

Empty.

The bed is made. The closet is cleared. There are no visitors, or patients, and there is no sign that anyone has been there for days.

I gasp and my hand moves instinctively to my mouth. I hear Summer mumble "Oh, shit" behind me.

Time seems to stop, and the room starts to spin. I'm vaguely aware of things going on around me. Summer wraps her arms around me, trying to comfort me. A nurse comes into the room, to see why we are there. She tries to tell me something, but I'm not listening. Each moment in time seems to spill over into the next. Everything is blurry. I can't breathe, can't speak, can't see. I just want the room to stop spinning.

Where is Tai? I know he didn't wake up. Someone would have called me. And even if they hadn't, he wouldn't just be released the next day, he would still have to be kept for observation. So why isn't he in his bed?

I convince myself that we have the wrong room. That I haven't been to the hospital to visit in a while, so I must have forgotten which room he's in. I must be mistaken. I must be. Tai is _not_ dead. My boyfriend is not down in the morgue with a tag around his toe. He's in another room, a different room. He is not dead.

"Sora, Sora, calm down," Summer coaxes. I realize that I'm crying pretty heavily, and am leaning against the wall. When did that happen? My whole body is convulsing and although Summer is holding me rather tightly, I can't seem to steady myself.

"I'm sorry, dear," the nurse comforts me. I shake my head.

"No." I refuse to accept the truth. I refuse to accept that Tai is gone for good. "No, he's not gone. Tai is _not_ dead!" I insist. The nurse grabs hold of my hand and smiles.

"Oh no, dear, you've got it all wrong. Mr. Kamiya isn't dead."

"What?" I stare into her eyes, not sure if I heard her correctly. Did she just say Tai wasn't dead?

"He's not dead. He was just moved to a different room. Don't worry," she says. I let out a shaky breath and nod.

"Oh. Well, where is he now?"

"Hold on, I'll go find out the room number," she says, and then leaves the room.

Summer tries her best to calm me down, but it doesn't work. There is only one thing that can calm me down. I need to see Tai. I need to see him _right_ now. God, why is the nurse taking so long?

She finally returns with Tai's room number. I mumble a 'thank you' and we head to the elevator. We get off at the third floor, and wander for a minute before we reach our destination.

We walk in and, sure enough, there's Tai. He's lying in his bed, still in his coma. And for the first time, I'm almost thankful for Tai's coma. Almost.

As long as he is in that coma, he can't see me. He can't see me, or Summer, or what I've become. As long as he's in his coma, he can't hate me for changing. He can't abandon me because he realizes he can do _so_ much better than me. That's almost enough to comfort me.

Almost.

"Hey, Tai. It's me, Sora," I say. I'm not sure if he can hear me, but I need to believe that he can. It's my only real connection to him, and I need that connection more than anything right now.

Mrs. Kamiya stands up from her chair, and it's the first time I notice that she is even in the room.

"Sora," she says. She seems pretty shocked to see me in Tai's hospital room. I feel guilty that haven't visited him as much as I should. "How are you?"

"Good," I report as she pulls me into a hug. When we break apart, her gaze shifts over to Summer.

"Hello," Mrs. Kamiya says warmly. Clearly, she is not concerned that I'm here with Summer and not Mimi. She is just touched that we are there at all.

"Hi, I'm Summer," she introduces herself as she shakes hands with Mrs. Kamiya.

"Summer. That's a nice name. Did you know Tai?"

"Yeah. I went to high school with him. We, um, didn't hang out, or anything. But he was a good guy," she tells Mrs. Kamiya.

"Well, thank you for coming. Both of you."

It was like I had stepped into the twilight zone. Seeing Tai's mother and Summer together was just plain weird. It was like my two worlds had collided, and were suddenly forming one.

It was a mistake to bring Summer here.

Mrs. Kamiya would probably unknowingly pass the news to Kari, who would tell T.K., who would fill Matt in, who would report back to Mimi. If she hadn't already told them about me being a dirty rotten trader, she sure will after she finds out I brought Summer with me to the hospital.

I feel dirty. I feel disgraceful. How dare I bring Summer here? What had possessed me to bring my new friend over and parade around with her, flaunting it in Tai's face? I hate myself. I should be in the coma, not Tai. I deserve it, he doesn't.

I felt like I need to take a really long shower to get this feeling off of me. But it's not the feeling I need to get rid of. It's the new me that I have to lose.

We stay a while longer, and I pretend like I'm not uncomfortable. I pretend that I want to be there, and not anywhere else. I pretend to be something that I'm not. I've gotten pretty good at it by now.

Mrs. Kamiya and Summer chat it up and shoot the breeze, all the while I am completely lost in my thoughts.

I wonder why Tai was moved. I don't need to think about the answer. I know why he switched rooms. Nonetheless, I ponder the question at hand, trying to find an answer, _any_ answer, other than the one I have already arrived at.

When I can't find any other reason, I am forced to face the awful truth.

Tai was moved to a different room because the doctors don't think he will be going anywhere anytime soon.

So now, he has a new room. A room that is ready to hold him for as long as he is in that coma.

It's a more permanent room. And that is the scariest thing of all.

It is in the medical opinion that Tai might not be going anywhere for quite a while.

…………………………………………………………

"So you're sure that Sora will be there?"

"Yes, Kari, I'm sure. For the _fifth_ time, I'm sure," I tell her.

"Okay, okay. I'm just making sure," she says as she throws me my jeans. She grabs her shirt off the floor and moves to put it on. I reach out and grab her waist, pulling her down on top of me. I force the shirt from her hands and return it to its place on the floor, beside my jeans. We kiss for a bit before Kari finally pulls away.

"Stop, we gotta get dressed and go to the party." I roll my eyes.

"Nah, let's just blow it off," I say into her hair, only half-kidding.

"We can't. It's your brother. And it's Mimi. We have to go, T.K."

"Fine," I sigh. There's no use arguing with Kari. I know I'll wind up going regardless of what we say now, so it would only cause friction between us. "But we don't have to get up just yet." I check the time on her alarm clock. "We still have two hours."

"And what can we _possibly_ do to pass the time?" Kari asks. I grin.

"I have a few ideas." She rolls her eyes and playfully slaps my arm, though I know she was thinking the same thing. It was just her obligation, as a female, to act offended and totally outraged by the comment.

We lay on her bed for a while. We're completely quiet. It's comfortable; it's nice. I lie there and listen to her breathing. It's so calm and steady. It's just like Kari. No matter what the situation, she's always peaceful and tough. She has some thick skin on her. She can withstand almost anything, including the situation with Tai. At least, she makes it look like she can.

"They say high school is where you find yourself," she comments, breaking the silence. I look at her, wondering what the hell she could be talking about.

"What?" I ask.

"They say high school is where you find yourself," she repeats. I stay quiet, trying to figure out where the statement came from. "Tai told me that once," she says, reading my mind.

"Oh."

"Yeah. I never used to get what that meant. I used to think 'how could I find myself if I haven't lost myself?' But I think I get it now," she says thoughtfully.

"Yeah? So, what do you think about that? Is there something wrong with trying to find yourself?" I ask. Now I'm pretty curious as to what she has to say.

"No, not really. Unless you don't like what you find," she answers. I consider what she means.

"Do you not like what you found?"

"I'm not sure," she says truthfully. "Some days, I think I do. I think I'm totally happy and things couldn't get any better. But then, bad things happen, and I feel like there's just no point to it all."

"No point to what?" I ask.

"Life." I get kind of worried. Where is this going? "I mean, we live and we die. What's the point of living, if we're just going to die someday?" Kari asks. Her words are heavy, and I can tell she's been thinking about this for a while. Probably since Tai got shot, perhaps even before then.

"Well, I don't know. I mean, of course we're going to die. It's inevitable. But would you really _want _to live forever? The way I see it, you only have a certain amount of time to live, and it's up to you how you want to spend it. You can waste it, make mistakes, and regret everything. Or, you can live it. You can have a life, a family, a _purpose_. Life doesn't have a 'point' until you give it one. So just give it one." I don't know where the words come from, but I guess I believe them.

"You know what?" Kari says as she props herself up and looks into my eyes.

"What?"

"I think I want you to be my point."

…………………………………………………………

"Hey, everyone," I say as I walk into Izzy's house. His parents aren't home; it's just the eight of us tonight.

"Sora, hey," Matt says. He hugs me and I know right away that Mimi hasn't told him about Summer. She hasn't told any of them. Not yet.

When we break apart, I make my rounds and greet everyone. It appears that I'm the last one to arrive, except for Mimi. She, like always, will be fashionably late. Late to her own party: Considerate, huh?

"Hey, Kar. How are you?"

"I'm good, how are _you_?"

"I'm...okay, I guess." We chat for a bit before Mimi waltzes in.

"Hey! I'm here, let's get this party started!" Mimi says excitedly. Everyone goes to say hello to her and offer their infinite congratulations. I hang behind, waiting for the crowd to clear. When Mimi is finally alone, I walk over to her.

"Hey," I offer, uneasy. She glances at me, and smiles.

"Hey," she says softly. And just like that, our fight is a thing of the past. I hug her, and tell her that I'm so, _so_ happy for her. We talk for quite a while, just like old times. Well, almost. We wisely avoid certain subjects; subjects that we know will rehash old feelings of anger and sadness and remorse and just general bitchiness.

But no matter how happy we all are, or the fact that Mimi and I have cleared the air, it's still a little uncomfortable. I haven't been out of the loop for too long, yet I can't help but feel slightly out of place. I find myself wondering if skipping out of the party to hook up with Summer would be too inappropriate. I hate myself for even thinking such a thing.

We are about to sit down to dinner when there is a knock on the door. Izzy leaves to answer it. A minute later, he comes back with a girl behind him. She introduces herself as Cindy. I vaguely remember her from high school.

Izzy explains that she's his neighbour. Mimi tells her to grab a chair and join us for dinner.

"Oh, no, thanks. You guys are having a party, I wouldn't want to intrude," she says politely.

"Oh, nonsense. You aren't intruding, we're inviting you," Mimi insists.

"Well, all right then," Cindy complies before sitting down.

The first ten minutes of dinner are smooth sailing. And by 'smooth sailing,' I mean that nobody has mentioned my double life and recent connection to the dark side. Nobody has mentioned my lack of a connection with Tai.

I picture myself in a courtroom, pleading my case.

But I went to visit him. See? I do have a connection with Tai, I say, stating my argument for the jury inside my head.

_So what? Visiting him once does not, under any circumstances, connect you to him. You and Tai are worlds apart now. God, have you even spent more than an hour with him this week? He's in a coma, for Christ's sake!_ The opposing council argues.

Yes, but I was going through a hard time! I lost myself. I lost Sora, but I got her back. I'm Sora again. See? Right now, right here. I'm Sora again.

You have no connection to Tai now, nor have you ever had one. Now, I'm outraged.

Of course I've had a connection to Tai. Incase you don't remember, I've been dating him for two years! You're method is completely unorthodox. Do you even know what the hell you're talking about?

All right, all right. I retract the latter part of the statement. But the former is absolutely true. Let it go on record that the plaintiff, Ms. Sora Takenouchi, is a dirty, rotten liar. The obnoxious lawyer condemning me is rather persistent. And, much to my disdain, she is rather correct as well.

But looking around the table at all my friends, the people who love and care about me, I realize one, very important thing. This—they—are my connection. We will share memories and funny stories about Tai. They will remind me of the things I have forgotten, or tell me about the things I have missed out on. I will do the same for them, because we are a team again. We are fighting the same cause, and I have never felt more needed. I belong somewhere again.

"So, I hope this isn't terribly inappropriate of me, but how is Taichi doing?" Cindy asks. I almost choke on my water as I glance around and see all the solemn faces. I look up at Cindy, and see is regretting her question.

"Um…he's still in the coma," Joe says quietly.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. I apologize," Cindy says quickly. Her cheeks are flushed and she suddenly looks very uncomfortable.

"No, that's all right. It's okay to talk about him," Kari insists.

"Yeah, it's okay," Izzy tells her.

"Oh, okay then," she says. I take another sip of my water and notice that my hand is shaking. "So do you visit him often? It must be hard on all of you," Cindy continues after a momentary silence. I bite my lip. I am now the uncomfortable one, not Cindy. I say a silent prayer, asking God to please make someone change the subject.

"Yeah, but we're dealing. Or at least we're trying to," Matt says softly.

"And what about you, Sora? How are you doing? Gosh, I can't even imagine what you're going through. I bet you're visiting him all the time," she continues. There it was, the question I was dreading.

Why did she have to single _me_ out? Why not Tai's sister, or his best friend? Why did it have to be me?

And yes, actually, she was being pretty inappropriate. Kari was just being polite when she said it was okay to talk about him. She didn't mean 'sure, let's make everyone uncomfortable and point out the fact that Sora is a neglectful friend and girlfriend'.

So, how do I answer the question? Can I avoid it by asking someone to pass the soy sauce? Can I just lie about it, and hope that Mimi or one of the others didn't call me on it?

"Um…yeah. It's hard," I say.

"Sora hasn't really been visiting him lately," Mimi informs her. I, along with everyone else at the table, give Mimi a strange look. Where did that come from?

"Well, it's not as simple as that," I begin, trying to defend myself. I don't know Cindy, and she doesn't know me. But that doesn't mean I want her leaving this dinner thinking I'm a terrible person. Even if I am, which I'm pretty sure I am.

"Yes, it is. Face it: you haven't been around. That's fine and dandy that you were out doing your own thing while we were all worried about you, but don't you dare try to pretend that you have been around when you haven't," Mimi says, her voice full of resentment and pain.

"Mimi…Please, let's not do this," I beg. I don't care that she's calling me out. I deserve whatever she says to me. I deserve it all, but there is one thing I don't want her to say. There is one particular piece of information that I just cannot let her divulge. An outraged look sweeps across her face, and I know she's about to let it slip. Nobody tells Mimi what to do, why didn't I remember that? Didn't I 'write the book on Mimi and our friendship'? I guess that was all a load of shit.

"No, Sora. Why don't you tell everyone what you've been doing while we've all been calling you and trying to reach you? Why don't you, huh? Where have you been, Sora? Tell us."

Fourteen eyes come to rest upon me as I shift uncomfortably in my seat. Matt puts his hand on Mimi's shoulder, telling her to calm down. She pushes it off with her hand and continues to glare at me.

"We're waiting," she says impatiently.

"Meems—"

"—If you don't want to tell them where you've been, I will. Everyone, are you listening? Get ready, because you really aren't doing to believe this," she laughs. "Sora has been out, gallivanting around, with Summer and her crew."

There is a mix of reaction across their faces. Some, like Kari and T.K., are confused because they don't really remember who Summer is. Matt, Joe and Izzy (after taking a moment to remember just who the hell Summer is) are shocked, probably wondering why I'm hanging with her and how Mimi found out. Cindy looks lost, unsure if she is allowed to be confused, or if she's supposed to know who Summer is.

"What?" Matt asks, breaking the silence.

"You heard me. Sora has been ditching us and avoiding our calls, so she can go out with them and do God-only-knows what."

"Meems, calm down. You don't know that. I'm sure this is all just a misunderstanding," Kari suggests hopefully. She's trying to break the tension, but it isn't working. It's only making things worse.

"No, Kari, it isn't a misunderstanding. Is it, Sora?" I am, once again, put on the spot.

"No, it's not," I admit. I am defeated.

"Why are you even here, Sora?" Mimi asks.

"I was invited, Mimi. I did this for _you, _because Izzy said you wanted me here. _I'm_ sorry that I came because I don't want to be here any more than you want me here," I say bitterly, my voice now louder than normal.

"Fine, then. Get out; I don't want you anywhere near me! You've already ruined this party, why don't you just go for my whole engagement, huh? Consider our friendship officially _over_. I don't want you to ever speak to me again, do you hear me?" I can feel the tears coming, but I will not let them fall. I refuse to show signs of weakness. I refuse to let Mimi know she's getting to me. "I tried to have faith in you, tried to believe that you would turn it around and come back to us. But you're too far into it now. You are _just _like them," she says. Now she has crossed a line. I may have deserved everything else she said, but that was low. And definitely _not_ true.

"Fuck you, Mimi," I scream as I grab my purse and storm out of Izzy's house. I get into my car and pull out of the driveway. I try not to think about what just happened, but I can't help it. Mimi's words are still echoing in my head.

'_You are _just_ like them.'_

I'm reminded of Josh's words when I left the club. That's exactly what he had said, too.

But that's just their opinion; I'm not _really _one of them, right? If it's just their opinion, then why do I care so much? If it isn't true, then why am I driving over to Josh's place right now?

……………………………………………………………

I knock loudly on the apartment door, waiting for someone to open it. Finally, it opens. Josh is on the other side, wearing flannel pajama pants and no shirt. I study him.

My eyes wander over his bare chest. It's built, but not as built as Tai's. Does it matter? I notice the way his dark drown hair sits messily on his head, unmanageable. I find myself comparing it to Tai's. Which is messier? Is it the same style? Same colour? I stare into his gorgeous green eyes, longing for Tai's chocolate ones to stare back at me. But it isn't going to happen. He is Josh, not Tai. He has never been Tai, nor will he ever be.

Then I get angry.

Thinking about Tai only reminds me of Mimi, and the fight at Izzy's house a few minutes ago. I think of all the terrible things Mimi had said to me. All the even more terrible things I had said to myself.

I bite my tongue and try to forget what just transpired. I am with Josh now, not them. I need to stop thinking about the fight. It's in the past. Yes, it does count as the past, even though it was only ten minutes ago. And you can't live in the past can you? No, you can't. Well, you can, I suppose. But you really shouldn't.

I should just forget about Mimi, forget about all of them. I should, but I know I won't. I'm still staring at Josh. If I squint _just_ enough, he almost looks like Tai. Almost, but not quite.

"Hey, Sor? You okay?" Josh asks. I shake my head.

"Just…don't talk." And with that, I launch myself at him, crushing my lips against his. The kiss is nice, much better than the one outside the club.

Speaking of the club, and the little incident that took place there, everything has been resolved. Josh called me the next morning and apologized. He had a bunch of excuses for our behaviour, including "it was just the alcohol and stuff," and "we partied late last night and weren't running on too much sleep". None of his reasons made me feel better, but his effort was certainly commendable.

My hands are now running through his thick, unruly hair. It feels the same as Tai's. His hands are on my hips. The kiss is intense. The kiss is heated. The kiss is wrong, all wrong.

I don't care.

I reach my foot out behind me and kick the door shut. Now, I'm being pressed against the wall. He's got me cornered, and I don't mind one bit. It's nice, actually. I could almost get used to it. I could, but I won't. I know that, he knows that, so what's the problem with what we're doing? I pull away.

"Is anyone home?" I ask, my breathing heavy. He shakes his head, his breathing the same as mine.

"No, my roommate's visiting his sister for a few days," he tells me.

Roommate. Not parents, roommate. How grown up is that? I wonder how long he has been on his own. I wonder if he talks to his parents, and if he does, how often. I wonder if he has any siblings, realizing I don't know very much about him at all. I want to know more about him. I have so many questions for him. But right now isn't the time for questions, so I do not ask any.

We kiss for a bit more before he starts to unbutton my shirt. I don't stop him. I pull it off and throw it away. He presses me even harder against the wall. I still don't care. My hands run across his chest and make their way down to his pants. I tug on the drawstring. Now it is his turn to pull away.

"Sora," he whispers. I shudder, liking the way my name sounds when he says it. It reminds me of the way Tai used to say it. I can feel his breath on my ear as he whispers about how we should stop.

"What?" I ask impatiently. I don't want to talk. I just want one thing and he knows that. So why the hell are we still talking?

"You don't want this," he says. His words are firm, and final. As if it is not open for debate. He backs away from me, looking disappointed but unwavering. 'I will not go any further' his eyes are saying to me.

"Don't tell me what I don't want," I say angrily. I lurch forward and capture his lips again. I press myself against him, causing him to stagger and stumble backwards. His leg bumps into the arm of the couch. I push him back so he falls onto it. I fall with him, landing flat against him.

Maybe his eyes say he doesn't want it, but everything else is saying he does.

He does. He tells me so as he nibbles on my right ear. I hold back a grin. I have broken him. He has given into me, and is completely at my mercy. I am in control now, not him. It's just the way it should be. Just the way I _need _it to be.

I like being in control. I always have, always will. I don't like things that I don't have control of. They scare me, so I choose not to think about them. That's why I was so blindsided by what happened to Tai. That's why I'm here. I need to have even the slightest bit of control. I need it like the sky needs the clouds. Like trees need leaves. Like Ross needs Rachel. Like I need Tai. That's how badly I need the control.

And I must do one more thing to cement this new position of power. I must stop it, because if I let _that_ happen, the power struggle will shift once more and he will be in control again.

I pull away, get off of him, and stand up. He looks at me with a questioning look, probably wondering what the hell I am doing. Honestly, I don't even know anymore. I grab my shirt off of the floor and put it on, feeling rather satisfied with myself.

"Thanks, I feel better now. We should do this again sometime," I tell him before walking out of his apartment and back into the hall.

Mimi is wrong.

I am not like them.

I am worse.

……………………………………………………………


	17. The Aftermath

**Disclaimer: don't own it, never will.**

**I will finish this fic. I started it, and I will see it through to the end because it is one of my biggest pet peeves when someone doesn't finish what they started. The only way this won't get finished is if I die. And even then, I'll find a way to come back and post the rest.**

**Chapter Seventeen: The Aftermath  
**……………………………………………………………

"You have no new messages," the annoying, mechanical voice on my voice mail inbox tells me. Frustrated, I snap my cell phone shut and stuff it back in my purse. I put my shopping bags in the back seat, get in my car, and drive home.

It's been a few days since the party, so why hasn't Sora called yet? She knows she's the one that should be apologizing, not me, right? I mean, how could she even _think_ I'm the one who's wrong in all this? Sure, I did call her out in the middle of the party, but if was my party, after all. It's kind of like that saying, 'it's my party and I'll cry if I want to'. Only in this situation, it would be, 'it's my party, so I'll freak out on my best friend and make everyone see her for what she really is, if I want to'.

She's the one who got herself into this mess, it wasn't my doing. It's not like I held a gun to her head and said, "Okay, Sora, either you become a total loser burnout and start freezing out your friends, or I'll pull the trigger."

But she's obviously not going to give in. Clearly, she has her head way too far up her ass to pick up a phone and apologize for becoming a total screw-up. Maybe she's so messed up now that she doesn't even realize anything's wrong. What if she doesn't even remember that we got into a fight? Yeah, that must be it. She was probably stoned, I bet.

_You told her your friendship was over. You told her to never speak to you again. Why do you care if she calls you? Isn't that the opposite of what you wanted? _The voice inside my head reminds me.

Okay, so I _did_ say those things. But I didn't really mean them. Then again, Sora doesn't know that. So maybe, if we're ever going to resolve this fight, I need to make the first move.

On my way home from the mall, I go by Sora's street. After a moment of hesitation (and an annoyed honk from a middle-aged, balding guy driving what was possibly the tackiest car I've ever seen), I make a right and head toward her house.

After a minute, I pull into her driveway. _What am I doing here?_ I ask myself. _She might not even be home. Then what? More importantly, what if she _is_ home? What will happen then? _I don't have the slightest clue about what I'll say to her, and yet, here I am. I ring the doorbell and stand there for a moment. Finally, the door swings open. When Mrs. Takenouchi tells me that Sora isn't home, I can't figure out whether I'm relieved or disappointed.

"Oh, okay. Do you know if she has her cell phone on her, so I could give her a call?" I ask.

"I don't have a clue. I just don't know anymore, Mimi," she says with a sigh. I get the feeling we are no longer just talking about cell phones.

"Is everything okay?" I ask, concerned. She shakes her head and sighs again.

"Maybe you should come inside, dear."

I nod and follow her in, trying to stay calm. What's going on with Sora? Not only is she keeping her friends in the dark, but her mother too? Poor Mrs. Takenouchi, sitting at home wondering where her daughter is and what the hell she's doing. I can't even imagine how she must feel.

We sit down at her kitchen table, and it feels awkward. I have spent more than my fair share of time inside the Takenouchi house, but it seems different now. Maybe it's because Sora isn't here, and I feel like I'm invading her privacy just by being there. But maybe it's more than that. The entire atmosphere seems strange, like something is missing. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it's there. I know it is.

"Earlier today, Sora's cell phone rang. She was in the shower, and it went to voicemail. I don't know what came over me, but next thing I knew, I was listening to the message that some girl left for her. I'm not proud of my behaviour, but I stand by what I did. Something has been going on with my daughter, and I needed to get to the bottom of it," she tells me. I nod along at all the appropriate places, waiting for her to continue. "I think Sora might be getting in over her head. I think she's been…making bad decisions." I know what she means by 'bad decisions'. She says 'bad decisions' because she doesn't want to say what's really going on. Or maybe she just isn't ready to admit it to herself yet.

"Mrs. Takenouchi, if you're so concerned with Sora's behaviour, why don't you just confront her about it?" I ask. She looks deep into my eyes, and I can tell she is really thinking now.

"The same reason you haven't," she says simply. "Have you been noticing anything strange about Sora lately? Or is it just me?"

The way I see it, I have two options.

I can tell Sora's mother that no, I haven't noticed any strange behaviour on Sora's part. In other words, I can lie my ass off to the woman who, at times, has been more of a mother to me than my own mother has been.

Or, I can tell her that not only have I noticed it, but I know the cause of it, too. But that would be the sneakiest, most underhanded thing I have ever done. Sora would hate me, and I might even hate myself a little, too.

I decide that if I'm ever going to help Sora, I might need to betray her first.

"No, it isn't just you. Sora…she's been a little different lately," I state. I don't want to divulge too much information, only as much as I have to. I promise myself that I will only tell her what she asks of me, and will not give out any addition information.

"How so?"

"She's kind of been avoiding us lately," I tell her. "All of us."

"But then where does she go when she's goes out? Who is she with, Mimi?" Mrs. Takenouchi is not making this any easier for me. She's asking me all the questions I want to avoid, and then some. "I know that you know. Please just tell me."

"Do you remember a girl named Summer?" I ask after a moment's hesitation. "She went to Odaiba High with us."

"No, I don't. Why?"

"Because, that's who Sora's been with lately. And, I think you should know…she's not the most respectable person. I mean, she's into some bad stuff, that girl. I think that maybe she's starting to drag Sora down with her. Or at least trying to."

I know I probably seem like the world's biggest bitch for ratting on Sora like this, but I don't mean to be, really. I don't want Sora to get in trouble with her mother, but she stands to get into a _lot_ more trouble with the direction she's headed in. I'm already losing Tai; I can't lose her, too.

"What do you think I should do? I mean, you're her best friend…can't you talk to her? Can't you reason with her, or something?" she asks me. I bite my lip uncomfortably, debating whether or not I should tell her that I'm not really on speaking terms with her daughter right now.

"Well, things haven't been too good between Sora and I lately. I haven't really talked to her at all, with the exception of my party the other night. And, long story short, that didn't really end too well." I take a deep breath, not sure of what to say.

I can say what I _want _to say, which is that Sora is safe and healthy and not doing anything that she shouldn't be. But that would be a lie, and all of my prayers and wishful thinking can't change that. Or, I can say what I _should_ say. I can sell out my best friend, in hopes that she comes to her senses and gets her life back together.

"What are you trying to say?" Mrs. Takenouchi asks. I think she knows what's coming, but she wants to hear me say it. She wants me to say the words. She _needs_ me to say the words.

"I don't want to say anything that would get Sora into trouble. I mean, after all, I don't know for sure that she's doing anything bad. But I know Summer, and I know her friends. I know how they are and what they do, and I know that they aren't the kind of people you or I want Sora mixed up with. All I'm saying is that you aren't wrong in thinking Sora is up to something."

I hope I'm not overstepping my boundaries and doing something hideously inappropriate, like telling Mrs. Takenouchi how to raise her kid or something. I said what I said out of genuine love and concern for her daughter, my best friend (or ex-best friend? I really haven't the slightest clue as to what our relationship can be classified as right now).

"Thank you, Mimi. You're a good friend. Please don't feel like you're betraying Sora. I know it must be hard for you, but you did the right thing. _Not_ saying something would have been letting her down. My daughter is lucky to have you in her life," she tells me.

I smile. Mrs. Takenouchi has that skill: she can make anyone feel loved and comfortable in her presence. She's like a second mother to me, and suddenly, hanging out with her in this house without Sora doesn't seem so strange. But still, I need to be getting home. If Sora walked in right now and found us together, she wouldn't be too pleased. And then she'd _really _never talk to me again.

I stand up and Mrs. Takenouchi walks me to the door.

"My daughter can be awfully stubborn when she wants to be, I'm sure you know that. Please don't give up on her; she needs all the love she can get right now."

……………………………………………………………

It's been three days since Izzy's party fiasco. In that time, I've dialed Mimi's number seven times. I've also hung up seven times. I _want_ to call her, but I just can't. Not after what happened. Frankly, I don't really think I should be apologizing, anyway. She's the one who called me out, and probably ruined the entire dinner after I left.

I mean, so what if I've being doing some pretty bad stuff? I'm her best friend (at least I was at one time) and she should want me to be happy. I want her to be happy, and if she wants to be a goody-two-shoes, then whatever. That keeps her happy, so good for her.

This makes me happy.

Tai used to make me happy...

He doesn't anymore.

Now, when I think about Tai, I cry. I can't think about him without wanting to die. How could he do this to me? Did he know what he was doing? Does he know that if he dies, I will too? I don't think he does. Why didn't I tell him that? Maybe if I told him how much he meant to me, it wouldn't have happened this way. But I didn't tell him. The last thing I said to him was 'Good luck, don't fail.'

Not 'I love you, Tai.' Not 'you mean more to me than you'll ever know'. In a way, I think he knew. I _hope_ he knew.

'Good luck, don't fail.' What a joke. Did it really matter if he failed? No. Not in the big picture. Maybe it mattered to his parents, to future employers, to the school, to Kari. Not to me. I would have loved him even if he killed someone. I can never stop loving him. Not now, not ever.

Believe me, I've tried.

That's right. As terrible as it sounds, I really have tried to stop loving Tai. Things would be so much simpler if I didn't love him so much. Hell, if I didn't love him, none of this would have happened in the first place.

When we were applying to colleges, Tai got a soccer scholarship to a really good school in America. But he didn't take it. He said he wanted to stay in Japan, that the idea of moving to a foreign country didn't sound too appealing. That was a lie. He was trying to make me feel better, because the truth was that he didn't want to leave me. I'm not being conceited or anything, it's just the truth. He knew it and I knew it. I think he knew that I knew, too, but never said anything about it.

I wish he _had _gone. Even though it would have killed me to say goodbye to him, at least he would be safe. At least I would know I would have the chance to say 'hello' again. I might not get to say that to him again. I might never get to see him with his eyes open again. I might never get to see that stupid grin or that messy hair, ever again.

I would have given him up if it meant keeping him alive. But he didn't go, and he's paying for that decision now. We all are, and that sucks.

Tai, why didn't you listen to me? Why didn't you go to America when you had the chance?

But I'm not mad at Tai. I could never be mad at Tai. I could never stop loving Tai, either. And that's the worst feeling in the world. It used to be a good feeling, but not anymore. Now, it only causes a lot of pain and more tears than I ever thought it humanly possible for a single person to cry in their entire lifetime.

He's the lucky one. That probably sounds crazy, but it's true. He's in a coma, for God's sake. He's unconscious, totally unaware of everything that's happening around him. He doesn't feel anything. He can't feel pain, he can't feel the despair and sadness that all of us are feeling. He's totally oblivious to the fact that he's in a coma. He has no idea of the hell he's putting us through. It isn't his fault, I know that. But still...I can't help but wish that we could switch places.

Tai could make it without me. I can't without him.

I have learned the truth about love. It doesn't exist to make you feel good, to give your life meaning. Love's an excuse to get hurt. Everyone who has ever been in love, at one point or another, has been hurt. I've been in love. I've been hurt.

Mimi's in love. Mimi will be hurt. It hasn't happened yet, but it will. Trust me, it will. I can warn her all I want, but I can't stop it. The process has already started. Maybe Matt will call off the wedding, maybe her parents will object. Maybe Tai will die and everything will just fall apart for her.

No matter what the reason, she _will_ get hurt. And as terrible as it sounds, I can't wait.

I can't wait because then, she'll finally understand. Maybe, just maybe, she'll know what it feels like for me right now. But when that happens, I won't be around. I won't be there because she pushed me away.

This was her doing, not mine. I refuse to be the one who apologizes, because I have done nothing wrong.

She's wrong. And you know what? She deserves to hurt.

……………………………………………………………

The remainder of the week passed without incident. We were all pretty shell-shocked from the fight between Sora and Mimi. I couldn't believe they were actually saying those things to each other. They used to be best friends, now they practically hate one another. I hope I'm never like that with one of my friends.

After Sora stormed off, we tried to salvage the rest of dinner as best we could. We were, overall, pretty unsuccessful. Almost immediately after dinner was over, we all broke apart and went home. It was really awkward. It felt like we were strangers who were locked in a room together, not best friends celebrating something great. We didn't know what to say or do around Mimi. Not because we were scared she would freak on us, or anything. We just didn't know what to say.

On the car ride home from Izzy's, Kari and I discussed it. I found myself siding with Mimi. Not because I like Mimi better that Sora, or any superficial reasoning like that. It was just because Sora didn't seem to defend herself too much. She kind of just conceded to Mimi's accusations, and didn't even both to offer an excuse or explanation. And what she admitted to doing was pretty bad. Well, what Mimi _said_ she was doing after she left had been pretty bad.

Kari, on the other hand, sided with Sora. She argued that Sora was going through a much harder time than Mimi was, and she needed our support. After all, Mimi just got engaged, while Sora's boyfriend is in critical condition. I had to agree with that, but my opinion didn't waver.

In the end, though we didn't say it aloud, we knew we really _were _playing favourites. Mimi, my future sister-in-law, was the obvious choice to me. Sora, Kari's potential sister-in-law-who-is-more-like-a-real-sister, was hers. When I walked her to her door and kissed her goodnight, there was some tension between us. I'm not sure why. I couldn't put my finger on it then, and I don't think I can now either, but it was definitely there. It was there, coming between us. I vowed that I wouldn't let it tear us apart.

I am currently sitting in my last class of the day: math. I have no clue what the hell my teacher is saying, nor do I care. This is my final class of my final day of grade eleven. And, the way it stands now, my final day of attending Odaiba High (while technically it will be spent in the building of my future school, Odaiba Public). This is confusing.

I've got it all planned out. I'm just going to transfer to the school I'm in now. It will be a little different, but I'll get used to it. I hate to sound cocky, but I don't really think I'll have any trouble fitting in, either.

I stare up at the clock as my last few seconds as a member of Odaiba High tick away. Five, four, three, two, one. The bell rings, and everyone piles out of class. My teacher is behind us yelling, "Remember, your exam is Monday at noon!"

I shudder, remembering the last time there were exams at noon. I mentally slap myself, and tell myself that I must calm down. Everything will be fine. I'll get through exams, and then I can finally kiss this school goodbye. It'll be a year earlier than I expected, too.

I walk down the hall, trying to avoid the mob of kids trying to get the hell out of school and salvage what's left of their summer vacations. School had to run about two weeks into vacation because of the shootings. Plus exams, we've almost lost a full month of no school. Which really sucks, when you think about it. But still, no matter how much it sucks, I'd much rather be in school during June than in the ground with a bullet in me. So when you consider the alternative, our version of 'summer school' is a pretty sweet deal.

I head over to my locker and empty it. The only time I'll be here from this point on is to take my exams. I will not show up for detention. I will _not_.

About a dozen of the kids that pass me are talking about me, and how I'll be expelled come Monday. They try to act all nonchalant about it, but they're shit at whispering. It's okay, let them talk. I've learned that it's better to let them get it out of their system. Ashley told me that the day after the fight. She said that people are always going to talk, if not about this than about something else. I should be flattered, she said, because they obviously care enough about me to make up the crazy rumors that are flying around.

I have heard some of the rumors, and they're absolutely hilarious. One is that I killed one of the guys, and while everyone _says_ I'm switching schools, I'm really changing my name and fleeing the country, you know, for legal purposes. What a joke. I have newfound respect for Ashley, who has to put up with this kind of shit everyday. Whatever, let them talk. After today, I never have to see them again.

After gathering all my books, I head over to Kari's locker to pick her up. _This is our last day of school together_, I think.

I see Kari standing at her locker, and walk up behind her. I plant a kiss on her cheek. She doesn't seem to notice.

"You okay?" I ask. She shakes her head.

"No. This is our last day together, T.K." I feel kind of bad, seeing how upset she is (and also a little freaked, like she can read my mind or something). But I can't really change anything now. Well, I could, but I don't think I want to. "You really don't think it's worth it? You really aren't going to go to your detentions and come back next year?"

"No, I'm not. It doesn't make a difference, does it? I mean, it's only a year. Nothing will change between us, just because we'll be in two different schools," I assure her.

"I know, but we won't get to graduate together. I won't get to see you everyday at lunch. You won't get to walk me to class every morning," she says. I hadn't even thought of it that way. I was really going to miss Kari. I would still see her outside of school, but it wouldn't be the same. And what about all of my other friends? This was our last year together before we all split apart, went off to college and started our real lives. I was going to miss out on graduation, a huge milestone for us. Not only did I _want_ to graduate with them, but I also _deserved_ to graduate with them. "I can't believe I won't get to see you everyday. And, honestly, I'm scared. I mean, I was feeling a little uneasy about coming back to school, but I did it because I knew you would be there to protect me. But now, you're not going to be there anymore. And I just don't know how I'm going to manage without you," she confesses.

I wrap my arms around her and tell her not to worry. "Anytime you need me, I'll be there. I'm not going anywhere," I tell her. This is important to her. I have to make her believe that. Since the shootings, Kari has a harder time trusting in me than she did before. The only other person she really completely trusted was Tai. He said he would always be there, and he was for the most part. But he wasn't anymore. Now, she's scared that I'll do the same. But I won't.

"I'm gonna miss you so much, T.K."

"I'm not going anywhere," I repeat.

"Yes, you are. And I'm sorry that it might not be a big deal to you, but it is to me!" Kari cries. I cup her face with my hands and stare into her eyes.

"No, I'm not. I'm not going anywhere." Kari looks at me, and a slow, uncertain smile creeps across her face.

"Promise?"

"Promise. Now let's go. I wanna get out of this place and get on with my weekend." I grab her hand and attempt to drag her away from her locker. "Especially since I have to be back here Monday for my math exam _and_ detention," I add. She quickly shuts her locker, grabs her bag, and smiles sweetly at me.

"Ready," she reports as I slip my arm around her shoulder. As we walk down the hall, we pass by Principal Nagasi.

"Have a good summer, Hikari," she says with a smile.

"You too, Principal Nagasi," Kari says politely. I roll my eyes at her sudden sweetness. I mean, yeah, Kari is a really sweet girl, but _come_ _on_. She lays it on a little thick around teachers and other adults…and they don't even notice! We joke about it all the time. She thinks it's just as funny as I do.

"And you, Takeru. I hope to see you soon," she says earnestly.

"Bye," I mutter. Even though I have decided to attend my scheduled detentions, I am not ready to divulge that piece of information to her. She is the one forcing me to go to detention. She doesn't deserve the piece of mind over this weekend. She stares at me, her eyes pleading with me to show up.

We walk by the gymnasium on our way out. They are setting up for a special memorial assembly that we're hosting tomorrow. We were supposed to have it at Odaiba High a while ago, the day before we went back to school, but…we all know what happened.

So, when they rescheduled, they decided to hold it on Saturday so it would not interrupt any classes. Personally, I would have appreciated the distraction, but whatever. There are pictures covering the wall, pictures of all the students and teachers that have been hurt or killed. I don't see Tai's picture, but I know it's there. I squeeze Kari's hand softly as we make our way out of the building.

We get into my parents car—I convinced my mom to let me take it today—and I drive over to her house. I pull into her empty driveway and we get out. I walk her to her door. I lean in to kiss her softly, but she grabs my face with her hands and pulls me even closer, crushing our lips together. The kiss is intense and passionate. They've all been like this, lately. I don't object…why would I? She somehow manages to get her keys from her purse and open the door. We stumble into her house and I pull away.

"Nobody's home," she tells me, though I already know that. I look around, and note how empty the house looks. Even when Tai was away at college and living in a dorm, it still had his presence there. Now, it looks empty and lonely. Her parents are either working or at the hospital with Tai. They hardly ever see Kari anymore, unless she's at the hospital with them. The last time she ate dinner with them was almost two weeks ago.

Lately, she's been eating dinner at my house, with my family. They don't mind, since they love Kari like she's their own daughter. Plus, we always have extra food at dinnertime. Especially now, since Matt is always with Mimi.

Kari shuts the door and our kiss continues. I press her against the wall and she wraps her legs around my waist. Any thoughts I had are pushed out of my mind as my hormones take over.

……………………………………………………………

**Okay, it's kind of short, I know. But next chapter is better, promise. **

**Review.**


	18. Close Call: Kari's Story

**Disclaimer: I don't own digimon.**

**This chapter takes place immediately after the last…probably like an hour or two later.**

**Chapter Eighteen: Close Call: Kari's Story  
**……………………………………………………………

For us, some sort of theme always marks our summers together. Two years ago, it was reunions and first meetings. It was happy but sad at the same time. We were all brought together. Maybe it was fate, or maybe it was just my brother, and Sora's going away party. But it was short-lived, because Sora had to leave almost immediately after we met. But, true to our dramatic style, she came back.

Last summer, it was friendship and fun in the sun. We were together, and everything was perfect. We didn't have to be plagued with thoughts of how this would be our last summer together before the older ones left for college. They all went to the same school, and we were closer than ever. We all had someone. I had T.K., Tai had Sora, Matt had Mimi, Izzy had Yolei. Believe it or not, even Joe had a couple of girls that summer.

This summer, the theme hasn't been decided yet. Mostly because the summer had barely begun, but also because it could end up going two ways. It could be marked by tragedy, losing Tai, Sora, Matt and Mimi, or it can be relief, close calls, and utter delight.

We could lose Tai to the coma. We could lose Sora to either Tai's death,or Summer and her friends. Matt and Mimi, regardless of the outcome, will probably get married, move away, and have kids. Okay, so maybe they won't move away and start a family _yet_, but once they finish school they'll be out of here. I know that, T.K. knows that, we all know that. I feel bad for T.K. He's losing his brother. Not in the same way I'm losing mine, but I'm sure it still hurts.

I try to stay positive, but I can't shake the feeling that this summer will end in tragedy. And that scares me. What if I'm right? After all, I was right about the shootings. I told T.K. that day that I had a bad feeling, but he dismissed it. Oh well, even if he had taken me seriously, there was no way we could have known what would happen. There's no use feeling guilty, like somehow I could have prevented it. Because I couldn't, I know that. Just like I can't prevent what might happen now.

No matter what I do, I just can't shake the feeling.

All I can do now is pray. I pray a lot lately, ever since the shootings. Because as much as I try to ignore my intuitions and the feelings I get about Tai's fate, they are still there. I _beg_ God to help us out. Help Tai recover; help Sora come to her senses. We all need help in one way or another. So maybe, if I pray, things will get better. Maybe things will go back to normal.

Maybe something will happen that will cast even a glimmer of light on this otherwise dreary and depressing time. _Maybe._

Perhaps I'm not feeling this way because of Tai. Maybe something else will happen, that will be just as terrible. In a way, that's an even scarier thought.

I'll be honest: this situation sucks. Everything about it sucks. Not one good thing has come out of it, unless you want to count Matt and Mimi's engagement. I love them, and I know I should be happy for them, but I'm finding it hard to care about it. When Mimi called me up and told me she was engaged, I didn't really feel excited. I didn't really feel _anything_. She rambled on and on about how I just _had_ to be a bridesmaid, and how happy and in love she and Matt are.

I felt sort of numb, which was weird for me. I've always been able to feel _something_, whether it's a god or bad emotion, but this was different. Not one feeling entered my heart. Probably because all I could think was, 'this was supposed to be Sora calling me. She and Tai were supposed to get engaged and live happily ever after this summer.' But there's nothing happy about this summer.

Sorry, Mimi, but you have terrible timing.

And even though I know this is not her intention, I can't help but feel like she's overshadowing Tai and his coma. He's my brother, and he's our best friend. We should be focusing all of our positive energy towards Tai, and his getting better. But everyone seems to be focusing on Matt and Mimi. Probably because they don't want to deal with Tai, so they think if they focus on something else the problem will just disappear. But it won't disappear. Oh, Tai, why are they doing this to you? Don't you deserve a few tears? Don't worry; I've given you more than enough.

The only thing I've really felt lately is sadness. Despair, utter despair. And anger, can't forget the anger.

When I'm with T.K., I feel a little better. But not much. I put on a smile, hug and kiss him; pretend I'm my usual happy self. But I'm not, not anymore.

I just feel like there is so much darkness and anger inside me. When I was younger, I was possibly the happiest child _ever._ No matter what, I would always smile. My mom says that I practically never cried, that I was always laughing and smiling. I guess I never really grew out of it, because I am still like that. I was, at least. But now, I don't know…I'm just _not_. I don't laugh or smile, not unless I force it.

Sometimes, I can control it. But other times, I feel like I'm going to burst. I feel like I have to do something, or else I might explode due to a buildup of feelings. My parents aren't around, so I can basically do whatever I want when I get angry or sad. I usually scream, cry, or throw things. But none of those things ever make me feel any better. They can't erase the pain; can't make me forget about my poor brother.

No, I need something more extreme. Something that really makes me forget about everything and lose sight of reality, even if it's only for a moment or two. Maybe that's what I'm doing with T.K.

Besides, it's not like my parents will care. They aren't home at all anymore; they're always at the hospital. They never pay attention to me. I know it's selfish, but that's how I feel. Ever since Tai's coma, our parents spend every waking minute at his bedside. The only way I see them lately is if I get T.K. to drive me to the hospital. It's like they've stopped being my parents. Tai and I used to share them, but now…they're all his again. Just like it was before I was born, when Tai was an only child.

Tai used to tease me by saying, "Sure, you're all cute and cuddly _now_, but just wait until you grow out of it. Mom and Dad will remember how much better they like me, and they'll forget all about you.

To which I would reply, "You shouldn't hold your breath, Tai. I'll always be cute."

This quickly became our little joke with each other. Tai never really meant it; he only wanted to scare me. I never believed it; I knew our parents loved us both equally. I never thought what he said would come true, not in a million years.

But it did.

……………………………………………………………

T.K. just left. He said he had to get home because his mom would be wondering where he was. It must be nice to have parents that care about you, and what you're up to, the way his do. I used to hate how overprotective my parents were. Now, I'd give anything to have them here, showing any concern at all for me.

I change out of my school clothes (more like pick them up off the floor, put them in the hamper and put on fresh ones) and go to the bathroom. I go downstairs to search the fridge. I decide I have been spending too much time at T.K.'s house. Sure, his family likes me, but I'm sure I've overstayed my welcome by now. I walk by the answering machine and see that the light is flashing. I have one new message. When did that happen? Maybe when I was in the washroom. I play the message and continue my hunt for food.

"Hi, sweetie, it's Mom. Your father and I aren't going to make it home for dinner tonight, so you can order a pizza or something. Sorry that there are no groceries in the fridge, I guess I haven't gotten around to," my mother says through the answering machine. "I got to go, see you later." I close the fridge and trek back over to the answering machine. I grab it and rip the cord out, disconnecting it. I wrap the cord around the rest of it, go outside, and throw it in the trashcan.

As I do this, I can still hear my mother's voice echoing in my head. _"Your father and I aren't going to make it home for dinner tonight."_ Big surprise. Have you made it home for dinner at _all_ this week? Not one night, no.

"I guess I haven't gotten around to it." When would you have time to get around to it? It seems like all you have time for is Tai! Why are you even there, Mom? He isn't awake, he doesn't know your there! God, how stupid can you be? He can't hear you! He has no idea that you're sitting beside him, holding his hand! Don't you get it? He has no idea! 

"_See you later." _You're kidding me, right? There are so many things wrong with that sentence that I can't even point them all out. Not 'I love you', not even 'sorry we're terrible parents, but despite what you think, we haven't _completely_ forgotten about you'. And no, you won't be seeing me later. You haven't seen me at all this week! The small amount of time that you _are_ home, I hide in my room with the door shut because I don't want to see you. And do you know why? Because I hate you! I hate you, I hate dad…I hate everyone!

I storm back into my house and slam the door. I see my cat, Meeko, scurry across the floor and run into the other room. I wish I were a cat. Life would be so much easier. Our cat doesn't know that Tai's in a coma. Our cat probably wouldn't even care if it did know. They don't have to go to school, they don't have to put up with family and friends, and they don't have to do anything. My cat's biggest concern is whether her food will be chicken or tuna-flavored today.

I realize that I'm crying. I don't really know why, but I am. Hearing my mother's voice set me off, and I can't see to calm down. _Correction:_ I don't want to calm down. When I'm pissed off, I don't have time to be depressed. I don't think about Tai, because all I can think about is how angry I am.

I go to the kitchen again, and get a glass. I walk over to the sink and fill it with water. I drink it down hastily, still as enraged as ever. My feet are still walking, so I just let them take me where they may. I end up in the living room. I look around and see a few pictures of our family. There's our most recent family photo, taken a few weeks before the shooting. There's my favourite picture, one of Tai holding me when I was a baby. Beside it, there's a picture of mom and Tai, when Tai was just baby. Mom doesn't say it, but I know that this is her favourite of the three pictures.

Her _favourite._

Her favourite is a picture of her and Tai. Not the picture of all of us, or of both of her children. Her favourite picture is just of her and her precious baby boy. My grip tightens around the glass until it feels like I could crush it with my fist. I won't, I'm nowhere near strong enough, but it sure feels like I could. Without really thinking (or perhaps I _did_ think, and just didn't care) I hurl the glass toward the end table that the pictures are sitting on. The glass makes contact with it, and smashes into about a million pieces. The picture, much to my dismay, remains unharmed. I think about leaving the mess there. Why should I clean it up? Let my parents sort it out when they get home, if they ever do come home.

Sighing, I decide that if I don't clean up the mess, nobody will. I track down Meeko and carry her upstairs. I lock her in my room so she doesn't come running in and stepping on any of the shards. Then I retreat back downstairs with a dustpan and vacuum.

I get on my hands and knees, and start gathering up some of the larger pieces. My finger is pricked by one of them. I drop it in shock, like the way you instinctively pull away when you burn yourself. I check my hand to make sure it's okay. It's not a serious cut, but there is a bit of blood. I watch as it flows from my cut and slowly drips down one of my long, slender fingers. I'm in a trance. It looks so cool, so magical. I bring it to my lips, and taste it. It tastes the way you would expect blood to taste...and yet, somehow, it seems different.

I reach out and grab a piece of glass (perhaps the same one) and bring it back to my hand. I stop; what am I thinking? Am I crazy? Do I fall into that category, with the rest of the loons?

Shooters running down the halls of my high school: they were crazy. My mother, sitting by Tai's beside, talking to him like he can hear her: she's crazy. Sora, hanging with Summer: she's crazy. Matt and Mimi, getting engaged barely a week after my brother's coma: they were crazy.

I'm not crazy. Everyone else is.

Taking the piece in my right hand, I bring it to my left wrist. It feels cool against my warm skin. With one, slightly awkward movement, I slide it against my skin, lightly applying pressure. After making a short line, I pull away to examine my work. Blood is seeping out of the new cut. Nothing major, but it is enough to melt my anger away. It feels…amazing. It doesn't even hurt. Well, maybe a little. But it was worth it. I stare at my wrist as more and more blood slides down my arm. It looks surreal, almost hypnotic. I drop the glass and stand up, heading to the sink. I wipe off the dried blood with a towel and apply pressure, trying to get the bleeding to stop. I don't _care_ that my wrist is bleeding. I do, however, care if it gets all over the carpet and rest of my house. I still need to clean the glass up, and I can't do that if I'm making even more of a mess.

When the bleeding has stopped, I retreat back to the living room and clean up all the glass. I grab a small flake and bring it to my room. I don't really know why. I open the door to my bedroom and find Meeko sleeping on my pillow, like she always does. I put the glass down on my dresser, and climb onto my bed. Meeko lifts her head up, and snuggles up against me. I can hear her purring, and it's a strange comfort to me.

It's the one thing that hasn't changed since Tai's coma. How sad is that? The only thing that hasn't changed since a couple weeks ago is the fact that my cat still purrs and sleeps on my bed.

_Wow, utterly amazing._ Even in my thoughts, I am sarcastic.

But it's the truth. Everything else_ is_ different. Even my relationship with T.K. has changed now. Will things ever go back to normal again? Or will my life be turned upside-down like this forever? If it does, then maybe I just don't want to live anymore. What's the point to life if it's unfamiliar and cold and uncaring and shitty?

The phone rings. I sit up, much to the protest of my cat, and answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hey, babe," T.K. says coolly. T.K...he's going to be my "point" now, I guess. I smile, in spite of myself.

"Hey, what's up?" I ask.

"Nothing, I'm just bored. Wanna come over? We're gonna order pizza later," he offers. I am about to say yes, when I remember how many nights this week I've eaten at his house.

"No, I think I should stay here tonight. Why don't _you_ come _here_ and we can order a pizza?" I suggest.

"Sure. I'll be right over, okay?"

"Yeah, sounds good. See you soon."

"I love you," T.K. says before hanging up. I frown as I hear the dial tone. He didn't give me a chance to say it back.

I hang up on my end and go over to my closet. I search through all my t-shirts, tank tops and skirts, looking for a shirt with sleeves. Much to my dismay, I can't find any. I glance down at my wrist, which now bears a visible cut, and chew on my lip. I know I have to find something to cover it, or else T.K. will see it and freak out. After five minutes of tearing my closet apart, the most I can find is a pink, three-quarter-sleeve shirt and a green angora sweater. I can't wear the sweater for two reasons. First, I'll sweat to death, and second, T.K. will definitely wonder why the hell I'm wearing a thick sweater in the middle of July. I put on the three-quarter-sleeve, but it doesn't cover the cut. Part of me wonders why I thought it would in the first place.

I go over to my makeup table, sit down, and take out some cover-up. I wince as I spread it over the tender cut. It stings a bit, but I keep applying it. After ten minutes, I'm finally satisfied. At first, one part of my arm was a completely different shade than another. I had to cover most of my arm, but then the other arm looked pale in comparison. I then covered the right arm too, and then washed it off because I applied too much and it was darker than the left.

I examine my arm, and can't see the cut anymore. I smile, sure that T.K. won't notice. Speaking of T.K.…where is he? I head downstairs and turn on the TV. Five more minutes pass, and I still haven't heard anything from him. I change the channel and the news comes on. They're talking about a three-car pile-up on the highway. My mind automatically goes to TK.

Sure, he wouldn't be taking the highway to get to my house, but he would be in his car. What if he was in an accident? I decide to wait five more minutes before I call his house and see if he's still there. Surely he would have called to tell me that he would be late, right?

Five minutes come and go. I call his house; his mother tells me that he left about twenty minutes ago. She asks me if anything is wrong, and I tell her no. I don't want to worry her until I _know_ there is reason to worry. But of _course_ there's no reason to worry. T.K. is _fine._ He's not hurt; he's fine. He isn't lying in his overturned car right now, slowly bleeding to death. He's…somewhere else. He's alive. There is a plausible reason for why he isn't here yet…there has to be.

Five more agonizing minutes pass. With a shaky hand, I pick up the phone and dial his cell phone number. A woman's voice comes on and tells me my call cannot be completed.

I can't help but wonder why that is. Could it be something stupid, like his battery is dead? That's usually the case. I'm always lecturing him, telling him that one day, someone will need to get in touch with him, but his cell battery will be fried. He just shrugs, tells me not to worry, that he'll charge it when he gets home.

But what if that isn't the case this time? What if he won't charge it when he gets home? What if he never gets to go home again, because he's out there dying somewhere and I'm at home, sitting on my hands? What if the real reason the call couldn't be completed was because his phone is smashed? What if he _did_ get into an accident and his phone was blown to smithereens? I slam down the phone and start pacing around my kitchen. My heart is going a mile a minute, each beat adding a new question to the mix. Why is he not here? Did something happen? If he's going to be late, he should call!

I tell myself to calm down. The only reason he hasn't called is because his battery is dead, and not because he's lying unconscious inside his totaled car. He can't do that to me. He _wouldn't _do that to me. He knows that I couldn't handle it. Not with the situation with Tai. I would just die if something happened to T.K.

I mean, if possible, I love him even more than Tai. Sure, it's two completely different kinds of love, but still…

No, he isn't hurt. He's fine. He _has_ to be. Then why hasn't he called?

I'm a menace to myself. Every time part of me tries to calm me down, another part jumps in and reminds me of all the terrible things that could have happened.

I realize that I'm biting my fingernails. When did this happen? I pull my right hand out of my mouth and examine it. I've always had long, beautiful nails. I love my nails. I love the way they look with my _Chapel of Love_ pink nail polish on. I love how annoyed Tai gets when I tap the kitchen counter with them. I love the face T.K. makes when I run my fingers through his hair and my fingernails lightly caress his scalp. These aren't my nails.

My nail polish is chipped, and all five of them are now short and jagged, not long and smooth. I put my hand beside the other to compare. It looks terrible. I sigh as I realize I now need to cut my left hand's fingernails, so I don't look like a complete idiot. Disappointed and angry with myself, I tear my gaze away from my hands and return it to the clock. It has been seven—now eight—minutes since I last tried T.K.'s cell phone.

I go over to the phone and dial the number again, thinking that in the last eight minutes he has miraculously found a charger and charged his battery. There is no answer. I slam the receiver down again, growing more and more worried with each passing second. All I can think about is our last conversation. He hung up before I got to tell him I loved him. What if that was the last time I ever got the chance to say it? What if he could never hear me say it again? What if I never heard him say it again? What if I never heard his voice at _all_, ever again?

I know I'm overreacting. So what if my boyfriend is a little late? But that's not T.K. He is _never_ late. Ever. If anything, he's early. It's weird, but that's T.K. So when he is thirty-eight (that's right, _thirty-eight_!) minutes late, I know that something is wrong. Hell, something would be wrong if he were _one _minute late...but over a half an hour? He only lives about ten minutes away, if that. There's no excuse why he should be so tardy! I pick up the phone and am about to call his mother back when the doorbell rings. I drop the phone, ignoring the loud bang it makes when it connects with the floor, and run to the door.

With each step I take, I get angrier and angrier. He's going to _wish_ he were in a car accident when I'm through with him! How could he be so late, and not bother to call and let me know? Of course he knew that I would worry! He knows how I can get carried away and overreact with stuff like this. So what the hell is his excuse? What could it possibly be? I fling open the front door, ready to inflict my wrath, and stop.

There is T.K., standing in my doorway, holding a bouquet of red and pink roses.

"I couldn't remember if you liked red or pink more, so I got both," he says sheepishly. All my anger melts away by the sound of his voice. I nod, smile, and tell him that they're lovely. I take the roses from him, grab his hand and pull him inside, praying he doesn't notice how badly I'm shaking. He doesn't, or he does, and doesn't say anything about it.

We walk into my kitchen and I sit the roses on the counter. He stares at the phone, which is currently resting on the floor. He bends down and picks it up. After putting an ear to it and hearing the dial tone, he hangs it up.

"Forget how to hang up a phone, Kar?" he asks.

"I tried to call you," I begin, ignoring the tears sliding down my cheeks, "but your _damned_ battery was dead." He stares at me like I have two heads, wondering why in the world I would be crying over a dead battery. "I…I thought that something had…happened t-to you," I say before sobbing hysterically. He wraps his arms around me and I bury my face in his chest.

"It's okay. Don't worry. I'm here, see? I'm fine. Nothing happened," he tells me. I don't stop crying. "Come on, Kar, you can't get rid of me that easily," he jokes. I know he's trying to comfort me, but I don't feel any better. Even though I'm in his arms, it feels like he's still a million miles away, where anything could harm him. He kisses the top of my head, which makes me cry even harder.

After a few minutes, I finally calm down. I pull out of his grip and stare him in the eye. He opens his mouth to say something, but doesn't. I don't give him the chance to re-start his sentence as I practically leap forward and pull him into a kiss. He doesn't object, and instead, he wraps his arms around me once more. I stumble backward, pulling him along with me. I slide my hands over his well-toned chest before ripping his shirt off. He does the same to me as we continue awkwardly making our way through my living room and toward the stairs. When my foot hits the first step, he stops.

"I thought we were gonna order a pizza," he asks. I can feel his breath on my face. His lips are inches away from mine. I'm certainly not thinking about pizza, and I have a suspicion that he isn't either. I shake my head, trying to catch my breath.

"Later."

……………………………………………………………

My favourite thing about T.K. is…I don't know. I can think of about a million amazing things, and it's totally impossible to narrow it down to just one or two. He's, like, perfect. For real. Okay, so not '_for real_'.

He's allergic to strawberries and he hates getting needles (_he_ claims you just can't be sure what they're putting in your body; _I_ think he's just a big baby). It will be quite the adventure the day he mistakenly eats a strawberry and needs to get a shot. He will constantly shush you if you talk while he tries to watch sports. He probably spends more time on his hair than I do (he _is_ related to Matt, after all). Not to mention the fact that the way he pops his gum drives me utterly insane. He can't carry a tune, and he cannot skateboard for his life.

But do I really care about any of those things? No, not really. He has the important things, the things that matter. The things which I can't imagine not having everyday.

He's the sweetest, kindest person I know. He's so passionate about everything he does. If he can't put 110 into everything he does, he won't do it at all. He's certifiably insane, but that's okay. He has a list of things that he wants to do before he dies, including sky-diving and bungee-dumping (he likes to pretend he's going to make me go with him, but that's a load of shit and he knows it).

He tries to look real nonchalant once he finishes all of his fries and starts sneaking some off of my plate. I say _tries_ because he'll always grin like a big idiot and give himself away. I'm not a very observant person, but I _do_ notice when half my meal is gone and I'm not even kind of full.

I love the way his lips move when he reads, and the fact that to him, literature isn't Sports Illustrated (though he _does_ read that, too). I love the way his tongue sits _just _on the outside of his lips when he's taking a shot during a basketball game. I love how he knows all the lines to his favourite movies, and can recite them at the drop of a hat. I love the way he wraps his arm around me when we're watching a sad movie, and the fact that he doesn't protest when I make him watch 'The Notebook' for the thousandth Saturday night in a row.

I adore that tiny, barely noticeable scar about his left eye, from falling off his bike when he was six. I also enjoy watching the grin spread across his face when he tells that story…or any story for that matter. I love the face he makes when I run my fingers through his hair, like a cat being scratched behind the ears.

School actually matters to him, unlike most guys I know (surprising, since he _is_ a jock, after all). He won't compromise his beliefs for anything—even if he's risking expulsion—but he'll re-think it all if he thinks it might be making me unhappy.

He's the same old T.K. with everyone. He doesn't change himself depending on who he's around.

I love how he absentmindedly brushes my bangs out of my face, and the way he kisses my neck when he's bored and wants to make out. I love how, even after all this time, he still won't dare touch me in front of Tai (as if he doesn't know we're all over each other the second his back is turned). He always knows when I feel like talking, when I feel like fooling around, and when I feel like sitting on the couch and watching TV for hours on end. I love how, even now, he can still send chills up my spine and take my breath away with just one touch.

He opens doors for me without a second thought, and he'll always have a joke ready for when I'm upset. He is possibly the only person in the entire male population who doesn't wear his jeans around his ankles. Sure, he could stand to wear a belt since he has absolutely _no_ ass to hold them up, but whatever. I'm not complaining.

He can't eat cookies without getting crumbs everywhere, and he compares my chocolate pudding to diarrhea, hoping I'll be repulsed and not eat it. The second I put it down and declare I don't want it anymore, he steals it and devours it whole. I love the way he looks at me, the way he chews his lip when he's deep in thought, the way he gets excited over little things like the ice cream truck or the carnival.

He doesn't gawk when some blonde bimbo with big tits walks into the room.

He won't kill a spider if he can help it. While I scream and try to step on them, he tries to get them back outside alive (he tells me that they have a family waiting for them out there somewhere, trying to guilt me into not squishing the poor bastard. It works).

I love the way he carelessly tosses his backpack on his bedroom floor after school. I love how he plops down on his bed and sprawls across the entire thing, then grabs my hand and pulls me down on top of him.

He hates 'Seinfeld' just like me. He is probably the only other person in all of Japan who agrees with me on that.

I love the sound of his calm, even breathing as he sleeps. I love watching his chest rise and fall in a rhythmic pattern, and the way my head goes with it as I lie next to him.

But wait a second. T.K.'s sleeping. Shit! We fell asleep. What time is it? I sit up and look at my alarm clock. Five to three. Shit.

"T.K….wake _up_," I yell. He doesn't budge. He sleeps like a log. I swear he could probably sleep through a rather serious earthquake if he wanted to. I slap his arm; he still doesn't move. I shake him, and still nothing. God, how does he wake up to his alarm clock every morning? I'm about to get some cold water to throw on him when a thought occurs to me.

Who cares? So what if he spends the night? His parents are probably already asleep, and mine aren't even home (big shocker, huh?). If his parents wake up in the morning and he's not there, he can just say he spent the night at Joe's or something. Or, that he was locked outside the house and slept in his car. After all, _he's _the one that fell asleep. It's not like I didn't try to wake him.

I lay back down and am about to drift off to sleep when the phone rings. Beside me, T.K. is startled awake. Sure, _now_ he wakes up. He looks around the room, then at me, then at the clock, then at the phone, then back at me.

"Shit!" he yells. I stand up and answer the phone, on its third ring.

"Hello?" I say fearfully. I hope I don't sound as nervous as I feel, or else we will be in trouble. _Please, oh please, let it be anyone but T.K.'s mother. Let it be a telemarketer calling to sucker me into an hour-long conversation about why I should switch insurance. Hell, it can even be my teachers, calling to tell me that I've failed all my courses and can't graduate. Just _please_ don't let it be his mom!_

"Hikari?" Sure enough, it's Mrs. Takaishi. Not only does she sound pissed, but she called me Hikari. The only other people in the entire world that have _ever_ called me Hikari are my parents (only when I do something _really_ bad…which is, like, never), and my principal (but that doesn't really count). God _truly_ hates me. I open my eyes wide and gesture wildly to T.K., letting him know it's his mom. 'Shit' he mouths as he pulls on his pants. I fight back the urge to laugh as he puts them on backwards.

"Hello, Mrs. Takaishi. How are you?" I ask, hoping to buy some time to come up with an excuse.

"Is my son there? He hasn't come home yet, and it's three in the morning," she informs me. As if I don't know. I bite my lip and wish I was a quick-thinker like Tai.

"Yes, he is. We were watching a movie and we fell asleep," I lie, and then add 'I'm sorry' for good measure. I hope that I can cash in all the trust I've built up over the years on this one _little_ 'incident'.

"Put him on," she demands. I try to figure out whether she's mad or not, but her tone gives nothing away. I'm usually so good at stuff like that, too. Tai got the quick-thinking gene, but I got the cut-the-shit-because-I-can-see-right-through-you gene. Apparently, I lost it. Or maybe it only works in person, and not over the phone. Either way, it isn't helping me out right now.

"Again, I'm sorry," I say before passing the phone over to T.K.

"Hey, mom. No, we fell asleep. Yes, I'm aware of what time it is, but like I said before, we just fell—" he stops, his expression a mix of impatience and nervousness. The room is so quiet that I can hear her talking through the phone. I can only catch bits and pieces, though.

"I don't care, T.K….three in the morning…worried sick…_now_…" Okay, so maybe I was wrong when I thought his parents wouldn't notice he was gone. She's still talking, but I'm not listening anymore. I get dressed and look at T.K. Even if the dark, I can tell he is blushing a little. I know exactly what she just asked.

"_Mom_! No we did _not_," he says firmly. "How can you even ask that? Are you honestly saying that you think Kari and I would do something like that? I thought you had more faith in me, mom." I am impressed by both his ability to guilt and to lie through his teeth, all at once. I fight to suppress my laughter as he winks at me and turn his back, probably to keep from laughing himself. That would _not_ go over too well right now.

I sit down on the edge of my bed and sink deep into the soft mattress. I see T.K. turn around and wave his arms, trying to get my attention. He has a stupid grin on his face, like he's going to die of laughter any second now. 'What?' I mouth. He mouths something back at me, but I don't have the slightest clue what he's trying to say. It's too dark, and he was going much too fast, anyway. I raise an eyebrow and shoot him a confused look. He dismisses me and goes back to the phone conversation.

"That's okay, mom. I forgive you," he says. The fact that T.K. and I had a sleepover, and his mother is the one apologizing, almost kills me. I fall back on my bed and stuff my fist in my mouth so I don't erupt into a fit of laughter. Okay, so it isn't really _that_ funny, but it to us at three a.m. "Yeah, I'll be right home."

He hangs up and almost falls over giggling. I have never, _ever_ seen T.K. _giggle_ before, but that's what he's doing now. The sight in front of me only adds to the hilarity of the situation. I'm now convulsing with laughter. When he finally calms down (and I say _he_ because I'm still dangerously close to pissing my pants with laughter) he yanks me off the bed, throws me over his shoulder, and goes downstairs. Gosh, my boyfriend is just _so _romantic (please note my sarcasm). I let out a small scream as T.K. almost trips over Meeko. One day, that damned cat is going to kill me because she always perches on the sixth step.

"Bye," I tell him as he gets ready to leave. He kisses me softly but it quickly deepens. After a minute or two, he pulls away.

"Don't start that again," he warns with a grin. I open the door, and push him through.

"I love you," I say quickly, and then slam the door. I don't give him the chance to say it back, just like he did to me on the phone. I watch out the window as he laughs, gets in his car, and drives away.

……………………………………………………………

**IMPORTANT:**

**I've got some exciting news for all my readers! I'm going to write a sequel (or trilogy?) when this is done! Mainly because I feel like there's more to write. I want to write about their lives _after_ the fact, approximately a year and a half or two years into the future. I'm in love with this story, the characters and everything else, and I don't want to let it go just yet.**

**I've already started to write some of it...just bits and pieces when it pops into my head and I don't want to forget the ideas...and I feel that it's really good! Actually, the stuff is better than my writing in this fic, if I may say so myself!**

**Tell me what you think please.**

**One more thing: to whoever the hell **Pinkdigi Angel** is, I totally don't appreciate you stealing my name. Get some originality, please.**

**And, as always, review!**


	19. The Service: Sora's Story

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. **

**Chapter Nineteen: The Service: Sora's Story  
**……………………………………………………………

My cell phone is ringing. One...two...three rings. I can't find it anywhere. I'm tearing apart my entire room, but it isn't in any the places I'm searching. Finally, after five rings, it stops. Oh well, they'll leave a message on my voice mail if it's urgent.

Sure enough, just as the ringing stops, I find my cell phone. It was sitting on my dresser, right in front of my face, the whole time. Sometimes, I'm amazed at how blonde I can be. I shift through the menu options and check my voice mail. I have one new message. I hit play and put the phone to my ear.

"Hey, Sora? It's Kari. I thought I'd call your cell because I wasn't, um, sure if you'd be home or not..." Kari says. Even though she isn't trying to, I can help but feel like she's accusing me of being out with Summer. "Yeah, but anyway, the reason I'm calling is to tell you that, um, our school is having a memorial service this afternoon. It's at two o'clock, at the public high school across town."

I glance at my clock. It's eleven now. So I guess I don't have 'I didn't have enough time and wasn't ready' as an excuse.

"Listen, Sor, I understand if you don't want to go. I mean, everyone else is going to be there. But you shouldn't do this for them. You should do it for yourself. And if you won't do it for you, then at least do it for my brother. Well, I have to go get ready. I'll save you a seat; hopefully you'll be there to sit in it. Bye."

"End of message," the mechanical voice on my phone tells me. I hang up and fall back on my bed. Should I go? Can I really handle being in a room with my old teachers and principal to listen to them talk about all those who died? I know that people lost their lives, and I have thought about it every day since it happened. But still, I don't think I could take it. I'm perfectly fine leaving them as anonymous people. I don't want to see their faces, see their grieving family and friends. I don't want to put a face on the kids. I want them to remain strangers.

But Kari is right, I really should go. I _have_ to go. I have to go for Tai, and to prove that I haven't totally forgotten about him. Because I haven't, not even close. I don't think I ever could. It doesn't matter if I can handle it or not. It isn't something I have a choice in. It's just one of those things you gotta do.

And you gotta do what you gotta do.

……………………………………………………………

"...We have all lost something because of this tragedy. Some of us lost a family member, some lost a best friend. Some lost a classmate, while others lost a girlfriend or boyfriend. We have all lost different people, who held different places in our hearts. But there are two things we have all lost," Kari preaches. She is standing at the podium, giving a speech to the gymnasium full of people. Everyone is crying, even the guys. They're all grieving. Grieving for their loved ones, the ones they will never see again. And Kari's speech isn't helping things.

"Firstly, we've lost our innocence, our sense of safety. This will serve as a reminder that you are never truly safe, and you can lose something, or someone, really important to you in the blink of an eye. We'll never be the same. We were all affected by this, and you'd be lying if you said you were fine. Because we're not fine. This entire community is reeling from what happened. Sure, they can make donations to help re-build our school, or offer us a sympathetic smile when we see them, but they can't change what has happened. Nobody can. But in the face of tragedy, we must stay together. And as hard as it is, we must stay strong. Because if we don't have each other, what do we have?"

I haven't stayed strong. I've been a real coward, haven't I? Everything Kari says is the exact opposite of what I've been doing. Tai, I'm so weak without you. Please, come back to me.

"And second, we've lost our chance. We have lost our chance to tell all of those people how we felt. We've lost the chance to look at them one last time, and take in every little detail. Take the time and appreciate every freckle, every scar...everything. We can never go back and do those things over. But we still have each other. So I urge you to live in the moment. Tell your friends how much they mean to you; don't fight with your siblings. And always, always, _always_ kiss your parents goodbye before you leave the house. Please, never take another second for granted. Because, for some of us, it's the last one we'll ever have. And I'm sure all of them," she gestures to the wall, "would love even one more second on this earth."

With that, Kari steps off the stage and returns to her seat. The gym erupts in applause. From my spot, way in the back, I can see T.K. put his arm around Kari. I suddenly find it hard to feel bad for any of my friends. They have each other. T.K. and Kari have each other; Mimi and Matt have each other. Even Mr. and Mrs. Kamiya have each other. But who do I have? No one, I am alone.

I've been standing in the doorway this whole time. Kari doesn't know that I'm here. Maybe it's better that way. I came here with every intention to walk in with my head held high and sit down beside Kari. But I just couldn't. No, not because I couldn't find her. I knew exactly where she was. I saw Mimi's bright pink hair the second I walked in. I just...couldn't. There's no explanation for it. I just couldn't, plain and simple. I couldn't face them, not like this. Part of me wonders how I will ever face them again. Maybe I won't. Is it possible to avoid them for the rest of my life?

Maybe I should get out of Odaiba. Get out of Japan, altogether. I could go live with daddy again. It's not like I have anything keeping me here. When Tai wakes up, then I'll come back. But until then, I have no reason to be here at all. Yeah, maybe that will work. I'll give daddy a call when I get home.

"That was Hikari Kamiya, student council president. Thank you, Kari, for that very moving speech. Now, if you'd please direction your attention to the screen, we have a slideshow prepared," the principal of Odaiba High announces. Everyone shifts in their seats (and those who are standing turn slightly) to face the screen better.

A slideshow starts, showing various images. There's a picture of the school from the outside. It looks so nice, so peaceful, like nothing bad could ever happen inside those walls. Suddenly, the nice, happy music stops and you can hear people talking in the background. The picture changes, it's now showing a few videos that were clearly taken from the news.

"...S_hootings at Odaiba High were reported around noon today. Though the shooters' identities remain unknown, it is being said that they may have been students at the school. The list of casualties is being withheld at this time."_

"..._Odaiba High students were under heavy fire this afternoon as four students took the school under attack. It is currently unknown how many students have perished, but the list is continually growing. Stay tuned for more updates on this heartbreaking news."_

"..._Davis Motomiya, Ken Ichijouji, Cody Hida, and Jacob Tanaka. Three of the four teenagers were found dead on the second floor of the school_..._"_

"..._Police arrived at the scene shortly after noon, after gunshots were reported. Hundreds of students were fleeing from the school, and several dozen had carried out on stretchers and rushed to the hospital. But for some, it was already too late. Channel six news, reporting."_

The words stung me as they echoed through the gym. This was _real_. And not only was it real, but it happened to me. It happened to all of us. _We_ were the people fleeing the school. _We_ were the people being rushed to the hospital. _We_ were the ones dying alone on the cold tiled floor.

This wasn't just something that I saw on TV, something that I'm convinced will never happened to me. It _did _happen to me. It happened to Tai, and Kari, and about a thousand others. There were many different outcomes, but it was the same thing. We were all in that school, and we all know what happened. We're the only ones who have truly experienced the uncertainty, the fear, and the absolute _chaos_ that went on in that building firsthand. In a way, we are all bonded for life now. And that bond is strong, and eternal. We don't share a special friendship, a fond memory that we can look back on and smile about when we're older. We have no crazy stories of the good ol' days. We have a different kind of memory, a different kind of story.

We have memories of the gunshots and the screams, memories of the students that were dying around us. Our stories are stories of survival. We _survived_. Why us? Why not them?

I refocus my attention on the slideshow. They are now showing pictures of all the deceased and injured people. At the end, they show a list of names. One name in particular catches my eye.

Davis Motomiya.

How dare they include him and his friends in this memorial service? Sure, he was dead, but it was his own doing. He killed himself. The rest of them didn't get a choice. The rest of them didn't deserve to die. Davis, on the other hand, deserved to die. The bastard caused all this pain and suffering. _He _is the reason we're here. He deserved to die a horrible, slow, painful death. But he didn't. He popped a bullet into his brain and just like that, it was over. His meaningless, insignificant life ended the same way he lived it: cowardly.

So no, I am not a coward for the way I've been acting. Because there is nothing I could _ever_ do, that could put me into the same category as Davis and his friends. They are scum. They deserve to be rotting in the ground right now. The others don't. The others shouldn't be where they are. They should all be here, and we should be celebrating the death of four absolutely malicious, worthless people.

The slideshow ends, and Principal Nagasi resumes her position at the podium and begins talking.

"On June twenty-second, approximately seven hundred high school students, one hundred and fifty university students, and sixty staff members were in Odaiba High at noon. Of those approximate nine hundred and ten people, thirty-two were killed and fifty-nine were injured. Nine of those people were members of the faculty, twenty-four were students from Tokyo University, and fifty-eight were high school students. The oldest casualty was fifty-three. The youngest casualty was just three days shy of her fifteenth birthday. It shouldn't have ended like this. It shouldn't have happened this way."

She was right.

But it did.

……………………………………………………………

I walk into my house and find my mom sitting at the kitchen table.

"Sora? Sit down, I want to talk to you." I don't say anything, just walk deeper into the house and sit down across from her. She stares at me across the table. Her face is serious, she is all business. What does she want?

"What is it?"

"I...I don't exactly know how to say this, but..." she trails off. Her face is solemn, worried. I am getting more and more nervous by the second.

"Mom? What's this about? Did something happen to Tai? Tell me," I demand. She shakes her head, and I unconsciously relax a bit.

"No, no, Tai's fine. It's...this is about you."

"Me?"

"Yeah, you. I'm worried about you."

"And why is that? Mom, you aren't making any sense." This conversation is basically going just as the last one had. What the hell is this, anyway? Is she making these absolutely pointless lectures a weekly thing now?

"Who is Summer?" My breath catches in my throat. I hope she doesn't notice how alarmed I am at her sudden name-dropping. How does she know about Summer? What the hell!

"Just a friend. She went to high school with me, don't you remember her?" I try to make her feel guilty for not remembering her. Not that I would have ever talked about her or anything. I am simply pulling at straws now, thinking that maybe this will get her. Maybe she will scold herself for not taking a more active role in my life, and let me go up to my room.

"How come you've never mentioned her before? Is she the reason that Mimi and the others haven't been around lately?" she asks skeptically. I bit my lip to stifle an eye roll. If she hadn't been right on the money, I would have gone into deep thought about how overbearing she is, and how she quickly jumps to conclusions. Unfortunately, she _was_ right on the money.

"I don't know why I haven't mentioned her before, mom. I guess I just didn't know you needed the play-by-play on every single minute of my life," I reply with a snotty undertone. "And I _have_ spent time with my friends. I was at a party for Mimi and Matt the other night, and I just got back from a service with all of them," I lie again. So what? She doesn't know that the party was a total bust or that I spent the entire time at the service hiding in the back.

My mother nods, but doesn't seem to buy any of it.

"How do you even know about Summer?" I ask. My mother hesitates for a second. It was only a second, but it was long enough. I know that whatever she is about to tell me will be a lie.

"She called here while you were gone," she tells me. Yup, that is a lie. Summer knows not to call the house. She always calls my cell phone. I sigh, roll my eyes, and stand up. "Where are you going?"

"Upstairs," I tell her.

"Excuse me? Get back here right now!" I turn around to stare at her. She looks shocked, as if I have never defied her before. Maybe I haven't, really.

"We're finished here," I firmly state.

"No, we are _not_," she protests, standing up.

"Then stop lying to me!"

"I don't know what you're talking about," she says coolly. I hate her right now. I truly despise her. My own mother.

"Yes, you do. Summer doesn't have our number. So please, mother, tell me how she could call without the number?" She hesitates another second because answering.

"The phone book?" Liar. She's lying, I know it. She knows that I know it. She doesn't even put much effort into her lie this time. Her answer was more of a guess than anything else.

"Cut the shit, would you? I want to know how you know about Summer. Someone had to tell you, so who was it?" She says nothing. "Come on, out with it."

"It was nobody," she claims. It's another lie. I begin to wonder if she has ever told me the truth once in my entire life. I think hard. Who would be spiteful enough to tell my mother about Summer? One name in particular comes to mind.

"It was Mimi, wasn't it?" The expression that sweeps across my mothers face is answer enough. Yes, it was Mimi. What a vindictive little bitch!

"No..."

"You know what, you have some nerve. What the hell are you going to Mimi for? If you want to know something about me, you ask me. Got it? You don't go to Mimi, or anyone else," I screech. I can tell my mom is pretty stunned by the way I am talking to her. Well, she deserves it. How dare she go behind my back like that? And going to Mimi of all people?

I blow her off and make my way to the stairs. "Sora, I only did it because I was worried about you," she calls after me. I spin around, absolutely furious with her now.

"You were not! You don't give a shit about me, mom! Not now, not ever! The only person you care about is yourself, plain and simple. The only thing you're worried about is whether or not you look good. You just want to come out of this as the wonderful mother with the unfortunate train wreck for a daughter." Why am I saying these things? I don't mean them, do I?

"Sora, that's not true. I love you!" I can feel all the anger and resentment that I have ever felt toward my mother coming back to me, full force. It feels like it's all just building up inside of me until I might explode from an overload. I know what I want to say, what I _need_ to say. But no, I couldn't possibly say it. Not to her face. It's one of those things that kids should _never_ say to parents. But right now, I'm so angry that I don't even care.

My better judgment is telling me to shut up, say I'm sorry, and get out while I still can. My better judgment, as annoying as it is, is right. Unfortunately, I'm in far too deep to get out now. I don't even think I would want to, if I was offered a way out. I have to say it. I have to put her in her place, and make her feel as shitty as she made me feel when I was little, as shitty as I feel now. I say to hell with the consequences, to hell with caring about other people and how they feel. Nobody cares about me, or my feelings.

"You don't love anyone, mom! You don't love me and you didn't love daddy! That's why he left, that's why _I _left! You're just a cold, heartless bitch who tore this family apart because you never really cared about it in the first place!" I sound like a terrible person, and I don't care. Part of me has secretly believed this to be the truth since I was fourteen and my parents divorced. Part of me _still_ believes it now. Part of me has wanted to say this to her since that night she told me that daddy was moving out. That's the reason I went with him. What else, but a loveless mother, would drive me away from my life and best friends?

"You're just angry right now, honey. I know you don't mean that," she quietly states, more for herself than for me. I can see the tears in her eyes, and I still don't care. She can't possible offer up more tears over me saying these things than I did when she actually did them to me.

"No, mom. I _do_ mean it. Fuck you." With that, I turn around and run up the stairs. I lock myself in my room and collapse on my bed. I don't cry. Why would I?

I can only _imagine_ my mothers face when I said that last sentence to her. Never in my life have I said _that_ word in front of her. And if I have, and have just forgotten, I can be absolutely positive that I've never directed it _at_ her before.

I pick up my cell phone and call Summer.

"Hey," she greets when she answers.

"Hey. My mom just, like, totally ambushed me a minute ago," I tell her. She laughs.

"Really? What happened?" She sounds excited, and that kind of bothers me. Why the hell is that a good thing?

"I have no idea. I just walk in and she started spazzing out on me. She was all 'Who's Summer?' and 'I'm worried about you, Sora, I love you'." I do my best impression of my mother, for added effect. I'm not trying to bitch to Summer about my mother; it's just naturally coming out. I can't really help it. Summer stays silent for a second, like she's deep in thought about something.

"She asked about me?"

"That's right," I answer as I flop back onto my bed.

"So, like, who do you think told her about me? I mean, who's bitchy enough to totally go behind your back like that?"

"Who else? It was Mimi." Judging by the slight gasp coming from her end, I'd say that she's a little surprised. Apparently, she didn't think even Mimi would stoop that low. That's saying something, considering that, out of everyone I have ever met, Summer has the lowest opinion of Mimi.

"Damn, what a slut. How the hell _you_ were _her_ best friend is beyond me," she laughs. I don't really find anything about our previous friendship funny.

"Me either," I tell her truthfully. Okay, so not truthfully. Meems and I had some fun, back in the day. But that was a very long time ago, indeed. Things are different now. _She's_ different now. She never used to be a double-crossing bitch.

"Come on...dish it. What happened? Are you, like, grounded or something?" she asks in a mocking tone. She likes to make fun of how my mom is way into the whole 'parenting thing'. Summer is so lucky. I mean, her parents totally don't give a shit. She just comes and goes as she pleases, and they never ask her anything. I go outside to get the mail and I get the third-degree. That's why I sneak out at night when my mom is asleep. So I don't have to put up with her stupid shit.

"No. I, like, totally kicked ass. I told her she was a heartless bitch and that it's her fault my dad left us," I inform her with a slight giggle. I'm in a much better mood now that I'm talking to Sum. I don't even feel bad when I think that, while I'm upstairs laughing, my mom is downstairs crying. "I wound up telling her to fuck off and then I came up here and called you."

"Ouch, that hurts. Good job, Sor, I've taught you well," she praises me. I laugh some more. "Well, I definitely have a new appreciation for _my_ lame-ass parents. Question: when you were little, did your mom put a leash on you when you were in stores?" her voice is dripping with sarcasm.

"Ha-ha, very funny. No, it was only when I grew up and no longer wanted her that my mother decided she wanted me around." I sigh and stretch out on my bed as she chuckles to herself. "I hate her, Sum. I really do."

"You need to calm down, 'kay? You're just wound up right now. If you want to relieve some _tension,_ why don't you go pay Josh a visit?" she teases me. I haven't told her about the little visit I paid Josh after the party at Izzy's. She just won't let me forget that I mistook Josh for Tai and practically jumped him in the middle of the club.

"Gosh, you're such a whore," I tell her with a grin.

"Yeah, you know you love it." I laugh. "So, how was the memorial service? I was thinking about going, but then I blew it off. Decided I didn't wanna be a room filled with teachers who tried to fail my ass every chance they got." We both laugh at this, and I roll over onto my stomach. "It's a damn shame, it is. I was really looking forward to seeing Tachikawa again," she jokes. "I mean, twice in two weeks. Could it get any better?"

We talk for a while more about all kinds of things. I remember being able to talk to Mimi this freely once. I can't do that anymore. If I were on the phone with her right now, I don't think I would have the faintest idea as to what I could say. We've grown apart, plain and simple. It sucks, but it's life, I suppose. Even though I'm extremely pissed beyond words, I miss her. I really, really miss her. And even more than that, I miss the me that I used to be whenever I was with her.

I miss those cute six-year-olds who would play dress-up in my mom's stuff. I miss those brave nine-year-olds who, along with three of their friends, dressed up as the Spice Girls for the school talent show.

I miss the sentimental eleven-year olds who pricked their fingers and did the whole 'blood sisters' thing. I miss those naïve thirteen-year-olds, the ones who stayed up all night talking about high school and all the cool things they'd go together. Together. That was our one rule. No matter how crazy or outrageous or lame it was, we would do it together.

_A lot of good "together" got us_, I think._ If we hadn't be so hell bent on going to the same university, maybe Tai would be up and walking around right now. I would have gone somewhere other than Tokyo U, even though it was probably my first choice, and Tai would have followed me. Or maybe I would have followed him. _Would I have followed him? Yes, I would have._ I would follow him anywhere, even now. Just say the words Tai, and I'll be behind you every step of the way._

I miss the fresh-faced fourteen-year-olds who started high school and got their first _real_ boyfriends (we never counted grade school crushes as being official, but these, in the sophisticated world of grade nine, did count) and their first real kisses. I miss the mortified fourteen-and-a-half-year-olds who cried and cried when I moved away with my dad.

I miss the frivolous seventeen-year-olds who were reunited during one crazy, magical summer. What a summer it was. I miss the mature, all grown-up eighteen-year-olds who graduated from Odaiba High and had their whole lives ahead of them. No matter where their lives took them, they would always be together. They had made a promise to always be together. And when two best friends promised something to each other, they kept it. It was like a law, or something.

I miss those crazy nineteen-year-olds who stayed up all night talking in their dorms. The ones who held cram sessions whenever they had gone out on double dates instead of studying like they should have, and had pillow fights on the last day of school.

We aren't those six-year-olds. We aren't nine, or eleven, or thirteen. We are no longer having our first kisses at fourteen or graduating at eighteen. We aren't even nineteen anymore. We have grown up and matured since the accident—I mean _shootings_. While we are technically nineteen, we are much, _much_ older. I am a different person that I was a month ago.

I hate that.

We were blood sisters; we had a part of each other coursing through our veins. To us, that meant that even if we were on two opposite parts on the world, we would be together.

And yet right now, three blocks away from each other, I've never felt so far from Mimi.

As I shoot the breeze with Sum, I close my eyes and try to imagine that I'm seventeen again. I mentally go back to that summer when it all began. I return to it, the summer when I met Tai, the summer when I reunited with Mimi. I pretend that Sum is Mimi, and that we are still stuck in our seventeen-year-old ways. Right about now, she'd be telling me about this cute guy, Matt. She would tell me that we just _have_ to go to his concert tonight. I would agree, and we would go. I would bring Tai along, though we were strictly just friends. And then they would hook up, and things would be happy and fun, like they were back then. Tai and I would get together, and we would have double dates every Friday night. Because that's what you did when best friends dated best friends.

God, was life ever that simple? I mean, really? Our biggest problems were stupid insignificant things like whether or not our hair looked good, or if we would pass that history test next Wednesday. Really, that was my life? No fooling?

The voice inside my head (the one that I argued with at Izzy's house, during dinner) returns. _Yes, _it says. _That was your life. Wasn't it wonderful? Don't you wish you hadn't taken it for granted the way you had? Don't you wish you hadn't taken the people in it for granted the way you had? Yes, that really was your life. No fooling._

Okay, just one more question then.

_Sure._

How the hell did it go from that to _this_? How is it that my problems changed from being about hair and clothes and tests and friends to Mimi and me hating each other and Tai potentially never waking up from his coma?

_That's two questions._

Okay _smartass,_ just answer it. Please?

_I'm not really sure. Shit happens, and you just gotta deal with it._

You call that an answer? You aren't really helping me out much. So, what do you think: am I dealing with it?

_No. Not in the least._

Well, what can I do to fix it? There's got to be something. Tell me what I can do.

_I can't._

Why not?

_Because. There is no answer. At least, there isn't one that I can give you. Think of me as your imaginary friend. Imaginary friends can only tell you the things you already know. The only way you can answer that question is to find it out for yourself. _

Then what good are you at all?

I wait for a long time, but no answer comes. When I finally realize what I've been doing, I'm embarrassed. I was literally having a conversation with myself, inside my own head. Not only that, but I got so whiny and annoying that I decided to ignore myself. I didn't even know it was possible to ignore yourself! I really am losing it.

I snap out of my thoughts and realize I'm now listening to the dial tone. Summer hung up. When did that happen? Did I say goodbye, or was I right out of it and didn't even hear her? I can't seem to remember. I hang up the phone and shut my eyes. I let my thoughts take over again. Why not? They're painful, but oddly soothing at the same time. Besides, I deserve to punish myself.

Where was I, anyway? Oh, right. That summer.

How I treasure that summer. And yet, at the same time, I wish it had never happened. Because maybe, just maybe, I would be better off. I try to imagine my life right now if I had just gone to America with daddy. Or if he had never gotten the job, and we stayed where we were. Or what it would be like if my parents had never divorced in the first place. As hard as I try, I can't even picture it. Why even bother? Even if I _could_ imagine it, what good would it do? This is the only life I will ever know. This is a life that, until a few weeks ago, I was happy with. And now, I am filled with regrets.

_You're pathetic, you know that, right?_ The voice is back, and this time, it's personal. Wow, that was possibly the lamest thing I have ever thought.

How am I pathetic?

_Here you are, sitting in your room, wallowing in self pity. All you can think about is you, you, you. Honestly, it's sickening how self involved you are. I mean, look at you. Right now, who are you talking to? Yourself._

So what if I'm talking to myself? You talked to me, first. And you have some nerve to call me self involved without backing it up.

_Fine then, allow me to elaborate._

Yes, please do.

_All you can think about is how much _you_ wish that summer never happened. How everything would be better for _you _if it never did. How much simpler _your _life would be. What about everyone else? What about Kari? It's her _brother, _after all._

Okay, well when you put it that way...

_You don't really mean it, anyway. And you know it. God, even in your own head you're such a drama queen. _

Hey, I resent that! And how do you know that I don't mean it? Why shouldn't I mean it?

_If that summer never happened, believe it or not, it wouldn't have just affected you. What about all the others? Did you even stop and think about how it would have affected them? Mimi and Matt might have never gotten together. Kari certainly wouldn't have met T.K., and what about Izzy and Yolei? See, a lot of lives are involved here, not just yours. Plus, you never would have met all those wonderful friends of yours._

I never thought about it that way. But you don't know that they never would have met in the future. If it was really meant to be, they would have found a way...

_Oh, _please._ You're a little too old to believe in fairy tales, dear._

Hey, it is _not_ a fairy tale. So what if I believe in fate? All things happen for a reason, and if they were supposed to get together, they would have. It would have happened whether it was that summer, or the next, or the one after that.

_That's exactly my point._

Huh? Now I'm confused.

_All things happen for a reason, you said it yourself. That means that there was a reason Tai got shot. There was a reason he's in a coma. Did you ever think of it that way?_

No, and I'm not going to. You can't make me.

_God, you are such a child. You haven't grown up at all. _

Shut up.

_No. Going back to my point: If everything that is 'meant to be' will eventually just fall into place then surely you and Tai would have met up again, right?_

Well, yeah, I guess.

_You guess? Face it, I'm right. Give it up. I know that you hate to be wrong, but I've got you this time._

No, you don't. I didn't say I _never_ wanted to hook up with Tai. Maybe if we met later in life, say next year, things would have been different. Maybe then, things would have been okay.

_You can't know that for sure. Maybe that summer was your last chance with him._

What are you getting at now? I thought you agreed that fate would find a way?

_What I'm getting at, is that maybe you had already missed out once. Maybe, when you moved away with your dad, that was when you were first destined to meet. _

But I had met Tai before that.

_Honey, you were _six. _It hardly counts._ _Six-year-olds have the attention span of a button. You probably talked to him for a second, and then went off to play with someone else. I bet you forgot about him the very next day. That's the way it works with kids. _

So, you think that I had already missed him before? That it was my last chance with him? You think that fate had stepped in a bunch of times in the past and I just ignored all the signs?

_Bingo. So, how do you feel about that summer now?_

I don't know. I mean, it's different now. I can't imagine ever _not_ knowing Tai. I just can't. When I said that I wish it hadn't happened, I guess in my mind I assumed we would meet anyways. Under different circumstances maybe.

_So I'm right? _

Yes, I suppose you are. You put up a good fight, you're one tough bitch.

_And so are you. Stay tough, you'll get through this. And remember, I didn't help you out any. I'm a part you; you already knew everything I was going to say. I just say the things you're too scared to admit to yourself. Tricky little devil, aren't I?_

You sure are. And just so you know, I don't regret it anymore.

With that, I slowly drifted off to sleep.

……………………………………………………………

**Whoa, Sora's going on a real head trip there, huh? I think this little voice will make an appearance in later chapters, too. I find it very amusing.**

**Review.**


	20. Dreams and Reality: Sora's Story

**Disclaimer: I don't own digimon**

**Chapter Twenty: Dreams and Reality  
**……………………………………………………………

I open my eyes and Tai is there. Not just in my mind; he's reallythere. I can _see _him. I could reach out and touch him, and he'll still be there.

He's sitting in a chair beside my bed, watching me. Was I asleep before he came? I must have been. How else would he just appear here? Yeah, he must have snuck in and not wanted to wake me up.

I sit up. My breath catches in my throat. I can't talk. There are so many things I want to tell him, but I just can't find the words.

"Sora?" he asks, sounding bewildered.

"Who else would it be?" I say with a huge smile.

He stands up slowly, cautiously, as if I'll disappear if he moves too fast. He can't believe this as much as I can't, maybe even more. He sits down beside me on the bed and puts his arm around me.

"I never thought I'd..."

"I know," I interrupt. I don't want him to finish his sentence. As long as he doesn't say it, I can pretend that the slumber I just woke up from contained dreams of his coma. I can pretend it wasn't real. This is the only reality I need.

"I missed you," he says. "How...how long has it been?"

His question shocks me. I don't really know. Near the beginning, I knew. I knew every hour, every minute, every _second _he had spent in that coma. But now, I couldn't even tell you how many days. I think that maybe I could do the math in my head, but I'm having trouble remembering what day it is. Let's see, the shootings happened on June 22nd, and today is July 16th.

Almost a whole month?

Not even a month?

They were two completely different thoughts, both occurring at the same time.

In a way, I can't believe it's almost been a month. The memory is so fresh in my mind that it's like it happened yesterday. Being back with Tai kind of makes it seem like a dream, and that it never happened to begin with.

At the same time, it feels so much longer than a month. So much has happened, so many friendships have started and ended. So many people have cried and laughed. It doesn't seem like it could all fit in thirty measly days. But it has. Actually, it's fit into less than thirty.

"Just a little less than a month," I state. I hear his sharp intake of breath. I can tell he's surprised, and that he doesn't know what to say.

He shuts his eyes and rests his chin on the top of my head. I bury my face in the crook of his neck. I breathe in deep, taking in his smell. He used to smell like a little bit of aftershave, a little bit of cologne, and a little bit of Tai. He smells like that now. He doesn't smell like hospital, which is good. He must have showered before he came over.

His arms around me used to feel warm and protective. I never wanted to leave them. They feel that way now.

Our kisses used to be slow and deliberate, like we had all the time in the world. In many ways, we did. God, we were so stupid.

We sit there for a long time, staying completely silent. I don't want this to end, yet I am overcome with the feeling that it will. It's the way you feel right before the chair is pulled out from under you, I suppose.

I feel something wet on my cheek and realize that I'm crying. I feel so guilty, thinking of all the things I've done lately. This isn't the way Tai left things, and he shouldn't have to come back to things being this way.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper. Tai takes my hand in his, and rubs his thumb over it.

"It isn't your fault, Sor. What happened to me was—"

"—Not that, Tai. I know now that it wasn't my fault. I've done some awful things while you were gone. Things that when you find out about, you're going to hate me for." He pulls away, and gives me a questioning look. He sighs, and shakes his head.

"I could never hate you."

"Trust me, you could. And you will."

He shushed me, tells me not to worry about that now. I agree, happy he isn't storming out on me right now.

"I can't believe you're here," he exclaims. He touches my face, probably to make sure that I'm still real.

We shift positions, and lay down on my bed. We say nothing. I just listen to his calm, steady breathing. When I can't bear the silence anymore, I talk again.

"But Tai, you don't understand. Everyone else left me. Mimi hates me, they're all avoiding me." He sits up beside me quickly, anger sweeping his handsome features.

"What? Why?" he demands. I sigh heavily, not wanting to explain. I wish I hadn't said anything in the first place. I know, however, that he won't leave until I tell him. But then again, I don't want him to leave. I want him to stay forever, even if it's under this uncomfortable silence.

"_I_ ditched _them_, okay? It's not their faults. I just...I missed you so much and it didn't feel right being with them without you. Every second with them was a reminder that you weren't gonna be there, and why. I did some really shitty things, all because I couldn't handle everything going on," I explain.

"That's no excuse! They turned their backs on you when you needed help!"

He understood perfectly. How was that? How did he know exactly what I thought and felt, all the time? Did he really know me _that _well? Part of me wondered if this was really happening. What if I was only imagining it? Despite my logical side nagging me, I push those doubts out of my mind. There's no way my imagination is this good.

"They've been really preoccupied. It's my fault, really."

"How? What the hell could be more important that a friend in need?" Tai is trying to defend me, though I'm not sure who it's benefiting. Maybe it's me, but maybe it's only himself. Maybe he's trying to convince himself that I'm not as horrible as I really am.

"Mimi and Matt are engaged," I tell him. He stays silent, as if trying to decide whether or not that is a plausible excuse.

"Okay, but what about the others? What are their excuses?"

"I don't know. They've all been having a hard time. It wasn't just me who had to deal with, um, what happened, you know? Joe's at the hospital all the time volunteering, burying himself in work. Izzy is spending a lot of time with this new girl, Cindy. T.K.'s gotten into some trouble, fighting and stuff. And Kari...you're her _brother_, Tai. Come on. It's hard for everyone. You can't blame them."

"Kari, um, how is she? I mean, she's not like..." he trails off, almost like he can't find the words. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's got T.K. I mean, of course she's upset and stuff. But she's dealing, I guess," I tell him. I feel ashamed and guilty that I can't really supply an answer to that question. I haven't been around Kari enough to see if she's okay. But then again, she's the one who has been reaching out to me. She's been the same old Kari, so she can't have changed that much, right? "She gave a speech at this memorial thing earlier today. It was really good," I add.

He nods, and half smiles. He looks like he wants to ask me more questions, but he's afraid to. I don't want him to be. I want him to ask me whatever he wants; I want him to say everything that's on his mind. Well, maybe not _everything _on his mind. Especially if it's something negative about me. But just about anything else is fine.

"It was Ken Ichijouji," I tell him. He gasps, and I realize that he didn't know that it was Ken who shot him. I guess he didn't see him when it happened.

"What? That bastard...I'll fucking kill him! Who else was involved?" I know I should answer his question, it's what I wanted to do, but it's really uncomfortable. I haven't really talked about that day with anyone, unless you count that therapist a while back. But it's _Tai_. If I can't talk to him, who can I talk to?

"There were three other guys, all from Odaiba High; Davis, Cody and Jacob. But it doesn't matter now," I proclaim with a small sigh.

"Why not?" I don't think he quite understands. He really doesn't get the fact that they're dead. _Duh, _I tell myself. _He's been in a coma. He has no idea. That's why he asked you. _

"Because, Tai, they're dead. All of them," I quietly inform him. He nods his head, trying to process everything that he's heard.

"Suicide?" he asks. I nod. Even though I'm pretty sure Jacob's death wasn't suicide, I don't tell him otherwise. I don't feel like getting into everything right now. "_Cowards._ They got off easy, compared to what I would have done to them..." I nod once more. I'm glad that he won't get the chance to prove how badly he wants to do them in. I'm even more glad that he doesn't ask _how _I know it was Ken that shot Tai. That isn't a pleasant story.

Apparently, in the last year, school crimes and vandalisms had increased at our old high school. They installed security cameras in order to catch the kids responsible, and they wound up catching every single second of that horrible day. Officials viewed the tapes and informed people. Mrs. Kamiya told me it was Ken. She knows for a fact that it was Ken. She _saw_ him do it.

He sighs, and lies back on the bed. He puts an arm around me, and I'm waiting for him to get up and leave, saying he should probably call Kari or something. He doesn't. Instead, we fall asleep.

……………………………………………………………

"Sora? Wake up!"

I open an eye to find my mother hovering over me. I'm not sure how long I've been asleep. Groaning, I sit up and stifle a yawn.

"What? What is it?" I ask. "Where's Tai?" I look around, and see that Tai isn't there anymore. In fact, there's no evidence at all that he's been there. The chair in the corner that he was sitting on is gone.

It takes me a minute before I realize that I never had a chair there to begin with.

My mother disregards my comment about Tai. Maybe she didn't hear it, maybe she just concluded that I was dreaming and didn't want to press me. If that's the case, I'm grateful.

"I'm surprised the phone didn't wake you up a minute ago," she states. "It was Tai's mother on the phone," she explains. I notice for the first time since I awoke that she's crying. My heart sinks.

"Mom, what is it? What happened?" She says nothing. "Tell me!"

She reaches into my drawer and throws me a pink t-shirt. I'm about to protest that I already have a nice shirt on, but I look down and realize that it's wrinkled from my nap.

"Put this on. We have to hurry, Sora. I'll be downstairs when you're ready to leave."

"Where are we going?" I yell as she leaves.

"The hospital," she tells me, with a tone that suggests I should already have figured that out. She shuts the door to let me change.

I tear off my wrinkled shirt and put the fresh one on. The whole time, I'm trying to avoid thinking. I don't want to think, though I know it's impossible to do. The only think I can think right now is 'Tai is dead. He came to me in a dream to say goodbye. This is it; he's gone for real this time.'

I run downstairs, forgetting my purse up in my room. My mother is standing at the door holding her car keys. She has an impatient look, like I'm holding her up for an important meeting. She had stopped crying, but her eyes are still red and a little puffy.

Taking a breath and putting on my shoes, I ask the one question I'm pretty sure I don't want an answer to.

"Why are we going to the hospital, mom?"

A look of surprise registers on my mother's face, kind of like she just realized she still hasn't told me anything. A small smile creeps its way onto her face, and despite my gut-feeling that something horrible has happened, I relax.

"Tai's awake," she says.

……………………………………………………………

**Short and sweet.**

**I won't be updating this week, due to exams. I know, I know, school sucks. On the bright side, I am officially done this Friday, and will have the rest of the summer to write to my heart's content.**

**Review, and wish me luck! **


	21. The Door: Tai's Story

**Disclaimer: I don't own digimon.**

**I was inspired to sit down and write something because I _finally_ got my tattoo yesterday!**

**Chapter Twenty-One: The Door: Tai's Story  
**……………………………………………………………

I don't know how long I've been here, but you know that already.

I can't feel Sora's presence anymore, but you know _that_, too.

So what has been happening with me since the last time we talked? Pretty much nothing.

I think I might be losing my mind here. There's nobody for me to talk to, nobody for me to see or touch. The last physical contact I remember having was when the bullet drove itself into my stomach. Since then, I've been here. Here, in the void.

The void is my new home. I don't like to think that, but I can _feel _it. And I can't deny what I'm feeling. It's one of the few things I can still experience. I can't even remember what my house looks like. I can't remember what Kari's voice sounds like, how Sora's lips feel. I don't remember any of it. I'm scared that the longer I stay here, the less I'm going to remember. What if I'm losing my memories? What if once they're gone, I'll never get them back? What if I wind up forgetting all of them—Sora, Kari, Matt, Mimi, T.K., Joe, Izzy, even my parents? What if each day it only continues to get worse?

Has it been days yet? Or has it only been mere hours, and it just feels like days?

I don't really know which would be better. I think that if it's only been a few hours, I would lose whatever is left of my mind. But then again, if it's been days...well, that's not good. That means that I've been in my coma for days, possibly weeks, maybe even longer?

What if it's been years? Oh my God, what if it's been years and everyone has moved on without me? What if Sora's gotten married and had a family? What if Kari's grown up and moved away?

A part of me wants to stay here forever, wants to be protected by this thick blanket of darkness forever. That way, I'll never know what I'm missing; I'll never know what I've already missed.

Then I think of Sora, and know that I don't really want that. I'd much rather wake up to find her happy and with someone else than never wake up and always wonder if she's sad and alone, waiting for me.

I hate that.

I hate that she might be out there, that she might be waiting for me.

If I could, I would tell her not to bother. I would tell her that she should move on with her life, and salvage whatever morsel of happiness is left in it. I might not be able to feel her, but I know her well enough to judge for myself. I know that right now she's in torment, and on some level, I know that she isn't with someone else. I know that she's alone, desperately wishing I'd be there with her.

But I'm not there with her.

It's not a guarantee that I ever will be again.

I'm stuck in this fucking _place_, a place that I can't get out of. A place that sucks all hope out of you and leaves you hanging there like a lifeless rag doll, cast aside by its four-year-old owner.

It's all I can think about. I don't eat, don't sleep, I barely even move. The worst part is that I don't really need to. I'm not hungry, not particularly stiff to the point that I need a good stretch. But I am tired, I have to admit. I'm _so _tired, and all I want to do is fall asleep.

But sleep isn't an option, not while Sora's out there alone. Not while Sora needs me to figure a way out of this place, so I can come back to her and we can live happily ever after.

_Will _we live happily ever after?

Will any of us?

I am about to scream. If I could, I would. Unfortunately, I can't make a sound. Or, if I do, I don't hear the sounds that I'm making.

Lately, I've been praying to God that I can find a way out. I've never been too religious, but this is as good a time as any to start, right? I figure that if God is all-powerful and can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, that _maybe _he could grant me this one _little_ favour. Maybe he could help me get out of here, so I can get on with my life.

God, I hope you're listening, because I need your help right now.

This isn't how things were supposed to happen. I'm nineteen years old! I'm supposed to be enjoying my summer, getting ready for a fun trip with my friends. I'm not supposed to be in a coma, clinging to life. I had so many plans for us, so many plans for the rest of my life. Now, it turns out there might not be a 'rest of my life'.

Did you know I was going to ask Sora to marry me, God? Did you know that? I was. I was gonna go all out, maybe take her out to dinner and for a walk on the beach afterward. I was fairly confident that she'd say yes, too. I wasn't sure though. I mean, nothing's a sure thing, right? I was so nervous about it. I kept going back and forth in my head, trying to decide whether I should ask her or not.

I finally decided that I should. I wanted to be with Sora, and if she said no, there was nothing I could do about it. At least I could say that I tried, and wouldn't have any regrets over it.

I was so scared that she would say no. I was so scared that I was going to lose her.

I still might lose her, and I'm more scared now than I've ever been in my life. But it's a completely different kind of scared, a completely different kind of loss.

God, why did you do this to me? Are you punishing me for something I did? That's fine if you want to punish me, but you're hurting everyone else, too. Please, can't you punish me some other way? Anything is better than this. Anything is better than you hurting all the people I care about. Think of Sora and Kari. And, oh God, think of my poor mother.

I'll give you whatever you want. I'll go to church on Sundays; I'll spread your word and do good deeds. I'll be your humble servant until the day I die. Just _please _let me get out of here. I can't do it without you, you know.

I don't hear a reply, an answer from God. I never do. But I still believe that he's there. I have to believe that _someone _is there, listening to me and trying to help me out.

And that's when I see it.

Has it always been there? Has it been there this whole time, and I've just never noticed it?

No, it hasn't. It just appeared there right now. There's no way I wouldn't have noticed something like that. _No_ _way_.

Thank you, God. Thank you _so _much.

It was a door.

……………………………………………………………

I don't know how I got here; I don't know _why _I was given this second chance. All I know is that I won't screw it up.

I walk down a long, white hallway. There's a bright light, and for a moment, I consider turning back. For a quick instant, I imagine that this is what people talk about when they have near-death experiences, and claim to have seen a 'white light'. But this is a different kind of light, a different kind of hallway. It's not delivering me to God. It's delivering me to someone else, someone who needs me more.

I come to the end of the hallway, and the light slowly fades away. Thank goodness, because it was blinding me. I've been in the dark so long that even the slightest bit of light will take some getting used to. It's like when you wake up from a deep sleep and you have to blink like an idiot for a few minutes before you can really see anything. Except this is about a million times more extreme. I take a quick scan of the room around me, ignoring the spots I'm seeing, and instantly know where I am. I haven't been here for quite a while, but it's not hard to recognize. It looks the same as it did last time I saw it.

It's Sora's bedroom.

I see Sora, asleep on her bed. She looks so peaceful, so calm; I don't want to wake her. She seems so...happy. I can't bring myself to wake her, even though I know she will want to see me really badly. At least, I hope she will. I pull up a chair that I don't remember seeing before, and sit a few feet away from her bed.

I don't know how long I sit there, just watching her sleep. I still don't know how long I was in my void for. Now that I'm out of it, I almost miss it, in a way. I really got used to being there, and this is a weird change for me.

I must have zoned out, or perhaps even fallen asleep, because I'm startled by a noise. I look over at Sora, who is waking up. She stares at me for a second, not making the connection that I'm out of my coma. Something clicks in her brain, and she sits up rather abruptly.

"Sora?" I suddenly notice for the first time that I can actually talk again. This realization is almost as shocking as the fact that I'm with Sora right now. Almost, but not quite.

"Who else would it be?" she says smartly. I'm glad that her dry sense of humour hasn't been affected by everything that's happened. Smartass.

I have so many different urges right now, and I can't satisfy them all at once.

I want to get up and sit beside her. I want to touch her, kiss her. But I'm afraid that if this isn't real, if this is only some sick, cruel joke made to entertain the man upstairs, that it will come crashing down on me and I'll awaken from my daydream.

I want to talk to her, have her tell me everything that's been going on. I have so many questions. I want to know how she is, how my family and friends are. But then again, I don't really want to talk. For now, I just want to sit here and enjoy this moment. I just want to savor it, and not spoil it with talking. Words cannot express emotions, especially strong ones, like the ones surging through me at this very moment. Speaking is the most futile method of communication. I learned that in my void, when I couldn't speak. Part of me wishes we could read each other's thoughts. That way, she would completely comprehend everything going on inside of me.

I want to sleep. I'm so horribly tired; it feels like I haven't slept in ages. Maybe I haven't. But I refuse to sleep, that I know for sure. If I sleep, that means that I'll miss out on time I could be spending with her. Right now, despite my fatigue, I never want to sleep again.

Finally, my need to touch her overpowers all others, and I find myself making my way over to her bed. I sit right beside her, and put my arm around her. It's the best feeling in the world, and I'm sure I never want to leave. I sigh.

"I never thought I'd..." I trail off, not really knowing how to finish that sentence. Well, I guess I do. I just really don't want to.

"I know," she says. I feel guilty for making her lose hope, making her feel like I'd never wake up and be with her again. I want to tell her how sorry I am, but all the apologies in the world can't erase what I've made her feel.

"I missed you." Okay, so it isn't an apology. Maybe it's one better. Finally, my curiosity gets the better of me. "How...how long has it been?"

I hold my breath, for some reason expecting her to say 'three years'. She stays silent for a moment. Maybe she's trying to calculate, but I interpret it as her trying to let me down easily.

"Just a little less than a month," she reveals. In many ways, I am relieved. I haven't been gone for any horrendously long amount of time. At least I know that nobody has given up on me just yet. I shut my eyes and sit my chin on her head. She presses her face against my neck, and I pray that she isn't crying. If she starts, no matter how hard I try, this might be one of the few times I actually break down and cry, too.

We're quiet for a long time before Sora finally speaks.

"I'm so sorry," she tells me in barely a whisper. For a second, I have no idea what she's talking about. What does she have to be sorry for? She didn't do anything wrong. _I'm _the one that left her. While technically I know I can't be blamed for my coma, it still doesn't make me feel any better about it. Does she mean she's sorry she let this happen? There was no way she could have changed things. Does she maybe think she's the reason I got hurt?

"It isn't your fault, Sor," I try to tell her. "What happened to me was—"

"—Not that, Tai," she interrupts me. I feel calmer, relieved that she hasn't been beating herself up over it. "I know that isn't my fault. I've done some awful things while you were gone. Things that when you find out about, you're going to hate me for." What does that mean? I pull away from her and stare into her crimson eyes. Something isn't right, I can tell. Something _has _been going on, and I can tell it's something serious. But I'm sure it's nothing that can't wait for tomorrow. I shake my head and sigh.

"I could never hate you," I assure her.

"Trust me, you could," she protests. "And you will." I put my finger to her lips and shake my head.

"Don't worry about it now." I don't want her to feel this guilt. She shouldn't have to deal with it, on top of everything else she's been through this past month. "I can't believe you're here." I touch her face, and study it. I take in everything about it: her small nose and pouty lips, her gorgeous eyes and high cheek bones, her freckles.

This is the face that I almost forgot. This is the face that I couldn't picture in my mind, the one I was scared I would never see again. I can't even begin to describe how I feel at this moment. This is the best I've ever felt. We lay down on her bed, and I fight to stay awake. The need for sleep is enveloping me, but before it does, I need just a few more seconds with Sora. It's so quiet you could hear a pin drop. I'm about to surrender to my exhaustion when Sora speaks, startling me awake.

"But Tai, you don't understand. Everyone else left me. Mimi hates me, they're all avoiding me," she informs me. This definitely gets my attention. Surely she didn't just say that. It must have been a misunderstanding. Maybe I'm just dreaming. But I know that this isn't a dream, this is real. It's all too real, now.

I sit up beside her, trying to sort out my feelings. I'm at a loss for words, really. I never thought it would happen, but it did. I, Tai Kamiya, don't know what to say.

"What? Why?" I ask after a second of sorting out my thoughts.

"_I_ ditched _them_, okay? It's not their faults. I just...I missed you so much and it didn't feel right being with them without you. Every second with them was a reminder that you weren't gonna be there, and why. I did some really shitty things, all because I couldn't handle it all."

This is my fault. I don't know how, I don't really know why, but this is _my _fault.

If this hadn't happened, she wouldn't be feeling this way. If I didn't leave her to deal with everything all by herself, she wouldn't be such a mess. I shouldn't have trusted our friends to watch out for her. I expected more from them. Since when did they become so selfish? She's trying to defend them by saying that it's her fault, but it's not.

"That's no excuse! They turned their backs on you when you needed help!"

"They've been really preoccupied. It's my fault, really." _No, it isn't! _I want to scream that to her, but I don't want to upset her any further. I want to go find each and every one of my so-called 'friends' and blast them for doing this to her.

"How? What the hell could be more important that a friend in need?" I demand. Nothing she could say will be good enough. There's no possible explanation that will make me not want to do all the horrible things I feel like doing right now.

"Mimi and Matt are engaged," she blurts out. I guess that's a pretty solid excuse, after all. But still, they have _no _right to ditch Sora when she needs them so badly. Mimi is her best friend, for God's sake!

"Okay, but what about the others? What are their excuses?" I begin to wonder about Kari. Has my sister been acting this way toward her, too?

"I don't know. They've all been having a hard time," she explains. "It wasn't just me who had to deal with, um...what happened, you know? Joe's at the hospital all the time volunteering, burying himself in work. Izzy is spending a lot of time with this new girl, Cindy. T.K.'s gotten into some trouble, fighting and stuff." I dread what she's about to tell me. If the others are having trouble coming to terms with everything that happened, how would Kari be? Is there a specific reason that she left Kari until the end? "And Kari...you're her _brother_, Tai. Come on. It's hard for everyone. You can't blame them."

My poor sister.

She's never been too good at controlling her emotions. God only knows what she's done to cope. Change is her biggest fear. She always hated it when we moved, when she had to go to new schools. When I went off to college, she was petrified. I had to stay up all night with her once, assuring her that I wasn't going to change and cut her out of my life. Kari is constantly worried that some terrible event will happen and everything around her will change. I always told her not to worry. I mean, who thinks about those things when you're a kid?

Kari, apparently.

Maybe she had a right to worry. It did happen, after all. Now everything is changed, and she probably feels like she's losing everyone she loves. I hope T.K. is being good to her, or I'll gladly wring his neck.

"Kari, um, how is she? I mean, she's not like..." It's not that I don't know what I want to ask her. It's just that I'm scared shitless that she'll give me an answer that I don't want to hear. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's got T.K." Good. That kid might live to eighteen after all. Well, we'll just have to see. There are still a ton of things that could be going wrong. Maybe he's taking advantage of her, and her vulnerability. T.K. doesn't seem like the kind of guy that would do that. "I mean, of course she's upset and stuff. But she's dealing, I guess," she continues. "She gave a speech at this memorial thing earlier today. It was really good."

Memorial thing? Oh, probably for all those people who were dead and injured. Was I in it somewhere?

"It was Ken Ichijouji," she blurts out. I know what she means by that, she doesn't have to say it. Ken shot me. Ken.

Wait—what? Ken? I knew him! He was on my soccer team, for God's sake!

"What? That bastard...I'll fucking kill him! Who else was involved?" I demand.

"There were three other guys, all from Odaiba High; Davis, Cody and Jacob. But it doesn't matter now," she sighs. How could it not matter? Of course it matters! Doesn't she care that I was _shot _and could have _died?_ Doesn't she care that a ton of others _did _die?

"Why not?"

"Because, Tai, they're dead. All of them." Davis, I knew him, too. He and Ken were both on my soccer teams at one time or another. I can't believe that these kids that I knew, kids that seemed so normal, could be capable of something like this. I can't believe that they're really _dead_.

I wonder for a brief second if maybe someone else killed them, after they shot everyone. I hope that's the case, but I don't think it is.

"Suicide?" Sora nods. "_Cowards._ They got off easy, compared to what I would have done to them..." I see her cringe slightly, so I don't continue. Now isn't the time. They aren't worth talking about, anyway. I lay back on the bed with a sigh. This is where I want to be, where I've wanted to be for almost a month while in that void. This is perfect; Sora is perfect.

I have one problem though. If this is really happening, why did it happen so...weirdly? Wouldn't I have woken up in the hospital, and not have suddenly found myself in Sora's room? I never checked out of the hospital, never woke up to an uncomfortable bed and a terribly bland, white room.

The last thing I think before I fall asleep is: _This isn't real, is it God?_

Then, everything goes black. Not the blackness of sleep, a different kind. It's not really _black _so much as it is dark and blank and dreary and morose. I recognize it all too well, as the empty void.

_No, please don't do it._

_Please don't make me go back there._

……………………………………………………………

I'm back in the void, and it's as shitty as ever. Especially now, since I've been reminded of all the things I can't have anymore. I shut my eyes, just wanting to give in.

That's right, I want to give in, and finally let go. I can't do this anymore. I can't keep _existing _here in this place while people are going on with their lives without me, waiting for the day that I'll wake up. I love them too much to do that to them. Maybe if I don't give them a reason to hope, if I make sure that that 'what-if' isn't possible, they can let go and finally move on.

I'm sorry, everyone.

I guess I should say my goodbyes now.

Goodbye, mom. I'm sorry that this had to happen, that you had to lose your baby boy. Nobody should go through that, especially not someone as wonderful as you. Please don't blame yourself; you couldn't prevent any of this. Don't beat yourself up with 'if only', please don't have regrets. You were there when it counted, and that's all that mattered. You're the best mother I could have asked for. I love you.

Goodbye, dad. Please take care of mom and Kari; they're going to need you now more than ever. I'm sorry that you won't get to cheer for me during one of my international soccer games like we always dreamed. You raised me to be a fighter, but I can't fight anymore. I'm sorry, don't be disappointed. All I ever wanted to do was make you proud of me.

Goodbye, sis. I love you so much. I was so incredibly lucky to have a kid like you as my sister. Be good. Don't hate me; I'm really sorry for doing this to you. You need someone to protect you, and that someone used to be me. But you're older now, and you don't need me anymore. I hope you can move on and forget about me, because that's what I want you to do. I know that you'll do fine without me. You're tough, you always have been. I know I'll be looking down on you and smiling, because you're gonna be so happy and so full of life. I'll never get to see you graduate, or watch you get married. I'll never get to meet your beautiful children and be their uncle. I'm sorry for all the times I teased you about T.K. or yelled at you for taking too long in the bathroom. But most of all, I'm sorry that I broke my promise. Do you remember your first day of school? I promised that I would always be there for you. I just can't hold on anymore, sis. I love you; I really regret that I didn't tell you that every chance I got. It was an honour watching you grow and being part of your life for seventeen years.

Goodbye, Joe. You're a great friend, someone I could always trust and rely on. One day, you're going to be the best doctor that Odaiba has ever seen. Don't give up on your dream. You're going to do so much good and help so many people. You _can _do it, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I'll miss you and all your quirks. I'm sorry about our fight. I hope you can forgive me.

Goodbye, Izzy. From the moment I met you, we've been good friends. You're the kind of guy who can help me with problems and keep personal things to yourself. I'm sorry we won't get to go on that trip that you helped me plan. But please, go anyway. Don't stay home and pass up the chance on my account. If anyone will listen to me, it's you. Please make the rest of them go, they deserve a vacation after everything that's happened. I'll miss you, thanks for being a great friend.

Goodbye, T.K. Kari's going to need someone to look out for her, and it can't be me. I know you'll be there for her and help her through all of this. I can't think of a person better fit for the job. You're a good kid, so stay that way. Sorry I won't get to see you graduate, or cheer you on at any more of your basketball games, or read your first book.

Goodbye, Mimi. I could be mad at you for the whole Sora thing, but I'm not going to be. I've learned that life is too short for stupid shit like that. You've been friends with Sora your whole life, and I hope you can work things out. Please be there for her, I truly don't know if she'll be okay after this. I hope you and Matt are very happy together. Get married and have a big family. Do all the things Sora and I never will. I love you, Meems. Good luck with everything.

Goodbye, Matt. Dude, I don't really know what to say. You're my best friend, and in a way you're like the brother I never had. We fought like crazy and beat the shit out of each other, but you're an awesome guy and I hope that you'll have a great life. Good luck with your band. One day you'll be famous, and you'll have tons of chicks after you, just like you planned when you started. It got you Meems, so it looks like it was all worth it. I'll miss you, bud. Take care of my girls.

Goodbye, Sora. You have no idea how badly I don't want to go. I want to stay and fight, I want to give it my all so that one day I might come back to you. But I can't do that to you, I love you too much. I know that you would wait your whole life for me to wake up, just like I would for you. But I don't want you to do that. I want you to find someone else, get married, and have a family. I want you to be happy and have an amazing life, even if it isn't with me. I can't believe I'm saying goodbye to you so soon. It just isn't fair. There are so many things that we'll never get to do, but you know that already. Please don't dwell on those things. I want you to look back on the things we _did _do, and smile. Treasure the things we shared. I know that's what I'll do, wherever I'll be. You're the only girl out there for me. All I've ever wanted was you. When I think about getting out of here, it's only because I want to be with you. When I think about my life, you're the only thing that comes to mind. When I think of everything I'll miss, you're first on the list. I used to dream about being a famous soccer player. Now, all I want is another minute with you. I've loved you since we were six, did I ever tell you that? You were my first kiss and my last kiss, and I can't think of a better way to leave this world than knowing that you were mine, if only for a short time. One day, we'll be reunited. I promise you that when that day comes, and we're together again, it will make up for all the years we were apart. Please don't forget about me.

Saying goodbye to Sora is hell. So many times I want to change my mind and decide that I _would _fight for her, for us. But I can't. I have to be strong; I have to make this sacrifice.

I shut my eyes and stay perfectly still. I can feel the void disappearing around me, and everything slipping away. There's a bright light and I try to block it out by shutting my eyes even tighter. I can hear a consistent 'beep' coming from somewhere to my right. Curiosity gets the best of me, and I open my eyes.

What's my mom doing here?

The room is all white, and I'm in a bed. My mom is sitting in a chair beside me, flipping through a magazine.

I'm not dead; I'm in the hospital.

Does this mean that I woke up?

My mother sighs, shifts in her seat, and glances up at me. She returns her attention to her magazine, and then quickly looks back up at me. She gasps loudly and jumps to her feet, the magazine falling to the floor.

"Doctor? Doctor! Somebody get in here right _now_! He's awake, my son is awake!"

I try to get up, but I can't seem to move. I'm making a huge effort, but my fingertips are the only part of my body that is actually moving. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a doctor enter the room. My mom leads him over to me and he looks me over for a second, calling out my name. I try to respond, but I can't. He shines a light in my eyes, and it burns like hell.

Suddenly, I feel really dizzy. I feel like I'm about to fall over, but I know that I'm not going anywhere. I have the sudden urge to lie down and rest my head, though I'm already lying down. Every time the doctor moves, I can see trails from where he has been. It's like I'm on a trip or something.

I feel really shaky, like I'm standing but my legs can't support me. I realize that I can move now. I turn my head and look down. I see that I actually _am _standing. My legs are weak, probably because I haven't stood on them in almost a month.

But when I turn back to my mother and the doctor, I find another person there with them: me. What the hell is happening? I'm still lying in the bed with my eyes open and the doctor shining his flashlight into them. But I'm here, too.

Am I having an out-of-body experience or something?

I don't have time to consider this because the room starts spinning and everything goes black once more.

……………………………………………………………

There will be 28 chapters to this story. You might think that I could wrap it up nice and quick, but incase you didn't notice, I dug the characters into quite a hole and I'd like to think my writing has enough substance that I can take the time to get them out of them. If you want to stop reading right here and believe that Tai woke up and everyone was magically okay and friends again, with pink dancing bunnies and pretty rainbows, then be my guest. That isn't what will happen. Life isn't that simple, and it isn't always happy. So don't complain to me through reviews or email if you don't like how long this is taking or the route it's going. You aren't going to change my mind...you'll only make me like you less (haha kidding).

And don't forget to review!


	22. At The Hospital

**Disclaimer: I don't own digimon**

Musashibf** – a guy with a daisy tattoo. That's so hot! I got a heart on my lower back (under the agreement it would be covered by my pants...and it isn't! hehe!)**

**Chapter Twenty-Two: At the Hospital  
**……………………………………………………………

I was the last one to arrive at the hospital. T.K. and I were at the movies, and I had my cell phone turned off. It was roughly a half hour after mom called before we got out and I checked my voicemail.

I run to the elevators and hastily press the button while T.K. walks behind me slowly, casually, as if my brother _hasn't _just woken up from his coma. I repeatedly push the button, not accepting that the elevator takes more than a split-second to appear. I consider taking the stairs.

T.K. gets there just as the elevator doors open and I rush in. His casual pace never falters as he enters the elevator and leans up against the wall. I push the button for the third floor, where Tai has been moved to. I tap my fingers against the wall as the elevator starts its agonizingly slow rise to our destination. T.K. just sits there, calm and collected. It's driving me crazy.

We get off the elevator, after what seems like hours, and make our way to Tai's room. My speed walking turns into a light jog as I try to get to my brother as fast as I can. T.K. continues his leisurely stroll down the hallway.

Frustrated, I turn around and glare at him as he catches up.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I scream.

"What are you talking about?" he asks, genuinely confused. I know that I'm overreacting, but I don't really care. My brother is awake, and I don't want to miss a single second of being with him. He's been gone too long already. Maybe T.K. just doesn't understand that. How insensitive can he be?

"You're acting like you don't even care that Tai's awake!"

"Just because I'm not running down the halls like a madwoman doesn't mean I don't care. You realize you're acting absolutely nuts right now, right? I mean, do you have any idea how many stares you've gotten since we got here?"

I don't, but that doesn't change anything. My brother was awake, and I'm happy. I don't give a shit if other people want to stare and think that I'm insane. Tai is all I care about right now. Besides, I think I'm allowed to act a little crazy after everything I've been through. If he _isn't _a little crazy, then something's wrong.

"I'm _so _not talking to you for the rest of the day," I finalize. He rolls his eyes at me. "And just for that, you're not coming over tonight."

"Oh _no_," he replies sarcastically, but I can tell he's upset. I hope so, at least. Sighing, I spin on my heel and continue on my way to Tai's room.

I walk into his room and see a bunch of familiar faces. Everyone (minus T.K.) is there. But something isn't right...someone is missing.

Something's wrong.

I search the room for my mother, and find her standing beside Sora and Mrs. Takenouchi. Why don't they look happy? Why is nobody talking and why is Tai lying down? Wouldn't he want to sit up and talk to everyone? Why is my mom crying?

Why are Tai's eyes shut?

_Oh_.

My legs feel weak, like I might collapse. Just then, I feel a pair of strong arms encircling me from behind, and I sink back into them. I can feel the tears slide down my cheeks, and I struggle to speak.

"I'm still not talking to you," I say in barely whisper.

"I didn't say a word," he whispers back.

……………………………………………………………

There I was, by Tai's bedside reading a magazine, when he awoke. I knew he would, I knew it was only a matter of time. When your son is in a coma, it's hard to have faith that he'll pull through. These past nineteen days have been hell. I wasn't sure if I would ever see my son's beautiful brown eyes ever again.

I scream for the doctor, Dr. Sung, to come. He runs in, and I can tell by his expression that he wasn't really expecting Tai to ever wake up. The doctor may have lost faith, but I hadn't. I knew he would be okay. He wouldn't die. He wouldn't do that us.

I was right, and the qualified, certified doctors were wrong.

He is awake, but something is a little off. Something is _wrong_.

My son's eyes are open, yes, but that's about it. He isn't moving or speaking. I wonder how long his eyes were open before it caught my attention. I look on as the doctor shines a light in his eyes.

"Taichi? Taichi? Can you hear me? Follow the light, son." Tai's eyes don't move. He remains staring into the light like a deer in headlights. "Are you in there?"

I have the overwhelming feeling that he isn't. Call it mother's intuition, I suppose. I don't know where my son is, or what's happening to him, but I do not think he's in that bed right now. I shiver, despite the July heat outside.

I can't explain it, don't want to explain it. All I can say (partially because I don't fully understand it, partially because I don't want to admit something may be wrong with my son) is that I feel strange. I can sense Taichi, but it feels like he's somewhere other than the body before me, lying in that bed. I wonder briefly if I can feel his soul. Has his soul separated from his body?

Does that mean that...?

I don't even want to think about it. Then, just as quickly as the feeling came, it's gone. I shiver again. Glancing back at Tai, I notice that his fingertips are wiggling ever so slightly. I point it out to the doctor, who refuses to tell me anything. He suggests I call my husband, probably just to get me out of the room while he examines my son.

I call my husband at work, and he tells me that he'll be right there. I call home, but Kari doesn't answer. Maybe she's out with T.K. I call her cell, but it's off. I leave a message, telling her that Tai's awake and to get down here right away.

Rummaging through my purse for my phone book, I mentally make a list of all the numbers to find and people to inform. I start with Sora, and work my way down Tai's list of close friends.

"Yuuko?" I turn around at the mention of my name to find my husband coming toward me.

"Susumu! I just called everybody; they're all on their way. He's awake...I think. The doctor, he didn't tell me anything. Go in there and talk to him, maybe he'll be honest with you. His eyes were open but he wasn't moving. His fingertips..." I rambled on and on.

Susumu takes my hand and leads me into Tai's room. We watch the examination for a moment before Sora barges in.

"What's going on? My mother said that Tai was awake?" I nod, and explain the situation to her. Her hopeful expression falls as she glances over at my son.

"Where is Toshiko?" I ask her.

"Mom's parking the car. She should be here any second now," Sora tells me. Of all the conversations I've had with Sora, I never expected _this _to be one of them. I never expected the two of us to be so happy and destroyed at the same time...all because my son's eyes are open and he can move his fingertips.

Sora's mother, Toshiko, arrives and the four of us patiently wait for the doctor to finish. How long does an examination take? Or is he done, and just killing time, trying to figure out a way to let us down easy?

Is he awake, or isn't he?

Izzy is the next to arrive, then Joe, followed closely by Mimi and Matt. There is still no sign of T.K. or my daughter. I hope they get here soon.

Finally, after what seems like several hours but probably hasn't even been a half, the doctor turns around. Sora squeezes my hand tightly as he shakes his head.

"I'm sorry," he says, "but he isn't conscious."

"But he _did _wake up, didn't he?" I persist. "He woke up! I _know _he did!"

"Well, yes, as far as I can tell. This has been known to happen before, though I've never personally experienced it in my career until today." Well, congratulations for your recent experience, but back to my son? "He was conscious—very briefly; mind you—but conscious nonetheless. But now, he seems to have slipped back into the coma," Doctor Sung educates us.

"But...he could still wake up, right? I mean, he could still make a full recovery?" Sora asks. I can sense the nervousness in her voice. All I want to do was hug her and tell her that everything would be all right, but I can't. Nothing can make this all right, except for Taichi waking up.

"Well, yes, it is still possible. However, I feel I should tell you that the longer he stays comatose, the less likely that is," the doctor explains.

Tai has always been strong. Ever since he was little, he was brave and curious. He would face his fears head on. He always got back up when he was knocked down.

It was so strange seeing him like this, so out of his element. He wasn't getting back up; he wasn't bouncing back after all. My baby boy was still in his coma, and if he didn't wake up soon, well...

"Meaning what exactly, Doc?"

"Honestly? It doesn't look good."

……………………………………………………………

Why is this happening?

I mean, modern medicine can do so many amazing things nowadays. Science is as advanced as it's ever been. Hell, scientists even think they will soon be able to cure cancer!

Perhaps I'll call my father. Sure, he doesn't specialize in Tai's condition, but he's brilliant, nonetheless. Maybe he'll be able to offer some insight into his condition and possible treatments. Or, maybe Tai's parents could fly a specialist in to treat him.

Anything is better than what's happening right now.

If doctors and scientists, who are supposed to save lives, can't save Tai's...then what? Sure, they'll just think of it as a patient lost and move on to their next one, but what will the rest of us do? Tai may not be rich or powerful, he might not be famous or particularly important to the world as a whole, but he is important to us. Just looking around this room at all the friends as family shows me how badly we all need him here with us.

He has to pull through. If he doesn't, I don't see how we'll be able to recover. Everyone will be destroyed, even more than we are now.

God, please give Tai the strength to fight. Please give these doctors the answers, so they can help him and bring him back to us.

What's wrong with these doctors, anyway? Don't they care enough? Isn't Tai a top priority around here? He should be. They should be working day and night to get him out of his coma.

Of course I know that they can't really do anything to speed the process along. I'm fully aware that this is all resting on Tai now, but that doesn't mean I have to accept it. I can be as angry as I want and I can direct that anger at whoever I want to. There's really no point being mad and hating the doctors, but I refuse to hate Tai.

Doctors, what a joke.

I can't believe I ever wanted to be one. All they do is give you false hope, when they say things like "we're trying" or "we'll do all we can". When you're in a situation like this, you're actually stupid enough to believe that the doctor can save someone's life. You have to believe it, because you will go crazy if you don't.

We have to re-take our exams next week. I got a letter in the mail yesterday, informing me that they will be held at the public school across town. I considered blowing it off and telling my father that I don't need to complete it because I refuse to be a doctor anyway.

But that would just crush him, and he doesn't need that. When the time is right, he'll know.

Ever since I was little, my father had high expectations for me. He would tell me that when I grew up, I would be a doctor and carry on the family tradition, just like my brother did. I love my father, I really do, but sometimes he just doesn't understand. It's like he doesn't care if I'm happy, because he's too concerned with me becoming a surgeon and making him proud.

The truth is...I'm scared. I'm scared that I'll invest a ton of time into becoming a doctor, and that my father will be proud of me. I'm scared that once I actually become a physician, and I get out on that operating table because there's a life that needs to be saved, I'll freeze up. I used to imagine that this other sense would just kick in, and I'd know what to do. But what if it doesn't? I can't handle that type of pressure. How _anyone _can is beyond me.

It's probably not the best time to bring this up, but I'm slightly squeamish when it comes to blood, too.

Just thought I'd throw that in there.

What if I've dedicated practically my _whole _life to this one goal, only to find out that it's unattainable? What if this _is _only my father's dream and I really have _no_ interest in it at all? Is it possible that I wouldn't have figured that out by now?

I don't want to keep thinking about it. I think I might be sick if I do.

……………………………………………………………

God, why are you doing this to us?

Haven't we suffered enough? Isn't the fact that we've lost so many friends and classmates enough to satisfy your need to inflict pain upon us?

How can you be so evil?

How can you do this to poor Mrs. Kamiya? Look at her, look at how devastated she is. And Sora...she's so fragile, so weak. I truly believe that if Tai goes, she'll go right along with him. Maybe not her body, but her spirit will die. All of our spirits will die.

When will it stop? Are you just going to take Tai, or will the rest of us follow as well? How many of the people that I love are you going to hurt?

I was never very religious before this whole experience, but one thing is for sure: if you _do _exist, I will never forgive you for doing this to us. I will never forgive you for crushing my friends.

We're all turning against each other. That night at my house was only the beginning. Mimi and Sora haven't talked since then, and Sora didn't even show up to the memorial service today. How far are you going to let this go? Are you going to make them all come to their senses, or will we all be too far into this mess by then?

I've tried to believe that you aren't real. I've tried to convince myself that you were just made up, that the whole Bible was just written by a bunch of guys, way back when, as a joke. I've tried, but I can't bring myself to believe it.

Part of me wishes that you aren't real, because it scares the shit out of me to think that someone out there controls everything that happens in all of our lives. But then again, part of me needs you to be real. If you don't exist, that means that we've been put on this earth to fend for ourselves and nobody is looking out for us.

That's a pretty scary thought, if you really think about it.

But then I remind myself that you aren't too good at looking out for us, anyway. I mean, take a look around. How the hell have you helped and cared for any of us in the passing weeks?

I'm still not completely sold on your existence, just so you know. Sure, it seems like a nice idea and all, but how can I be sure? I know, I know, I'm supposed to "have faith". But that's asking an awful lot from me, especially after what you've done. Truthfully, you don't deserve my faith. But still, I'm compelled, by something inside me, to repent. I definitely have the fear of God in me, that's for sure.

So I'm just going to lay it all out on the table, okay?

Please, _please _don't take my friends.

I don't know if you feel much like listening to me, especially after all the horrible things I've thought about you in the past. But I need you now. If you _are_ there, I need you to make things better. I don't care what you do. Just please, make this pain stop. Make everything be okay, make things go back to the way they were. Make us go back to the way _we _were.

I can't believe I'm actually turning to you. Don't ask me what has possessed me to do it, but I really hope you can help me.

Cindy really believes in you, do you know that? Every time something bad happens, she turns to you for support.

She told me that it makes her feel better. She said that more often than not, you actually help her. When I asked her about the times that you didn't help, she simply said that it wasn't God's will.

Is it your will to help me, help us, now? Will you oblige to our prayers and requests, or will you just look the other way?

We've only known each other for a short time, we've only been _happy_ for a short time. Don't you understand that? Can't you see that this will literally tear us apart?

If Tai dies, I don't know how we'll be able to look at each other again. Every time I see one of them, it will just remind me of a time that I would much rather forget.

If you take our best friend, everything will just turn to shit.

I hope, if you're really up there, that you can hear me. I hope you can spare my friends' lives.

Really, if you take one of us, you'll take us all.

Are you prepared to do that?

I thought you loved all of your children, and wanted what's best for them. How can you say that, and yet do something that's absolutely horrible and completely goes against your teachings?

I'm so confused right now that I just don't know _what _to believe anymore.

……………………………………………………………

**Yes, it's true: Tai is not really awake. It killed me (because I felt bad, not that I was laughing) to read your reviews, when you all talked about how glad you were that he was finally up. Please don't hate me.**

**Review, even if you want to tell me how silly and mean I am.**

**Also...I need some advice! I'm writing a digimon one-shot right now, and it's pretty long. I have a lot more material than I originally thought, and it's about 40 pages. Should I split it up and make it a few chapters, or just keep it a one-shot? Let me know!**


	23. Caught in the Act

**Disclaimer: it's not mine.**

**Chapter Twenty-Three: Caught in the Act  
**……………………………………………………………

"It's okay, they're both at work," he assures me as he pulls me into his room. With the threat of parents now out of the way, and Matt most likely out with Mimi, the coast is clear for T.K. and I.

We just got back to his house after our exams. T.K. had math and noon; I had science at 12:30. When we got out, we wanted to do something but couldn't figure out what we were in the mood for. We finally decided that we just wanted to chill out at his house.

T.K. drops his bag on his floor and lazily falls onto his bed.

"So how was the exam?" I ask as he pulls me down with him.

"As good as an exam _can_ be, I guess. You?" He starts to trail kisses across my jaw line and down my neck. I tilt my head to give him better access as he sucks on the skin just above my collarbone.

"Pretty good, except I totally bombed this bio question worth like, twenty-five marks." He mumbles something that sounds a lot like 'that sucks'. While writing the test, it really did suck. But here, with T.K., it's the furthest thing from my mind.

His lips find their way back to mine and I'm rendered helpless to do anything but kiss him back. My knees suddenly feel very weak, that's what T.K. does to me. If I weren't lying down right now, I would probably collapse. Not that I mind, because T.K. would be there to catch me.

He will always be there to catch me.

That's what makes me love him so much. Any guy can kiss you and say that he loves you. Hell, they don't even have to mean it. But with T.K., not only does he mean it, but he shows it. He's the only guy that can make my heart beat about a gazillion times faster than normal and make my legs to jell-o and send shivers up my spine, all at once.

T.K. is dependable. No matter what happens, even if we break up or get into a horrible fight, he'll always be there. He loves me so much and he really would do anything for me. When you find something like that, you shouldn't just let it go. Sora and Tai had that, and look at them now. I don't want T.K. and I to end up like that. And if something _will _happen, and it's totally out of my control, I at least want to spend as much time as possible with him until that moment comes.

I slide up his body and straddle his stomach, leaning down and kissing him. He puts one hand in my hair, and the other wanders up the back of my hot pink tank top. My hands run over his pale blue t-shirt, feeling his well-defined muscles underneath.

"How much time do you have until your detention?" I ask as I kiss my way down to his neck. He moans, and I feel the vibrations as I slide my lips over his throat.

"Around two hours, I think," he says hoarsely.

The slow, soft kisses turn aggressive and haste. Nothing about it is innocent. Hands are roaming, tongues are battling and teeth are knocking together. His hands cup my breasts through my shirt as I slide my hands under his and attempt to pull it off. Him being flat on his back, though, it doesn't exactly work out too well. He pulls my tank off and groans in distaste when he discovers that I'm wearing a bra.

Without warning, T.K. flips me over so he's on top. I use the time as an opportunity to both catch my breath and remove his shirt. Instead of resuming our kiss, he drops butterfly kisses on his way down my neck. He finds a sensitive piece of skin, just above the material of my bra, and starts sucking on it. I think about telling him to stop, that he'd better not leave a mark there, but I don't get the words out. Oh well. Nothing a little makeup can't cover, right? I'm having too good of time to care much at all, anyway.

His hands sweep up my arms and over my wrists, and I pray that he's too into it to feel my cuts—four, in total. There are three new ones; the most recent is from the whole Tai thing on Saturday.

I blindly feel around for his cargo shorts, undoing the belt and pulling down the zipper. I use my foot to slide the baggy shorts down his calf and he manages to kick them off. They fall to the floor, joining our shirts and, in what will now be only a matter of minutes, my skirt.

My nails scrape his back as he abandons my neck and captures my bottom lip. After lightly sucking on it for a while, he pulls me into another searing kiss. I sigh into his mouth as his tongue probes mine once again. I initiate the war by forcing my tongue back into his mouth. He's fighting a losing battle now. I know he can't resist me any more than I can resist him. Now, it's just a test to see who will crack first. T.K. hates losing, and I love pushing him over the edge, so it should be interesting.

He snakes his arms around me and fumbles for my bra clasp. I push his hands away, mumbling something about how patience is a virtue. He groans and presses me hard against the bed, pinning me down. Not that I mind, of course. I love teasing T.K. like this, making him wait. The anticipation is almost as good as the actual thing. I say almost, because I would be lying if I said it was _as _good. It isn't. Nothing is.

His hand runs up my thigh and squeezes my butt under my skirt. For a quick second, I seriously consider letting him win, just so the game will end and we can cut to the chase. But I have too much pride for that. Or maybe I'm just too much of a sore loser to voluntarily accept defeat, no matter _what_ the circumstances. When did I become so stubborn? Maybe T.K. is rubbing off on me. He's playing a good game with good tactics, but I can do him one better.

If I want to, I can play dirty. Really dirty. I decide to take it up a notch, but not as far as I should if I really want to win. I hook my legs around his torso and grind myself into him. He can pretend he doesn't want this all he wants, but his body is definitely betraying him. He groans, which turns me on even more.

I love the fact that I can do this to him, that he can do this to me. Whatever changed in our relationship, I'm glad it did. Before, it never used to be like this. It was never this intense, this intimate...this _hot_. It was innocent fooling around, touching and groping at best. Now, it's full-on, hot and heavy animal lust. I like it, and I know that T.K. sure isn't complaining.

Maybe this is the one good thing that came from Tai's coma. If that never happened, I never would have had to seek solace in my boyfriend. I wouldn't have had to be comforted and loved and...everything else.

When I'm with T.K., I can escape. When I'm with him like I'm with him now, I'm not thinking about my family or anything else. I'm only thinking about him and about us. He's the one person who can actually make me forget about Tai, and how his situation has become even more critical this passing weekend.

I like to think that I'm a way out for him, as well. When he's with me, he can be whoever he wants to be. He can say what he means and feel the way he wants to feel. He doesn't have to put on an act, and neither do I. We are ourselves with each other. That's the best feeling in the world. Well...it's top ten material.

It's my turn to groan as I continue to grind against him, the friction between us building and building. Grabbing my breasts and forcing his tongue back into my mouth, he takes control again. Well, a bit of control, anyway. Removing one hand from my chest, he feels around for the zipper to my skirt. I tighten my leg muscles and pull him even closer. I unsuccessfully stifle a moan as he squeezes my butt again, sending shivers up and down my spine.

My lungs are burning, begging for oxygen. I want to take a breath so badly, but that would require me separating myself from T.K., and I don't think I can do that. If I had to pick, I would probably choose him, and that's scary. Thankfully, he is feeling the overwhelming need to breathe just as I am and pulls away. Panting heavily, he continues his attack on my neck as I run my hands over his lean body. After a while, I can't stand it anymore. Still breathing rather heavily, I recapture his lips and pry one of my hands of his body to grasp at his hair. I pull him closer. He still isn't close enough. I grip his head and crush his face against mine in a bruising kiss. Neither of us notices

Sliding the thick blonde strands through my hand, I'm totally unaware of everything going on around us.

I'm completely oblivious to the fact that Matt has entered the house, and that he's looking for his brother.

"Hey, T.K., I was just—" he stops dead in his tracks when he sees us. T.K. pulls himself off of me and we both sit up immediately. I don't even have time to survey the situation or make up an excuse as to what we were doing (as if it isn't obvious). "I'll, uh, catch you later..." he mumbles as he practically sprints out of the bedroom and shuts the door behind him.

I stare at the place where T.K.'s brother—my brother's _best friend_—had been. Then, I turn my attention to my boyfriend.

He looks more shocked than embarrassed. It must be different for guys, I suppose. Brothers bond over stuff like girls. With Tai, there was no bonding of any kind when it related to boys. If I could help it, I didn't even talk about guys with him. I never brought my boyfriends around until T.K., mostly because Tai was well aware of who he was and where he lived. My brother is harmless in general, but when it comes to my well-being, he can be pretty scary.

Mortified, I fall back onto his bed and cover my face, which I'm sure is rather red by now.

"I don't believe that just happened," I whimper. I'm about to say more, but I'm cut off by a noise that sounds an awful lot like laughter. "What the hell is so funny?" I demand, sitting up to glare at him.

"Nothing," he claims, struggling to control his features. "It's just that..." Giving him the dirtiest look I can muster, he breaks off and submerges himself in another fit of uncontrollable laughter. I wait impatiently for him to collect himself and continue. "Did you see his face? He neverexpected to walk in on _this_. I always tell him to knock before entering a room. But does he ever listen? Nope." He offers a weak smile which breaks into a grin and, finally, another round of sniggering.

"This is _not _funny!" I shriek as I hit him lightly with a pillow. It smacks against his bare chest, and that's when I realize the full extent of what Matt has just witnessed. "Oh my God!"

"What?"

It's amazing that I don't just drop dead of embarrassment. The longer I think about what happened, the more horrified I become.

"Don't you get it? It's not like your brother just walked in on us kissing. _Look_ at us!" I exclaim. It's true: with T.K. clad in only green boxers and me in my skirt and bra, this is definitely not a good situation to be in. This is possibly the most horrifying thing to ever happen to me. His brother, who would probably go straight to _my _brother, provided he was conscious, just walked in on us when we were...! Oh, thank heavens it wasn't any later. Who knows what he might have seen then. "Oh my _God_," I repeat.

When he doesn't look half as affronted as I think he should, I scowl in disgust and pick up my shirt off the floor. Putting it on, I smooth down my hair and straighten out my skirt, then open his bedroom door.

"Wait...we're done here?" he asks, incredulously.

Throwing him a look of great contempt, I walk out the door and shut it semi-loudly behind me.

"Right, we're done, then," he yells as I hurry down the stairs.

……………………………………………………………

"Do you want to break and grab some lunch?" I ask Mimi. She nods and we shut our books, which we were studying from. Apparently, none of the exams taken previously are counting. Since we all abandoned our tests to run, they were left behind and never collected by the teachers to be graded.

When the police showed up, it was considered a crime scene and nobody was allowed in, even to get their books and possessions. Police started to clear out the school, starting with the lockers and those possessions. When they came back in the morning to start clearing the top floor and get the exams, the school had been burned down. Damned arsons, I hope they get caught.

All that studying and preparation was shot to hell.

If a month of not studying and reading up on facts didn't make us forget the material, everything going on with Tai could ensure that it had been knocked out of our heads.

We have to study our asses off because, in two days, we have our final examinations all over again. I wonder if Sora will be there. I mean, of _course _she'll be there, but still...

She's so unpredictable lately that I can't really be sure anymore. I think about maybe asking Meems, but I don't want her to freak out and make her go off the deep end. As I've come to realize this past week, the slight mention of Sora's name will cause something very heavy to be whipped at my head. Something seems to have changed in her recently, but I'd prefer to play it safe.

We get in my car and pull out of her driveway, on our way to lunch.

"Hey, what time did T.K. have his exams today?" Mimi asks.

"Um, I'm not too sure. He should be done by now, though," I speculate.

"Want to drop by your place and bring him along?"

"Nah, he's probably out with Kari. But we can still swing by if you want. If they're home, maybe we can bring them back something," I suggest. I throw a consulting glance her way and she has a hopeful smile on her face.

"Or maybe we could all go out. Kind of like a double date," she says, her eyes sparkling.

"Like we used to, with Tai and—" I freeze, knowing full well that I've dug myself quite a hole. There it is: the stupid thing I just _knew _I would eventually say to cause an awkward, uncomfortable silence between the two of us. Mimi and Sora used to force Tai and me to attend those types of dates all the time in the past. We didn't do that anymore, for obvious reasons. Tai wasn't exactly..._able_, if you know what I mean. I wonder if Tai were to wake up right now, whether or not we would ever attend another horrid double date again. Part of me says good riddance, and the other part of me feels that pang of insecurity you only get when something huge happens and everything familiar seems to have changed. It kind of feels like the ground has shifted, or perhaps been pulled out from under me altogether.

We drive over to my house with nothing but the radio to cut through the silence. When we get there, I tell her to wait in the car, that I'll just be a minute. I grab my keys and unlock the front door.

"T.K.? You home?" No answer. His bedroom door is shut, which leads me to believe that he's home. His door is never closed, unless he's on the other side. I turn the handle and push the door open. "Hey, T.K., I was just—"

Okay, I should have knocked.

"I'll, uh, catch you later..." I get out of there as fast as I can, bolting down the stairs and out of the house before either of them have time to react. I walk back out to the car, get in and start to drive.

"They're, um, currently..._detained_," I offer. She shoots me a questioning look and raises an eyebrow. "You won't believe what I just walked in on..." I hint.

"No way!" She gets my hint.

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Tell me _exactly_—"

"—We'll talk after lunch. If I have to relive that scene between my baby brother and my best friend's little sister, I don't think I'll have much of an appetite left when we get to the restaurant."

……………………………………………………………

"I'm not here because I agree with what you said, or because I think what I did was wrong. It wasn't wrong, _I _wasn't wrong. I'm not here because I can't bear the thought of having to switch schools, either. So don't think that you and your empty threats have gotten to me, or anything. And my parents agree with me, they didn't force me to come here."

There, I've said it. Now, she has no reason to think I showed up at these detentions because I was scared of losing everything. I'm not, and I think she knew that even before I said anything. I think that my attitude kind of threatens her, because there isn't really anything she can do to deter me from doing what I feel.

"Then why _are _you here?" Principal Nagasi asks me.

Why does she care?

"Why do you want to know?" I drop my books on a random desk and sit down, staring at her. She shifts uncomfortably under my gaze.

"Because I'm interested in your sudden change of heart," she answers.

"More like you want to know so you can use it against me later," I shoot back. She sighs and hardens her features.

"Takeru, I feel I should remind you that I am _still_ your principal. It wouldn't kill you to show me a little respect. After all, you aren't off the hook just yet. If, by the end of our time together, I still don't feel that you should be allowed back into our school, you will have to switch like you were anticipating," she informs me.

"Well, since you might still have to expel me, I really have nothing to lose. I might as well save me the time and you the trouble. Goodbye." I pick up my books and stand up, ready to leave. I'm so angry that I don't care how Kari will react when I tell her. I don't care that this is my principal I'm talking to; she's being a bitch by holding this over my head. She's just trying to be difficult. Well, I'll show her difficult.

"And what are you planning on telling Miss Kamiya?"

I stop dead in my tracks and give her the dirtiest look I can come up with. How dare she bring that up? I mean, did I say _anything _about Kari? Why is she dragging my girlfriend into this when she had no reason to believe she's even involved?

"Whatever the hell I want, thanks," I say, rising to her challenge. I continue walking, making a beeline for the door. I almost make it there, before she continues.

"Don't you think that she's been through enough in these passing weeks?"

"Are you trying to guilt me into staying?" I ask, glaring at her. She gets an amused look on her face, as if I've just told her a hilarious joke.

"That's precisely what I'm doing, Takeru. Now, why don't you take a seat? The sooner you sit down, the sooner we can get out of here."

I hate it when someone else is right. Nonetheless, I sit down at another desk, this one being much further away from her than the previous one.

……………………………………………………………

Mom just called. She was crying, and I knew what she was going to tell me before she said it. She was crying just hard enough for me to know that it was bad, but not hard enough that I thought Tai had...you know.

He's even worse. The doctors say that his brain activity is very miniscule, even for a coma patient. That's really scary. I mean, they're basically saying that if things don't improve, my brother might be brain dead.

Do you know what happens if Tai becomes brain dead? He'll be kept alive by machines.

It means that my parents would 'do the right thing' and pull the plugs, so they could donate his organs to people who need them. Sure, that might be good for a bunch of other people, but what about my brother? Would they really just slice him open and divvy his parts up between a bunch of random, faceless nobodies in need of organs?

That's my _brother_. They can't do that to him!

I try to remind myself that it hasn't happened yet. I try to tell myself that it _won't _happen, that Tai will wake up before any of this can play out any further.

But I can't calm down, not now. All the anger and resentment and pain and despair are building up inside of me and I need to release. And, with T.K. at his detention, there's only one available way.

I take the stairs quickly, two at a time, heading to my room. I shift through one of my desk draws and pull out a shard of glass that I've been keeping. Tears stinging my eyes, I grasp it hard in my hand and slide it across my wrist with one smooth, quick motion. Sinking onto my bed, I take deep breaths and try to calm down. .

I can't really explain why I do it. I think it's because sometimes, the emotions just build up inside of me and I can't find a way to let them out. I've never been good at expression my feelings; I normally just bottle things up. I've done it all my life, and it looks like it's finally caught up to me. Whenever something particularly shitty happens, I just can't help myself. And 'particularly shitty' is an understatement in this situation.

I watched a TV show a long time ago, and one of the main characters was a cutter. I image myself back then, sitting on my couch while the rest of my family is scattered throughout the house, thinking, 'How screwed up do you have to be to do something like that?' I still remember what she said to justify herself, to validate what she was doing. She said that it was the only pain she could control.

That's true, yes, but it's not the reason I do it. I have enough pain in my life, and I don't think I can take anymore, even if I'm the one controlling it.

I do it because, believe it or not, it feels good. I know, I know, the thought of it sounds anything but good. I used to cringe when I thought about it, too. But I'm a lot different than I use to be. When I'm cutting, I'm thinking about myself. I'm not obsessing over Tai, worrying about Sora, or anything else. It's amazing how so few things in my life are still about me. Most of my thoughts are about my brother, or my boyfriend, my friends or family. It seems like everything has to come before me.

Everyone in my life is going through a hard time. And, just like always, they're relying on me to help and support them. They expect me to be the same old Kari, the sweet girl who you can always come to for advice. Kari can make everything all better.

If I can make everything better, why do I feel like this? Why is Tai still in his coma? Why are Mimi and Sora still not talking? Why did this have to happen at all?

Did I fail your test, God? Was the reason you had Davis follow me around was so I could save him? Was it so I could be nice to him and make him change his mind about doing us all in? If it was, I failed miserably, and I'm sorry. Is that why you did that to Tai? Were you just punishing me? Please, don't punish me. Not like this, at least. If you want to punish me, punish _me_. Don't hurt everyone else, everyone that loves Tai.

That is the most predominant reason as to why I cut. People just expect me to be their rock, to be their shoulder to cry on when bad things happen. I just feel like everyone expects me to be perfect. You know something? I'm not. Not even close. But I have to put on a smile and try my hardest, because everybody needs me to be something for them. Sora needs me to fight for her, needs me to bring her back to our side and get her to come to her senses. Mom and Dad want me to be their little angel, the one who takes care of the house and feeds the cat and does well in school, since they aren't there anymore to make sure I'm doing any of that. Tai needs me to be good, and stay his baby sister for when he wakes up, so he can be my big brother again. Mimi expects me to be on her side of this whole blow-out, and be her bridesmaid at her wedding. Who knows...at the rate everything is changing, I just might have to suck it up and be her maid of honour. Matt expects me to not screw myself up too much, so that when Tai wakes up, he can act like he was taking care of me for him. T.K. wants me to be his girlfriend, the one who listens to him and cares about him and does everything that a girlfriend should do.

I'm being split up and forced to go in all these different directions.

And what if I don't want to go? What if I just want to slip into denial, and pretend that I'm still fifteen and my biggest concerns are homework and boys? What if I just want to get in bed and never leave it, never go outside or talk to anyone, never have to face the pain and cruelty of the real world?

Maybe on the outside looking in, I have the perfect life...at least, before all of this. I had a great family, amazing friends, good grades and a boyfriend that I loved. I had nice things, and nobody ever teased or made fun of me. Everyone liked me, and I'm not just being conceited. I wasn't mean to anyone and nobody was ever mean to me. Teachers liked me, parents liked me, and kids at school liked me.

I can't deal with that type of pressure. What happens when I do something stupid, and prove to the world that I'm not perfect? What do I do when that day comes?

I glance down at my wrist and smile. Let the world think what they want, because I know the truth. These marks are my reminders, they prove that I'm not as perfect as everyone thinks I am. Maybe, if I cut deep enough, some will turn into scars. Then they'll be with me always, and I'll never have to worry about being perfect ever again. You can't be perfect if you've made mistakes, and I've made quite a few. This, however, doesn't feel like a mistake to me. When I do this, I almost feel better, like I'm getting back to the way I used to be. Perhaps, in some twisted way, this is the first step to healing.

……………………………………………………………

"Having fun?" Principal Nagasi asks me.

"Oh, totally...You sure throw one hell of a detention party. This is kick-ass," I say sardonically, while rolling my eyes.

"Yes, well, I was rather disappointed with the guest list." I sigh and sink lower into my chair. She glances at the clock. "One hour left," she counts down.

"Time just flies when you're having fun," I quip.

"Takeru—"

"—what's with that, anyway?"

"What's with what, Takeru?"

"_That_. Why do you call me Takeru, when everyone else calls me T.K.?" I ask. Finally, I have the balls to ask the question that's been bothering me since I first met her. The old me never would have talked that way to her, never would have gotten myself into this mess in the first place. But when I saw those guys, running and laughing like what happened was just a big joke, something inside me snapped. Now, other than Kari and my friends and family, I don't really care about anything anymore.

"Does it matter that much to you?" She seems kind of put off by the fact that I actually said something to her about it. Perhaps nobody has ever called her on it before.

"Yes. It bothers me."

Silence falls over us once again, and I shift in my seat. I haven't opened my books, though I brought them. I suppose I could be studying, since I still have an exam to take, but I'm not going to.

"So, _T_._K_...you really like Hikari, don't you?" she inquires.

"Um...yeah," I answer tentatively. Why does she want to know? Does she just want to be up on the gossip going around her school, or something?

"She seems like a very nice girl," she continues.

"Yeah, she is..."

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry. It's just that you two are very cute together, you know." I don't even have to wonder how she knows that we're dating. Teachers always seem to know things like that in high school. Plus, she caught us making out in the parking lot after exams earlier today. I think that's a clue. "How long have you been together, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Almost a year," I answer after successfully stifling the urge to tell her that yes, I do, in fact, mind. While Kari and I have known each other since we were fifteen, we were just friends back then. Everyone thought that we were dating, but we really weren't. I don't really know why we didn't. I think it was because she lived in another town, and we mostly relied on phone conversations to stay in touch. Even after she moved back here last summer, and was going to attend Odaiba High with me, we were still strictly friends.

I think she kind of took me for granted, since I made it clear that I had feelings for her. She was the one who didn't want to get involved right away, saying that she didn't want to ruin our friendship. Perhaps she didn't realize that I was quite popular at our school, because she was pretty shocked when, on the first day back, I got three phone numbers. After that, she decided she didn't want to be _just _friends anymore.

"That's a very long time for teenagers, congratulations. Were you close with her brother?" Were...As in past tense? Why is everyone doing that lately? They talk about Tai like he's already dead. Nobody has hope that he'll pull through and be okay. Even Kari has trouble believing it lately. I still don't have a doubt in my mind as to whether or not he'll pull through. I refuse to accept that he won't make it.

"Yes, I _am _very close with Tai. He _is_ one of my best friends," I report. She seems kind of surprised at this, as if a guy and his girlfriend's brother aren't allowed to get along. Maybe, for most people, they aren't. But Tai is different than most guys. That's probably why this whole situation sucks even more. Out of all the people in that school, Tai was probably one of the nicest, the funniest, and the friendliest. Out of all the people, he deserved what he got the least.

"He was a very nice young man. I really liked him. He was so outgoing and charming. He spent quite a bit of time down in my office, though," she says thoughtfully.

"He still is all of those things."

"Excuse me?" She seems to have missed my point entirely.

"He isn't dead yet, so why is everyone acting like he is? Obviously, you don't know Tai very well if you're talking about him like he's already gone. He's still here, and he's still alive. And I know that as long as he's alive, he'll fight with everything he has to get back to us all," I declare through gritted teeth.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you felt that way. I didn't realize I was doing it," she apologizes.

"Nobody ever does."

"T.K., what is this really about? Obviously you're angry with me for something other than Tai's situation," she suggests. How can she ask that? Does she not remember what happened not even a week ago, in her office?

"Of course I'm angry with you. You're totally wasting my time with your shitty detentions. You're punishing me for something I didn't do. You threaten to expel me, all because I won't say sorry and admit I was wrong for doing something I shouldn't be sorry for and wasn't wrong about. And, on top of it all, you have the nerve to say that I'm not out of the woods yet. Now, you want to have a heart-to-heart. You think that you might be able to help me with whatever problem you think it is that I have, but I'm fine," I insist. She opens her mouth to protest. "And even if I'm not," I continue, "you, of all people, cannot help me. Just because you're my principal, doesn't mean that you're a qualified psychiatrist as well."

"I think I deserve a little credit. After all, it's not like I wanted to give you this punishment, T.K."

"Whatever. I was there, and nobody put a gun to your head. Is time almost up? I want to get out of here as soon as possible," I state with a glance at the clock. Shit. Still about fifty minutes left.

"I tell you what," she begins. "I'll let you out of here right now, and I'll take one week of detention off your punishment, if you level with me right now about something."

"And what would that be?" I ask, wondering what kind of plan she's cooked up now.

"In one hundred words or less," she starts, sounding very similar to an essay question (and, oh, I just _love _a good essay question), "tell me why you need out of here _so _badly." Easy, and I can do it with ninety-nine words left over.

"Kari," I admit.

"What about her?" I don't want to answer that. I feel like if I tell her the real reason I want to be with Kari, I'll be betraying her trust. I feel like I'll be cheating on her or letting her down in some huge way. But I know that Principal Nagasi won't say anything, and it would feel good to get this off my chest...

"She needs me." Maybe that's all she needs to hear. Maybe she'll just accept that answer and tell me I can go, and that since I only used four words, I'm off the hook for _everything_.

"Why?" she inquires. My principal is really putting me in an awkward position here. I sigh, and prepare to explain.

"Kari isn't as stable as everyone thinks she is. She might seem like she's got everything under control, but she doesn't. Her life is pretty much in shambles right now and I'm the only one she's got anymore. She needs me and I can't let her down. I love her too much to let her down like that. She might appear normal, but right now, she's self-destructive. She's like this ticking time-bomb, just waiting to fall apart. I don't know if it will be in a day, a month or a year, but it _will_ happen. And I need to be there when it does." I look at her expectantly, waiting to see if my answer is good enough for her. I raise an eyebrow.

"One hundred and nine," she announces. "But, since I'm rather impressed with your answer, I'll just pretend that those last nine words didn't count."

"Meaning...?"

"Go find your girlfriend, T.K. Go have fun and be a kid. It's much too difficult of task these days. I'll see you tomorrow, at five _sharp_." She gives me a playful smile, which I graciously return. I stand up to leave. "Don't forget your books, either."

……………………………………………………………

**Okay, there's chapter 23 for you all.**

**I'm currently putting off writing chapter 27, because it feels too weird. The story is almost over! I can't believe it...maybe I'll wait until I've posted chapter 26, and then I'll _have _to write it.**

**Review, and motivate me :)**

**Another milestone: 200 reviews! I'm so glad for the feedback I've been getting...thanks so much!**

**Shameless plug: my one-shot (which has been extended to 5 chapters) is out! It's called "Second Chances" and it's a takari...take a look, please!**


	24. The Talks

**Disclaimer: Digimon is obviously not mine. **

**Hey guys, I was going to update yesterday, but I went out yesterday morning and bought the Harry Potter book. Thirteen hours later I was finished the book, but I forgot completely about updating (I was crying was too hard to clearly see the computer screen anyway). Seriously, if you haven't picked it up, go NOW. Well, read my story first, but then you can go!**

**Chapter Twenty-Four: The Talks  
**……………………………………………………………

After a rather _interesting _lunch, Matt and I stopped by the hospital to see Tai. Mrs. Kamiya had slipped out for a moment to get some lunch herself, so we were given some private time with our friend.

"We miss you, buddy. Get up soon," Matt tells him.

I'm about to add onto that statement when Sora walks into the room. We make eye contact, and I know she knows that I talked to her mom. Don't ask me how, but I know. Maybe the fact that she's shooting daggers at me right now is a bit of a tip-off.

I made a resolution, that day I talked to Mrs. Takenouchi, that I was going to work things out with Sora. I wanted to be her friend again, just like it used to be. But, I realize now that nothing will ever be like it used to be. We're different people now. I don't think I can change back to who I used to be, so would it be right for me to assume the same for her?

We glance uncomfortably at each other before both our gazes come to rest upon Tai. The only thing we have in common now, other than our past, is Tai. In a way, that upsets me. I don't want to grow apart from Sora. I just can't help but feel angry and resentful towards her, for the way she has single-handedly torn our relationship apart. Okay, so maybe I offered a bit of incentive, but still...

Mrs. Kamiya returns after a few minutes of awkward silence between the three (four, if you count Tai) of us. Sora chats quietly with her in the corner while Matt and I whisper about Kari and T.K., glad that Tai can't hear and Mrs. Kamiya is distracted.

"I think you should tell Sora about it," Matt suggests.

"What? What could she possibly do to help this situation? It would probably only piss Kari off if we had _Sora _talk to her," I protest. "This is a delicate situation, Matt."

"Yes, but Sora is more like a sister to Kari than you are. I'm sure they've talked about this kind of stuff before. I just think that if anyone should talk to her, it should be Sora. That's what Tai would want, and I'm sure that's what Kari would want, too. You have to put aside your feelings for her and focus on what Kari needs." I don't look too convinced, so he shoots me a pleading glance. "Please? Before something bad happens to either one of them? It'll be good for Sora, too, you know."

"Fine," I cave. "I'll talk to Sora about it."

"Talk to me about what?" Sora asks. I turn around to face her. I lead her into the hallway, and shut the door to Tai's room behind us. I don't want to risk Mrs. Kamiya hearing us. She would go off the deep end for sure.

"I think maybe you need to talk to Kari about something." Sora attempts to raise one eyebrow, a talent she has not yet mastered, and winds up raising both. "She and T.K., I think that they might be...you know." She looks puzzled for a moment, before uttering an '_oh_.'

"So what exactly do you want me to do about it? I don't control Kari, you know. I can't tell her what she can and can't do, and I don't think you should be either." Part of me wonders if Sora is trying to defend Kari, or herself.

"Well, I just want to make sure she's okay with everything that's going on. I mean, she might just be trying to deal with everything that's happening in an unhealthy way. I wanted to talk to her myself, but Matt seems to think that you would be best suited for the job. If you don't want to do it, just tell me and I'll take over. Matt's going to talk to T.K. about it, too."

"No, no. I'll do it."

……………………………………………………………

Why the hell did I agree to talk to Kari? Why didn't I just let Mimi do it?

Because I wanted to spite her, that's why. When she said that she wanted to do it, but _Matt_ _seems to think _that I would be better, I couldn't help but feel like she was challenging me. I really have noidea what's been going on with everybody and she was waving that in my face.

Okay, I'm a bitch. Whatever. I'm still not over Mimi ratting me out to my mother. In fact, I wish I had said something about it to her when we were at the hospital. I didn't think to say anything on Saturday when Tai 'woke up' either, so I've now missed two chances. Next time I see her, I'm definitely going to rip into her for what she did. We'll see how the high and mighty Princess Mimi feels then.

I call Kari when I get home, and ask her if she wants to go shopping. She seems kind of apprehensive to accept my invitation, like it will be really awkward or something. Maybe it will be. I used to hang out with Kari all the time, before Tai's coma. Now, I can't even remember the last time I spent time with her, not counting the hospital visits in which we're in the same room. Nonetheless, she agrees.

I change, grab my purse, and go downstairs. My mother is sitting on the couch, watching TV. I didn't know she was home today, but apparently she is.

"I'm going to the mall, can I borrow the car?" I ask, hoping she's not going to hold our fight against me. A lot has happened since then, and with everything that's happened with Tai, I don't think she can confront me without coming off as a total bitch.

"That depends. Who are you going with?" I'm tempted to say Summer, just to get a reaction.

"Kari. You can call her house and ask her, since you _obviously_ don't trust me," I snap.

"With good reason," she shoots back. We stare at each other for a few moments, daring the other to look away first. "Keys are on the counter," she says and looks back at the TV. I get an uncomfortable feeling in my gut, and wish I had looked away first. She isn't even going to call Kari and make sure I'm going with her. For some reason, I wish she would, just to prove that I'm telling the truth. Why isn't she? Is my mother intimidated by me? Or is she just giving up on me altogether? I don't think either one is good.

I drive to the mall and see that the parking lot in nearly empty, which is strange for a summer day in Odaiba. I take it as a bad sign, and have to force myself to get out of my car and meet Kari. It would look really bad if I stood her up.

I walk through a set of doors and am greeted with cold air. God bless the inventor of air conditioning. Kari is at the food court, where we agreed to meet.

"Hey," she greets me.

"Hey. So, um, where should we start?" We turn around and survey the area, picking between the many stores and deciding if they're worth going into.

"How about over there?" Kari suggests, pointing to the opposite end. We start walking, and have virtually nothing to say to each other after 'how are you?' and 'boy, it's hot outside.'

This is going to be a long trip to the mall.

……………………………………………………………

"I'm going to church with my mom later, do you want to come?" Cindy inquires. We're hanging out at my house, watching some silly movie on TV.

"Do I ever come with you to that place?" I ask bitterly.

"Well, I just thought I would ask. And it isn't 'that place', it's called _church_. You know, the house of God?" I roll my eyes. We're about to get into yet another pointless discussion about God. It seems like ever since I stopped believing in Him, it's all she wants to talk about. Perhaps she thinks that she can change my opinion. I think she's hoping it will score her a ticket to heaven if she successfully converts me into a follower. It's rather redundant, since whatever she is going to say will not work on me.

"Why are you doing this? I mean, certainly you realize that it bothers me to talk about someone who _obviously _isn't real." Okay, so I probably shouldn't phrase it like that if I don't want to egg her on. Live and learn.

"Izzy, how many times do I have to tell you? He _is _real," she insists. We're entering full discussion mode. I need to find a way to put a stop to this before it gets the chance to really start.

"If you believe that, then I feel sorry for you." I yawn and stretch out on my part of the couch. "Can we possibly change the channel? This movie is _not _good."

"You can't just change the subject and expect me to forget what we were talking about," she informs me. Shit. Here we go. I suppose I should participate in this argument, so I don't provoke her even further.

"I wasn't trying to." I sigh heavily. "Look, I really don't feel like getting into this right now. Why don't you just leave? I'm sure you and your mom will want to be early and get good seats at church or something," I mutter sarcastically.

"I'm sick of you insulting me. I'm religious, I believe in God. I'm sorry if you think I'm a freak or whatever, but I care about the Lord's opinion a lot more than I care about yours, you jackass."

"What do you want from me? Why do you incessantly talk about this stuff to me, anyway?" Her face goes sullen, like I just killed her puppy or something. I've said this many times before, asked her to tell me why she is so adamant when it comes to God, but she just avoids the question. One of these days, I'm going to force her to tell me.

"I want you to go see Reverend Toby at the church. Just talk to him and maybe he can convince you that you're being a crazy son of a bitch. Please?"

"You honestly want me to talk to a reverend about how I despise God? Are you stupid? That will not help anything, Cindy," I argue.

"You know what? Fine. I'm leaving. Just because you're going through a hard time right now, doesn't mean you're allowed to become a total bastard to everyone who tries to help you. Goodbye." She storms out the front door and leaves me staring at where she had been with a shocked expression on my face.

Cindy is a great girl, but sometimes, it's very difficult to be her friend.

……………………………………………………………

"Joe? Didn't you sign up to volunteer at the hospital today?" I look up from my textbook to find my dad staring at me.

"Oh, yeah, I did. But I think I really should use the time to study. I have my exams to re-take, remember?" He looks at me with a blank expression on his face and sits down opposite me.

"Joe, I don't think you need to worry about that just yet. I know I don't really tell you this enough, but I'm very proud of how hard you work. You're going to make a great doctor one day, just like your bother," he tells me. He just _had _to add in that part about my brother. No pressure, right Dad?

This is why I haven't told my father about my doubts.

I just feel like he's constantly comparing me to my brother. Jim and I are really different, but sometimes, I don't think my dad realizes that. I think he sees Jim as the perfect son, the one who followed in his footsteps and always strived to be just like him. Naturally, I had to compete with Jim; I had to continue on the family tradition of practicing medicine.

It's not like my dad is overbearing or possessive. He _does _care about what I want, but I guess he's always thought this was what I want. I used to think it was, but now, I think it was only because I felt I _had _to live up to the family name.

I just want my dad to be proud of me. If I don't do this for him, will he still love me like he does now?

"Thanks, dad. But really, I want to be prepared for this. I can't screw up," I tell him.

"Nonsense. You put too much pressure on yourself, Joe." _More like _you_ put too much pressure on me, Dad. _"You aren't going to screw this up. You'll have plenty of time to study for exams later, why don't you go to the hospital? You _did _sign up after all. You need to make a good impression if you'll be working there someday, am I right?"

There's no use fighting my dad, so why do I even try?

"Yeah, I guess." I shut my books and stand up, to get ready for my day of volunteering.

"Why don't you bring these?" he asks, handing me my books. "You can study between rounds, if you really want to." _If I _want _to? What a joke._

No, dad. I don't want to.

"Sure, thanks."

……………………………………………………………

"So I talked to Mimi today," I begin. Kari nods happily as she chews her salad, telling me to continue. "And, um, she mentioned you." Shit. This is where it gets tricky.

"Really? What did she say?" I wonder if she's only play clueless, or if she really doesn't think that Mimi knows about what Matt walked in on. Maybe she just doesn't think Mimi would bother filling me in on everything.

"Oh, you know, just...stuff." I have no idea how the hell I'm going to bring this up. I mean, how do you talk about this with the girl that feels more like a baby sister than a friend?

"Wow, _stuff_. It sounds important. I'm surprised you had the time and energy to come out with me, after that _intense _conversation about _stuff_," she mocks sarcastically. I roll my eyes, and she gives me a look that says 'out with it'.

"So you and T.K. have been spending a lot of time together, huh?" I say, hoping to sound like I'm changing the subject, instead of staying on course, like I actually am. She sees right through me.

"Oh. _That _stuff." She takes another mouthful of salad and pushes the remaining lettuce around on her plate.

"Yeah, um, about that..." I don't even know how to begin. I have no idea what words to use, how to go about this. "Are you two...? I mean, have you, um...?" She remains calm, which is surprising. I'm blushing like mad, and she doesn't even look fazed.

"Are we having _sex_? Is that what you want to know?" I shift uncomfortably in my seat. She knows that I'm having trouble talking to her about this, and she's using it to gain the upper hand. Clearly, she picked up a thing or two from Tai while they were growing up. I nod slowly, clearly embarrassed. She smirks at me before saying, "Yeah. So?"

"_So_? Kari, I don't know if you realize but this is a dangerous game you're playing. I mean, what if you got pregnant? What if—"

"—Look, I appreciate your concern, but I don't need you to look out for me. I already have a mother, you know." A thought occurs to me: Am I trying to help Kari, or myself? If I talk to her, will it only serve to make me feel better, make me feel like I'm actually being useful and somehow helping out Tai? Maybe this will help me redeem myself. I could use it, after this past weekend. After I left the hospital, my mom went home and I went out to clear my head. I ended up at Josh's.

"I'm not trying to be your mother, Kar. I just think that you should really stop to think about what you're doing before you jump into things."

"Sora, no offense, but_ you_ of all people shouldn't be handing me out advice on how to live my life," she states indignantly. She has every right to say that to me, I know that, but it still hurts. Kari is the one person that I didn't expect to throw that in my face. Here I am, trying to be someone she can come to when she needs to talk, and she totally ignores that.

"Fine, you don't have to listen to me. But what would Tai think?" Hopefully, the reminder of her brother will make her feel even the slightest bit remorseful. I don't really think I'm overreacting here. Kari is doing a serious thing and treating it like it's no big deal. She's growing up too fast for her own good.

But maybe I'm being a hypocrite? It's not like I wasn't doing the same thing at her age...so what can I do that won't make it seem like a double-standard?

"I could ask you the same question," she says through gritted teeth. I've never really seen Kari upset before. Sure, the odd time here and there, but never like this. I've never been on the receiving end of it, either.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" I demand. She gives me a look that says 'you don't want me to go there'. "No, come on. Say it."

"Fine. You're never around. Sometimes, I have to wonder if you've fallen off the face of the earth! You're always out with..._them_. I haven't spent time with you like this in what seems like forever. You're avoiding us all. You didn't even have the guts to tell me that you didn't want to come to the memorial service. You just blew it off, and probably went off gallivanting with your friends. Am I right?" How dare she say that to me? "Well? Am I right?"

"No, you aren't right. Kari, out of everyone, I didn't think that you would be the one to give me shit for everything that's happened. I expect it from Mimi, but I thought you'd be different." Standing up, I grab my purse with my left hand and my purchases with my right. I know we're probably causing a scene, but I don't really care. "And just so you know, I was at your damned service."

……………………………………………………………

"I'm still not sure it was a good idea," Mimi complains as I drive her home.

"Why not...? Meems, why can't you just trust Sora?" I ask. The annoyance is rather apparent in my voice.

"I don't know. I want to trust her, I want to be her friend again but whenever I see her I can't help but have all the anger and resentment I've felt this path month come rushing back to me," she explains. In a way, I can totally understand where she's coming from. If it were me, I'd totally be holding a grudge against Sora, too. But I'd like to think that by now, I would be able to forgive her and get past it. Maybe it's harder for her, because they've been best friends since...well, forever. But isn't that even more of a reason to reconcile?

"I still think you should try to resolve things between you two," I lecture as I pull into her driveway. "It's more important that you realize."

She undoes her seatbelt and gives me a questioning look. "Why is that?"

"Because I know you, and if something bad happens while you two are feuding, you'll never forgive yourself."

……………………………………………………………

After I drop Mimi off at her house, I go back home and wait for T.K.

He has his detention today, which means he won't be home for another few hours. I take that time to collect my thoughts, wondering what the hell I'm going to say to him. I have to bring it up, of course, or else I would be a terrible big brother.

'Big brother.' That term was acceptable back when T.K. and I were little kids. I don't think it's appropriate now, since my baby bro isn't such a baby anymore. He's bigger than me, actually. He's about an inch and a half taller, and although he's only seventeen, he looks like he could actually be _my_ older brother.

When did T.K., the little boy that I used to force to eat grass, become a man? When did that little immature brat who spent hours every Saturday morning parked in front of the television watching mind-numbing cartoons, grow up?

Whenever it happened, it _did _happen.

I didn't even notice. How could I not notice something so huge? I guess that with everything going on, I haven't been paying too much attention to my brother. Well, he's got my attention now.

I don't know why I didn't figure it out sooner. I mean, the kid fought against someone with a freaking _gun_, risking his life, just so other people would be safe. I couldn't do that, that's for sure.

And what about the reason he isn't here right now—his detentions. He kicked the shit out of some kids, sending them to the hospital, because he thought they were re-enacting the attacks. He didn't know they were only joking around. He was prepared to take on _four _gun-toting psychopaths. And then, when he had to face the principal, he argued with her and almost resorted to switching schools. The kid has guts, that's for sure. I couldn't do any of the things he did, especially yelling at Principal Nagasi. That is one scary woman.

Great, not only did my kid brother mature and become a man, but he's more man than I am.

That definitely hurts the ego a bit.

The phone rings somewhere in the background, serving as a welcome interruption my train of thought. I jump up and answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hey," Mimi says. "Did you talk to T.K. yet?" I sigh, wondering how I can tell her what I've decided without her getting angry.

"No, I haven't yet. And, um, I don't think I'm gonna."

"What?" she practically screams. Okay, so there's no way to do it without angering her.

"Well, what do you want me to say? That what they're doing isn't right and they need to stop? Don't you think that would be a little..._hypocritical _of us?" I wince, bracing myself for her outburst.

"I don't care, Matt! You're just afraid of being the bad guy. Is this how things are going to be when _we_ have kids? Because right now, you have to act like his parent, not his 'cool' older brother," she scolds me. She's right, I know she's right. But I don't want T.K. to hate me. Especially during a time like this, when we all need as much love and support as we can get.

"I know, and you're right. It's just...it isn't a conversation I'm ready to have with my seventeen year old brother. You don't understand, since you don't have any siblings. It's like you spend your whole life trying to protect them from doing the wrong things, and they do them anyway. And you can't say anything, because you did them too, and they know that and will throw it in your face in a second," I try to explain.

"Well, you had better figure out a way to talk to him. If you don't, I'll come over there and talk to him myself, and I'm sure that won't be any better," she warns.

"Alright, alright, I got it. I'll talk to him as soon as he gets home." The front door opens and T.K. traipses in. "Um, I have to go, T.K.'s home. I'll call you later?"

"Okay, good luck," she says. "Love you, bye." I hear a click and the dial tone. I set the phone down and look up at T.K., who shrugs and makes his way to the stairs.

"You're home early," I observe.

"Yeah, the warden sprung me for the day," he tells me before climbing up the stairs to him room. I take a deep breath, suddenly realizing that I'm a little nervous about what's coming. I walk to the bottom of the stairs.

"Can I talk to you?" I call, waiting for him to come down into the kitchen.

"Yup. Talk," he shouts from his room.

"Why don't you come down here?" I wait a few seconds before he emerges from behind his closed door and trudges down the stairs. I sit down at the kitchen table and he pulls out the chair opposite me.

"'Kay, let's just get this over with," he states, sitting down. "You'll work on knocking before entering a room; I'll work on keeping it in my pants. Are we done here?"

"No, but it was a good try," I offer. "Look, this isn't exactly a conversation I imagined having with you, but we need to have it. So just accept that and maybe we can get through this quickly, alright?" He nods, and leans back in his seat.

"Okay, go."

"Well, first of all, I'm not going to act like I'm our father or anything. I'm your brother and it wasn't too long ago that I was seventeen, and doing pretty much everything you were doing. Granted, I wasn't almost getting expelled from—"

"Matt? On with it, please."

"Oh, right, yeah. Sorry. I know you might be thinking that it's no big deal what's been happening, and I agree with you. I mean, normally, it wouldn't be thathuge. But given the situation...it makes things a lot more complicated," I explain.

"Meaning...?"

"Kari is going through a lot right now. Are you sure that she's not, you know, um...do you get what I mean?" Okay, so I don't have a particular way with words. Sue me.

"You know, Kari isn't doing anything she doesn't want to do. Believe it or not, this is about us, and not Tai. And I know that you're trying to help, but I think that you should just butt out." He looks angry, _really _angry. I don't think I've ever seen my brother trulyangry, at least not with me.

"Yeah, I can do that," I confirm. He stands up and turns to leave.

"One more thing, though? You're being, uh..._safe_, right?" He nods, laughing to himself at my uncomfortable expression. "Yup, good. You can go."

……………………………………………………………

When Matt dropped me off at home, I rushed inside, ready to brood.

How dare he advise me what to do, as if he's some kind of therapist or something?

I know I shouldn't be mad with him, but I can't help it. Being mad at myself hasn't worked, and channeling all my negativity towards Sora hasn't gotten me very far, either. I guess I'm looking for an out, a reason to vent, and Matt has suddenly become just that.

What did he mean by 'if something bad happens?'

Was he referred to Tai? Yeah, that would count as something bad.

I guess he's right. I mean, if that does happen, Sora will need me there for her. And I like to think I would be, but with the way I feel about her right now...maybe I wouldn't be as reliable as I imagine myself to be.

God, when did everything get so complicated?

I open my wallet and glance at the picture I keep there. It is, to me, one of the most treasured things I have ever owned. I would die if I ever lost it, or if it ripped or bent or something. Nothing, not even my current situation with the girl in this picture, will make me dispose of it.

A smile creeps across my face as I study our demeanor. I have my tongue stuck out and an overall amused expression on my young face. Sora has two fingers are in her mouth, one on either side, stretching it wide, baring her perfectly straight, white teeth. Her eyes are wide, but she still manages to look, in a truly strange way, mature.

Just looking at the photo sends a shiver down my spine. There's something..._magical_ about it. It's old and worn, since it was taken right before Sora moved away. The background (which is the hard, grey wall of a photo booth and covered only by a ratty salmon-coloured curtain) is tacky, to say the least. Neither of us looks too presentable, but it doesn't matter. I have tons of pictures where I'm smiling and looking great, but they don't mean shit to me.

Perhaps it's the way we look so comfortable with each other, like only true best friends can. Or maybe it's because this was our last picture together before she left, and it holds certain sentimental value. It could even be because of the writing on the back, the short message that Sora wrote to me, like I did to another picture, taken the same time as this one, that she kept.

_Meems,_

_I won't be there to keep you in line, but try not to break too many hearts, okay? And don't flunk out of the ninth grade, because you're parents wouldn't be too thrilled about that! Don't be too sad that I'm gone...I'll come back one day, I promise! Everything will be good then. But for now, hang tight, and don't replace me while I'm away. (Yeah, like you could ever find someone to put up with you like I do, ha-ha.) Have fun and remember that if you need me, I'll always be a phone call away._

_BFF, xoxo_

_Sora._

One phone call away...how true. I could just swallow my pride and dial her number, and this whole nightmare would be over.

I could...

But I'm not going to.

……………………………………………………………

I come home to an empty house. There's a note on the counter from my mom. She got called into work, and won't be back until tonight. Which is good, because I don't think I could handle being around her right now.

I turn on the TV and sink into the couch. I shut my eyes and can feel myself drifting off to sleep when the doorbell rings. I stretch and arise from the couch, turning off the TV as I do so. I go to answer the door: It's Kari.

"Oh. Kari, hey," I say, sounding more than a little surprised If she came back for round two, I'm _so _going to slam this door in her face.

"Hi. I, um, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry," she mumbles. "I was out of line when I said those things to you. You were only trying to help." I just stand there, gaping in shock at a slightly embarrassed, very remorseful Kari. Out of all the things I expected her to say, that was definitely scraping the bottom of the list.

"That's okay. I deserved it," I admit. She doesn't tell me otherwise, which I appreciate in a strange way. I just hate it when people lie to your face, because they think it will make you feel better. "Do you want to come in?" She nods and walks in. We sit down on the couch, and are swallowed up by an awkward silence. Do I dare continue with our talk?

"I'm not like, a slut or anything," she blurts out.

"Of course you're not! Nobody thinks that, Kari," I assure her.

"Good. That's why I got so defensive when I found out you guys were all talking about it. I didn't want to give off that impression. And I don't want Matt to think I'm like, corrupting his brother or anything," she explains. Although I want to believe her, I don't really know if I can. The things she said to me weren't out of embarrassment or anxiety because of Matt's opinion of her.

"He doesn't think that at all. It's just that we were concerned. I mean, with everything that's been going on..." I pause, wondering how I can tiptoe around the subject. But maybe I shouldn't tiptoe around it. Maybe that's why we got into this mess. Maybe I should just put my feet flat on the ground and march right on through, so to speak. "With your brother in a coma, we weren't sure if maybe you were just, I don't know, jumping into things without thinking. We didn't want you to get hurt," I say softly.

She nods and shifts positions, pulling her feet under her. For a brief moment, I'm reminded of the times when we would just hang out at her place. Kari and I were friends, and just because I was dating her brother didn't mean that I couldn't go over there to just spend time with _her_. Sometimes, I wouldn't even see Tai when I went over there. I was very clear about having personal time with Kari. I didn't want her to feel weird because I was her brother's girlfriend, even though we only met through Tai.

"When did this start?" I ask. It may be Tai's baby sister I'm talking to, but it is juicy gossip and girl talk nonetheless. I miss this. I remember when Mimi and I used to have chats like this all the time. Even Kari and I did sometimes, though it was never talking about this kind of stuff.

"I don't know," she says with a blush. "About a week ago, maybe?"

"So he was your first, then?" She nods, and gets a faraway look in her eyes.

"What about you? Was it Tai, I mean?" I shake my head.

"No. There was this other guy, Rob," I admit. "Maybe you remember him? He was at my going-away party a few years ago."

"Oh, right," she recalls. "So were you two going out when you came here?" she inquires.

"No, we were just friends. He moved from America with his parents the year after I moved there, so I befriended him. I knew how it was, being the new kid and all. We were good friends...but it always seemed awkward, like we were some more than that. One day, he asked me to the movies and after that, we dated for about four months," I recount. "When I think about it, I wish I had waited. But we had known each other for a few years and had been very best friends. We didn't really need to take the time to get to know each other, so we kind of skipped a few steps. I don't really know why we broke up, but then again, I don't really know why we went out in the first place. We just decided being friends was best for us, I guess."

"Did you...did you love him?" I can tell that it kind of hurts her to ask me that. She definitely doesn't like hearing about my life before I knew her and, more specifically, Tai. I guess in her mind, Tai was the only one that I've ever loved, ever been loved by. I think in my mind, I feel the same way.

"No. At least, not like I love your stupid brother," I smile. She returns the smile and relaxes a bit. "Your speech at the service was really good. Tai would have been proud," I tell her.

"Thanks. I just wish that he could have been there to hear it," she sighs. She looks up at me and I see the same little girl that cried at her big brother's graduation. Tai later told me she confessed to him that she was scared they would grow apart and she would lose him. She didn't have to worry, though. Tai wouldn't leave her for anything. Sometimes, I wondered if he loved her more than he loved me, or anyone else, for that matter. I think Kari is the one person in this world that I wouldn't mind coming in second to.

She's grown up so much and I don't think I expected it. She's _not _the little kid crying at my graduation. She's a woman. Over the years I've spent so much time with her that I didn't notice the gradual change. She's seventeen, and she can practically take care of herself now. She depended on Tai for a lot of things, and she doesn't have him anymore. She's doing pretty well, though. She's dealing a lot better than I am.

Is it bad that I could learn a few things from the girl two years younger than me? Is it bad that she's about a million times more mature?

"Well, you'll just have to say it for him when he wakes up," I whisper. She looks at me with happy, expectant eyes, and I hate myself. I've just promised her the world, when it isn't mine to give.

I'm tempted to find a way out, a way that can somehow not make her hate me if the day she finally gets to recite her speech to her brother never comes.

Looking into her chocolate brown eyes, I know I can't do that. It is no longer just an idea. It's a hope, a _dream_. Just because I put the seed is the ground doesn't give me the right to shade the plant from the sun and deprive it of water, does it?

I wonder, as I stare at her, if anyone ever told her how much like Tai she actually is. I wonder if anyone has ever told her that she's funny and outgoing and loving, just like him. I wonder if she knows just how proud he is of her, and how much he loves her.

I wonder if anyone ever told her she has his eyes.

……………………………………………………………

**Twenty-four down, four to go.**

**Don't forget to review.**


	25. New Challenges

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.**

**Here I am, back again, with an early update! I'm trying to be quick about this, and hopefully wrap this puppy up before August. I'm half-way done writing the final chapter right now, and I'm really eager to start on the sequel to this...**

**So be expecting three more updates before July is over!**

**Chapter Twenty-Five: New Challenges  
**……………………………………………………………

"What the hell are you doing here?" I demand as I swing open the door to find T.K.

"Why, hello, Kari. How am I? I'm wonderful, thanks for asking. How are _you_? Oh, that's good," he answers sardonically. I glare at him. "What? A guy can't come see his girlfriend after a nice day of detention, which, by some miracle, he managed to get out of early?" Detention; what with everything going on today, I completely forgot where he was.

"Hi. You can't stay long," I say as I step back to let him in.

"Why not?"

"Matt's probably documenting every move you make, that's why," I explain.

"No, he's not. We 'talked' and he's cool. He won't even notice I'm gone," he protests. "Besides, I believe we have some unfinished business to attend to."

"Really? And what could that possibly be?"

"I can think of a thing or two," he mumbles as he kisses my neck. I tilt my head up to give him better access. "You got some time?" I open my mouth to protest, but he silences me with a kiss.

When he returns to my neck I whisper, "I think I can move some things around, yeah."

……………………………………………………………

"What's that?"

"What's what?"

"That thing on your arm, what is it?" I run my fingers over T.K.'s left arm, by his shoulder.

"Oh, that. It's a scar from where that bullet hit me, remember?" I don't really know why I didn't figure that out sooner. I was there when he got treated for it, and when he got his stitches. I just didn't think it would leave a scar.

"Yeah, I must have forgotten," I say.

He'll have that with him forever. And when he's older and his kids (maybe even _our_ kids) ask him about what happened, he'll have to tell them. He'll have to explain to them that not everything out there is good, and sometimes, bad things happen to good people.

Every time he looks in the mirror, he's going to see that scar. He'll have to relive everything that took place in that school, everything he saw. And he saw some horrible things. He told me about a week ago that a girl died in his arms. She was Stacy, one of the most popular girls in our school. She was the girl that Mimi appointed head cheerleader when she graduated. And now, she was dead. T.K. was the last person she ever saw, ever touched. If I were him, I would be scarred for life. Maybe he is, and just doesn't let on.

I wonder how I would feel. I would be a mess, no question about it. I mean, he literally held someone as the life drained out of them. Could he feel her soul leave her body? Could he feel it when her heart stopped? I would be scared to touch anyone ever again. I bet he thinks about it all the time.

Hell, I wasn't even there and _I _think about it all the time.

But I guess something like that happened to me, too. I _did _watch as Anna died, so that kind of counts. It isn't the same thing, but at least it's something that helps me to sort of understand what T.K. went through.

"I think about it a lot," he whispers, as if reading my mind to know what I'm thinking. I look at up him and can feel the tears forming in my eyes at his expression. He isn't crying, but he looks as close to it as I have ever seen him be. "I think about _her_ a lot."

"I'm so sorry that had to happen to you," I whisper back. He shakes his head and sits up a bit.

"It was my fault," he reveals with a sigh. "She stopped running. She _stopped_ and looked at me and said 'thank you, I owe you my life.' And then she stumbled forward and clutched my arm before falling to the floor."

"No, baby, that isn't your fault," I insist, scooting my body closer to his. He stays stiff, not accepting my words. "You risked your life to save hers. Maybe she was _meant _to die, maybe there was no way around it."

"No, she wasn't. She wasn't supposed to die, Kari! She was only eighteen! If she hadn't stopped running to thank me...if I hadn't _let_ her, then she'd still be alive right now."

"T.K., that's not true," I practically scream at him. I sit up and straddle him, grabbing his shoulders to emphasize my point. "You aren't responsible for what happened. You know who's responsible for her death? Davis and his friends are. They're the ones that killed her, not you. You practically got yourself killed, just to save her. You were a hero, and I don't care if you don't want to hear it, okay?"

"But I could have done something _more_," he persists. "If I had tried a little harder, she would be at home safe and sound with her parents right now. They wouldn't have had to bury their daughter. Her boyfriend and friends wouldn't have had to graduate without her." I remember her boyfriend. Scott, I think his name is. I saw him at the memorial service last Saturday. He looked pretty rough that day, to say the least.

I don't think words can describe what I feel right now. Just seeing him like this, like he's never been before, makes me want to break down and cry. But I can't. Countless times, I'm the one breaking down and he's the one being strong. This is one of the few times that I need to be the strong one. How long has he been keeping this inside? He's never acted like this before, about anything. Sure, I've known T.K. long enough to have seen him sad once in a while, but that's different. I've seen sad like when he loses an important basketball game, sad like when an old relative dies. But this...this is something new entirely.

"I didn't know Stacy that well, but I talked to her a few times, and she was a really wonderful person. It's a terrible thing that she died, and I'm so, _so _sorry for her poor family. I'm sorry for you, and what you had to go through, but I'm not sorry that things happened the way they did. If you tried harder, if you hadn't stopped running...God only knows what could have happened. I mean, maybe that bullet would have hit _you_ instead." Despite myself, I can feel the tears roll down my cheeks. Shit. I was supposed to be the strong one. "I know it's terrible, and I'm sorry if you think I'm a heartless person, but I will never feel bad because it was her and not you."

"Kari, I don't think you're a heartless person. You're just glad that I'm okay, it doesn't mean you wanted her to be killed," he assures me.

"No, T.K., you don't get it. If you had...if it was...I would have died, too. I can't imagine what I would do if you weren't here right now. You can't even imagine how destroyed I would be," I choke out through a heavy fall of tears.

"I think I could. I would feel the same way if the roles were reversed. I mean, yeah, I 'risked my life' for her. But that was different. I was just trying to help her and do the right thing. I _had _to. But if it was you, I wouldn't just try to save you. I literally would have jumped in front of that bullet so it hit me instead of you. I don't think I would be strong enough to handle it if it had been you, if I had been in Scott's place," he admits. I nod and attempt a smile as he brushes away my tears with his thumb.

I want to tell him that I feel the same way, but I can't seem to get the words out. He already knows. At least, I hope he does.

I lean down and lay my head on his chest as he wraps me into a tight hug. Perhaps a little too tight, but I don't notice. All I can think about is how I don't think I could handle it if his arms weren't there to hug me, if he wasn't there to reassure me one day.

We'll never be the same again, none of us will be. We've all lost friends and family. We've all witnessed horrible things inside that school. Those of us lucky enough to make it out alive aren't really that lucky at all. We're just luckier than the dead ones, and that's about it.

I wouldn't be surprised if we all have to get serious, psychological help at least once throughout the course of our lives.

I learned something today, something that I should have learned a while ago: We all have our scars.

Whether emotional or physical, we all have our scars.

And scars are forever.

……………………………………………………………

I don't know how this happened. I don't know why Cindy has such an affect on me, but she does.

After she stormed out, I replayed out conversation in my head over and over. I analyzed it, trying to determine where I went wrong. I guessed it was because I didn't agree to visit her stupid reverend. So, after arriving at that conclusion, I was forced to make a choice: I could dig my heels in the sand and refuse to compromise, or I could go see her pal the reverend and humor her.

I decided, following much deliberation, that I would humor her just so she wouldn't hate me. I mean, let's face it, the rest of my friends are pretty screwed up right now. They're either not speaking to each other or are just never around to hang out anymore. Basically, right now, Cindy is the only real, reliable friend that I have left. Even Joe, who is probably the closest to me of all our friends, isn't around too much. He's always at the hospital or studying for the exams we have to take again. He's been going off the deep end about doing well on his exam, even though it's pretty certain to everyone but him that he's already got it in the bag, regardless of how long he studies.

I really like Cindy. Not _that _way, of course, but maybe one day I could even have those sorts of feelings for her. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

That's another scary thought. Tomorrow could, after all, bring just about _anything_. It could bring Tai's awakening, or even Tai's death. Tomorrow, lightning could strike me dead when I walk out of my house. Tomorrow, a tornado could rip through Odaiba and kill us all.

So I figure I might as well make the most of the time I have left, and not get on anyone's bad sides.

"Reverend Toby?" I ask as I step into a small, square office at the church.

"Yes?" An American man, slightly older than middle age, looks up from his bible (I can't help but feel like he pulled it out when I knocked, just to emphasize his holiness) and waves me in.

"Hi, um, my name's Izzy. I was wondering if I could have a moment of your time," I request.

"What seems to be the trouble, son?" he asks, motioning to the chair on the opposite side from the one he's sitting in at his desk.

"Well, I need a bit of guidance. Actually, no, that isn't really true. I suppose if I'm going to talk to you, I should be honest, huh?" The reverend nods, and half-smiles.

"Yes, I suppose that would be a good start."

"Okay. Well... I'm sure you're aware of what happened at Odaiba High a few weeks ago?" He nods once more. "I was there. One of my friends, Tai, was hurt pretty badly. He's in a coma, actually, and I just can't figure out why God would do something like that to him. He's a good guy. Everyone in that school was a good person, and yet he took so many of their lives."

"It was a terrible thing, what happened in that school. But what is your point, Izzy?" Reverend Toby asks.

"I look around and see so much injustice in the world. There's so much pain and suffering. Maybe God doesn't really exist, and people like you are just duped into believing that He does." I hope I'm not offending him but, really, that's the least of my concerns right now.

"Why would you think such a thing?"

"There's just no proof of the existence of God. Everything I have ever read about this subject all points to signs that God isn't real! I trust in things that can be proven through scientific processes. God doesn't fall under that category," I explain. "In fact, if you consider the law of—"

"—Izzy, you're smart, I get it. But sometimes, all the smarts in the world don't mean a thing when it comes right down to it. What's important is not what your science textbooks tell you. When it comes to the Lord, all that matters is what you believe. You need to have faith. Just because there's a setback, does not mean God does not look out for you. He loves you and is watching over you, as He is for all of His children," he preaches.

"Well, evidently not. Who was He busy watching out for when Tai got shot? Whose soul was He saving when Davis and his friends decided they wanted to blow our school away?" I demand. "If He does exist, God certainly isn't as good as He's made out to be." The reverend smiles at me, and I wonder what the hell could cause him to do so.

"God is cruel, yes, but he sees things that we cannot even fathom. Sometimes, he needs to do bad things to prepare you for things that are yet to come," he explains.

"So God putting my friend in a coma is preparing me for something else, something even worse? Tell God thanks, but if this is how he looks out for me, I think I'll pass."

"You don't know what you are saying, please don't deny God," he pleads. I'm too far past pleading now, though. God has infinite power, and yet he couldn't stop four asshole kids from hurting so many innocent people with their crackpot scheme.

"_God_ is trying to kill my best friend! I hate God, and I will deny Him all I want," I insist.

"Izzy, everything that occurs on this earth is all part of God's plan for us. Your friend will die if it is God's will. Sometimes, things that we do not want to happen, will still happen. Sometimes, we must do things that we do not want to do, because it will benefit the greater good, in the long run. You must have faith. God loves His children, and wants only the best for them. But he is cruel, nonetheless."

God's will...Cindy mentioned that before, but I didn't really listen. I'm listening now. Could God's will really be to collect Tai and take him away from us? Does that mean that Tai really _could _die?

I have never felt so small, so unimportant in my life. My friend is hanging by a thread and all I can do is bitch about how God doesn't love _me_. He's tearing us apart and there is nothing I can do about it.

"God's really unfair, isn't he?" I whisper.

"Yes, He is."

"How can you work for someone like Him?" He chuckles.

"Personally, I believe that we are all put on this earth for a purpose. When your purpose is fulfilled, you are no longer needed," he declares thoughtfully. I never thought of it that way. What if Tai's purpose is 'fulfilled'?

When will mine be?

"So what was Davis' purpose? What about Ken and Cody and Jacob's? Why did they shoot everyone? What kind of a purpose is that?" I demand, my voice rising again.

"Part of what makes God so absolutely mysterious is that he gives us free will. He makes us in His image, and then lets us do whatever we like. As a result, sometimes, bad things can happen. Throughout our lives, we are all tempted by the devil. And, sometimes we surrender to the evil ways, because we do not have the strength to turn to God and ask for help," he speaks. "We make our own destinies and decide our own fates, just like we all choose to believe different truths. I can't tell you how you should feel. God wants you to _choose _to follow him, not be forced to. You must see the light yourself."

"How will I know when I do?"

"I cannot tell you that. When you truly believe, you will just know. Do not fight it. Have no prejudice, nor trepidation," he tells me. I must say, he's pretty insightful. Even if he did dedicate his life to someone who I'm still not sure exists.

"Thanks. I think that's all I need," I say, standing. In actuality, I think I need much more than what I've been given here. Or, perhaps, I didn't need anything at all. All I know is that I'm more confused now than I was when I got here.

"Go forth in peace, to love and serve the Lord."

……………………………………………………………

"Joe?" I glance up from my dinner to find my dad making his way over to my table. I've just finished my rounds, and now I'm in the hospital cafeteria catching a late dinner before going home. Despite what you might think, the food here is actually not that bad.

"Dad? Aren't you supposed to be in surgery right now?" I question. My father has been talking about this upcoming operation all week. There's no way he's forgotten about it, right?

"It was pushed back a little bit. The family needed a minute. I'm going up to prep right now, I just came down to see if you were going home," he explains.

"Oh. Yeah, once I finish eating I'm going home to study," I tell him.

"Would you mind stopping off at the store on your way home? I had a prescription filled earlier today at Sesu's that I need to pick up, but I'm going to be in surgery all night."

"Sure, I'll go right now. What are they?" I ask.

"Just some migraine pills," he shrugs. He reaches into his wallet and hands me some money. It seems a little pricey for headache pills but, knowing my father, the physician, they're most likely the best over-the-counter migraine remedy in all of Japan. I'm glad that he's finally doing something about his pain. Dad gets them from time to time, not often, but when they do occur, they really take a lot out of him. I can't imagine how he can get up and go to work with one of those migraines of his.

"Will you be home at all tonight?" I inquire as I put the money in my wallet, which is in my backpack. He shakes his head.

"No, probably not. I have to go now, though. I'll see you—well, not tonight...or tomorrow for that matter—but sometime this week?" He laughs and throws up his hands at his lack of availability. I nod and take a bite of my sandwich.

"Have a good surgery," I say through a mouthful as my dad turns to leave.

"I'll try. Have a safe drive home, and don't forget that prescription," he reminds me.

I take another bite of my sandwich as my dad disappears from sight, off to save another life. His profession has the craziest hours. He used to tell me stories about when he was an intern, and how sometimes, he had to pull 48-hour shifts.

How could you possibly stay awake for two whole days? Sure, you get the occasional break in which you can take a short catnap, but that doesn't really count.

It's just another thing that I'll never understand about my father. He's so dedicated to his job. And somehow, even after a 48-hour shift while he was trying to make a name for himself, he would come home and play peek-a-boo with me or catch with Jim before taking a much needed rest. Being a father was his other job, a job he was just as dedicated to, if not more so, than being a doctor. I don't remember seeing my dad much back then; maybe it's because I wasn't even a year old when he was running around the hospital like a chicken with its head cut off. But somewhere, on some level or another, I remember the games of peek-a-boo. I remember, and that's why I'm so close with my dad. We had a crazy bond from the start.

After his internship ended, he started working at the hospital, and is now the chief of staff in his field.

My dad is my hero, no question about it. I used to think it was because of what he did, the way he took charge and saved lives everyday. I only realize now that that isn't why I respect him so much. Don't get me wrong, that definitely makes me respect him, but it's different. It would be very easy for him, a father of two, to ignore his kids while working long hours at the hospital. But he didn't. Starting when I was about six, my dad would get called away in the middle of the night all the time. When he would come home, early in the morning, he would read the paper as I ate breakfast and then he'd walk my brother and me to school.

He was always there. It didn't matter how long he had gone without sleep, or how many patients he had lined up for the next day. He did everything he could to spend time with Jim and me. He really was amazing like that. He still is. He is a full-time doctor and a full-time father, all wrapped up into one person.

I throw the rest of my meal out, grab my backpack filled with books, and leave the hospital. I briefly think about stopping in to see Tai before going, but decide against it. I visited him earlier today and I don't think I can handle seeing him again. When I look in on him, I feel like I'm watching a tragedy unfold and I'm powerless to stop it.

Maybe that's exactly what's happening.

I get in my car and turn the radio up really loud. I once read somewhere that it's not good to blast your radio, and that while driving it can cut down on your reaction time, but I don't care right now. I just need something to drown out my thoughts, and this is the only thing I can think of on such short notice.

I pull into the parking lot, grab my bag off the seat beside me and walk into the store. Sesu's is a medium grocery store. It is named after the owner, Sesu, who started it himself, about sixty years ago. He passed away last year, and his eldest grandson now manages it.

I walk over to the pharmacy and get the prescription. I pay for it and as I walk away from the counter, I open the bag and read the bottle. Heart pills. _Strong_, medically prescribed heart pills. They're definitely _not _for migraines.

Why does my dad need these types of pills? It's a pretty hefty dose, too.

And why is he keeping it from me? Does my brother know?

I put the bottle back in the small paper bag, open my backpack and put it in. Zipping up my knapsack, I make my way to the exit.

"Help!"

"Somebody call an ambulance!"

……………………………………………………………**  
**  
**  
Woo, okay, kind of a cliffhanger...sort of? Trust me, it's good. **

**Also, I decided to try my hand at Harry Potter fanfics, so if you're into that, check it out! It's called "Just Going With It", and it takes place after HBP.**

**See you next chapter.**


	26. Redemption

**Disclaimer: not mine.**

**I finished chapter 28 last night. It was...surreal. I almost cried at the end, just because I couldn't believe that it was actually over. **

**Anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter. I hope it does Cindy some justice, because I really screwed her around, haha. **

**Chapter Twenty-Six: Redemption  
**……………………………………………………………

I just got home from church to find Cindy sitting outside my house on the front step.

"Hey? What are you doing here?" I ask. I hope I don't sound upset or angry, because I'm not. I'm happy that she's apparently forgiven me for whatever it is she thinks I did.

"You went, didn't you?" A smug smile tugs at her lips. I could deny it, but what's the point? At least this way, she stops being pissed off.

"Yeah, I did. It didn't really help much, though," I admit. It's the truth, after all. She stands up, stretches her legs, and gestures toward the door. I grab my keys and unlock it. We walk inside and the cool air of my house greets us. I didn't realize how hot it was outside until just now. How in the world did she not suffer from sunstroke while sitting out there?

"Did you talk directly to Reverend Toby?" I nod. "What did he say?" Okay, here we go. She wants to know what he said. Well, Cindy, get ready to be let down.

"He basically just told me to have faith and know that God works in mysterious ways," I state. Let's see what she thinks of her beloved reverend now. I bet she'll be pretty disappointed. She probably expected him to have some amazing, life-affirming answer for me. It looks like she was wrong.

"So...Are you going to come to church with me now?" Okay, apparently she isn't as distraught as I imagined.

"No. Why would I?" She rolls her eyes and throws up her hands.

"Because of what Reverend Toby said, that's why!" Now it's my turn to roll my eyes.

"He didn't _say _anything, Cind. He just threw a bunch of words around and all but pulled me down on my knees to pray with him," I say. "'God words in mysterious ways, Izzy,'" I quote, doing my best impression of him.

"You don't get it, do you?" If she has to ask me that, then clearly I don't. "You still don't believe," she states. She sounds almost dumbfounded by my lack of faith.

"Well, how the hell do you do it? Tell me how you can believe in something that isn't there, and I'll join your team," I promise. "But until then, don't expect much out of me."

She chews her lip and looks around my empty house. Grabbing my hand, she leads me over to the couch and sits me down. She then takes a seat in the arm chair across from me.

"You want me to explain? Fine. I'll tell you why I believe in God. I'll let you in on my little secret," she says quietly, in almost a whisper. Crap. I wasn't expecting her to come up with an answer. I was expecting her to give in and leave me be.

"Uh, Cind, you're going to be late for church. Why don't we do this later?" That will definitely get her. She'd sooner die than miss her hour with the Lord.

"No, we're going to do this now. This is more important," she insists. Wow, more important than God. Don't I feel special?

"It happened when I was six. Before bed one night, I was watching TV and I saw this ad for a really cool toy. I don't even remember what the toy was, what it did, or anything. All I know is that I wanted it really badly. I ran into the kitchen and found my dad sitting at the table. He just got home from work and was reading the newspaper. I told him all about what I had just seen and asked him if we could go out and buy it for me," she recalls.

I know I should pay close attention to her story. This is the first time that I can remember Cindy ever talking about her father. I have a feeling she won't repeat this story at a later time, so I better take it all in now.

"It was my birthday the next week, and I told him it would be the best present ever. He told me no. Just flat out, 'no'. He wouldn't give me a reason why, or anything. He went back to his paper and pretended that I wasn't there. I started to cry, thinking that I would get my way, but he was firm on his decision. Finally, when I realized that he wasn't going to give in no matter how hard I tried, I told him I hated him and ran up to my room.

"He followed me, of course. I shut the door and ran over to my bed. He knocked and asked if he could come in but I told him no, that I didn't ever want to see or talk to him again. After a while, the knocking stopped, and I figured he went back downstairs to read his paper. That's what he always did when I had a temper tantrum. He'd just ride it out and come back a little later, with a bowl of ice cream." She smiles and her eyes sparkle with sadness. "Once I saw the ice cream, I'd forget all about being mad at him.

"But the ice cream never came. I waited and waited, but I didn't hear his footsteps approach my door. He didn't knock and come in, he didn't say 'here you go, princess,' like he always did. I wanted to believe that he just forgot, or maybe he was really mad at me and didn't think I deserved the ice cream, but I knew that wasn't it. Something _big _was happening. I knew something was wrong."

She pauses to wipe a few tears from her eyes, shifts her position and curls her feet underneath herself before continuing.

"I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I remember was the phone ringing. It was really dark by then, way past my bedtime. I would have just gone back to sleep but there was something different about that night. That weird feeling was still hanging in the air. It was so...unsettling. I sat there in the dark for a few minutes and nothing happened. I was usually so afraid of the dark but it didn't matter to me just then. My dad used to have to check every hiding spot in my room twice before I would actually close my eyes and go to sleep but that night, I forgot about the monsters under my bed or in my closet. All my focus was on that phone call.

"A few minutes later, Mom came into my room. I couldn't see her face but I could hear her breathing and sniffling and I knew that she was crying really hard."

She stops again, this time to steady herself before continuing. I want to tell her to stop, that she doesn't need to continue, but I know she won't listen. She's shaking now, I can tell. Her voice has started cracking and the tears are now streaming freely down her cheeks.

"We were out of ice cream that night. My dad searched our entire house, and there wasn't any. My mom told him not to worry, that I was a kid and would get over it, and I didn't need the sugar before bed anyway. But Daddy insisted. It was more than just a stupid bowl of ice cream to us, Mom didn't get that. It was like a bonding ritual with us, and it was really important to him. So he put on his coat, grabbed his keys and drove to the store.

"It was raining that night. Not a lot, there wasn't thunder or lightning or any other spectacular display, but it was enough." She pauses. "The roads were slippery and it was kind of hard to see. Daddy was always a careful driver, but not everyone on the road was like him. A car ran a red light. The driver tried to break but because the roads were slick, he skidded right into my dad's car." She pauses again and shuts her eyes tight, as if mentally preparing herself for what's coming. "Dad died from massive head trauma just a block from our house that night."

Holy shit. I knew her dad had died but I never asked how. And if I did, my mom never told me. I was only six; she probably didn't want to scare me. What about Cindy? She was six, too. And it was her _dad_. Wasn't she scared?

"It was five days before my seventh birthday...I was so heartbroken. Who wouldn't be? That's not even the worst part." I give her a sympathetic look and she takes a deep breath before continuing. "The last thing I ever said to my dad was that I never wanted to see or talk to him again. Not that I loved him, or that he was my hero. I told him I never wanted to see him again." She starts crying heavily now. She puts her face in her hands, and it's my signal to move. I sit on the arm of the armchair and hug her, trying to offer what little comfort I can.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper. What else can I say? I lost my parents, too, but not like that. I wasn't attached to them; I didn't realize what had happened. I don't remember them, I was way too young. But she remembers pretty well. What a terrible burden for a child.

"Mom was a mess, but she still pulled it together so I could salvage what was left of my birthday. I didn't have friends over that year, just family. I didn't even care; I was too distraught to really even notice what was going on around me. But I remember this much: When it came time for my presents, my mom handed me a big box covered in really nice wrapping paper. She said my dad picked it out a few days before the accident. He thought I would love it.

"I untied the bow and peeled off the paper really carefully; like it was the only thing I would ever have to connect me back to my dad. I still have the paper. I saved it, it's pressed between the pages of a book somewhere, where it can't bend or tear. I finally got everything off and when I looked at the present, it was what I had asked my dad for. He wouldn't buy it for me because he had already gotten it." Her voice dropped to a whisper, and my heart broke for her. "He saw it and thought of me and knew that it was the prefect gift for his little princess.

"When I saw it, I flipped out and made my mom return it. I didn't want to be near it. It was weird, but I felt like I did when I first found out that Dad was gone. Mom took it back the next morning, and I never saw one of those things again," she concludes.

"Why did you make her take it back?" I inquire.

"Because," she explains, "I didn't think that I deserved it. I hated myself because I was convinced that it was _my _fault that my dad died. Maybe if I hadn't been a spoiled brat and needed that damned toy; maybe if I wasn't so immature and hadn't made my dad feel like he had to buy my love through _ice cream_, of all things...maybehe would still be here."

What? How could she possibly think that?

"That's not true! It wasn't your fault; it was the other driver's!"

"I know that now," she nods. "That's what Reverend Toby finally helped me to see. He was helping with my dad's funeral when I first met him. He was so nice, he was my friend...but he was an adult, too. It was such a foreign concept to me and I loved the idea of a grown up who didn't order you around and tell you what you could and couldn't do. He let me talk and cry and, when I was ready, he showed me the path to God."

"So that's the reason? This is all because some guy brainwashed you into believing, back when you were young and vulnerable?" I ask. She shakes her head and pulls away from me.

"He didn't _brainwash _me into believing anything! I chose to follow God. I was captivated by His very idea; I still am," she insists. "Every night before bed, when I got down on my knees and prayed, it felt like I was talking to God. And not only God, but my dad, too. It was like a direct hotline. Whenever I was upset or angry or I missed my dad a whole bunch, I could pray, and I knew that he would be on the other end, listening."

It sounds like a pretty good reason for _her _to pray, but why should I? So I can talk to my own parents? My parents are alive and well. They might not be my _real _parents, but they raised me and provided for me and loved me like they were. My biological ones may be gone, but I don't even remember them. And while it's a nice thought, I'm not sure I fully believe that I can get in touch with them anytime I want.

"Where do you go when you die?" Cindy asks after seeing that I still look unconvinced. I give her a confused look. "Where do you go? What happens to your soul once your body stops functioning?"

"I don't know," I confess.

"Exactly. Nobody does, because nobody has died and experienced everything and come back to tell us. You just have to believe," she says. "I believe, because for me, there's no other choice. My dad is up there, with God, watching over me. He's there, whether people like you accept that or not. His body might be in the ground, but his soul—his _essence_—is in the Kingdom of Heaven. And he's waiting for me. When it's my time, I'll go and I'll be with him and Mom again because I haven't denied God."

Is she right? Is that what happens when you die? Or is she just crazy, delusional and merely wishing it were true, so she could be with her dad again one day?

"That's why I believe. I have to. I'd go crazy if I didn't have that hope, that one small thing to hold on to."

"Isn't it hard, sometimes?" I whisper. I can feel my barriers start to fall, my skepticism slip away.

"Yeah, sometimes it is. But I still have faith. I'd rather live my whole life believing that there is a God, only to find out that there isn't, than to live my life believing that there isn't and finding out, when I die, that there is."

That's why she believes.

It's a pretty convincing story.

It would have to be, for her to place all her trust in someone she can't see or talk to.

And she's right: I really should stay on God's good side, just incase everything she says is true, and God _is _real.

Yeah, if she can do it, maybe I can, too.

That way, when my day comes, I can be with my parents—both adoptive and biological. It would be nice to finally meet my real ones. And I'm sure that my mom, if she's up there, wants to see me again, too. Yeah, I can do it.

For Mom's sake.

……………………………………………………………

"We need a doctor!"

What's going on?

I spin around to see people gathering around in a tight circle.

"Does anyone here have a cell phone?"

My walk turns into a light jog as I approach the circle. I see someone I recognize. One of my neighbours, Mrs...something or another. Okay, I'm not too good with names. Even though I can't remember hers, she seems to remember mine.

"Joe! This boy's father is a doctor! He knows a thing or two!" She grabs my hand and pushes me through the crowd. Shit! What do I do now? Deny it?

Now that I'm on the inside of the circle, I can see what the cause of all this commotion is. A little boy, probably around eight, is lying unconscious on the floor. His mother is standing overtop of him, looking at me with frantic worry on her face.

"Are you a doctor?" she asks.

"Well, I'm still a student but I'm studying to—"

"—Can you please help him?" she begs, cutting me off. I look in her eyes and know that there's absolutely no way I can bring myself to tell her that I can't.

I feel something in the pit of my stomach, but it isn't worry or nausea. I feel...capable, anxious. Like when you're playing poker and you have the winning hand. You have to wait it out but you're sure that you have this one in the bag.

"Yeah, I think." I kneel down on the ground beside him. First things first, I need to check his pulse. It's weak, _really _weak. I get the sense that I might lose it if I don't act soon. I reach into my backpack and pull out my cell phone. I hand it to one of the people near me. "Here, call an ambulance," I instruct. The man nods and runs outside to get better reception. "The rest of you, please back up. I need room."

When did my voice get so confident? How am I not vomiting from nerves right now?

Everyone backs up and listens to me, like I'm the person in command here. Maybe I am. After all, I'm the only one here who has even the slightest clue what to do. Even the mother looks scared shitless. She's afraid to touch her own kid!

"Does he have any heart conditions?" I ask, trying to get some medical history. You should always know what you're getting into before you take on a patient and start diagnosing and treating. She shakes her head, too shocked and scared to speak. "What about any illnesses? Diseases? History of blackouts or fainting?" She shakes her head again and again. Then what's wrong with this kid?

I feel for his pulse again and it's even weaker. I know I can't treat him, especially not without the necessary supplies, but I need to do something. If I don't act now, he might not make it. He might not even be breathing when the ambulance comes.

Oh, shit. He _isn't_ breathing!

I stare at his chest, but it doesn't rise and fall. I put my ear to his face and wait for ten seconds. I don't hear any breathing and no air hits my cheeks.

I check for his pulse again.

Shit! It isn't there!

"I'm going to do CPR, to keep his heart going until the ambulance arrives and we can get him to the hospital, okay?" The mother nods. I don't tell her that his pulse is completely gone. If I do that, she'll just scream and cry, like a hysterical woman, and that won't help anything.

I tilt his head back, lift his chin, plug his nose, open his mouth and give him two breaths, just two, because he falls under the category of a child. I watch his chest, and it doesn't rise. I position my hands over his sternum and do five compressions. I plug his nose and give him another breath. I repeat the process the recommended number of times, then check to see if he's breathing yet.

Still nothing.

"Where are the damned paramedics?" the mother screams. Mine thoughts exactly, lady.

"I called them," a man says from somewhere behind me. "They're on their way now." I can hear people talking and whispering all around me, but I don't pay much attention. All I'm thinking about is getting this little boy to start breathing again.

I continue the compressions and breaths, still not getting a reacting from the body underneath me. Please, God, just make him breathe. Make him be okay.

I check to see if he's breathing again. I have to count to ten before continuing my compressions.

One, two, three...I'm waiting to feel air hit my cheek.

Four, five, six...I keep my eyes glued to his chest, willing it to rise.

Seven...still nothing.

Eight...come on, kid. Please, breathe.

Nine...I feel it. I see it. He's breathing. I sit back on my heels and sigh.

"He's breathing again," I tell his mother. I put a hand to his neck and feel his pulse. It's strong and steady, just like it should be. Thank you, God. "He's still unconscious, but he should be fine. Now, we just have to wait for the paramedics to get here."

As if on cue, I hear sirens approaching. A bunch of people run outside to flag it down. The mother and I sit there beside the kid, waiting for the paramedics to come in and cart him off to the hospital.

"Thank you," she whispers. "If you hadn't been here...My son would have..." she pauses to collect herself. "You saved his life. You're a hero!" Now there's something you don't hear everyday.

I offer her a soft smile, which she returns by pulling me into a bone-crushing hug and sobbing like there's no tomorrow.

For her little boy, there almost wasn't a tomorrow.

Does she realize that?

……………………………………………………………

After making sure the kid was safely on his way to the hospital for treatment, I tried to get to my car so I could go home. Unfortunately, the remaining crowd at Sesu's didn't exactly let that happen.

It starts with one person (the guy I sent to call 911) chasing me into the parking lot. He hands me my cell phone, which I hastily shove into my bag and mutter a thank you. Then, the rest of the people decide to swarm around me, throwing around terms like 'hero' and 'great doctor' and 'lovely young man'. I smile and nod appreciatively, desperate to just make it to the safety of my car. Finally, I manage to pry myself from their grasps and practically sprint away from them.

When I get home, I go inside and hurry to my room. Even though it's still early, only about nine, I just want to fall asleep and forget all about this day. Apparently, the fate gods have other plans for me.

"Hey, little brother," Jim says. I spin around and look at him. "Or should I call you 'hero' like everyone else?" Oh, _great_. He knows. I throw a glance over my shoulder at my room, which is a mere foot away. So close, yet so far

"How the hell did you hear about that? It's barely been an hour," I mumble.

"Dad just called to see if you were home. I answered and he told me all about your little adventure at the store," he grins. Dad knows? That's just _wonderful_. No pressure, no raised expectations for me. I should have known this would happen. I try to be a good person and where does it get me? Now, I'm screwed.

How does he even know? Does word really travel _that _fast? Even around a hospital? I had no idea that doctors were such gossips. What am I going to do now?

Dad is going to make a big deal about this. I didn't even do anything, not really. I mean, if anyone else there knew what to do, they would have done it and I would have just been a spectator. I'm not a hero; I'm just the first person to react in the situation. So what if I did start his heart again? So what if I saved his life?

I saved his life.

He'd be dead if it weren't for me.

Oh my God. I did it. I was under pressure, I was forced to react and save a life...and I did it.

I really did it!

And sure, maybe this time it was easy. It was only CPR, after all. That's basic training. But it's huge! If I can do that...maybe I can do this doctor thing after all. It felt really good afterwards, knowing that I helped someone.

Yeah, I think I might be able to do it.

I think I might even like it.

The phone rings, and I realize I've just been staring at my brother for a good while with a blank expression on my face.

"It's probably Dad again. I told him to call back in a few, and that you should be home," Jim warns me. I nod and run down the stairs to the kitchen, where I pick up the extension.

"Hello?"

"Joe! What's this I hear about you saving a boy's life?" I can tell, by his tone of voice that my dad is grinning.

"It was awesome, Dad! He just collapses in the middle of the store, right? And so I go over, to see what's going on, and suddenly I'm pushed to the front and everyone wants me to help him. Then I feel for his pulse and it isn't there, so I do CPR until the paramedics come," I tell him as I mentally relive the experience.

"That's great. I knew you would be able to do it. Well, son, I should go. The surgery was pushed back even longer...it's starting in about ten minutes. I just wanted to call and say congratulations. You saved a life," he exclaims.

"Thanks," I say. I don't sounds as enthused as I actually am. Maybe it hasn't really hit me yet...Not fully, at least.

"You know," he begins, "I was kind of concerned. I wasn't sure what you wanted to do with your life. I thought maybe you were just doing all this to please me, but I can tell that isn't true. You have a gift, son. You have a gift that every great doctor has to have, in order to achieve greatness. You can do it, if you want to."

You know what?

He's right.

And more importantly than that, I think I just might want to.

"I want to, Dad."

"Great. I'll let you go, I know you're just dying to study for those exams," he teases. Oh right, my exams. I forgot all about them!

"Will I see you before I have to write them?" I ask. I take them the day after tomorrow, so surely he'll be home by then, right? He sighs.

"Hmm...Probably not. It's going to be a crazy couple days. I'll most likely be here all tomorrow," he answers. "If I do come home, it'll be in the middle of the night to grab a shower. Good luck, though. Make me proud."

"I will, Dad."

And I know now, that I will.

No matter _what _I do.

……………………………………………………………

Today is a new day. It is also day two of my detentions. I wish I weren't here, but I've gotten lucky, I suppose. Principal Nagasi _did _take a whole week off, and she even let me out early yesterday. She isn't that bad, once you get right down to it. But she sure is a hard ass, and I have three years of going to school here to back that up. I won't be surprised if she makes me stay twice as long today, just to make up for her temporary lapse of good judgment yesterday.

It could be a lot worse though, and I don't just mean that I could still be looking at twofull weeks of being confined in this room.

Those kids might not have been joking. They might have had _real_ guns, which they might have used to shoot me with. I could have died. Yeah, I'd say that's worse than a few measly detentions.

It isn't all bad, either. I get two hours to study for my remaining exam in completely uninterrupted silence. If I were at home right now, I would definitely not be studying. I'd either be watching TV or playing basketball or calling Kari. At least this way, I won't feel guilty for not putting more effort into my studies.

Two of my exams were in-class, and I wrote one of them yesterday. I only have one more, history, which I write tomorrow. I feel kind of anxious about the whole thing...All the university students have to write their exams tomorrow, too. Isn't that kind of tempting fate? Do we really want to do this all over again?

I close my books, knowing that I won't get any studying done now that _that _particular seed has been planted. I rip a piece of paper out of my binder (a note on the atomic bomb in Hiroshima and Nagasaki) and fold it into a paper airplane. I throw it and it sails across the room with a beautiful ark, landing right on the principal's desk.

She sighs and looks up from the novel she is reading. I shrug and smile weakly at her. She glances up at the clock and my eyes follow. There's just a little less that three minutes to go.

"I see you're putting this time to good use," she smirks, looking down at my paper airplane.

"Yeah, well, I'm all studied out. I think if I cram any more information in, my head will burst at the seams and everything will just spill out," I explain with dramatic exaggeration. "And we don't want _that_."

"Of course we wouldn't." She returns to her book. I shift in my seat, yawn, and look back at the clock. A minute and a half left. I lean forward and put my head down. I might as well rest my brain, so I don't strain it before tomorrow morning.

Principal Nagasi clears her throat and I look up. She gestures toward the clock. Six seconds past seven o'clock. I'm free to go. I stand up and grab my books, offering her a smile.

"See you tomorrow, I guess?" She is about to nod when she stops herself. She chews her bottom lip, as if she's debating something.

"Nah, I was thinking maybe this could be it for us," she states. Is she saying what I think she's saying? "Get out of here. Go home, study for that exam, and I'll see you next year." I grin appreciatively and hurry out the door. "And T.K.?" I turn around to face her. She winks. "This shall remain our little secret."

……………………………………………………………

_Sora,_

_Emergency at the store, orders got messed up. I won't be home until late, so you'll just have to make yourself something. See you tomorrow._

_Love,_

_Mom._

There was an emergency at the store? Since when _isn't _there an emergency at that place? I swear, Mom leaves and everything falls apart. I don't know what kind of imbeciles she hired to keep the store running, but all they're doing is running it into the ground.

So, I'm on my own for dinner, am I?

I'm not even hungry. Maybe I'll just skip dinner.

I notice now, after determining that I won't make dinner, that I'm kind of hungry. I open the cupboards and the refrigerator, looking for something to nibble on. Junk food might do the trick...

_Bingo_.

A few Starburst packages are in one of the cupboards. No complaints here...I guess I know what I'll be eating tonight.

I sit down at the island in my kitchen and rip open the package excitedly, impatiently awaiting the taste of a cherry Starburst in my mouth.

Starburst is my favourite candy, easily. I just love how you can suck on them until they melt away or chew on them like gum. Maybe it's just something left over from childhood, since I used to eat them all the time when Mimi and I would have a sleep over and stay up really late eating candy.

I grab the candies and start piling them, one on top of the other, like I used to do when I was little. Who knows why I did it? I make a pattern: red, orange, pink, yellow, red, orange, pink, yellow. The tower gets pretty high, and doesn't tip over once. Finally, I'm left with one piece to put at the top, to complete my tower of Starburst. With a slightly shaky hand (why it's shaking, I'll never know) I reach out and place the final yellow piece on the top.

I pull my hand away quickly, suddenly aware of how fragile it is. It looks like it will fall over at any minute, but somehow, it stays up.

I stare at it for ten slow, agonizing seconds. I don't blink; I'm afraid that if I do, it will topple. I am careful not to hit, bump, or shake the counter in any way.

Why am I so concerned about a damned Starburst tower, anyway?

To the outsider, it looks like a bunch of different flavoured Starburst, stacked on top of each other in a silly pattern of colour. But, to me, it's weak and flimsy, like it's about to collapse at any second.

So how can you keep it from collapsing? Should you keep piling on the Starburst?

No, you should take some of them off. You should unburden it. If it stays under all this pressure much longer, it'll collapse for sure. I would say no more than a few seconds before it falls, unless I take off a few pieces.

_And why is that? _The inner voice, which I have come to know very well, is back once more. _Why will it fall, if you don't help it?_

Um, does it have something to do with gravity? I don't know...probably because I put on too many, built it up higher than I should have. My tower is frail and dainty, and I tried to make it a skyscraper. I made it be something it wasn't supposed to be.

_It seems like lately, a lot of things aren't the way they're supposed to be. Wouldn't you say?_

What? I'm sorry, but you don't make any sense. I don't understand any of this.

_No, you don't. But you will._

Just then, my stack of candy tips over, and smashes into the countertop.

All at once, I understand.

I can't describe it. There are no words possible to explain what happened to me. It's like God is shining a light down onto me, and I finally see things clearly, and for what they are. I have an epiphany, I guess.

That stupid stack of candy is me. Correction: that stupid stack of candy that just _collapsed_ and _fell apart_ is me.

I'm falling apart. I'm headed for a breakdown, if I don't act fast, and unburden myself.

I know what I have to do

……………………………………………………………

**Okay, this chapter is one of my favourites. It's all very happy and uplifting (at least I think it is), so I hope you enjoyed it.**

**The whole Sora thing was confusing. I hope you guys understand it.**

**Twenty-six down, two to go!**

**Don't forget to review.**


	27. Tying Up the Loose Ends

**Disclaimer: I don't own digimon**

**Chapter Twenty-Seven: Tying Up the Loose Ends  
**……………………………………………………………

The exams went well. No, it did not result in deaths or comas or anything like that.

I think it was kind of good for us. It helped us focus on our studies, and get our minds off of everything else that has been going on. But that was back in July. Now, we're into August, and things are just as bad as ever. Tai's hanging by a thread; none of us have talked to Sora.

I really thought all our problems would find a way to work out in the end. They always have, in the past. But apparently, God has other plans for us.

That used to scare me, but it doesn't anymore, not really. God and I have reached a kind of understanding. I let him do his stuff and, well, I'm not really sure what else there is after that. All I know is that I go to church every Sunday now, and Cindy says I've "been saved."

Maybe I have been saved. I don't know what happened, but somewhere between my conversation with Cindy and falling asleep that night, it hit me. I can't really call to mind how it felt. It was...amazing, like nothing I've ever experienced before. I felt validated, worthy, but it was so much more than that. _Hopeful_, like everything would turn out okay and I just needed to have faith. No word in the English language can do the emotion justice, so I refuse to try and explain it. I think that was my religious breakthrough, the one that Reverend Toby told me about. He said I would just know, and I did. That's good enough for me.

And now that I'm back to normal, I need to make everyone else come to their senses.

Somehow, someway, things need to be alright.

They just _have _to be.

……………………………………………………………

Tomorrow is Saturday. It's not just any ordinary Saturday, either. It's the sixth of August, the day we're supposed to take the trip Tai planned for us.

I keep praying that maybe he'll wake up in the next few minutes, and then I can call everyone, tell them to hurry up and pack, because we have a bus to catch and a hotel to get to. And then we'll go there, and have so much fun. Nobody will hold any grudges toward anyone else, and we can all just relax and laugh and be together. We can all finally be _happy_.

But Tai needs to wake up before any of that can happen. The clock is ticking, and we're running out of time. He only has three hours left before it's technically tomorrow, before I can call everyone and we can make plans to leave.

Part of me keeps reminding myself that he's in a coma and, even if he did wake up in time, he'd need to stay in the hospital for observations. Okay, so maybe that can still happen. Then, we'll just catch the bus and start our vacation a little later than we originally hoped. I can settle for two weeks of fun in the sun, instead of three, if it will put the doctors at ease.

Now, Tai only has two and a half hours. It's already half past nine at night.

I've picked up the phone to dial Mimi's number quite a few times these past few weeks, knowing that it's what I should do, but I can never actually bring myself to call her. Why is that? Why has it suddenly become so hard for me to talk to my oldest friend?

Okay, maybe I can wait for tomorrow to call her. Who knows, maybe I'll get to call with the news that Tai has woken up? It puts a smile on my face to think that, but a sense of doubt and dread in my heart, knowing that it probably won't happen the way I imagine it.

I hear a knock on the door. I grab my purse, pull a wad of bills out of my wallet, and answer it. I come face to face with an attractive delivery boy. He flashes me a smile, displaying his gorgeous set of teeth (and amazing dimples), before handing me the pizza. I count out twenty-five dollars and hand it to him, giving him an appreciative smile before closing the door.

I don't know why it took me so long to order dinner tonight. Maybe it's because Mom isn't home, so I didn't really think much of it until my stomach was rumbling so loudly I could hardly hear the TV.

Sitting the hot pizza on the counter, I pull out my wallet and put the rest of my money back in its place. Upon doing so, something catches my eye.

I forgot I had it in here...

I slide my finger into the small flap and pull out a picture that has been in my wallet for nearly five years. It's a small, wrinkled photo of Mimi and me, grinning like mad, which was taken in the photo booth at the mall. Mimi was fifteen; I was still fourteen for a few months. I turn it over and read the back. I don't need to; I know what it says off by heart, like the words have been etched into my very soul. But still, my eyes glide over the words as I read a note that is no doubt written in Mimi's neat, abnormally tiny hand-writing.

_Sor,_

_You think you can move away and leave me, but you got more than you bargained for, the day you made Mimi Tachikawa your best friend. _

That was basically her attitude on moving day, though she'd deny it until she was blue in the face. She refused to believe that I was really going to leave her. She actually propositioned my mother, trying to make her crack down and forbid me to leave Odaiba.

_Ha-ha, kidding. I'm gonna miss you though! _

I was going to miss her, too. I spent most of my time that I was away from this place, missing her. Does she miss me now? I'm pretty sure I'm missing her.

_I know we'll call each other everyday, but it still isn't the same..._

We did call each other everyday...for about the first few months. Sometime after my fifteenth birthday, which wasn't too long after I departed from my hometown, the phone calls stopped. Maybe I stopped them, maybe she did, or maybe it was a collective, unspoken, mutual decision. Either way, we've never brought it up.

_I can't imagine not seeing you at school or having another marathon sleepover. _

I think about putting this photo to the side, possibly even in the garbage, but I don't have the heart to. I feel like if I do that, I'll be letting down the child versions of us. I'll be condemning them to a broken relationship, caused by fights over things that their minds can't even comprehend. We were forced to be separated back then, wishing that we weren't, and now that we're back together, we aren't even speaking. If I had one wish, it would be to go back to the day this picture was taken, and slap myself upside the head, to hopefully knock some sense into me.

_No worries, you'll be back. _

I carefully slide the picture back into its place, shut my wallet, and return it to my purse. I wonder if Mimi still has her picture, the one with my own cute little message and pledge of eternal best friendship on the back. I don't have the faintest idea what I wrote, but I'm sure it wasn't anything sappy like what she put; she was always the weepy one, I was the funny one who could kill any moment with a bit of sarcasm.

_I know you can't stay away from me for too long._

When I think about how she most likely threw it out or, knowing Mimi, lost is ages ago, it hurts. It hurts a lot more than I expected it would. Perhaps those words, the ones that have been 'etched into my soul,' really do have a rightful place there.

_Don't forget about me, I promise I won't forget about you. _

And maybe, just maybe, I'm not ready to give that place up yet.

_Best friends forever and ever,_

_Meems._

……………………………………………………………

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me."

"Sora? Hey! I haven't heard from you in a while, what's been going on?"

"Not much," I lie. Summer doesn't need to know about everything that's happened with Tai and my friends. She doesn't deserve to know. She didn't deserve to ever be in contact with any of them, because they're all too good for her. I used to be too good for her, before I practically _became _her, but I'm over that now.

"You wanna check out this new club tonight with Jan, Josh and me? It's supposed to be totally _hot_," she squeals.

"Nope, not really. That's not why I'm calling, anyway." Let's see how she feels about that.

"What? Okay, why are you calling, then?" I can tell she's kind of taken aback. I've never declined an offer to party like that before.

"To say goodbye," I state coldly.

"Huh? Are you, like, going somewhere?" she asks. Clueless as ever, she is.

"Yeah, in a way, I guess I am. But first, I need to make something clear to everyone, and that includes you: we aren't friends. I don't want anything to do with you."

"What are you talking about?" she asks. She sounds kind of panicked. "Is this some kind of joke? 'Cause if it is, it isn't funny, Sor."

"It's not a joke, but the fact that I was ever friends with you is pretty funny," I snap. Okay, I'm being terrible to her, but I don't care. She's the one who started all of this. She's the one who got me straying away from Mimi and all my friends. "I'm not like you, the fact that I ever tried to be makes me sick. I don't know why I ever turned to you in the first place. I guess I was temporarily insane, or something, but I'm cured now."

"What the hell are you trying to say? Let me guess—Tai's okay now, so you don't need us anymore?" Summer demands. She's getting angry, too. Good. Anger is an emotion I can deal with, much better than I can pain or sadness, evidently.

"No, he isn't okay; I don't know if he ever will be. But you were right about one thing: I don't need you anymore. The fact that I ever did is still under speculation, of course."

"Okay, I'm hanging up right now..." Summer begins.

"Don't. I just wanted to call and say goodbye. Tell all your friends that I won't be coming out with you guys anymore. You can make up whatever bullshit story about me you want, I know you're good at that kind of stuff. Oh, and tell Josh that he was right, after all. I _don't _want him," I explain haughtily.

She makes a weird noise and it kind of sounds like she's crying...or at least about to. Maybe she is. I would if Mimi called me and said these things to me. I guess I was to her what Mimi is to me: a true blue best friend.

We're over, done with. I thought I needed her, but really, I needed to get away from her.

"So long, Sum. What can I say? It's been...real."

……………………………………………………………

The phone is ringing from somewhere behind me. I glance at the clock, and see that it's almost midnight. Who would be calling this late?

It's a good thing my parents are out at a work party for Daddy and won't be back until later. Daddy would freak out on whoever's calling so late at night. I stand up from the couch, where I was watching TV, and think about the scary movies I have seen. This is exactly how it all starts. It's dark and you're alone in the house. The killer calls you on the phone and sneaks up behind you, about to hack you to bits in your own living room.

I whirl around and find nobody standing behind me. I gingerly walk to the phone and pick up the receiver, still on the fence about whether or not I'm about to be slaughtered.

"H-hello?"

"Meems?" I know this voice. I haven't heard it in quite a while, but I know it, nonetheless. I could never forget her voice, even if I wanted to—which, for the record, I _don't_.

"Sora? Why are you calling so late?" Oops, did I sound bitchy? I didn't mean to, honestly.

"Sorry about that. I hope I didn't wake anyone?"

"No, there's nobody home for you to wake. It's just me," I state, trying to fill the silence between us. I'm astounded to realize that I'm not even angry at her for having the audacity to call me, after everything that's happened between us. I'm more...relieved. Maybe this can finally end, so we can all come together again, and be strong for Tai, and for each other.

"Oh, okay, great. Um, I just needed to talk to you about something, and it's kind of important," she says. Is this it? Is this when we have our big, emotional heart-to-heart and make up? I hope so.

"Okay, then. Go ahead."

"I, um, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I know that a lot of crazy things have been happening lately. We've had to deal with a lot of stuff and I haven't helped to lighten the load. I've been acting like a stupid brat, plain and simple," she admits. "But I want to thank you for giving me my space. I lost my head for a while there and I just needed to sort everything out without everyone around me. I hope you can forgive me, but if you can't, I will totally understand," she finishes.

Giving her space? Is that what she thinks I was doing? I'm glad that's how she sees it because, in reality, I was so furious that I couldn't stand to think about her, let alone see or talk to her. But I could never tell her that, not after everything she just owned up to. So I guess it's a good thing that she thinks this.

Now, the real question: can I forgive her? More important, do I _want _to forgive her? After everything that we've been through lately, after everything we've done to one another...said and thoughtabout one another?

"Of course I can forgive you, Sor," I say excitedly. "On one condition: you have to forgive me, too." She gives a sigh of relief.

"I think I can swing that," she laughs, and I can tell from her tone that she's smiling.

"Great." It goes quiet for a minute, and I think about what to say. This isn't a comfortable silence, like we used to have. This one seems expectant and, overall, unsettling. I guess it will take a while before we're back to how we used to be. Oh well. I'm willing to put in the time if she is.

"There's something I still have to get off my chest," Sora confesses. I say silent, waiting for her to elaborate. "I've grown up; you have to after something terrible happens to you. I wish everyday that it never happened, that we never had to deal with..._this_, but it did, and we do. I had to mature fast," she says, "much faster than I wanted to. I'll be the first to admit that I made a lot of mistakes, and I wish I could take them all back. But I've learned a lot about life. I've had to accept certain truths: Just when life starts getting good, something bad happens and it screws you over in a way you never even saw coming."

"What?" What's she going on about? I thought she was calling me to apologize, not bitch about how bad things have gotten. I _know _how things are; I'm going through them, too. Does she forget that? "What are you saying?"

"I know you might be a little confused, but I need you to listen really carefully. This is important. I want to give you some advice." She drops her voice down to almost a whisper as she talks. Advice about what...What could she mean?

"Okay," I agree before falling silent.

"Life doesn't care. Nobody cares, Meems. Not really; not when you get right down to it. You gotta suck it up and deal with it, because there will be another shitty incident just around the corner, and you'll have to contend with _that_, too."

What's this all about? I can't really understand anything she's saying. I mean, I get it, but I don't get why she's bringing this all up now.

I've been wishing she'd call me for a while, but now, I wish that she'd hang up.

"But I want you to remember one thing, Mimi, because it's very important to me, okay?"

"Yeah, what is it?" What else am I in store for, I wonder.

"You're my best friend. You always have been, and you always will be, no matter what. I know that we've kind of gone our separate ways lately, but I just wanted to thank you for everything you've done for me. You've given me some great laughs and a ton of memories. You made growing up a blast, and while we weren't always together, you were there when it counted."

I get a pang of emotion through my heart. I don't think I have ever realized, before now, just how much I love Sora. It literally hurts when I think about how immature we were being, and how we weren't talking. I'm just going to thank my lucky stars that everything worked out between us, and put past events where they belong...in the _past_. She regrets what she's done; she doesn't need me holding it over her head. I will try to be understanding and loving and forgiving, because I can't risk losing her again.

"Thanks, Sor. You...you're the best friend I've ever had, and I just _know _that we'll always be this close, even when we're old and grey." I smile as she laughs. It's nice to hear laughter. I haven't been around too many happy people lately. But when I'm with Sora, we kind of turn back the clock and become excited, loud, gossiping school-girls and every mature, adult instinct just goes out the window. I feel small again, and I love the way I can only feel that way with certain people, Sora being one of them.

It helps to remind me how special those people are, how vital they are to my happiness. How necessary they are for me to really be me because, without them, I am _not_ me...not really. I'm still Mimi, but I don't have the heart and soul. My friends are the main reason I smile, laugh, scream and cry, and I would not trade a single one of them for anything in the world, Sora especially.

"As if I could handle you for another fifty years, until we're 'old and grey'..." she teases.

"Well, I guess you're right. _You'll _be grey. I'll still have beautiful hair."

"Come on, Meems, pink isn't exactly a cool look for a grandma," she laughs. I roll my eyes.

"Obviously not. I'm talking about my _natural _colour," I clarify.

"And refresh my memory...that's blonde, right?"

"You know, I'm so blonde I think I forget how to use the phone. Which piece do I talk into, again? I should really just hang up right now, so I don't hurt my brain," I say sardonically.

"You always did have your wit about you," she quips. "So, has Matt walked in on anyone else in a compromising position lately?"

"No," I laugh. "It's hilarious, you should see it. He knocks about twenty times before walking into a room now!"

"Charming; quite the fiancé you've got there," she jokes. Part of me almost feels like I did before the whole shooting things. It's a big part; in fact, I almost just noted that Tai still hadn't proposed to her, completely forgetting his current state. Thank God I caught myself.

Her small chuckle is replaced with an audible sigh, and I can't help but feel like she can read my thoughts. Or, at the very least, she is thinking along the same lines as I am.

"It's going to be okay, you know that, don't you?" I say comfortingly.

"Huh? What do you mean?" she asks. Apparently, I have to spell it out for her.

"We're going to be okay..._he's _going to be—"

"And if he isn't?"

"And if he isn't, then we'll be there. It will be hard and it will hurt a lot, but we'll all have each other to lean on," I explain. "But let's not think about that unless we absolutely have to, okay? The important thing is that you'll make it through this in one piece, I promise." She makes a noise that sounds like she agrees, but I'm not really sure. Maybe she's only acknowledging what I just said, and she isn't agreeing at all. I guess I'll never know. I don't want to push her; I know it must be incredibly hard for her to talk about Tai like this. I would be a mess, if it were Matt.

"It's late," she notes after yawning, "so I'll let you go."

"Okay. I'll call you tomorrow, though?"

"Yeah, you better," she says.

"Great. And, um, no matter what happened, you were always my best friend," I say earnestly.

"Same here. I'm really sorry for our fight," she continues. "I love you, Meems."

"I love you, Sor. Goodnight, I'll see you later."

I hang up the phone and get a constricting feeling in my chest. We were very sentimental and adamant about our feelings and where we stood on our friendship, yet I have an unsettling sense of dread pooling in my stomach.

Why do I feel like I should have said more?

……………………………………………………………

"Hey," my mother greets, snapping me out of my reverie. She must have just gotten home from work, I suppose. Glancing at the clock, I see that it's a little after one...she's probably wondering why I'm still awake.

"Hey. How was work?"

"It could've been better, but it's over now, and that's a good thing," she reports. Her eyes scan the kitchen and then they stop on me, a concerned look now taking over her features. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing..." I mumble. She puts her hands on her hips, squares her jaw and raises her eyebrows. In other words, she does the typical 'mom' stance. "About our fight the other day, I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything I said, and I know that it wasn't your fault. I was pissed at Mimi and I took it out on you, instead."

Her expression softens and she takes her hands off her hips. Smiling slightly, she nods and says, "That's alright, dear, I figured as much. But you really shouldn't be mad at Mimi; she was simply trying to be a good friend."

"I know. I think I knew then, too, but I didn't want to admit it to myself. I was too...I don't know. I'm just a big screw-up." She walks around the counter and puts an arm around me from behind.

"You are not a screw-up. You're going through a rough time right now," she reassures me. "Sora, I can't pretend to know what you're feeling. I have no clue, and that's really scary. Mothers are supposed to understand and support their children, and I don't know what to do. I'm scared that if I try to be there for you, you'll feel like I'm smothering you, and you'll pull away." She sighs. "I feel so...helpless."

"I'm sorry. And I know I haven't been the most cooperative person in the world, but thanks for not giving up on me," I say.

"I love you. You can't possibly understand yet, but when you have kids of your own, you'll get it," she whispers. Except...I won't have kids of my own. I won't get married; I won't have a house or a career.

I have no future, no hope for anything, until Tai wakes up.

If he does wake up, then I can start thinking about my future. I can stop living in this miserable, empty moment that has stretched on for what feels like years and years. But that hasn't happened.

I stand up and turn around to face my mother, the woman I have had a love/hate relationship with practically since birth. "I love you so, so much." Her eyes water and she pulls me into a hug.

"I know, Mom. No matter what I've said in the past, remember that I love you, and I know you love me. I've always known."

……………………………………………………………

The next morning, Sora woke up, showered, dressed and ate breakfast as if it was any normal day for her. But it wasn't a normal day, not in the least.

"Can I borrow the car?" she asked her mother as she bounded down the stairs. Mrs. Takenouchi, who was off work today, as it was a Saturday, looked up from her newspaper and nodded.

"Where are you going?"

"I thought I'd go visit Tai. So, can I?"

"Oh, sure," her mom said. "The keys are on the counter." Sora smiled appreciatively and grabbed the keys, hurrying off to the car.

She drove to the hospital, her hands shaking slightly as she gripped the steering wheel. She hadn't been to see Tai in a while, but she figured today it was very important that she went.

She got to the hospital, parked the car and took the elevator to Tai's floor. When she got to his room, she was relieved to see that it was empty, with the exception of him. Sora assumed that Mrs. Kamiya (who had come to be _more_ than regular visitor) was downstairs getting some food or re-energizing with a coffee or two.

She walked in and shut the door behind her, wanting her privacy. She sat in the bedside chair, and found it was warm. There was no doubt that someone had just been there.

"Hey, Tai, it's me. Sora," she whispered. "Listen, I need you to do me a favour. I've never really asked for much so if you could just do this one thing for me, I'd really appreciate it."

There was a deep silence, only pierced by the steady beeping of machines in the room.

"Well, I'm going to take that as a yes, okay?" There was silence. "Good," she laughed, before turning serious again. "You need to wake up. I don't care how you do it. I don't care if you have to sell your soul to the devil or whatever, just as long as you do it _right now_."

She sat there, unmoving, waiting for any signs of recognition or movement from the man before her. There was nothing.

"Okay then," she sighed. She stood up and took a step closer to him, so her legs were pressed into the bed. "I'm going to go now, before your mom comes back, but I love you, and I'll be waiting for you. Don't forget that," she whispered before leaning in and kissing him on the forehead. A tear slid down her cheek as she pulled away and walked out the door.

As she walked down the hall and waited for the elevator, she could still feel a tingle on her lips, from where she kissed his forehead. She sighed and held back a sob as she thought about Tai.

It just wasn't fair. They were eternally chasing something they could never have: a normal, happy life together. First, they denied any attraction and claimed to be just friends. Then Sora was only going to be in Odaiba for a few short weeks, and _then _she was temporarily living in America. Now, he's in a coma.

Why could they never be together?

What would it take to get them to finally be happy?

……………………………………………………………

**Twenty-seven down, one to go.**

**EVERYBODY CHECK IT OUT:** **I recently went to read my first story, "One Month" and couldn't believe how different it was, compared to this one. Not just the plot, but the writing style, the length of the chapters, and everything else. So I'm going over it and fixing it up (nothing will be taken out but a lot will be added in each chapter), just incase you want to see the new version, I'll be posting throughout the week.**

**Everybody who reads this story, even if you don't normally review (which I'm fine with), please leave a comment this time. I'd love to hear from my readers, and I want you all to make a prediction for how you think it will end. If you think you're got it all figured out and you don't want to post it because you think you'll ruin it for others, then you can send me an email about it. I'm dying to see how many of you will be right and how many will be way off (because I really feel I've made it look like it can go either way). Just remember to put your screen name, so I can give you praise if you're right!**

**See you next time, for the final chapter! ...Did anyone else get a shiver just now? **


	28. Her Nineteenth Year

**Disclaimer: I don't own digimon. **

**Keep in mind when reading this that "One Month" took place in the year 2005, so in order for this to be two years later, it would technically have to be 2007.**

**Thanks so much for the reviews...Nobody was completely correct, though.**

**P.S.: The names are the real names of Sora and Tai's parents. I looked it up and everything!**

**Chapter Twenty-Eight: Her Nineteenth Year  
**…………………………………………………………… 

Sora Takenouchi came into the world on the twenty-fourth of April, 1988. She was born with bright blue eyes, like most babies, but they quickly turned crimson. She had a small amount of fuzz on the top of her head, as auburn as it came.

The doctor handed Sora to her father, Haruhiko and asked both him and his then-wife, Toshiko, "Do we have a name?"

The proud parents exchanged a look, confirming that they had not, in fact, decided on a name. Toshiko had fallen in love with the names Mika and Akemi during her eight and a half month pregnancy, insisting that they choose between them if they had a daughter. Her father wanted something more traditional, something common.

He knew the minute he looked at her that his daughter wasn't a Mika, or an Akemi. She wasn't traditional or common, either. She was special, magnificent, and her name was to reflect that, he decided.

"Sora," he whispered. His wife squealed and said she thought it was beautiful. It was the _perfect _name for their gorgeous little angel. Sora meant sky, and seemed to stir something inside of her father. Two days later, when they took her home from the hospital, he vowed that the sky was, and would always be, the limit for her. He wanted her to have the things he never did, he wanted her to be happy and healthy and full of life.

And she was.

Before their very eyes, she began crawling and walking and talking. She was always on the move, always ready to explore new things. She was a quiet baby, quieter than any that either parent had ever come across before. Baby Sora hardly ever cried, only when she was really hungry or really thirsty or really hurt herself when she fell down. And even then, the crying stopped almost as quickly as it started.

If they had to describe Sora in one word, she was a survivor.

This theory stood as she entered into the world of kindergarten. She was brave and gregarious, strong and independent. In fact, it often scared her mother how independent she could be. On her first day of school, she walked into the classroom and let go of her mother's hand. She waved goodbye to her parents, blew them a big, overdramatic kiss, and ran off to meet the new kids. The only other person there who shared Sora's qualities was a cute little girl named Mimi Tachikawa.

Together, the two ran around, introducing themselves to all the other kids. They were laughing, talking and twirling around the room. Reluctantly, the parents left their children and went their separate ways, almost unable to wait until the end of the day to pick them up.

At the end of the day, Mimi and Sora emerged from the classroom, arms linked and bright smiles plastered on their small faces. They didn't come running out of class and into their parents' arms, like the other kids. That made Mrs. Takenouchi terrified and proud, sad and joyful, all at once. Sora survived her first day of school, her first day of separation from her parents.

"Sora was wonderful today," the teacher told Mrs. Takenouchi. "She's very outgoing. All the children have taken a shine to her. She and Mimi were practically inseparable."

She and Mimi stayed 'practically inseparable' for many, many years after that. They went through everything, from first day of school to first boyfriends to first breakups, and beyond. They were rarely apart and, when they were, it was only temporary.

When the Takenouchi's marriage fell apart, Sora was forced to make a choice. She could stay where she was and live with her mother, or she could go with her father and move away. She went with her dad, and turned her back on her life in Odaiba for a brief lapse in time.

But, as always, she came back. Her absence was only temporary. She and Mimi were reunited. She caught up with Izzy and Joe, boys she had known since she was six. She met Tai and Matt, T.K. and Kari. And then, just like that, the group was complete.

Her life was just starting to fall into place.

Her parents were still divorced, and she would never be given any brothers or sisters to play with and be a role model to. Her father was living in America and she still had the occasional disagreement with her mom, but she could deal with it all. She survived the petty differences she and her mother had; she survived the geographical distance between her and her father. She missed the way things used to be, back when they were one big family, but she had many great people in her life to even everything out.

She had an amazing boyfriend, Tai, who loved her more than anything. She loved him more than anything, too. She had a best friend, Mimi, a girl who she would do anything for, and vice versa. They always knew what the other was thinking and feeling. It was because they had been together so long, because they had been together every step of the way. Beyond Mimi, she had a very tight circle of friends, all of whom were different and special, and she loved each of them in their own way. Sure, they fought from time to time, but they made it through. They survived.

She graduated from high school with academic honours and went on to pursue post-secondary education at Tokyo University, along with Izzy, Joe, Matt, Tai and Mimi. The first year there was pretty fun. The work was tougher, but Sora had expected as much. She shared a dormitory with Mimi, and it was like a constant sleepover with her best friend. Occasionally they switched out with Matt and Tai, further exploring the freedom and fun that came from unsupervised living. And, as the school year came to a close, Sora realized that she had successfully survived her first year of university. Life, for Sora Takenouchi, was good.

But that all changed.

She had one more exam to take, just _one_ more, in order for her to officially pass her first year. The exam was held at Odaiba High, a place Sora knew quite well, as she and her friends had all attended it the previous year. She felt safe in that school, remembering the good times and allowing those memories to soothe her anxieties before her test. All of her friends from university, and Kari and T.K., who were still in high school, were present that day. They were all there, that day, when the world stopped. Gunshots filled the school and many people had been killed. Sora, however, survived, as did all of her friends, though some were worse off than others. T.K. had narrowly avoided being shot in the shoulder, but that paled in comparison to Tai, who was left in a coma.

After the shootings, Sora's life began to unravel. Unable to come to terms with everything, the vulnerable girl was caught in limbo. She eventually found where she belonged, or where she thought she did, at least. She entered a world of drinking and drugs.

The sky was falling. Sora, the happy, lovely girl whose name meant sky, was also falling. She was falling into a deep depression...she falling into a world that, once fully emerged in, she would never be able to leave. At least, that's what everybody else thought. They all assumed that Sora was beyond reason, and that she needed them to save her. But she didn't need their help. Sora was a stubborn girl, and their words only pushed her deeper into her new world.

She eventually came to her senses, and she had the strength left to get out. Everyone was pleasantly surprised, but it was nothing new. Sora had simply, once again, survived.

It was what she did.

But even so, Tai still hadn't woken up. She had quit the drugs and the wild, partying lifestyle, but that only made the pain all too real. Without anything to distract her, she was forced to face everything she had been hiding from. Every skeleton in her closet was coming out, and she couldn't deal with it. Perhaps she could have, if Tai had been around, but he showed no signs of coming to.

Sora could survive a lot, but she couldn't survive this.

Sora Takenouchi came into the world on the twenty-fourth of April, 1988...and she left it on the sixth of August, 2007. Sora was nineteen years old, the day she died.

……………………………………………………………

Sora convinced her mother that she needed to get out of the house. She said that life was too stressful, and all the hours she had been putting into the flower shop weren't making things any easier for her. She suggested that her mother go see a movie with some girlfriends. Her mother nodded, said that was a good idea, and called up a few of her friends. Mrs. Toshiko Takenouchi left the house at half past seven, because she was meeting the girls for a cup of coffee before the movie started.

Once she left, Sora ran to the window and watched her mother drive away. Her eyes filled with tears when she realized she would never again get to talk to her mom.

She would miss the little things most of all, like the hugs and the 'goodnight' exchange before bed. She would miss going for car rides, and the really good ice cream sundaes her mom used to make for her. She would even miss the arguments, the way her mother held her own and fought back, instead of being a big pushover, like her dad used to be. She would miss the way her mother cared for her, truly _loved _her, no matter what stupid thing she had done. From breaking her favourite vase in the fourth grade to getting mixed up in some really bad things nowadays, her mother always found a way to love her.

Sora walked over to the couch and sat down, turning on the TV. She wasn't nervous, she wasn't scared or apprehensive for what she was about to do. Perhaps it was because part of her didn't believe she'd really go through with it. Or maybe it was because she had been thinking about it for so long that the thought no longer held any shock appeal, and it had now become an accepted idea.

She wasn't sure why she chose that date, maybe it was because it was the day of their trip...the one they would never get to take. Throughout this whole ordeal, Sora told herself that everything would be okay because, by the time the sixth of August came around, Tai would be awake.

The date had, at one time, seemed so far away, that she didn't thing twice when she marked it as her deadline, the day that Tai absolutely _had _to be out of his coma by. It felt like August sixth took forever to come, kind of the way a child feels about Christmas or their birthday.

Everything changed last month, when she had her 'epiphany'. One minute she was miserable, a lost soul, and then in a flash she was found, she knew that her time was up, and it was just the matter of sticking around to see if Tai would make his deadline before she ended it all.

Even though she had accepted everything and spent the past week preparing, it hit her hard that morning: Tai was not going to wake up. It was not merely that he wasn't going to wake up that specific day, and maybe in a week things would look better, or anything like that. She was certain that his condition was permanent. She had never been so sure about anything in her life.

She couldn't live without Tai. She didn't _want _to live without him. He was her world. He was the reason she had put up with everything and hung around as long as she did. She couldn't go on without him. She couldn't live another day, knowing Tai wouldn't get to share it with her. She would never find someone else to love, not the same way she loved him. He was _it _for her.

He would never again open his eyes, never again speak or see, hear or laugh. If Tai didn't get those privileges, why did she? Surely he deserved them more than she did.

Tai would never celebrate another Christmas or another birthday. He wouldn't get to see autumn or winter or spring. Did he even get to see this summer?

He was finished. His life was over. Sure, he could be kept alive by machines, be a vegetable all his life, but he wouldn't have wanted that. Sora knew that if his parents truly wanted to do the right thing, they would pull the plug and let him go.

She was going to pull her own plug, metaphorically speaking, of course.

She knew what she had to do. She didn't have to like it, but she had to do it. The hopelessness was swallowing her up and it was only a matter of time.

A month and a half ago, this day was envisioned as happy and carefree. Right now, Sora was supposed to be on her way to Tai's uncle's hotel, where she was supposed to have the time of her life. She was supposed to be surrounded by friends and smiling faces. They were supposed to be together. She wasn't supposed to be in her house, alone and angry with the world.

This wasn't how she should spend her last night.

She was supposed to go after she had lived a full life...'Old and grey,' to use Mimi's words. She should be surrounded by friends and family, with Tai by her side, holding her hand, whispering that he loved her.

She sat there, staring at the television but not taking anything in, for hours. Two hours, to be exact. She just gazed off into space, imagining all the things she'd never see. Kari and T.K.'s high school graduation, Matt and Mimi's wedding. She would never see Izzy invent some crazy computer thing, she'd never be there when Joe because a famous, world-renown surgeon.

Her heart ached because she knew she would miss them immensely, and that they would all be crushed by the loss as well, but it didn't hinder her. She was doing this for herself, and while she loved her friends, she loved herself a little more. It was selfish, she knew that, but it was true, nonetheless. Besides, they'd have each other to lean on. She was the one who would have nobody; she was the one who would be completely alone, if she stayed.

That's why she couldn't stay. She couldn't do it. She wasn't strong enough. She didn't want to be strong enough.

She looked at the clock, and saw that it was nearing ten o'clock. She had to act fast, or else her mother would be home soon, and she wouldn't be able to do what she needed to do.

Standing up from the couch, Sora took one last look around the house...the house she had grown up in, the house she had celebrated birthdays in, cried in, laughed in, met Tai in. She shut her eyes and forced the memories to the back of her mind, then ran up the stairs and into the bathroom.

Searching through the medicine cabinet for pills was harder than she had expected it to be. Which ones should she take? Did it matter? She wondered if she would get the same effect by taking twenty aspirin as she would by taking twenty Tylenol. Or perhaps she would need something stronger? She shook her head and decided that, provided she took enough, any of the pills could do what she needed them to do.

Grabbing both the Tylenol and aspirin bottles, she shut the medicine cabinet and went into her room. She grabbed a pen and a piece of paper, and scribbled down a note: Her goodbye message. It would be the last thing she wrote, the last impression she would leave on the world. It hardly did her justice, but she didn't want to say anything more than she needed to. She wasn't doing this for her anyway, she reminded herself. This was for them.

She went back downstairs, grabbed a large glass, and filled it with water. She brought it to her lips with a shaky hand and chugged, trying to calm her nerves.

She was doing the right thing.

She repeated it to herself over and over, allowing the words to sink in and become true.

How had it come to this? How had that happy girl become the broken down, shell of a woman?

It didn't matter how; it didn't matter when or why. It still happened, and Sora still had to do something about it. She had to do something _drastic _about it.

She filled the glass to the top and went back into her room. She spilled some of the water on her way, but paid no attention.

What was a few drops of water, when she was about to end it all?

She got back into her room and shut the door behind her. Then she turned around and locked it, just incase her mother got home before she had the chance to finish what she was about to start.

She sat down on the floor, taking deep breaths to prepare herself for what was coming. She didn't get on the bed because the whole 'bed scene' was overdone, and Sora didn't want to go out the same way thousands of others had before. She wanted to be special, significant. All her life she never particularly wanted to stand out and be noticed—that was always Mimi's department—but she wanted the attention now, even if she wouldn't be around to enjoy the terrible irony of it all.

But wait—something was missing. She stood up one final time and grabbed a stuffed animal off her bed. It was a white and pink bunny, something Tai had won for her at a carnival last summer. It held memories of happier times, and if she could take one thing into the afterlife with her, she would have chosen that bunny. As she walked over to her spot on the plush carpet, she kept acknowledging everything that she would never do again. It was her last time walking, her last time standing on her bedroom floor. Could this really be the same floor on which she and Mimi once waxed Tai's face, two summers ago?

It seemed so far away, like it had been someone else's life. In many ways, it had been. She was not Sora, not anymore. She wasn't sure who she was, but in a few minutes, she would be nobody. She looked at herself in the mirror (it would be her last time looking at her reflection) and was happy to see that she looked semi-okay. She didn't want to look like a dirty slob when she was found. She wanted to look pretty and peaceful. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear (she would never do that again), she sat down and opened the bottle of Tylenol. She dumped the small red pills on the floor, and counted them—there were only nine. She opened the bottle of aspirin next, and dumped them out, as well. She counted twenty-two white aspirins. She would just keep taking them, starting with the Tylenol, until she collapsed.

She hoped the thirty-one pills would be enough. She had never done this before, obviously, so she didn't really know what to expect. She hoped it wouldn't hurt, but nothing could be worse than the pain she was already feeling.

In a spur of the moment thing, she arranged the red and white pills to form the Japanese flag: A white background with a red dot in the middle. She laughed at herself, and grabbed a Tylenol. She put it in her mouth and chewed it (she had once heard that chewing pills helped get them into your system faster) and took a small sip of water. She wondered if water was a good idea. Was it flushing the pills from her system, or was it speeding the process? She'd never know. She repeated the process with another pill, then another, then another.

After swallowing all the Tylenols and about half of the aspirins, she stopped. She wondered how long it would take for her to start feeling the effects. If she took more, would it happen quicker? She really should have researched this. She had a few more and her stomach flipped. Fear gripped her and she had the fleeting thought of rushing to the bathroom and vomiting, of expelling the pills from her body and living to see another day.

She stared at the wall, clutching the glass of water in her hand. She didn't need a watch to know what time it was. The grandfather clock had just chimed, signalizing ten o'clock. A moment later, she started to feel strange. She was seeing trails, and felt an unfamiliar twinge in her stomach. It wasn't necessarily pain, but it wasn't comfortable, either. She figured out that it was her digestive system trying to make her throw up, trying to save her from meeting her fate in the coming moments. She fought the urge, chewing and swallowing two more aspirins before she became incredibly dizzy and the glass of water slid from her hands. Inside her head there was a loud ringing, kind of like a bell was going off in her brain. She felt like she was floating, as if she was hovering a few inches above the ground. She could feel herself fading away.

She grabbed the bunny with one hand, clutching it to herself, and grabbed the note in her other hand before everything went black.

……………………………………………………………

Toshiko Takenouchi waved goodbye to her friends, saying they should get together again soon. She walked through the parking lot of the movie theatre and got into her car.

Sora was right, she thought, a movie with friends was just what I needed.

When she got home, she walked through the door and was greeted with silence and darkness. It was a dramatic contrast to the previous night, when she came home to find her daughter sitting at the island with all the lights on and the TV blaring in the background.

Toshiko was used to an empty, quiet home, as she experienced it ten months out of the year, when Sora was away at school, but it was different now. Something seemed...off. She checked the clock on the microwave, which said it was seventeen minutes past ten.

She figured Sora was upstairs watching TV, since it was too early for her to be in bed just yet.

"Sora!" she called, but received no answer.

Under different circumstances, Toshiko would have written it off, and thought that Sora couldn't hear her calling over the television. Tonight, however, she felt different, she felt strange. Something was going on, and it wasn't good. She could feel her heart beating faster as she climbed the stairs to her daughter's room. Nothing was wrong; she was only overreacting, right? She knocked on the door, and there was still no answer. She knocked a little louder.

"Sora?"

Maybe Sora fell asleep, she thought, she was up pretty late last night, after all...she's probably really tired.

She had to be sure. Call it mother's intuition. She turned the doorknob, but it didn't budge. Sora had locked her bedroom door, something she had rarely (if ever) done before. As her mind entertained all kinds of crazy ideas and scenarios, she prayed that Sora had just snuck out to meet that Summer girl. It wasn't a fun thought, but it was one of the better ones buzzing around in her head.

But why would she lock the door and go out her window? I was gone all night, she could have used the front door, she thought. The logical part of her brain was really sticking it to her.

"Sora? Sora!" she yelled, getting only silence in return. She remembered that she had a spare key to Sora's room on her dresser (it had been the one condition when she agreed to let her daughter install the lock), and ran to get it.

Her hand shook as she slid the extra key into the hole. Any mother would be concerned if she came home to an empty house when her child was supposed to be there. Was she kidnapped? No, Sora's door wouldn't be locked...

She turned the key desperately, finally hearing a _click_, and flung open the door.

At first, she thought Sora had simply fallen asleep. But then something struck her as odd: why would she be on the floor? Toshiko stepped into the room and saw the empty bottles of pills, and a small pile of aspirin spread out on the floor.

Toshiko fell to her knees and her hand flew to her daughter's face. She was so cold. Toshiko shook her, waiting for her to open her eyes and say that she was only playing a practical joke on her poor mother, but it never happened. She felt around for a pulse, but was unable to locate one. She choked back a sob as she stood and frantically ran down the stairs into the kitchen, where she proceeded to dial 911.

……………………………………………………………

Toshiko sat alone in the cold, empty waiting room at Odaiba Hospital. Her face was buried in her hands and she was crying so forcefully that she was trembling uncontrollably. She had called her ex-husband immediately upon hearing the news. She wished that he would be calm and comforting, like he always was in a crisis, but instead, he broke down crying and swearing, asking her where they went wrong as parents. He told her he would call the airport and make arrangements to be in Odaiba as soon as he possibly could, before he hung up.

According to the medical coroner, Sora has overdosed on prescription pills. Toshiko had assumed as much, after finding the bottles. She had no idea how many pills had been in each bottle, but she didn't ask any of the doctors how many Sora had swallowed. She couldn't handle it. She couldn't handle any of it. The doctors estimated that her time of death was just before ten o'clock.

If only she had stayed home, instead of going out to see that movie...

"Excuse me, miss?" Toshiko looked up to see a policeman approaching her. He sat down in the chair next to her, and offered her a sympathetic smile. "This was found clutched in your daughter's hand. We think it's for you." Toshiko nodded, unable to do anything more, as he placed the note into her hand and left her alone to read it.

Just as she went to unfold the small scrap piece of paper, she heard a ringing from deep inside her purse. She gave a small start, but didn't bother to answer it. She didn't care if it was her ex-husband, or anyone else. The only person whose voice she wanted to hear was Sora's, and she would never get that opportunity again.

The ringing didn't stop. Four, fix, six rings. When was her voicemail going to kick in? Frustrated and mentally cursing the person calling her, she reached into her purse and pulled out her cell phone. She wasn't supposed to use a cell phone in a hospital, as it could affect the equipment, but she didn't care. It was the least of her worries at the moment.

"What?" she snapped, though her voice sounded weak and exhausted.

"Toshiko, he's g-gone," sobbed a voice on the other end. It was Yuuko Kamiya. "My son is d-dead."

Tai was dead. The boy she'd taken into her house and loved like a son. The one she'd imagined as one day marrying Sora. In her dreams, they had always lived happily ever after.

They were _both _dead.

"Oh God, I am so sorry," she whispered. She paused and took a deep breath, trying to collect herself. "How's everyone taking it?"

"Kari...poor Kari is a m-mess. T.K. is with her, he tried to calm her down, but nothing was working so the doctors had to give her a s-sedative," Yuuko sighed. "Susumu is trying to be strong, but he's destroyed. I'm not doing t-too well either." She sighed. "I – I was g-going to call everyone t-tomorrow, but I thought S-Sora should know immediately," she explained. Toshiko winced at the mentioning of her daughter. "I called your house and n-nobody answered. I tried her cell phone and th-there was st-still no answer, so I called y-yours."

"Oh, yes, thank you," Toshiko mumbled. She realized that Yuuko must be a few floors above her, where Tai's room had been. She considered going up there, to grieve for both Sora and Tai, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She couldn't face the death of Tai, who had grown to be like a son to her over the past few years, on top of Sora's.

"If y-you'll excuse me, I – I need to go. Please tell Sora f-for me, though. I'd appreciate it."

Toshiko sniffed and brushed some tears out of her eyes. The poor woman had just lost her son, she couldn't add to that by telling her about Sora. Even during a painful time when all she wanted to do was curl up and die, Toshiko still tried to be respectful of other people's feelings. The news about Sora would have to wait until later. "Yes, yes, I'll tell her." As she was about to mumble a goodbye, a thought occurred to her. She needed to know what happened. "Yuuko," she said delicately, "do you know what caused it?"

"They d-don't know," Yuuko said dejectedly. "There was n-nothing physically wrong w-with him that could h-have done it. All the d-doctor could do was guess. He s-said Taichi just stopped f-fighting."

"When did it happen?"

"I'm not t-too sure...I was s-sitting there with Kari and the monitor started b-beeping, but it was a while before anyone would t-tell me anything. I think it was a few m-minutes after ten o'clock."

"Oh, I see. Well, if you need anything, I'm here," Toshiko said comfortingly.

"Th-thank you. Goodbye." The line went dead, and Toshiko returned the phone to her purse.

Remembering the note that was still scrunched up in her hand, she unfolded it and smiled softly at the sight of her daughter's large, neat handwriting. She read the nine words over quite a few times before she truly understood.

'Don't worry Mama, I'm with him now. I'm sorry.'

It's amazing how things don't work out, but it's amazing how they do.

Sora had said it herself: she would be waiting for him. Wherever she was now, she was waiting for him.

And he was on his way.

……………………………………………………………

**I'm so, so, so sorry! What can I say? I'm a sucker for tragic ending, and even though I've probably just broken a few hearts, I love this ending to pieces. I've planned this from day one, and if I had chickened out and given everyone a happy ending, I would've tainted the entire thing for me. It wouldn't have felt real.**

**And I definitely think that, in some respects, it _is _a happy ending. Let's face it ...they were probably doomed anyway. But they're together this way.**

**Many of you who reviewed on chapter 27 said that Sora finally picked up the pieces and got her life back on track. On the contrary, actually...She was making peace and, as the chapter was entitled, she was "tying up the loose ends" before she died.**

**REMEMBER:**

**There's another part. I can't promise that it will be a happy story, because there's so much baggage for the characters, but it's a lot happier than this one was. I'll say it right now...IT WILL BE A HAPPY ENDING. You have my word on that. There truly is a light at the end of this long, depressing tunnel.**

**The story will be called "**Ever After**" and I have no idea when I'll start posting. I want to finish my Harry Potter fic before getting into it. **"Ever After" **won't be anywhere near as long as this one. It will be found under the TK/Kari, Angst/Romance category. There are equal amounts for every character and storyline in the story, but I'm going to have the most fun with Kari and TK...**

**See you soon, hopefully. Thanks so, so much for reading. Please, don't forget to review.**

**-Pinkdigi**


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